Nowhere To Run
by MarblePlum
Summary: Jimash's marriage is on the rocks, especially when Craig comes into the picture. Other couples face different obstacles. A future fanfic with CrAsh as star.
1. Chapter 1

**Nowhere to Run**

Hello! This is the first future fic that I've written, so it's going to be a little more difficult and I'm taking on creative liberty, of course. Well, first and foremost, this is a CrAsh fic so if you don't like them, then sorry. However, there's quite a bit of other ships floating around in here. Anyways, Ashley marries Jimmy, but under interesting circumstances (hopefully interesting). Ashley is going through the motions of marriage, but feels something is missing. They have a five-year old daughter, Leslie, who also feels like something is missing (you'll find that out later). Craig is a successful musician, but his label keeps pushing him to change for a more current market. He's dating Ellie, but they have quite a few problems, problems that are pushing them apart. Spinner and Paige are married (to appease the Spaige fans since I united Sparcy last story). They have cute little issues, much like their run during season three. Now this is tricky, but Sean was dating Ellie for a long period of time, but they broke up and he married Emma. Things get complicated with that trio later on. (This is my first time writing Sean. That should be fun. Lol.)

But in a weird way, this is all going to come down to Craig and Ashley. There are cameos from other characters. I chose Motown music, because though it's not CrAsh's style, a lot of the lyrics are about lost/regained love, loving music, and the ups and downs of life, which yes, describes CrAsh's relationship itself. So I hope this story has as much soul as that time in musical history. :) Meh, I'll try.

**I. Never Can Say Good-bye**

(That) I never can say (you) goodbye (girl)  
(No, no, no, no) I never can say goodbye( girl)

Even though the pain and heartache  
Seem to follow me wherever I go  
Though I tried, tried to hide my feelings  
They always seemed to show  
Then you try to say you're leaving me  
And I always have to say no  
Tell me why is it so, why ?

Chorus

Every time I think I've had enough  
And start heading for the door  
There's a very strange vibration  
That's piercing me right to the core  
It says turn around you fool  
You know you love her more and more Tell me why is it so?  
Don't wanna let you go!

I keep thinking that our problems  
Soon are all gonna work out  
But there's that same unhappy feeling  
And there's that anguish, there's that doubt  
It's the same old dizzy hang-up  
Can't do with you or without  
Tell me why is it so?  
Don't wanna let you go!

A ball bounces across the empty gym floor, then rolls to the bottom of his wheelchair. Jimmy picks it up, twirls it on his finger, then sighs. Just minutes before, there were ten, pre- teen girls jetting on the linoleum, weaving from side to side as the ball went between them, changing it up when he called for a specific play. He'd gotten really good at that lately, even drawing up one play that got the junior varsity Degrassi Lady Panthers into the regionals. They didn't advance past that point, but it had given him the incentive to arrange for a basketball camp during the summer so they could do better the next year. Ms. Hatzilakos heartily agreed, reminding him that the Panthers basketball team hadn't made it past regionals since he was in high school. It seemed like ages ago to him, but he was still just twenty-eight.

The bumpy surface of the ball scrapes his wedding ring, a small, but reasonably pricey, golden band. He stares at it, remembering when his wife put it on his finger. He swear he felt her whole handle tremble, but he thinks it was nerves. It was, after all, a huge wedding. He's still amazed they were able to fit all those guests into his parents' backyard, though it was pretty big. His dad invited all his business contacts, his family and Ms. Brooks' family, his golf buddies, and people like Spinner and Paige had to fill up the back seats. They were so far in the back Paige thought Ashley was wearing a cotton ball on her head instead of a veil. Ashley barely wears hers, thinks Jimmy, but neither did his mother. Maybe it's different for every girl.

Jimmy shoots again, then hears the gym door open. He turns to see Spinner, who just seemed to get taller as the years went by, but had now traded his skater wear for polo shirts and khakis.

"Shopping at the Gap again, Gavin?" says Jimmy, placing the ball in his lap.

"Dude, I feel like I should buy a boat or something," replies Spinner, pulling at the shirt. "But yeah, can't wear ripped jeans when you're running the restaurant."

"And that's Paige's design, right?" says Jimmy, holding in a laugh.

Spinner tightens his jaw, lets go of his shirt.

"Mmmhmm," says Jimmy. "Dude, you're forever going to be whipped."

"I picked out the napkin holders," says Spinner, grabbing the ball from Jimmy and shooting.

He misses, then sits down on the bleachers. Jimmy smiles. He remembers the most important time they were in a gym, when the lights were dimmed, when he was still doing physical therapy, when Spinner confessed. It had been a weird eleven years, when Jimmy hated having him in the same room at times, but always wondered what he was doing. They didn't even talk after Jimmy's college graduation party, though it was held at Spinner's restaurant for free. Jimmy's dad told him that was Spinner's idea, not his. Ashley made a call of thanks, invited him over to their first apartment, and Jimmy couldn't deny that he did want to see him, that Spinner was making all these positive changes, including being the youngest restaurant manager in the area. It was a shared congratulations, a first talk where they realized they wanted to keep giving congratulations, whether it was marriage, baby news, job news. The talking became easier with each day, with each moment, and pretty soon, it was as natural as when they were composing raps or having water gun fights.

"I got a call from Hazel the other day," announces Spinner, popping open the team's cooler.

"Hazel!" says Jimmy, scratching his chin. "How is she?"

"She's good," answers Spinner. "It's cool. She's designing CD covers down in New York City. Craig just called her to do one."

"Craig," mutters Jimmy sharply under his breath.

"What, man?" says Spinner, his head deep in the cooler by then.

"Nothing," says Jimmy, finally seeing Spinner. "Dude, don't steal the Gatorade."

"Practice is over," defends Spinner. "Mmmm, you got the blue kind."

Jimmy rolls to the ball bag and slips the ball in. Spinner pockets a Gatorade bottle, then lifts the cooler.

"Thanks for the lift, man," says Jimmy.

"No prob," says Spinner. "You bring the goodies and I'll bring the car. Can you get the girls the little packaged cupcakes, with the white swirl on top, next time? Man, I love those things."

II.

Ashley starts loading the dishwasher, the only noise the hum of the air conditioning filling the house. She peers into the living room. Leslie sits in front of the television, counting and singing along with Dora the Explorer in Spanish. Her jet black hair is in two long ponytails, covering her slight shoulders, while her blue eyes scan the screen. The sight makes Ashley smile, and she goes back to loading.

Leslie is a smart girl, so Ashley doesn't know why they're meeting with her school counselor the next day. She didn't think to ask; she was so in shock that she just said she and Jimmy would be there without questioning Ms. Park. Well, Ashley has an inkling. It's not that Jimmy pushes her, Ashley thinks, well, maybe he does, but she honestly does love to golf...to an extent. But it's not even the fun golf, her conscience interrupts, with the little windmills and the plastic Dracula opening his mouth so you can putt the ball through. He sees potential in her, thinks Ashley, flipping the dishwasher on. But didn't you do what people expected, and did that make you happy, asks her conscience? She knows the answer is yes.

"And Jimmy went through the same thing, which apparently didn't stick," whispers Ashley to the air.

Ashley wipes her forehead, and hears the screen door clatter. She peers into the living room again. Jimmy kisses Leslie on the head, and opens the closet door to put in his duffel bag. Ashley feels a slight pain in her chest and fans herself, as Jimmy wheels into the kitchen.

"You okay, babe?" asks Jimmy, stroking her waist.

Ashley smiles, and turns on the faucet, reaching for a cup to scrub, not facing him.

"Fine," replies Ashley. "Just hot."

Jimmy nods. "I think it was ninety-eight or something."

He opens the refrigerator, takes out a Coke.

"Thinking about taking Les to the green on Sunday," says Jimmy. "It'll be less hot according to the forecast."

Ashley waits a few seconds before saying anything, then reaches for a plate.

"Aren't you using the dishwasher?" asks Jimmy, giving her a puzzled look.

"I can get more done this way," says Ashley, shrugging. "Um...remember we have to see Leslie's counselor tomorrow."

"I don't see why we're doing it," says Jimmy, pouring some soda into the cup. "It's enough that we're paying for summer courses. They shouldn't make us come in, too."

Ashley gives him a sweet smile, then sits down at the table with him, wiping her hands with a cloth..

"It's probably just a courtesy, you know, tell us that we're getting our money's worth by sending her to a performing arts academy. They'll tell us that Leslie is the next Janis Joplin, and we'll walk out, pat ourselves on the back..."

Jimmy blows out a deep breath. "I'm still not sure about this performing arts thing, Ash."

Ashley tucks a hair behind her ear. "But she loves to sing. It's...," she starts.

"Yeah, but she's five, you know? I don't know," says Jimmy. "We'll wait and see if she likes it more than golf.."

Ashley scoots back her chair, already knowing what Jimmy doesn't. "Yeah."

She heads for the sink, but Jimmy grabs her arm gently, and blinks up at her lovingly. Ashley produces a weak grin, then kisses his lips.

"I'm coming, Mrs. Brooks," says Jimmy. "Don't you worry."

"Kerwin," says Ashley, rubbing his head. "I kept my name. Professional reasons. Remember?"

Ashley kisses his cheek, then the rush of water from the faucet commences again.

"Yeah, I remember," says Jimmy quietly.

While he rolls out of the room, he glances at her finger and Ashley notices.

"Can't wear it when I'm washing dishes," says Ashley, stroking her finger where the ring should be.

Jimmy nods, puts on a pleasant smile. "Yeah...yeah, I know, Ash."

Jimmy leaves, and Ashley turns on the radio, listening to the final strum of a guitar.

"And that was Craig Manning, gents and ladies," says the deejay. "And I'm Heather Sinclair, making sure you guys stay on the up and up while fulfilling all your musical requests. Looks like Manning's a hot one as he's been requested five time today."

Ashley turns off the faucet, staring absent-mindedly at the radio.

"And the latest rumor is that Toronto's best musical star will in fact pop by to do a few shows on the talk show circuit. So get those _Manning Mania _T-shirts out, and those little dolls with the loveable smirks. You know, the ones that can say four different things? My favorite is 'I'll sing to you forever and forever'. Well, he can't sing to you forever, but I can play him again. Here's his classic hit, 'I Can't Keep My Hands Off Of You'."

Heather chuckles, which sounds like a horse laugh, and Craig's voice fills the room. Ashley's pulse quickens.

_I can't keep my hands off of you, and there's nothing I won't do..._

Ashley nods her head to the song, taps her foot. She hadn't heard that song before she bought his album, which was hidden in a shoebox in her car. Jimmy didn't know she had it. He didn't know a lot of things.

The song gets louder. Ashley closes her eyes. It's all so clear, that day when everything changed. She sat in a chair nearest Jimmy, stroking his hand. Dr. Lewis closed the folder with the X-rays, keeping his head down, ashamed of the news.

"What if I never get married?" cried Jimmy, keeping his eye on the folder.

"You'll get married," assured Ashley. "You'll have a future."

Dr. Lewis nodded. "It can definitely be treated, Jimmy."

Jimmy shook his head. "I've already been through so much, Ash. I just graduated. Things were getting better. Who would want someone who's constantly got something wrong with him? I can't..."

He started choking on the words, crying while his mother stood in the back and sobbed.

Ashley wiped away tears, stroking his knee. "Just listen. It'll be okay."

"Can I pass this down to a child," whispers Jimmy. "I didn't even know I could have kids until just recently."

"Jimmy...," started Ashley.

Jimmy started punching the arms of his chair, so forcefully it threatened to tip over.

"Stop, Jimmy! Stop!" yelled Ashley, holding his hands behind his back.

Mr. Brooks, silent until then, advances to Dr. Lewis, wiping his red eyes.

"There are treatments, I'm sure," said Mr. Brooks. "Whatever he needs."

"Absolutely, sir," said Dr. Lewis. "Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome has to be treated, but the prognosis is usually very good. Especially for a young, hard-working man. It's progressive, so we didn't catch it early, but we've caught the early stages of it now."

"It's not fair!" whispers Jimmy, finally calming down as Ashley holds him. "I don't think I can take any more hospitals."

After that first few minutes, Mr. Brooks asked Ashley if she could go outside with Jimmy so he and Jimmy's mom could talk to the doctor. Ashley and Jimmy sat outside, Ashley sitting on the cold, hard floor.

"I'm cursed," said Jimmy, wiping his runny nose with a tissue.

Ashley fetched some more tissue from her purse, and handed it to him. "No, you're not."

Jimmy breathes in and out. "Don't you have to go to Craig's show tonight?"

Ashley nodded. He'd called earlier that day, wanting to know his girlfriend's opinion on what to wear during his first set. Ashley suggested the green shirt she bought him a week earlier; it brought out his eyes.

"This is more important," said Ashley. "I'll call him and explain."

"Thanks for coming," said Jimmy. "I just needed a friend. But you've always been a little more than a friend, right?"

Jimmy managed a smile, running a hand through her hair.

Ashley looked down, turning red. She didn't know that that was the start of her going to his treatments, more days away from Craig, so many days that Craig never saw her that much anymore. Jimmy couldn't tell anyone else and he didn't want anyone to know; he was too embarrassed. So Ashley sat with him, just like that day, and then one day, **that day**, she sat with Craig in Spinner's restaurant..

"Craig, this isn't fair to you," said Ashley, barely audible above the clink of silverware. "And I know it."

Craig blew on his soup. "I don't see why Jimmy gets more time with you," said Craig, coldly, throwing down his napkin.

"It's nothing like that," started Ashley. "I'm helping him out, writing news copy for the station, finishing my last year of college..."

"Missing my shows, my phone calls...do you remember what I look like, Ash?" exclaimed Craig.

"Of course I do," said Ashley, a little more softly. "Craig, I...things are getting really bad for him."

"Ash, you know I care about Jimmy too...or else I would've said something earlier, but..."

"It's just tough."

"I can't share you," said Craig, his eyes tearing up a little. "And you can't ask me to."

"I know," replied Ashley, tears falling into her own soup.

Craig reached over and brushed his lips with hers, and Ashley didn't want him to take away his mouth away, for him to go away.

"Please," whispered Ashley, when Craig pulled away.

Craig stood up and fished some money out of his wallet. Ashley saw a tear fall down his face.

"Jimmy doesn't know how lucky he is," said Craig, walking away. "I hope he figures it out."

Craig's song ends, and Ashley twists the knob of the radio, until it's silent once more. Too silent. She grips the edge of the kitchen counter hard, feels that sharp pain again. It's in her heart, a heart that beats because it's supposed to, not because it's happy.


	2. What Becomes of the BrokenHearted?

**II. What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted?**

_As I walk this land with broken dreams  
I have visions of many things  
Love's happiness is just an illusion  
Filled with sadness and confusion,  
What becomes of the broken hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind  
Maybe.  
The fruits of love grow all around  
But for me they come a tumblin' down.  
Every day heartaches grow a little stronger  
I can't stand this pain much longer  
I walk in shadows  
Searching for light  
Cold and alone  
No comfort in sight,  
Hoping and praying for someone to care  
Always moving and goin to where  
What becomes of the broken hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind  
Maybe.  
I'm searching though I don't succeed,  
But someone look, there's a growing need.  
Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning,  
All that's left is an unhappy ending.  
Now what's become of the broken-hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind  
I'll be searching everywhere  
Just to find someone to care.  
I'll be looking everyday  
I know I'm gonna find a way  
Nothings gonna stop me now  
I'll find a way somehow  
I'll be searching everywhere  
(fade)_

Craig stares hard at the empty chair, then at the wall behind it. There were gold records in plaques, two from his efforts; pictures with autographs; a huge picture of Mickey Perrigan, his manager, and a girl group he was building.He wonders if he's been called in to help that group out, and shudders at the thought of them opening for him, sharing the same stage with a pop band. Honestly, he hoped to pitch a band he saw on the road to Mickey as a possible opening act. Their songs were about the usual (disenchanted youth, rising above adversity, heartbreak), a bit emo, but their hearts were in the right place. But Mickey had the tendency to choose image over substance. Still, Craig had managed to be the exception, although it took a lot of arguing with Mickey about staying true to his sound.

His eyes focus on one gold record, the one that sold the most units. _Dust._ Mickey thought it was too pedestrian, but Craig demanded that it go on the first album. After that, Mickey trusted Craig's ear. But his image? No, Mickey fought him at every turn, especially when it came to his love life.

"You're going to another awards show alone?"asked Mickey, after his second album entered the top ten.

"Ellie's shy," said Craig, shrugging. "And she's starting this film company."

"I understand, Craig, but pretty soon people will start to wonder, well, if you made this girl up and you're actually...um, not into girls."

"I don't really care."

"Well, just think of it this way. People don't remember Cher or any of her invisible boyfriends. They remember Sonny and Cher, right? It helps if a rock star has a rock star's life, or at least a supportive girlfriend that shows her support. More appealing."

Craig nodded. "Yeah, I get it."

He talked to Ellie that night, but ever since she got rolling with the film company, she'd been very evasive, giving him some reason why she couldn't come with him to events. He didn't want to say what he was really thinking, that they were reasons to keep him at a distance. Mickey was less than pleased, but booked the one seat for the awards show.

Craig went to peer closer at the gold record of _Dust. _It was the one track that he got right the first time, recorded in London in a tiny studio, with only him and one producer/engineer. It was the purest, the surest he'd ever sounded. He told the producer to take out all the excess, and to let him sit with his guitar and sing. He knew the lyrics, the meaning, the heart behind it. Sometimes it's that easy. Sometimes it isn't.

Ashley joined him in London shortly afterward. Mickey got Craig a hotel room at a cozy little hotel, but Craig never told him he was bringing a guest. He didn't know if she could make it, seeing as she'd promised Jimmy to sit on a few classes and take notes while he underwent treatment. But she got one of Jimmy's classmates to do it, and took the leap across the pond. Craig opened the door to her giddy face.

"Finally in London together," said Ashley, throwing her arms around him, her suitcase hitting Craig's back. "Sorry."

"I don't care," said Craig, pulling her closer, the suitcase bopping his back again. "Mmmm, you feel good."

"Better get in before Mickey sees me," said Ashley, closing the door behind her.

Craig rolled his eyes. "I don't know why he thinks me being single is going to sell more records."

"You're a heartthrob, Manning. That's the only reason I came," teased Ashley, kissing him on the cheek.

"Ha ha," said Craig, taking her suitcase and putting it by the door.

Picking her up and listening to Ashley's squeal, he dropped her on the bed and stroked her face. Ashley kissed his hand.

"I have something for you," said Craig, reaching over her face and opening a drawer..

"Craig, after this weekend, no more spending any money on me," said Ashley, giving him a pointed look.

"I like doing it," said Craig. "But this is something really, really cheap."

Craig flashed a videotape in front of her, though it was in a plain, black box with no title or pictures.

"Cheap as in triple X?" said Ashley, giggling.

"You have a dirty mind, Kerwin," said Craig. "But I don't know. Pop it in and see."Ashley slid off the bed. "I'm almost afraid to."

She turned on the TV, put on the video, removed her shoes, and bounced back on the bed. Craig slid off his shoes too, trying to cover his feet.

"Death Cab socks," said Ashley, pointing to his feet.

Craig blushed. "Hey, I can be a fan boy, too."

He put an arm around her, and they leaned back, their heads against the headboard. The previews rolled for a couple minutes, then the orchestra started to play a familiar melody.

_A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go dowwwn, the medicine go down..._

"Ahh!" cried Ashley, happily. "I love it."

"I saw it, bought it, thought of you," said Craig, putting a Death Cab foot over hers.

"Mary Poppins is the best ever. Do you know It's a Jolly Holiday with Mary? My fave."

"All I know is that it's a lovely holiday with Ashley," replied Craig in his best British accent.

"You still can't do the accent."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"You do it, then."

"No."

Craig made a grab for the remote. "Do it, Ash, or I'll stop it before the penguin part."

Ashley tried to grab the remote, but wound up on top of him, and they wrestled for a few minutes, before they were pulling off each other's clothes and pausing the video. Craig couldn't wait to touch her, feel her need him as much as he needed her. They agreed that the penguins _could_ wait.

Craig swallows a lump in his throat. He hasn't thought about that moment in awhile. It was the last moment they spent a decent amount of time together before Jimmy's treatments took a turn for the worse, and then that day in the restaurant. He feels his cheeks burning and sits in the chair opposite Mickey's.

"Craig baby!" exclaims Mickey, walking into the door with a sharp-faced woman following him.

"Uh, hey," says Craig, getting up and shaking his hand.

"How's Ellie?"

"Um, she's good. Actually..."

"Great, great," interrupts Mickey, who wasn't the least bit interested. "This is Robertia, and she'll be styling you for your talk show appearance tomorrow."

"Roberta?" says Craig.

"No, Robertia. She's got so many references too."

Craig extends her hand to Robertia, but she slaps it away. Hard.

"Owww," says Craig, shaking the pain off.

"You don't talk to me," says Robertia. "You don't look at me. I look at you and I know. Turn."

"She's good," assesses Mickey, sitting on his desk.

Robertia circles Craig, then pulls out a measuring tape and gets to work. Craig remains silent, tensing up until Demetria slaps him on the back.

"Come on, man," complains Craig.

"He'll wear a suit. Like White Stripes," decides Robertia. "He'll play a ballad. We'll make him sensitive man instead of leather jacket-wearing rock star."

Craig protectively hugs his jacket. Mickey nods, and Robertia leaves after giving Craig one more slap on the shoulder.

"This is insane, Mickey," says Craig. "I'm not wearing a suit. I want to be relatable to young people."

"Well, Craig, you're twenty-eight," laughs Mickey. "That ain't so young in the music business. A lot of artists change their style around this time. We're recording a third album, not a first one or a sophomore one. And the sophomore album only spawned one really big hit. We can afford to make some subtle changes. Just wear the suit and see if you like it."

Craig sighs. "Once."

"Okay," says Mickey, looking pleased. "So you're doing Emma Nelson's charity show tomorrow, like you requested."

"It's going to be really good," said Craig, cheering up a bit. "Jude Harrison is even going to show up. But also, I'm helping this other band out, Mickey, so if you could listen to..."

"Sure, sure," says Mickey. "Um, later. Gotta make some calls. And you should prepare for the gig tomorrow. You want to be really good for all the people you grew up with in Toronto, right?"

Mickey exits, leaving the smell of bad cologne behind him. Craig coughs, then throws himself back into the chair. All the people he grew up with. The last time he saw all of them was that terrible day. Actually, the real terrible day was when he got the invitation. _Jeff and Kate Kerwin are pleased to announced the union of their daughter Ashley to James Brooks. _Well, he wasn't so pleased. In fact, he couldn't believe it. Just a year before, he was with Ashley. Didn't that mean anything anymore? Well, he decided to find out. Neglecting to tell Mickey, he used some money to get a flight to Toronto from L.A. during his first tour. He was supposed to be recording that day, but this was something he couldn't put off. As the plane touched down, he thought about how he said he only said "I love you" at airports, but Ashley wasn't there to say it to. Running down the tarmac, then out of the airport, he tried to think of what to say. Nothing really good came to his mind; he was too anxious. So when he arrived at the Brooks' humongous home the morning of the wedding, he just walked through the front door, nearly knocking over a maid.

"Sorry," said Craig, helping the maid up, then opening a few doors and looking in.

"Craig?" said a surprised, familiar voice. Marco.

"Where is she, Marco?" demanded Craig.

"What are you going to do, Craig?" said Marco, his face stern, but his eyes full of sympathy. "Drag her out of here?"

Craig ignored Marco, and started opening more doors, yelling "Ashley!". Marco trailed him, but Craig noticed he was hovering near one door. Marco stood in front of it, seeing Craig's realization.

"Move, Marco," said Craig.

"She doesn't want to see anyone," whispered Marco.

"She'll see me," said Craig, pushing Marco aside and opening the door.

"Spin!" Craig heard Marco yell behind him.

Truthfully, he wasn't prepared to see what was inside. The room was drenched in shadow, but a single ray of sunlight shone on Ashley, beautiful in a pearl-lined wedding dress, wiping away mascara that trickled down her face from tears. Craig could barely catch his breath. He just stared at her reflection in the mirror, frozen in place. Then, he heard footsteps racing towards the room, and he shook out of it, locking the door behind him. Ashley heard the door slam and turned.

"Craig," breathed Ashley.

"This is really bad timing," said Craig.

A couple hard raps knocked on the door. Then, the pounding got more intense.

"Craig, are you in there?" yelled Spinner. "Come on, man. We don't want any trouble."

Craig shook his head, and knelt in front of Ashley. She started sobbing, staring off into space.

"I didn't know how to tell you," cried Ashley, hiccuping in between the words. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Craig really wanted to yell at her, for even considering this, for not telling him. The rapping on the door stopped.

"You don't have to do anything," said Craig. "Let's just go."

Ashley shook her head. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"You don't understand. Jimmy's having surgery in a month. They found more complications. He needs the willpower to go in. This might be it. Craig, I...I love him enough where it might be okay."

Craig's heart sank, and he rose from the floor.

"More than me?" asked Craig, feeling a bit faint.

"Not more than you," said Ashley, looking him straight in the eye. "Never more than you."

Craig felt his heart flutter, a flutter of relief.

"You'll be so unhappy, Ash," said Craig, his eyes starting to water. "Jimmy...it's so not what he's thinking it will be. And I'll be...I'll be devestated."

"I was devestated when you walked away," said Ashley, frowning and turning away from him.

"After you moved in with him, I tried to call you, but I'd get all these hang ups," defended Craig. "And yeah...I think...I think it was Jimmy."

"Jimmy would never do that!" yelled Ashley, getting up in his face.

"Don't defend him!" shouted Craig. "He may be paralyzed, but he can still be a jerk."

"The only jerk I see is you!" shouted Ashley. "Jimmy knew how much we cared about each other, and he was very understanding about us. You weren't very understanding when you let me go."

"That's such a lie!" said Craig. "He was just waiting until all that pressure weighed down on us. He's always wanted you, Ash. But apparently he doesn't know he can only have half of you, that friendship. Or he knows, and he's happy with that one half. The truth is I have all of you, every part, every fiber, everything. That's what you have of me, or else I wouldn't be here."

Ashley collapsed in her chair, blinking back at her reflection.

"I'm not going to ruin this day for him, and neither should you," said Ashley, tears falling faster and faster down her face. "Please...leave."

"No!" said Craig.

Craig heard someone jimmy the door and soon Marco, Spinner, and Mr. Brooks were staring at him, blinking back tears as he looked at Ashley's reflection.

"Did we invite this guy?" asked Mr. Brooks. "I know his mom invited all Jimmy's friends, but..."

"Yeah, you invited me," said Craig, giving Ashley an intense stare that made her shiver. "You invited me to the worst day of my life."

Marco tried to get a hold of Craig's arm, but Craig pushed his hand away and headed down the hallway. It was all messed up, and Ashley was just helping it along. He saw a bottle of gin, popped it open, and felt the cool alcohol fall down his throat. He clutched the bottle to his chest. Then, he saw and took Spinner's keys, recognizable because it had a pic of him and Paige smiling happily on the keychain.

"Craig!" Marco called after him.

Craig rushed to Spinner's car, then unlocked the door. He found that was the easiest door he opened all day. Marco batted the keys away, and they fell to the grass with a slight tinkle.

"You guys don't care," said Craig, taking another swig of gin. "Traitors!"

"Yes, we do," argued Marco. "We know you're in love with her. We're not stupid. But we don't lack hearts either, Craig. Are you thinking about Jimmy at all?"

Craig smacked his lips. "Sure, because the whole stupid world should think about Jimmy."

Marco sighed. "You have to let Ashley decide. You can't decide for her. And you can't pretend this is easy for any of us. We love you, we love him...it's just really terrible, okay?"

Craig reaches for the keys, but Marco stamps on them so they're unreachable.

"I need to go for a ride," said Craig.

"You're upset, you're drinking. You think I'm a fool?"

Marco and Craig watched someone making her way towards them. Ellie. She threw her ponytail behind her back.

"Having a party before the wedding?" says Ellie, raising her eyebrow.

Ellie nodded at Marco, indicating that she'd be fine. Marco nodded back, but wrested the gin out of Craig's hands.

"Hey!" cried Craig.

"Hey nothing," said Ellie. "I'll take you wherever you need to go, even a bar."

"You don't want to stay for the wedding?" snapped Craig. "Or rather, the hoax."

Ellie shook her head. "I'll apologize profusely to Ashley, and make it up to Jimmy somehow. My car's over here. Come on."

Craig wipes his brow, and sees Mickey's office once more. The sight of Ashley in that wedding dress...he couldn't get it out of his mind. That was the last time he saw her, and that had been a long car ride home. A car ride home that threw him off and he ended up in a place he didn't expect. And now this. This would be some concert back home.


	3. Baby Love

**III. Baby Love**

_Ooh baby love, my baby love  
I need you, oh how I need you  
But all you do is treat me bad  
Break my heart and leave me sad  
Tell me, what did I do wrong  
To make you stay away so long _

'Cause baby love, my baby love  
Been missing ya, miss kissing ya  
Instead of breaking up  
Let's do some kissing and making up  
Don't throw our love away  
In my arms why don't you stay  
Need ya, need ya  
Baby love, ooh, baby love

Baby love, my baby love  
Why must we separate, my love  
All of my whole life through  
I never loved no one but you  
Why you do me like you do  
I get this need

Ooh, ooh, need to hold you  
Once again, my love  
Feel your warm embrace, my love  
Don't throw our love away

Please don't do me this way  
Not happy like I used to be  
Loneliness has got the best of me  
My love, my baby love

I need you, oh how I need you  
Why you do me like you do  
After I've been true to you  
So deep in love with you

Baby, baby, ooh 'til it's hurtin' me  
'Til it's hurtin' me  
Ooh, baby love  
Don't throw our love away  
Don't throw our love away

Ellie bites into her sandwich, brushing some crumbs from the top of her mouth. She rubs her hands together, then picks up a copy of _The Toronto Star_. Her eyes scan the front page, then she turns to Celebrity Watch. _Manny Lands Her Third Man._ Manny Santos stares back up at her, her arms circling a blonde hockey player/up and coming actor. At least he's not a thousand years old like her last husband, thinks Ellie, smirking a bit. Manny and Chris Sledge were apparently getting married on the beach in November, near her bungalow in Malibu. She keeps reading, hoping to find it, but no, no scoop on larger studios looking for independent films. Ellie closes the paper with disgust, hears a gurgle in her stomach, and pats her stomach.

"Miss Nash," says her assistant, putting down a cup of coffee in front of Ellie. "It's decaf."

"Please don't call me Miss, especially when we're the same age, Alex," says Ellie, taking the lid off the coffee.

Alex grins. "You gave me this job. It's the least I can do."

"Don't thank me yet," says Ellie, sipping her drink. "We've only sold about three films in three years. If this Bollywood/slasher film doesn't fly, both of us will be out of a job."

"That's the Toronto film business for ya," says Alex, shaking her head. "But someone's going to pick it up. Who doesn't like a good slasher flick?"

Ellie's stomach gurgles again, loud enough that it makes Alex wince.

"Chocolate and coffee for breakfast," says Ellie. "Bad combo."

"It's better than cold fries and leftover macaroni," shrugs Alex. "That's what I had."

Ellie strokes her stomach, and her mind starts to drift. It goes back to that morning when she was fixing a peanut butter and pickle hoagie in the kitchen, the kitchen she shared with Sean. She'd been having weird food cravings, letting her stomach lead her to the fridge where she'd dig up odds and ends, putting anything together, eating alone in there. It never seemed odd as she often ate alone, especially when Sean stayed late in the garage and was too exhausted to eat, falling into the bed, instantly asleep. But at that moment, Sean was at work, receiving an early shipment of car parts. Ellie realized that mustard would probably really make the hoagie better, and reached for the jar, but felt a bit woozy. She looked down at her legs, and her thighs felt sticky. At first, she was relieved. She hadn't had her period in awhile, two months, and was beginning to worry. Then, the pain came, a pain that made her crouch. She moaned, and laid on the floor, breathing against the cold surface. She grabbed for her cell phone, attached to her waist in order for Alex and other employees to call her. She was in so much pain that she just hit any number. She lucked out. It was speed dial and Marco picked up.

"Hey Ellie," said Marco after a couple rings.

"Marco," cried Ellie. "I don't know...I don't know what's going on. It...hurts. It hurts!"

"El...El?" shouted Marco. "Hang on...don't move...I'm coming."

Marco lived only a few blocks away, but he got there in record time, Dylan walking in after him. Dylan picked Ellie up and helped her into the car. They reached the hospital in about ten minutes, settling her on a gurney. Ellie looked around when they reached the emergency room. She saw all types of operating instruments, heard a lot of beeping, started to shake.

"Lie down, Ellie," said a doctor who she didn't recognize.

"It'll be alright," said a nurse, patting her shoulder.

It was hours before she regained consciousness, when she came to, lying on a hospital bed, feeling the cool plastic of a hospital gown. Her hair was tousled, everywhere, tangled. Marco sat in an opposite chair, his hands gripping the arm rests.

"Thank God, El," he said, rushing to her side when he saw her eyes open. "Thank God."

Ellie moaned. "What...what happened?"

"Maybe I should get the doctor," said Marco, looking rattled. "He can tell you better than I...Ellie, it's best if you hear it from him."

"No...no," said Ellie, starting to cry. "It'll be better from you. You're nervous...why?"

"Ellie..."

"Marco, please just tell me. I'm so scared."

Marco sat at the edge of her bed, holding her hands in his hands..

"Ellie...you...you miscarried. I'm so sorry," said Marco, wiping tears from his eyes. "I didn't even know you were pregnant, but I'm sorry, babe."

The doctor entered the room, the same nurse walking beside him. Ellie felt a chill in the room, and held Marco's hands tighter.

"Did you know you were pregnant, Miss Nash?" asked the doctor.

Ellie shook her head, casting Marco a look. Marco bit his lip.

"My period's always been a little off...I, um..."

"There are complications, dear," said the nurse. "That's why we're keeping you."

"Complications?" said Marco. "She's twenty-three, healthy."

"We're not sure, but...," started the nurse, looking at the doctor.

"There's a likely chance that this happened because you may be unable to have children, Miss Nash. We did some preliminary tests that may indicate as such, some problems with your Fallopian tubes. I'm incredibly sorry. We'd still like to do some more tests to know for sure."

Ellie sank back against the pillows, her head throbbing. Sean and her had discussed kids, weeks ago, especially when they heard that Tracker's wife had just given birth to a second son. And they both wanted one, but they wanted a house first. And now she couldn't give him a son or a daughter.

"Is there someone I can call, sweetie?" asked the nurse.

"Sean," whispered Marco.

Ellie shook her head. "No...no, please don't call him."

She dug her head in the blanket, releasing all her anger through tears, while Marco hugged her to his chest. Late that night, Marco and Dylan drove her home, silence the entire trip. Ellie turned the key in the lock, and entered the apartment. She was surprised to see Sean awake, leafing through a magazine.

"Hey," said Sean, kissing her cheek. "I was worried."

Ellie pulled away, and headed straight for the bedroom. It took a couple minutes before Sean joined her.

"Is something wrong?" asked Sean.

Ellie threw a few clothes into a bag, zipped it up, then finally stared at Sean.

"I don't want kids," she lied in the most convincing voice she could muster.

"Ellie, you're acting really weird," said Sean, trying to take the bag out of her hands. "Where are you going?"

Ellie brushed past him, went out of the apartment, and made her way down the stairwell.

"El, talk to me!" yelled Sean, leaping down the stairs and blocking her way out. "You don't want kids...okay."

"It's not okay and I'm going," whispered Ellie. "Just go back upstairs."

"Just stay so we can talk," said Sean, trying to read her eyes. "You know you can talk to me. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"If I stay, I'll cut," said Ellie, and she gave him a soft, pleading look, a look she hoped would make him move.

He moved, and she could feel his eyes on her back, as the door closed behind her. And their relationship.

Alex waves a paper in front of Ellie's face, then whistles.

"Ellie, come back to me," says Alex. "You're spacing out there, chief."

Ellie takes her hand from her stomach, and looks back up at Alex. "Sorry."

"So should I fax this to Claremont Pictures?" asks Alex. "It looks like as good a pitch as we're going to get it."

Ellie nods. "Yeah, go ahead. Oh, and Alex, I've been hearing rumors about you and a certain make-up girl we just hired?"

Alex smirks. "I will neither confirm or deny."

"Do I need to send you a memo about interoffice dating?"

"Like I'd read it," says Alex, sticking her tongue out at Ellie, who can't hide a grin.

Alex leaves, and Ellie starts reading a draft of a press release that's due by Friday.

"Someone's here!" Ellie hears Alex call from down the hall.

"They can only come in if they're bringing me more coffee!" replies Ellie.

"Oh, I brought more than coffee," says a familiar voice from the doorway. "Bagels, cream cheese, a healthier snack than whatever you're going to drudge up from the vending machines."

Ellie smiles, looking up from the release. Craig winks at her, his hands loaded.

"You're back from New York," said Ellie, rushing over and hugging him.

"Watch the coffee," warned Craig, trying to balance it all. "But yep, got back at around 3 A.M. I'm too wired to sleep."

Ellie helps him put down all the food on her desk. Craig goes over to her swivel chair and sits.

"You have a warm butt," says Craig, resting his head against the chair.

"Well, you have a big head," says Ellie, massaging his hair. "And you should go home and sleep. You have a show later today. You can fit in a two-hour nap."

"I like our New York apartment better," sighs Craig. "There's like all these thoughts racing in my head whenever I come here."

"Yeah," said Ellie quietly. "I know what you mean."

Craig swirls in the chair a few times, causing Ellie to laugh.

"Having fun?" says Ellie.

"I'd have more fun if I had a pretty girl on my lap," says Craig, grabbing her hand and pulling her to his lap.

They spin a couple times. Ellie punches him in the shoulder when Craig tries to tickle her, but then keeps her eyes fixed on the press release.

"Ugh, go on," says Craig, noticing where her attention has turned. "You can't play with me for five seconds because you have to write."

"Edit actually," says Ellie. "Thanks and good luck."

Craig raises an eyebrow. "You're not coming? El, this show is going to be so awesome."

"I'm watching it, but I have to be here for a call at five."

"Mmmkay," says Craig, getting up and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Don't work too hard. Just make Alex work hard."

Ellie crosses her arms, smirks, and points to the door. "I'll see you on the show."

Craig waves bye and exits. Ellie clasps her hands together, rubbing her knuckles. She couldn't go, especially knowing who would be there, who'd be running the whole thing. Emma. She saw Emma and Sean at the wedding too, six months after she walked out on Sean. They could've just been talking, or they could've come as a couple. She wasn't sure. She just knew she couldn't stay when she saw them hugging in the garden. Marco had seen them at Sean's garage too, a few days before the wedding. She didn't want to think about what or who they were talking about, but she did. Was Sean telling Emma all their business, or bad-mouthing her because she was ignoring Sean's calls? She went searching for Marco after casting one last look at the garden, finding him trying to get the keys out of Craig's hand. She suggested a bar to Craig; she almost wanted to drink herself, though she never drank heavily.

They arrived at her, Marco, and Dylan's apartment at around 1 AM, after doing a bar crawl which left Craig barely able to stand. He stumbled into the bed, while Ellie tried to take off his jacket and shoes.

"Ashley," he moaned. He's said that about fifteen times since they left the last bar.

"Just lay back," instructed Ellie, pushing him towards the pillow.

"I was going to ask her...," said Craig, clutching his head and squirming.

"What?" said Ellie.

"I was going to ask her to marry me after that first show, the show she couldn't make due to that idiot."

"Assuming the idiot is Jimmy? No one's an idiot, Craig."

"But I wanted to get her this ring I saw in Japan," said Craig. "So I waited for the second show. She couldn't make it. Anyway, I think someone stole it because it never made it here. That's what the buyer told me the night of the show. Another obstacle, right?"

Craig coughs violently into the sheets, then rolls to face Ellie.

"It was going to be perfect," said Craig. "But we can't have perfect, I guess."

"Why don't you try and sleep?"

"I'm going to find a copy of that ring. Or maybe I'll call Angie and get that first ring back. The one I proposed with the first time. Maybe that's bad luck, though. What do you think, Ellie?"

Ellie sighed. "I think...she's married, Craig. I hate telling you that, but that's how it is."

"No, she's not," argued Craig, sitting up. "She stopped it. I know she did. In fact, I'll call and..."

"Craig!" said Ellie, making him lie back down. "She's married."

"She's married," whispered Craig to himself.

Ellie fetches a blanket and puts it over him. She sits on the bed.

"She's married, El," said Craig, staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," said Ellie. "If it helps, this day stunk for me too. I felt really alone, too."

Craig places a hand on her knee, started to stroke it. "So you know what it feels like?"

"Sean and I...done. I screwed it up."

Craig started unbuttoning her blouse. "We don't have to be alone."

"Craig, you're drunk," said Ellie, removing his hand and setting it on his chest. "And sad. And Marco's in the next room."

"We dated when you were in college," said Craig, a sad smile on his face. "You never treated me bad. I never treated you bad."

He started to unbutton her blouse again, and Ellie was amazed she let him get down all the way to her navel. Ellie gasped, stood, and started to button her shirt, refusing to look at him.

"We weren't in love, Craig," said Ellie. "We just comforted one another when Ash dated Jimmy and Sean dated Emma. And that's what this would be, some kind of awkward comfort. Go to sleep."

Craig rolled to the other side, and stared at the floor. Ellie took a deep breath, and went into the living room where Marco was playing cards with Dylan. Dylan belched, brushing off a Dorito chip that was on his shirt.

"Gross," said Ellie.

"You should be used to it by now," replied Dylan, picking his ear.

"Get a job," said Ellie.

"I'm waiting to hear back from a hockey captain," said Dylan, looking offended, pounding the table.

"No fighting, you two. There's been enough of that today," said Marco. "Dylan, get me a mineral water?"

Dylan nodded, and headed for the kitchen.

"You should've picked Tim," said Ellie, sitting on the couch.

"Shut up, El," whispered Marco. "So he's not perfect. No one is."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I'm just snappy, because...well, I saw Sean."

"And you still haven't told him?"

"What am I supposed to say? I shouldn't have left like that and it wasn't fair. But I can't give him what he wants. That's not fair to him, either."

"Who said love was fair?" asked Marco.

Dylan handed him a mineral water. "I found a bunch of red hair in the shower drain," he announced.

"Dylan, so not the time," said Marco. "Just go to bed, man."

Dylan retreated, grabbing the bag of Doritos. Ellie banged her head against the soft cushion of the couch.

"And of course, Craig's so desperate, he's trying to get me out of my clothes," whispered Ellie. "Really went for it just now."

"What, "exclaimed Marco.

"I mean, he's a good guy and everything, but..."

"You still have feelings for him?"

"Not those feelings, I think. But he needs my support. I'm not going to let him crumble."

"El...what if...what if it turns into something more?" asked Marco. "I mean, isn't that how Jimmy and Ash started?"

Ellie crumples the press release, tired of thinking too hard, about the chain of events that got her here. That's exactly how Jimmy and Ash started, she thinks. And there's no end in sight for them. Why'd it have to be this way? It was like lying to yourself everyday. No, it _was_ lying to yourself everyday. She turns on the TV and hears a laugh track from some comedy show. Sometimes she feels the world is laughing at her, dangling that something she can't have.


	4. Come See About Me

**IV. Come See About Me**

_I've been crying  
'Cause I'm lonely (for you)  
Smiles have all turned to tears  
But tears won't wash away the fears  
That you're never ever gonna return  
To ease the fire that within me burns  
It keeps me crying baby for you  
Keeps me sighin' baby for you  
So won't you hurry ?  
Come on boy, see about me  
(Come see about me)  
See about you baby  
I've given up my friends just for you  
My friends are gone  
And you have too  
No peace shall I find  
Until you come back  
And be mine  
No matter what you do or say  
I'm gonna love you anyway  
Keep on crying baby for you  
I'm gonna keep sighin' baby for you  
So come on hurry  
Come on and see about me  
(Come see about me)  
See about you baby  
Sometime's up  
Sometime's down  
My life's so uncertain  
With you not around  
From my arms you maybe out of reach  
But my heart says you're here to keep  
Keeps me crying baby for you  
Keep on, keep on crying baby for you  
So won't you hurry  
Come on boy, see about me (Come see about me)  
See about you baby (Come see about me)  
You know I'm so lonely (Come see about me)  
I love you only (Come see about me)  
See about your baby (Come see about me)  
Hurry, hurry _

The smiling cat clock's eyes shift back and forth, while a small, plastic box with a mini-waterfall produces the sound of rushing water. Ashley checks her watch, while Jimmy fiddles with the collar of his shirt. It was two-thirty, and Ashley was already wishing this meeting was over. There had been enough uncomfortable silences between them, and she was worried that a third party, one with a psychology degree, would pick them apart. What is it they said? A child is a reflection of their parents. The apple doesn't fall from the tree. Ashley crosses her legs, and looks down into her lap.

"Hello!" greets Ms. Park, coming into the door with a large folder in her hands.

Ashley eyes the folder. It was filled to the brim with papers. Way too big.

"Ms. Kerwin, Mr. Brooks," says Ms. Park. "Thanks for meeting with me."

"Sure," replies Ashley. "We're anxious to hear how Leslie's doing."

Ms. Park nods. "Yes, yes. Leslie. Let me just open her file."

Ashley and Jimmy exchange looks, but Jimmy didn't look too perturbed. He gave her a little smile.

"Ahhh, Leslie," says Ms. Park. "Extremely intelligent, well-behaved, quite a stand-out in our music program. Teacher says she has a remarkable range in voice for her age._"_

Ashley felt the weight lift off her shoulders, and the waterfall finally sounded like a calm flow rather than a steady drumming in her ears.

"However," starts Ms. Park, pulling out a pink slip of paper. "There's something I think we should address."

Jimmy leans forward, while Ashley tenses.

"Her social skills...well, she's a bit shy," says Ms. Park.

"Oh," says Ashley, straightening the skirt of her business suit.. "Well, I was a bit shy when I was little, too. And she talks a lot at home."

"Yeah, very animated at home," agrees Jimmy, waving it off.

"No, I'm not saying this is bad, necessarily. But we encourage all our students to express themselves. After all, they're aspiring artists, right? All of Leslie's teachers have noticed that she pulls away a lot, very distant. Does she interact with other children during the weekend?"

Ashley gives Jimmy a pointed look, but chooses not to respond.

"She's at the golf course most weekends," says Jimmy. "She's learning the game."

"Oh, mini-golf? That's a good way for her to get acquainted with other kids," says Ms. Park, encouragingly.

"Umm, it's an adult course," corrects Jimmy. "I give her a little club, and we practice angles, stances, that sort of thing. She loves it, though, so..."

"Oh, I see," interrupts Ms. Park.

"We don't have friends with kids really," defends Ashley. "And the neighborhood kids are around eleven, twelve."

Ms. Park pulls out another sheet of paper.

"This is a study of Leslie's behavior in several of her class periods. As I said, very polite, very sweet. But all her instructors noted that she replies with two word answers, doesn't participate in too many activities unless forced, doesn't join groups. We ideally want her to be a part of the team, to not hold in all these feelings. And she's a pretty serious child. I'd like to see her smile more, as I'm sure you do. We don't want to force her to do things. We just want her to have the best."

Ashley can feel her face flushing. "We want her to have the best experience, Ms. Park."

"Tell me, Ms. Kerwin, is there a lot of tension in your household?"

Ashley starts to answer, but Jimmy interrupts, saying, "No, there isn't."

Jimmy shakes his head. "All I know is she was happy when she was playing golf, going to regular school, when she wasn't in this academy."

"Or maybe we didn't see that she was unhappy, Jimmy," argues Ashley. "Ms. Park may be on to something."

"You just want her to stay at this schoolbecause you never got to be a singer," says Jimmy. "Admit it, Ash."

Ashley almost bites her tongue as she grits her teeth. Jimmy runs a hand over his hair, focusing on Ms. Park. Ms. Park clears her throat.

"Um...there are some events that I think would be good for her," says Ms. Park, tentatively. "There's actually a carnival tonight. It's in conjunction with the charity concert over at WJTV. Ms. Kerwin, I'm sure you're involved with that concert, somehow."

Ashley shook herself, still mulling over Jimmy's words. "Yeah...I wrote the script for the show. I'm heading over there in a bit to present a check."

"So maybe you could take her to the carnival," advised Ms. Park.

Ashley looks at Jimmy, who gives her a small nod.

"Yes, that'd be fine," replies Ashley.

"Great, and there's also a camp next weekend. It's just a way for the smaller students to learn teamwork and give them an appreciation for the arts. They do activities that would really help Leslie find and use her voice."

Jimmy takes a deep breath. "Is that all, because I've got a gym full of girls waiting for me to teach them how to do a proper lay-up?"

Ms. Park rights her glasses, and puts the papers back in the folder.

"Yes, that is all, Mr. Brooks," says Ms. Park. "Can I see you two out?"

"No," says Jimmy, backing up his wheelchair and leaving.

Ashley departs with a pitiful smile to Ms. Park and jogs after Jimmy in the hall. Jimmy stops at a display case with trophies. The students of the academy had collected many ribbons, plaques, and trophies over the years. Ashley watches as Jimmy's eyes scan over each one.

"She told us there's something wrong with our kid, Ash," says Jimmy, softly. "She judged us. You said..."

"I know," says Ashley. "I didn't know this was going on. But she wants to help."

Jimmy sighs. "I should've shut up. I'm sorry I attacked you, but I just...felt attacked. You know?"

Ashley swallows, slings her purse over her shoulder. "It's okay, Jimmy."

The school bell rings and kids start to trickle out. It doesn't take long to see Leslie, her purple backpack fluttering on her back, off to the side as the other kids head for the music room. She trails behind, twirling a pencil in her hand as the girls in front of her chatter away. Ashley's stomach flip-flops, while Jimmy puts on a smile, a smile that Ashley sees a grimace behind. Ms. Park is right. They both know it.

"Les!" exclaims Jimmy.

Leslie's face brightens after seeing her parents. She runs up and hugs her father, dropping the pencil, which Ashley picks up.

"I played my recorder today!" exclaims Leslie. "My teacher said I could move onto the next lesson by myself since I was the only one to get the first lesson in one day."

"That's great, Leslie," says Ashley, bending down and hugging her.

"Are you taking me home?" asks Leslie, a hint of hope in the question.

"And make you miss music class?" says Ashley. "No, but we've got a fun surprise for you this evening."

"Ash, I gotta go," says Jimmy, tapping his watch. "But have fun tonight, you two!"

Jimmy kisses Leslie on her nose and wheels to the double doors, where he had arranged to meet Spinner. A wave of relief washes over Ashley. She'd been holding back what she really wanted to say to Leslie.

"Leslie, if you ever feel...you ever feel like you can't talk to me, or your dad, that's okay. But...but I want you to know that you can. You don't have to feel trapped. I used to hold stuff in when I was young, lock myself away, but it does help to talk."

Leslie's shoulders tense, and Ashley is reminded of that one question: Is there a lot of tension in your household?

"I'm okay," says Leslie softly.

"Okay," says Ashley, a bit defeated. "Well, I'm calling Paige so she can drop you off at the surprise place. It's going to be a lot of fun."

"Sure," says Leslie, with not a trace of excitement. "I have to go get my music folder."

Leslie walks into the classroom, and Ashley peeps in to see her. She takes her music folder from a pile, and sits at an empty desk. She bops her head to some imaginary beat, while Ashley's heart feels like it's collapsing on itself.Ashley remembers the last time her heart was like that. She too was sitting at a desk, though motionless, staring at the empty door frame where Craig left after Spin, Marco, and Mr. Brooks came in. Her mother and Mrs. Brooks trickled in after Craig's exit, obviously hearing the raucous.

"What's going on here?" asked Kate Kerwin, twisting off a cream glove that matched her dress. "The ceremony starts in an hour."

"Nothing to get upset about, Kate," said Mr. Brooks. "Let's give Ashley some privacy."

The boys in the room leave, but Kate and Mrs. Brooks remain. Ashley twisted her hands in frustration, peering out a window, hoping to see him.

"He came," said Ashley. "It would've been different if he just read the invitation, but he came all this way..."

"Ashley, what are you talking about?" asked Kate, looking out the window as well.

"I have to go to him!" exclaimed Ashley, starting to undo her veil. "He's going to think I don't care."

Kate took Ashley's hands down, pinning them to her sides.

"Why do I get this feeling that this involves Craig?" said Kate.

Ashley darts her eyes, still gazing out the window.

"Ashley, this is ridiculous," cried Kate. "You're twenty-three and you're not a little girl anymore. You made a decision and you're not backing out of this. Think of how much money the Brooks have put into today...the time, the energy. And you never once said that you were unhappy with this until what's his name showed up."

"His name is Craig, Mom!" shouted Ashley, giving Kate a piercing stare. "There's no what's his name, or that boy, or whatever name you choose to call him because you never liked him. He's the guy that waited for me to come back his senior year of high school after I snapped at hi, the guy that decorated a hotel room for me..."

"How about the guy that cheated on you, or let's get current...the guy who let you go so you could be with Jimmy?" spat back Kate, crossing her arms.

"That's so not the point," said Ashley, softly.

"If I may," spoke up Ms. Brooks, whose flowered hat overtook half of her face.

Kate stepped to the side, throwing up her hands. Ms. Brooks brushed back Ashley's veil, looked into her tear-stained face.

"Ashley, you've always been special to us, so special to Jimmy," said Ms. Brooks, warmly. "You're making every wish we had for him and every wish he had for himself come true today. And I know you're scared, and that you have fond memories of someone else...I was in the same predicament. I loved someone else when I married Jimmy's father. But you can fall in love more than once. You can learn to love."

Ashley was surprised when she could feel her heart beating again. It seemed to come alive in that moment. As she looked into Ms. Brooks' eyes, she could see the compassion, but also how weak she'd become, staying up late at night crying over Jimmy. She'd cried over Jimmy herself, as much as she had when Craig left, but in a different way. She cried over Jimmy because she didn't like seeing him come home every night, barely able to lift parts of his body when she'd known him to be so energetic before. She or Mr. Brooks lifted his head and arms up for him. She cried over Craig, because she knew she was walking around with part of his soul in her body, and that's what lifted her.

"I don't want to hurt Jimmy," said Ashley, grabbing her bouquet which slipped through her fingers, but she picked it up again. "I never want to hurt anyone again."

Ms. Brooks patted her back, while Kate eyed her suspiciously. Ashley could tell that she knew.

The ceremony was beautiful. Every flower in the yard had blossomed, a colorful backdrop for the melancholy in Ashley's heart. She didn't do a good job of masking her nerves, shaking as she put on Jimmy's golden band, inscribed with her initials. It got worse as the reception began, and Ashley excused herself to the bathroom so many times that Kate picked up on it, and told her to go back to the guests and act like a proper hostess. Jimmy seemed to love it, but he'd been in the hospital several days before, so of course, it was a welcome relief.

Their wedding night was awkward. They couldn't really go anywhere, seeing as Jimmy had more treatments that would gear him up for the surgery. Ashley went through the motions, but felt really hollow, even after it was done, and Jimmy lovingly put an arm over her. He was gentle, as always, but she felt like she was being crushed. She slept for a few hours, but her eyes popped open at around two. She wondered if Ellie was up, and then she wondered why her best friend had ditched the wedding. Maybe not to see Ashley go through something that was killing her inside? Ashley slid out of bed, put on a bra, T-shirt, and pajama bottoms. She didn't care what she looked like, and she was sure Ellie would look about the same and not mind at all.

She sped to Ellie's in the darkness, not sure what she wanted to unload on her. There were so many things: doubt, guilt, sadness, loneliness. Ashley had knowingly drawn all these things into her life, a life she was going to share with Jimmy.

Ashley rung the doorbell, glad that no one was coming through the halls and could see her clothes.

"Ash?" said a startled, yawning Ellie.

Not asking to come in, Ashley walked past her and hugged herself, right outside Ellie's bedroom..

"Ellie, I totally..._totally_ made this worse," said Ashley.

"Ash, can we talk tomorrow?" asked Ellie.

Ashley looked around, and saw that Ellie's door was open. "Oh, I'm sorry. You...you have a guest."

"Ashley, you...," began Ellie.

Ashley smiled. "Well, now I see why you left the wedding."

She peered into Ellie's room. Her mouth dropped. Craig was curled in bed, sleeping soundly, his shirt off. Ashley's eyes started to water. Ellie looked in too, a look of confusion on his face.

"He must've taken his clothes off," said Ellie. "I guess he was hot or something."

"I can't believe you," whispered Ashley, nearly knocking Ellie to the ground as she walked to the front door.

"What! Ash!" yelled Ellie, twisting her arm so Ashley would face her. "I was comforting him!"

"So that's what you're calling it?"

"Stop jumping to conclusions and get a clue! I would never do that."

"You'd never do that!" exclaimed Ashley. "You dated Craig during your freshmen year, and I never thought you'd do that. Date an ex of mine! But I got over it. You tried to hide it then, and you're trying to hide it now. Nice try, El, but I'm not buying it."

Ellie smacked her lips. "You know what? Think what you want. It's obvious you just want me to feel guilty because you feel guilty. There's no way I'm letting you make me feel bad, like I'm some careless hag.. We're not in high school anymore, so I don't have time for your little immature drama."

Ellie shut the door in Ashley's face. Ashley didn't know what came over her, and she didn't know what to think. Deep down, she knew she couldn't say anything. She was married. She slouched down, feeling Ellie's hard door against her back. She wouldn't blame Ellie for never speaking to her again. In fact, that's probably why they hadn't.

Ashley takes her eyes from Leslie, and starts for her car. Getting in, she opens the glove compartment and fetches a stress tablet. She uncaps a bottle of water and lets the pill make its way down. It never worked all the way, though her doctor suggested it. She still felt rigid, but it was more safe than letting it all out. Her letting it out cost her her friendship with Ellie, and she wouldn't make mistakes like that again. It was better to be cool, friendly, guarded, especially as a newswriter and anchor. But in so many moments, and Ashley has to admit it to herself, as she drives out of the school parking lot, you just want to be free.


	5. Don't Make Me Over

**V. Don't Make Me Over**

_Don't make me over  
Now that I'd do anything for you  
Don't make me over  
Now that you know how I adore you _

Don't pick on the things I say, the things I do  
Just love me with all my faults  
That way that I love you, I'm beggin' you

Don't make me over  
Now that I can't make it without you  
Don't make me over  
I wouldn't change one thing about you

Just take me inside your arms and hold me tight  
And always be by my side, if I am wrong or right  
I'm beggin' you

Don't make me over  
Don't make me over  
Now that you've got me at your command

Accept me for what I am  
Accept me for the things that I do  
Accept me for what I am  
Accept me for the things that I do

Now that I can't make it without you  
I wouldn't change one thing about you

Accept me for what I am  
Oh, accept me for the things that I do

A few interns turn their heads, some flushing scarlet, others grinning widely. Monitors show revolving pictures of children in underdeveloped countries, facts flying by underneath, but all eyes focus on him. Craig still wasn't used to the attention, even though he'd been famous for about eight years now.

"It's Craig Manning," he hears one intern whisper as he walked to the WJTV front desk.

"Hi ladies," says Craig.

"Hi Craig," says the two girls behind the desk at the same time in breathy voices.

"Um, I'm here to see Emma Nelson," says Craig.

"And see her you will," shouts a voice to his right.

Craig smiles at Emma, clad in a lime green summer dress, her hair hanging to her back.

"Come on. Say hi to a little person, rock star," says Emma.

Craig gives her a bear hug, and releases her. "It's good to see you, Em."

Emma leads him down the hall. "Let me get you away from the interns before they assault you."

Craig walks beside her, hanging out tightly to his guitar case. The last time he saw Emma was at Angie's graduation party, before Angie headed to McGill. Sean had attended the party with her, and he didn't mention it to Ellie, who had to work that day. It was probably for the better, seeing as it was pretty clear that Emma was wearing an engagement ring, though he made it a point not to ask. He thought he overheard her and Liberty, fresh out of law school, discussing pre-nups and why they were and weren't needed.

"So how's Miss Manny?" asked Craig as they reached the outside of a dressing room.

"She's good. She's on movie number nine and working on marriage number three. To tell you the truth, I don't want to buy any more bridesmaid dresses so I hope this is the last one," sighs Emma.

"Well, you can tell her I've seen her films, and I may've teared up during a couple of those romantic comedies. May have," says Craig.

"I'll make sure to tell her," laughs Emma. "Oh, wait a minute."

Craig sees a young man walking around with a clipboard and a headseat, murmuring to himself. It takes a few seconds for him to realize that it's Derek.

"Derek, if you're making personal calls again...," chastises Emma, taking off his headseat.

She places it to her ear and nods approvingly. Derek crosses his arms.

"I only did that once. Gosh!" groans Derek. "Hey, Craig."

"Hey," says Craig.

"So Craig, we checked all the equipment and your band got here about an hour ago. You're on after Jude. And your stylist dropped off your clothes. Very interesting ensemble."

"Interesting how?" prompted Craig.

Emma avoided his stare. "Uh, Derek can take care of any needs you have. Thanks, Craig!"

"Emma, what..." starts Craig, but she was gone before he could finish.

Derek ushers Craig into the room, and his outfit stands out immediately. It's a white suit with a white tie, and even the jacket buttons are white. Craig's head starts to pound. The dressing room has a few monitors over the table, and Craig can see Emma barking orders from the stage where he'd be playing.

"Sweet!" says Danny, touching the suit. "Is this Gucci?"

"More like Garish," moans Craig, sinking into a chair at the dressing table.

"Hmmm, well, there's food over there, magazines on the table, and oh, coffee. I can pour you some."

Craig gets up and takes the mug from Derek, starts to pour. "Not into star treatment, but thanks."

"Well, you can pour me some then," replies Derek.

Craig tips the pot, glancing at the monitor. His face freezes when a curtain of reddish-brown hair graces the screen, then her head turns and his chest begins to throb. Her eyes, still that easter-egg blue, playful, soulful. Her small, nicely curved nose. Her smile that lit up everything around her. Ashley talks animatedly with Emma and another person who looked somewhat familiar, though he couldn't figure out who.

"Craig...Craig!" yelled Derek. "It's full!"

"Huh? Oh!" exclaimed Craig, watching coffee spill out of the cup and onto the carpet.

Derek looked up at the monitor. "Oh, yes, she's known to have that effect on men. She gets like a marriage proposal in the mail everyday. Too bad she's married. I asked her out a couple of times, but nope, no luck."

"Dude, you asked Ashley out?" says Craig, giving Derek a puzzled look.

"Uh, no. I was talking about Darcy!" replies Derek, pointing to the screen.

"Oh," says Craig, finally seeing that the third person is Darcy, dressed in a shimmery pink dress.

"Best weather girl ever," whispers Derek. "Oh, well. I'm going to get Emma a danish."

"What're you, dude? Like her puppet?" teases Craig.

"Shut up, man," says Derek. "I'm a grip and don't forget it. A grip for the show she's running, but whatever. You know what I mean."

Craig goes back to his chair, but can't get comfortable and stares back up at the monitor. She's gone. The studio audience was packed, carrying signs and waving them around excitedly in anticipation. Derek scoots around, checking the cameras, then helping Emma with her microphone and battery pack.

But she's here, thinks Craig. He'd heard from Emma at the party that Ashley was flitting between stations, but he didn't know which stations. Caitlin even mentioned she'd run into Ashley at a couple journalism conferences a few years back, the second one in which she showed up with a prominent bump. Pregnant. He couldn't even envision her shape being any other way than slender, stately. Craig tried to get tapes of her newscasts, looking up on the computer to see if they were available. They weren't. Emma's voice fills the room, as he casts another disgusted look at the white suit.

"Hello and welcome to the first Educate to Eradicate Illiteracy charity show!" yells Emma to a chorus of cheers. "Today, we're raising money to cure a serious condition in a number of third-world countries. Our aim is to place a book in every hand, to start the education process so that these nations can live up to their full potential and become functioning, independent places. Several of our homegrown artists will appear today, including Jude Harrison..."

"Ahhhhh!" screams a bunch of girls in the front row.

Emma lists a few others who Craig has to admit he didn't know, but then she says a name that he knows.

"And Craig Manning!" yells Emma.

The first three rows stand up and clap. They wear _Manning Mania _tees. One girl raises a black "Marry Me Manning" sign, the words in red glitter. Craig can feel his face growing hot.

"But first, we have a taped segment with Manny Santos, who granted us an interview and has agreed to provide a ticket to her latest movie premiere to the person with the show's highest donation."

There are a few screams of delight from the audience.

"Roll the tape," says Emma.

Emma and Manny appear in a desert setting. Emma has practical clothes on, a white blouse and tan shorts. But Manny wears a huge, white sun hat and a peach, clingy dress with same-colored heels. She holds a small pug in her hands.

"Say hi, Teacup," says Manny, lifting the puppy's paw and making it wave.

"So Manny, you've decided to give this prize of a free movie premiere ticket for the caller who donates the most money?"

"Yes, I have chosen to do just that," says Manny in a stilted voice, her eyes down as if she's reading a cue card. "I love to help third world countries, especially when it comes to killin'."

"Children," says a voice from off-camera.

"Oh, children," says Manny, wiping sweat from her neck. "I can't see with all this sunlight."

"Put on your glasses," whispered Emma. "You know you should wear them."

"The ones they just gave me? No, they make my ears look fat."

"Can you tell us a little about the picture?" asks Emma, acting like things were going along smoothly, but looking slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, I play a fish out of water," says Manny. "Sorority girl in the Sahara desert."

"You always play a fish out of water," says Emma, rolling her eyes.

"But this time I have blonde highlights. Adds another layer to my character."

"Yeah, okay," says Emma, nudging her to the side. "Well, if you want a chance to see a movie, hang out with Manny, and.."

"Wait. I have to hang out with them?" interrupts Manny.

Emma pushes Manny off-camera.

"Where's my iced tea?" yelled Manny offscreen.

"Well, interesting convo, but her heart's in the right place," says Emma. "Cut it, Derek."

Craig chuckles.

The screen switches back to Emma, a painful grin on her face. "Uh, so yeah...are you guys ready for Jude?"

"Yes!" shouts several people in the audience.

"Everyone, please welcome Jude Harrison!" exclaims Emma.

Jude appears and jogs to the stage, guitar in hand. Several girls in Jude-like blonde wigs pull out cameras, and yell her name.

"What's up, guys? Let's get it rockin'," says Jude, as her band members take their places.

Craig relaxes a bit. He always enjoyed hearing her music. They'd run across each other on the road a few times, especially when he was first starting out. He told her that she'd given him hope, that a young person could make it out of Toronto and build a solid career.

"_If I was drowning in the sea, would you dive right in and save me?_" sings Jude.

"Down here, Emma?" asks a familiar voice that makes Craig's heart race.

"Yeah, we're bringing you in around the half-hour mark," replies Emma from outside the room.

Craig covers his face with a magazine, coughs. He hears heels tapping against the carpet, and the metal sound of hangers sliding across the bar of a clothes rack. He peers over the magazine, his green eyes taking in the sight. She was so close, just like old times. She looked the same, except for the professional clothes. Her crimson, silky business suit hit every place just right. Craig lets out a deep breath, hearing Jude's song run through his ears.

"Ewww," says Ashley, fingering the white suit.

Craig smiles, then covers his face again.

Ashley sits at the dressing table, a few chairs away from Craig. She pulls some lipstick from her purse and runs it over her lips. Craig lowers the magazine again, this time letting it sit on his lap. Ashley blinks, apparently now realizing she's not the only one in the room. Craig gives her an awkward wave. Her fingers jump and a bit of lipstock covers her two front teeth.

"Ugh," says Ashley, reaching over Craig to fetch some tissue. "Sorry."

"Nervous?" asks Craig.

"Yeah," replies Ashley, balling the tissue in her fist. "You...you look good."

Craig chuckles. "You...not so good. Here."

He takes the tissue from her, and he's surprised she's letting him, letting him touch her. He wipes off the traces of lipstick, his eyes on her mouth, a mouth he used to know so well, kissed so frequently. Ashley stares down as he wipes, then into his eyes, and she blushes. Craig's pretty sure he's blushing too, if not more. Jude's voice covers the silence:

_Your eyes are holding up the sky  
Your eyes make me weak, I don't know why  
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth  
I thought my heart was bullet-proof  
Now I'm dancing on the roof  
And everybody knows I'm into you  
_

"There you go," says Craig, tossing the tissue into a nearby trashcan.

Ashley stands, paces across the room. Craig knew how she felt, watching her go by.

"There were rumors that you'd be here, but I didn't know you were confirmed til today...I just...maybe I should go," stammers Ashley, stroking her neck, once in a while glancing at him. "Don't want to upset you before the show."

"Ashley, come on...sit," offers Craig.

Ashley reluctantly sits, and smiles at him.

_If my heart was sadder than a song  
Would you still listen?  
If my tears fell on you, one by one  
Would you see them glisten? _

"I love this song,"says Ashley softly, twisting in her chair to face Craig.

Craig wondered if Ashley listened to his album, but he knew he couldn't ask that without looking like he was fishing for a compliment. It didn't matter.

"Your songs are amazing too," spoke up Ashley. "Your last album...it was incredible."

Craig shakes his head. "It didn't sell too well.Maybe I shouldn't have experimented with all those types of sounds."

"It was wonderful...I mean, so many artists don't have the guts to be diverse. It shows why...why you lasted this long."

Why couldn't we have lasted long, thinks Craig, but instead of saying it, he nods towards the suit.

"That's my outfit," says Craig. "I want to shoot myself."

"It's...not that bad."

Craig raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it is," says Ashley, laughing. "Why don't you just wear what you have on? Jeans and a T-shirt seems fine to me."

"Mickey would kill me. He paid for this stylist..."

"It's better than wanting to kill yourself. They make me wear these little business suits and dresses, and I don't like wearing them on-air. I'd slide into a pair of jeans if I could. But your style has always worked for you, so why change it unless you want to? Take it from Degrassi's Madonna."

Craig grins. It felt good to talk to her again, though there was so much to be said. Too many elephants in the room. Truthfully, there was no time, because he'd be on in less than five minutes, but maybe he could arrange something later.

"Ashley, um...," began Craig.

"Have you seen Leslie?" asks Ashley, taking out a small picture housed in her wallet. "I just...basically show her to everyone."

Craig settles back, takes the picture from her. "Whoa...Jimmy should lock those doors now, because she's going to be beating away the guys in about a decade. She's gorgeous."

Jimmy. He hadn't said that name in years, but he thought about him, her, way too often. Leslie was beautiful, he couldn't deny it. But they used to beautiful too, before Jimmy came along.

Ashley beams. "She's a singer," gushes Ashley.

"No way! No...that's awesome," says Craig, smiling at the picture.

"Yeah...yeah, must be in the genes," says Ashley, shyly.

A red-haired intern with hoop earring ducks her head into the door.

"Excuse me, Mr. Manning, we're ready for you," says the intern, her head disappearing as quickly as it came in.

"Wearing the suit?" asked Ashley, gazing at the rack.

"Nah," says Craig, smiling at her. "I don't want to look like a marshmallow. It was really good...talking to you."

Ashley gives him a hopeful smile, or maybe he saw it as hopeful.

"Craig...I...wow, this is so hard," stammers Ashley.

"Yeah...yeah, it is," replies Craig. "But...um, do you want to come out and watch me play? That's something we're both used to, and we don't have to talk."

"Ummm..."

"You can watch girls throw panties at me...or socks, since this is a family show."

Ashley grins. "Yeah...yeah, I can do that."

Craig takes out his guitar, smiling the entire time, and walks with Ashley to the edge of the stage. There used to be nights when this was the norm, he thinks, and Ashley would kiss him for luck. Not so this time. He shoots her a welcoming look, but he finally sees something in her eyes that he hadn't seen before, a trace of sadness. Was she remembering everything? But no, it looked a bit deep-rooted, a sadness that looked like it kept growing and growing. It reminded him slightly of Joey after his mother died. He brushed it away, waiting for Emma to call him onstage.

"We've reached four thousand dollars so far!" announced Emma to the excited crowd. "Let's keep the momentum going, guys. And now...we have Toronto's own stellar superstar, Mr...Craig...Manning!"

Every row stands and cheers as Craig walks onstage, waving to his adoring fans. One girl faints, while her friend tries to revive her. The interns were in the back, sneaking in to catch this performance when they should've been working.

"What's up, WJTV," shouted Craig into the microphone.

"Aaah," they scream back.

"I want to have your baby, Craig!" yelled a blonde in the third row.

Craig glances at Ashley, who looks slightly peeved.

"Ummm...yeah," says Craig. "I was supposed to play a ballad, but I thought I'd play "I Can't Take My Hands Off Of You.' It was the only hit off the last album, but since you guys loved it..."

"Yesss," yells the interns who greeted him at the desk.

"I'm playing this because...while we have all this sadness in our lives, and while these children and adults have sadness in their lives, we can't forget that reading, music, art...whatever should make us feel good inside. And trust me, you will feel good inside if you provide these things to people who've never had that happiness."

Everyone claps as the drummer counts them down.

"_Ohhh, everybody gettin' down_," sings Craig.

"Craig!" shouts the same blonde. "I love you!"

"_Oh yeah, my feet don't touch the ground_," continues Craig. _"Oh, I can't keep my hands off of you._"

"_And there's nothing I won't do_," the audience sings back.

"Woo, come on, guys!" yells Craig. "Clap with me. _Oh, I can't keep my hands off of you_."

Everyone claps to the beat. Craig notices that Ashley is clapping too, her eyes shining. The real goal was to make her happy, make her smile. Who cared that Mickey would lay into him later about not singing a manly ballad? The crowd was grooving, and Ash was too.

The drummer ends it with a solo, and grabs the cymbal to make it stop shaking. The audience applauds, some people jumping around joyfully. Ashley doesn't jump, but Craig thinks he can see joy on her face that wasn't there before.

Emma joins him onstage.

"That was great," she whispers in his ear. "Do you think you can stop by the carnival afterwards and sign some autographs?"

Craig nods, then whispers: "Yeah, sure, if it'll help."

Emma winks at him, then holds up one of his arms. "Craig Manning, everyone!"

Craig gets off the stage, hugging a few girls who rush to him. A security guard rushes Craig to the back as his cellphone rings.

"Hey, Mickey," says Craig, not bothering to check the number.

"Well, that was interesting," says Mickey.

"Mickey, that suit..well, it wasn't me, so..."

"Craig, the audience loved it. That's all I care about. I've got offers for more appearances as we speak."

"I'm staying in Toronto for awhile," says Craig, staring at a small monitor where Ashley was handing Emma a check. "There's stuff I need to take care of."

"Well, take care of it soon," says Mickey, hanging up.

Craig peers at the monitor, traces the curve of Ashley's face, feels the static. He didn't know he was doing it until the guard gave him a confused look. Craig takes his hand away, but it felt natural to do, natural to see her in his mind, while the barriers (a screen, Jimmy, themselves) block his touch.


	6. Tears of A Clown

**VI. Tears Of A Clown**

_Say oh yeah baby baby_

_Now if there's a smile on my face_

_It's only there tryin' to fool the public_

_But when it comes down to foolin' you_

_Now honey that's quite a different subject_

_So don't let my glad expression_

_Give you the wrong impression_

_'Cause really I'm sad _

_(so sad sad)_

_Oh I'm sadder than sad _

_(so sad sad)_

_Well I'm hurt and I want you so bad _

_(so sad sad)_

_Like a clown I appear to be glad_

_Ooh yeah_

_There's some sad things known to man_

_But ain't too much sadder than_

_The tears of a clown_

_When there's no one around_

_Say oh yeah baby baby baby_

_Oh yeah baby baby baby_

_Now if I appear to be carefree_

_It's only to camouflage my sadness_

_And honey to shield my pride I try_

_To cover this hurt _

_with a show of gladness_

_So don't let my show convince you_

_That I've been happy since you_

_decided to go_

_Oh I need you so_

_Look I'm hurt and I want you to know_

_Just for others I put on a show_

_Ooh yeah_

_There's some sad things known to man_

_But ain't too much sadder than_

_The tears of a clown_

_Just like Pagliacci did_

_I'm gonna keep my surface hid_

_Hiding in my room I try_

_But in this lonely room I cry_

_The tears of a clown_

_When there's no one around_

_Now if there's a smile on my face_

_Don't let my glad expression_

_Give you the wrong impression_

_Don't let this smile I wear_

_Make you feel that I don't care_

_The tears of a clown_

_Tears of a clown_

_The tears of a clown_

_I'm going down de town_

_I'm going downtown_

_Tears of a clown_

Eager fans clutch CD cases, hats, magazines, and almost anything that someone can sign, trying their best to remain calm in front of a table set up for the man of the hour. Craig peers through the folds of the tent, knocking his head against a cardboard clown with white hair and a red nose. He leers at it for a bit, then watches as Marco comes towards him with a clipboard.

"Ready, buddy?" asks Marco, brushing some lint off Craig's jacket.

"I'm never ready for these things," says Craig. "But it makes them happy. Ah, a part of me likes it."

Marco grimaces at the clown. "Eww, looks like you on a bad hair day."

"Ha," says Craig, sarcastically. "According to El, you're the king of bad hair days."

"Don't believe her," replies Marco. "I really hate that you guys hop around so much. You're in Toronto, then New York, than Vancouver...my two best friends who I only get to talk to via e-mail or cell. If Spinner and Paige weren't here..."

A chorus of screams and a rush of a train going across rollercoaster tracks sounds through the tent, making the walls flap.

"Marco," interrupts Craig. "I need to ask you something."

"Why...is something wrong with El?"

"No, she's fine, overworked, but fine," says Craig. "I saw Ash today."

Marco slaps his hand to his forehead. "And the saga continues."

Craig takes down Marco's hand. "I think something's wrong with her."

"No, I think you _want _something to be wrong with her."

Craig shakes his head. He couldn't get that image of her sad eyes out of his mind, not when he went backstage, not when he left the studio after to meet Marco at the carnival, not now. Just being next to her sent thrills up his spine, like electric jolts coursing through his body. He wanted to lay into her, tell her what had been missing those five years for him and for her, but instead, he just felt the weight of something heavy, something unspeakable that made her so sad. It would've been like beating a bruised puppy, heartless, and he had more than enough heart when it came to Ashley.

Craig kicks the fairground's dust with his shoe. "It was this look she had."

"Craig, don't."

"Maybe if she wasn't trapped in some bogus marriage with empty vows..."

Marco lightly pokes Craig with his clipboard. "Don't do that, Craig. Don't judge their marriage. They seem fine to me."

"Fine, yeah. But are they happy?"

Marco shrugs. "They're not kissing everytime I see them, but yeah, they're okay."

"I used to think she deserved whatever she got, since she made this decision...but I don't know. I saw her and I can't...it's too hard to be mad at her."

"You're not going to do anything?"

"Well, she made her a choice. I was an adult at the studio, friendly, and..."

"And you still haven't answered my question. You're dating Ellie now, so ditch this little fantasy I'm sure is floating around in that curly head of yours. Ash has got a kid, man. She's married. It's done. Things are different than high school or college. And you've got autographs to sign."

"Fine," mutters Craig, pushing back the flap.

As dozens of his fans scream, young and old, Marco's advice echoes in his brain. First is a young couple about Craig's age.

"Get him to sign this for me, baby!" says the woman, hiding her face under her bangs. "I can't talk to him! I can't, I can't, I can't!"

"Hey, dude, you're awesome!" says her boyfriend, giving him two CD covers to sign. "You cut these guitar riffs that are just wicked, dude. I wanna be like you, dude. I don't even get jealous when my girl says she wants to dump me for you. That's how cool you are, dude!"

Craig gives him a blank stare, then shakes it off. "Oh...uh, thanks. What's her name?"

"Her name's Arianna. And my name's Greg. That's as close as you can get to Craig, dude!" replies the boyfriend.

Craig signs the covers, then winks at Arianna, who screams again.

"Thanks dude!" says the boyfriend. "And whoever your chick is must be one lucky guy, man! Because you're hot."

"Not a word," whispers Craig to Marco.

Marco coughs, trying to hide a laugh.

II.

Ashley weaves through a group of young kids running towards the bumper cars, then looks back at them pushing through the turnstile and hopping into the cars. They were all laughing happily, jumping into the cars, pretending to drive before the power starts. Then her eye strays to a merry-go-round where a married couple stood at either side of a pony that held their toddler daughter, who gurgles as she smiles. Her eyes finally find Leslie, who with a sullen face, watches Paige devour a candy apple. Caramel is all over Paige's lips.

"Hey, party animals," says Ashley, who was thankful to be in a pair of jeans and a pink, chemise top.

"Mmm," mumbles Paige. "This is really good. I want another."

"You had three," says Leslie.

"You're really chowing down there, Paige," says Ashley. "Pretty soon you won't fit into all your designer wear."

"Bleh to Chanel if I can have more caramel," says Paige, finishing off the apple. "Besides I kinda...can't fit my pants anyway. I had a total Regina moment the other day. My thighs are getting slightly round."

"Regina as in Mean Girls," says Ashley, raising an eyebrow.

"What's Means Girls?" asks Leslie.

"The best movie ever, but yeah, I'll skip the apple and get some nuts," says Paige. "Adios, chicas!"

Paige heads for the snack bar, while Ashley leads Leslie to a corner.

"This is the surprise place?" asks Leslie, staring at two kids yelling and throwing ice cream at a police officer.

"It's a carnival. We're going to have fun!" says Ashley, a bit frightened at the fake excitement her voice produces.

"Okay," says Leslie, taking a deep breath.

Ashley scans the lay-out. Leslie was too short to ride some of the rides, and she didn't want to hype her up on sugar. Then, she sees Derek by a booth, rearranging some stuffed animals for a Sink-The-Basket game.

"Come on," she says to Leslie, pulling her to the booth.

Derek blows a big bubble of gum, waves to Ashley.

"You looking to play, Miss Ashley?" asks Derek, grabbing a ball.

"Well, I'm not as good as Jimmy," admits Ash. "But what the hey. Do you see any animals you like, Leslie?"

Leslie peers at the counter, and Ashley is relieved to see a smile cross her lips.

"I like the caterpillar," answers Leslie. "With the blue and yellow wings."

"I ate a caterpillar once," says Derek, handing Ash the ball.

"Ewww," says Leslie, standing closer to Ashley.

"Thanks for grossing my kid out," whispers Ashley. "Okay, here goes."

Ashley shoots, and the ball bounces off the rim, knocking over a stuffed elephant. Derek chuckles and retrieves the toy. He gives the ball back to Ash.

"Try again," he says.

Ashley shoots, and this time it just hits the net.

"Not enough height," says a familiar voice behind her.

The voice makes Ashley's insides squirm, and a warm rush runs throughout her body. Ashley turns to face Craig, her face red.

"I suck," says Ashley, starting to lead Leslie away.

"Wait," says Craig, lightly grabbing her arm.

Craig thrusts down a dollar and Derek passes him the ball. He shoots once, and makes a clean swish, which elicits an approving nod from Derek. Craig nods towards the stuffed animals, indicating for Ash to pick.

"Umm...the caterpillar," says Ashley, and she can feel Leslie hiding behind her back.

Derek hands the caterpillar to Craig, who hands it to Leslie. Leslie shyly takes it and thanks him.

"No problem," says Craig. "But I feel kinda guilty sending your mom away empty-handed."

"Well, if you play again, you can get the butterfly that goes with it," nudges Derek.

"No...no, that's okay," says Ashley.

Craig gives him another dollar and shoots. It bounces off the rim a bit, but swoops in, and Ashley reluctantly takes the butterfly from Derek.

"Thank you," says Ashley, smiling at Craig.

"Fully grown, beautiful, and free," says Derek. "But now, you can go. I don't want Craig walking away with half the stuff."

Ashley starts to walk away, and is pleasantly surprised to find Craig walking beside her. Leslie grabs her hand, squeezing it nervously.

"Oh, honey, this is Craig," says Ashley. "We knew each other...from high school."

She feels somewhat bad to introduce him like that, but she knows Leslie won't be able to get a grasp on everything that had really gone down between them. She thought she saw a pained look on Craig's face, but he was hiding it well if it was there.

"Yeah, your mom and I go way back," says Craig. "She told me you're a singer."

Leslie gazes at Craig, then looks away quickly. "Not yet."

"I bet you're going to be as good as your mom," compliments Craig.

"My mom doesn't sing," says Leslie, louder, casting Craig a confused look.

A trickle of sweat falls down Ashley's back. She can feel the heat from Craig's piercing stare, and trudges through the sand. She is relieved to see Darcy at a table, waving her over.

"Hey, guys!" calls Darcy. "Face painting. It's only two dollars. I'm really good at bunny faces."

A little girl stands next to Darcy. The little girl takes out a piece of ice from her pocket and starts sucking it.

"Hey, Darcy," says Ashley, still avoiding looking at Craig. "Leslie, would you like your face painted?"

Ashley notices that Leslie is looking at the little girl, still sucking away at the ice.

"Leslie, this is my niece, Aubrey," introduces Darcy. "Say hi, Aubrey."

Aubrey makes one huge slurping sound, and waves at Leslie. Well, thinks Ashley, at least she's interacting with another child.

"It'll take around six minutes, Ash," says Darcy. "You can either wait or do something else."

"Ummm...I'll come back," says Ashley, hoping Leslie and Aubrey might talk some more.

Leslie glowers at her, then at Aubrey, then reluctantly sits down. Ashley backs away, scouting for some water to cool her down. Craig follows, not looking her in the eye.

"Do you have something to say?" says Ashley, crossing her arms.

"You don't sing, huh?" replies Craig, ignoring a couple girls taking a picture of him. "Was that Jimmy's idea or yours?"

"Mine actually," answers Ashley, digging into her pocket for some change. "What with finishing school, getting married, getting pregnant, and starting my career, excuse me for not ducking into the studio during my five seconds of free time."

"You said you wanted to cut an album before you got married!" exclaims Craig. "Figures Jimmy would win over that part of your life too."

"It's none of your business, Craig," says Ashley angrily.

A sudden pain rises and she grabs for her chest. She stumbles a bit, and Craig catches her as she sloops.

"Hey, take it easy," says Craig. "Let's sit down."

Ashley shakes her head. "I'm fine. I don't need your help. It's nothing. See, I'm fine."

She makes to stand up, but starts to slouch again. Craig helps her to a bench, then fetches some water.

"Thank you," breathes Ashley, the pain decreasing.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, before Craig starts chuckling to himself.

"What's so funny?" asks Ashley.

"My first carnival," says Craig. "My first date. It was with Manny. Really bad experience."

"Really?"

Craig nods. "She choked me with cotton candy, then almost gave me a concussion. Nothing went right."

"Maybe it wasn't the environment. Maybe it was the company," says Ashley, smirking.

"Real subtle, Ash," laughs Craig. "But tonight's been pretty nice."

Ashley starts to relax, the pain having subsided. She wonders why Craig is there, if he wants some explanations, some closure. It's amazing to have him next to her. She could hardly believe it was him earlier that morning, doing a double take while she put on her lipstick, watching his hands go over those guitar strings like they used to, that same charm that filled every stage he played. But now he has more stubble, seems more seasoned, but still boyish, accessible.

She rises from the bench, and starts to wander around. She stops right in front of the ferris wheel, watches it turn. It's nice to watch it go up and down, she thinks. A circle that has its high and lows, but there's always that top, where you reach it and you don't care about anything. She hadn't wanted to care about anything for a long while now. Instinctively, she pulls out fifty cents and hands it to the employee.

"Feel up for a ride?" she yells to Craig.

Craig points to himself, shocked, but heads over and joins Ashley in the little compartment. The car lurches forward, but starts its ascent.

"Are you happy with Ellie?" asks Ashley suddenly, as the car rose above the tents.

Craig mouth hangs open, but he closes it. "Yeah, we're...we're good."

Ashley nods. "I couldn't live with myself if you weren't happy."

Ashley stares at Craig, who is looking at his feet.

"I wanted to follow you that day," says Ashley. "But I...I couldn't. I guess I'm not as brave as you."

Craig fumbles with his pants, but Ashley can tell he's listening. The car stalls at the top, and Ashley loves it, being surrounded by the stars, the fresh air wafting in her face.

"I really wish I was like that," says Ashley, looking at the stars, pulling the butterfly to her chest. "I don't take chances anymore. How do you...how do you do it, Craig?"

Craig runs a hand through his hair. "I just...know what I want."

"I have no idea what I want," says Ashley, her eyes tearing up a bit. "I know what I want for Leslie, for Jimmy, but...that's it."

The wheel turns again, and their car starts to go down. They're both silent, until the wheel starts to go up again, though not all the way to the top like last time.

"Remember when...we did that scene for Kwan's class?" asks Craig.

"Yeah" says Ashley. "I remember."

"Well, we took a chance, and look how well it paid off," says Craig. "You were so open. It was...what made me...ummm..."

"What?" prompts Ashley.

"It made me...fall for you," says Craig.

Ashley releases a tear, then wipes it away. "That Ash is so...so not here anymore, Craig."

Craig loops her fingers through hers. Ashley shakes uncontrollably, but stops when Craig puts an arm around her.

"No, she's not," whispers Craig. "She's here. She's always here."

Their car reaches the bottom and the employee lets them out Ashley wiggles out of Craig's hold and starts toward Darcy's booth, Craig staying in the car for a couple seconds before joining her. I'm married, thinks Ashley, still aware of the warmth on her shoulder where Craig's arm was. I can't do that...not anymore.

Wordlessly, they trek over to Darcy's booth, where Leslie lays asleep on the table, half her face painted with bunny whispers. Aubrey stands over her, poking her cheek.

"I put a spell on her," says Aubrey. "She won't wake up for thirty minutes."

"Leave her alone, Aubrey," says Darcy. "Ash, she could barely keep her eyes open. Don't worry about paying me."

"Maybe we should try a day activity," Ashley says to herself. "Thanks, Darcy. Um, bye Aubrey."

"Don't tell her what I did," says Aubrey. "It might have bad effects."

Ashley starts towards her car, but Craig takes Leslie in his arms, resisting Ashley's protests. Leslie cradles her head in Craig's right shoulder. If she woke up, Ashley knew Leslie would recoil in fright, but she seemed alright. Ashley opens the car door and Craig tucks her into the front seat. Ashley closes the door.

"I want one of those," says Craig, beaming at Leslie through the car window.

"You haven't had the kid talk yet?" asks Ashley.

Secretly, she hopes that Craig and Ellie haven't had any serious relationship talks, but she's pretty sure they've had some.

"I've dropped some hints," says Craig, which makes Ashley's stomach turn. "Ellie's got a lot of stuff on her mind. But yeah, I'd really, really like a kid."

"Son or daughter?" says Ashley. "Most guys want sons."

"Well, we both know I'm not like most guys...I want a daughter."

Ashley grins. "Well, I'm biased, but daughters... they're great."

Leslie slightly drools, then squirms as Ash puts on her seat belt.

"I'm sure she's great, Ash. Hopefully I'll get that lucky. Well, I guess this is it."

Ashley feels that slight pain again, coughs, then opens her glove compartment to fetch some tissue to wipe Leslie's mouth. A bottle of her stress tablets tumbles out, lands on Leslie's lap. The rattle wakes Leslie up, and Craig stares at the bottle. Ashley quickly puts it back in the compartment and closes it.

"Aspirin," explains Ashley. "See ya, Craig."

Ashley can tell Craig is searching for something on her face, but has decided not to say anything.

"Umm, I'm going to be in Toronto for a few weeks, if you ever want to...I don't know. No pressure," says Craig.

"Yeah...okay. I'll see you."

She starts her car, and edges down the road, still feeling Craig's touch on her hands as she grips the steering wheel. She just drove, throwing Leslie a smile, and to her delight, Leslie returns it, hugging her caterpillar.

When they reach home, there's a solitary light on. As they enter the living room, Jimmy stares at them, fork poised over a TV dinner.

"How was the carnival?" asks Jimmy.

"Fine," replies Leslie. "I'm tired. Night."

Leslie kisses Jimmy on the cheek and runs up the stairs, apparently finding her strength again. Ashley suspected that Leslie had been faking sleep to get out of being at the carnival, even pretending to be dead tired in a stranger's arms, and it was confirmed as Leslie jogged up the stairs two by two.

"It didn't work, Jimmy," says Ashley, hanging her purse on the hatstand.

Jimmy sighs. "Well, we'll try the camp thing. If that doesn't work, well, maybe we should take her out of the academy."

"Or we could keep trying," says Ashley. "She should keep singing, Jimmy."

"It's a hobby, Ash," argues Jimmy. "A fun hobby that gives her a moment's joy. If she keeps training, she could be on the PGA tour by the age of thirteen."

"Music can be a career too," says Ashley.

"We can't all be Craig, Ash," says Jimmy, wincing a little when he said the first name. "We have to look at the practical first, right?"

Ashley nods. "Yeah...the practical. I'm going to bed."

Jimmy rolls over and kisses Ash on the hand. It isn't the same thrill, the same need to be touched again, but she won't say this out loud, not even to herself. But that's how it is.

"I'll be up in a few," says Jimmy. "And again, I'm really, really sorry about today at Ms. Park's office You and Les mean everything."

Ashley lets go of him, not saying a word, and the only sound is her going upstairs, the butterfly slipping through her fingers.


	7. Tracks of My Tears

**VII. Tracks of My Tears**

_People say I'm the life of the party  
Cause I tell a joke or two  
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty  
Deep inside I'm blue _

_So take a good look at my face  
You'll see my smile looks out of place  
Just look closer, it's easy to trace  
The tracks of my tears  
I need you, need you_

_Since you left me if you see me with another girl  
Seeming like I'm having fun  
Although she may be cute she's just a substitute  
'Cause you're the permanent one_

_Outside, I'm masquerading  
Inside, my hope is fading  
Just a clown, oh yeah since you put me down  
My smile is my make-up I wear since my break-up with you_

_Chorus_

A sliver of lightning cuts across the room, illuminating Ellie curled on her bed, reading a book by the faint light of a lamp. She isn't really reading, going over the same paragraph about fifty times. She glances over at the window, gets up and watches the storm for a bit. The wind shakes a branch, leaves swirling to the ground. Ellie turns off the lamp and sits in a chair, adjusting it so it's right in front of the window. She hadn't watched a thunderstorm in a long time. Something about the way nature worked during them, the tragic thrashing of its forces, kindled something in her. It's a thrill, a bout of energy, that something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Once in awhile, Sean had watched them with her, a muscled arm over her lithe waist as they lay in bed. They were quiet, smiling at one another, and Ellie could feel Sean's chest breathing behind her back. It was the greatest feeling in the world, thinks Ellie, hearing the sound of low thunder. Why didn't it amount to anything, lead to what they both wanted?

Craig, he slept through them, not a care in the world, and she'd watch his face, still so carefree even if he'd had a rough day. But that didn't mean she didn't see the doubts during the day. It's really clear during the day, thinks Ellie, shaking her head. It's a quiet doubt that unsettles her during the night, so much that she started making up excuses to get out of awards shows, promotion parties, and in the last couple years, trips to see Joey and Caitlin. During the day, it's easier to pretend, to extend what she always enjoyed about her and him, that playfulness, that flirtation, that understanding. Sure, they understood at night, but it's an understanding that they don't want to admit. If they did, they'd have to face everything.

Ellie rubs her wrist. Truthfully, without Craig, she would've started it again. She thinks back to two days after Jimmy and Ashley's wedding, Craig sitting on the wooden floor of her apartment, staring at a picture of Ashley. Dylan had loaned him some clothes after she insisted Craig stay there for a weekend, afraid that he'd do something reckless. He seemed to have calmed down after the first night, though he barely talked. Ellie knelt beside him, peering at the picture as well. Craig and Ashley stood in front of Abbey Road Studios, flashing peace signs and sticking their tongues out.

"It's one of her favorite places," said Craig, biting his lip. "I don't even know why I'm looking at this right now. I must be a masochist."

"Ugh, you guys are so tall. You make me look short," said Ellie, hoping that would make him smile.

It did. "I'm not that tall," protested Craig.

"You're like the musical version of Paul Bunyan," said Ellie, forcing him to stand up. "You hungry?"

Craig folded the picture and put in his pocket. "Yeah. And El?"

Ellie grins. "You're welcome."

Craig grins back, and starts pulling on his shoes. Ellie didn't tell him about Ashley's visit on Friday. Why dig the knife in deeper? What did she want anyway? Didn't she know that just the sight of her would depress him even more? She really didn't understand Ashley sometimes, not when she went to England and got with Ali, not now. But she hadn't been able to sleep that weekend, knowing that she had yelled at Ashley, even though a part of her thought she deserved it.

"Brushing my teeth," said Ellie, going to her closet.

Ellie retrieved a green sweater, then headed to her bathroom and started fixing her hair. She found her toiletry bag, which she had taken from the cabinet to get Craig some toothpaste, and the contents fell out. She began putting things back in. Floss, curlers, a nail file...birth control pills. Ellie ran her thumb over the lid of the case that held the pills.

"Like I need these," she whispered.

She peered outside the bathroom door, at Craig tying his laces. She gently closed the door and sat on the toilet. Thoughts scrambled around in her mind. It had been about twelve years since she'd last picked up a contractor and started making cuts. When she ran out of Sean's apartment, she grazed her skin on the arm of the staircase. She looked at the small scrape it made all the way to Marco's in the cab. She couldn't say that it didn't stir up something in her, a physical way to trace the sadness in her heart. Marco kept an eye on her for months, probably suspecting and she'd been good. She put on the face she needed to, told him that she'd eventually tell Sean, that she just needed time.

Inching down her sleeve, she cried silently, Sean's confused face in her mind. The birth control pills stared back at her, gleaming under the florescent light. She picked up the nail file and sighed.

"El, you ready?" called Craig. "You're sure taking a long time in there."

Ellie looked for the right place on her arm, knowing no place was right, no place would really do.

"El?" said Craig, opening the door and stopping in his tracks.

Ellie tried her best to hide the file under her sleeve, but Craig pulled it back, taking the file in his hands.

"Have you done it yet?" asked Craig, warmly.

Ellie showed him her arm, shivered, and wrapped her arms around her body.

"I want to...so badly," said Ellie, sniffling. "I've wanted to for months."

"It's Sean, isn't it? Ellie, this isn't the best way to handle it...," began Craig.

"Oh, you're a fine one to talk, Craig," said Ellie, brushing past him and heading for the bedroom. "Didn't you almost drive drunk the other day because of your ex?"

Craig gave her a wounded look. Ellie shrugged.

"Sorry," she said.

"It was stupid of me," said Craig, placing the nail file in a drawer and shutting it.

"No...no, you were sad," said Ellie. "Well, I'm sad too."

Craig reached for her, and Ellie let him, anxious to be held, by anyone. She let her hands fall to her waist, her face deep in Craig's chest.

"I'm still sad. I'm so sad I'm not sure I can do anything really. I'm so mad I want to hit something. But I'm standing...well, because of you. I just need you to stand too. Let me return the favor," whispered Craig.

Ellie wiped her eyes, then her nose.

"Don't get snot on my shirt," says Craig. "Follow me. I'll buy you some eggs."

Ellie laughed lightly, letting Craig lead her out.

The lightning cuts the sky again, breaking Ellie out of her reverie. She moves back the chair and gets under the covers, staring at the cold side of the bed which Craig hadn't occupied for days.

II.

Craig turns the key in the lock, his head being pelted by rain. The cool air from their house blows across his face, as he closes the door behind him. He's been hot ever since he left the carnival, taking off his jacket in the car. The heat was a mix of anger and a warmth he hadn't had in years; it felt like he was almost drunk.

He didn't even know where to begin, mulling it over. She wasn't singing, she had this beautiful, talented kid, she was still so defensive of Jimmy. But she was depressed, and that angered him most of all. He was mad that Jimmy was the one who should see it, that he saw it and he couldn't do anything. Especially the pills. Since when did she start taking those?

Oh, but she looked more gorgeous than he remembered, just as delicate, caring. He didn't even know what to say as he watched her with Leslie. He always knew she'd be a good mom, but he had hoped she'd be a mom to his kids. He was secretly glad she missed the basket, that he could make light conversation using that. He dropped into a chair by the desk he used to write lyrics, smiling to himself. Looking around first, he took a key from the first drawer than unlocked the bottom drawer of the desk.

It held all the pictures he had thought about getting rid of, but couldn't bring himself to destroy. Even if he destroyed them, they couldn't erase the feelings. He flips through them. They were at restaurants gazing into each other's eyes, in the backstage area cuddling before his first gigs, in London during their first and only trip. He rubs his eyes. He nicknamed it the Ashley drawer, and Ellie knew nothing about it. If she did know, she never said anything.

Craig puts the pictures back in, slams the drawer shut, shaking his head. Marco told him to forget it, that it was done. He had no idea.

"Craig?" calls Ellie.

Craig turns to see Ellie, clad in a black T-shirt and white pajama bottoms.

"Hey," says Craig, quickly putting the key in the top drawer.

Ellie sits on the couch, tucking in her feet and sitting Indian-style. Craig takes a seat beside her, Ellie putting her head in his lap.

"Were you scared?" asks Craig, twirling her hair.

"No, just wondering where you were,"replies Ellie. "The show ended at seven."

"Oh yeah, I did some promo stuff," says Craig, glancing at the drawer. "It was pretty boring."

Ellie stares at the drawer for a second, but Craig is relieved to see her look away, not seeming to register anything.

"Come to bed?" she asks.

"Yeah...yeah, in a sec," says Craig.

Ellie disappears, another rumble of thunder echoing as she goes. Craig lays on the couch, and shivers a bit. It's colder than their bed, and he falls asleep while the storm rages on.

III.

The sun warms Ellie's face as morning seeps in. She puts her feet into her slippers, and throws on a black robe, throwing back hair that has fallen into her face. She tip-toes to the kitchen, puts on a pot of coffee, glances at Craig sleeping, breathing heavily, still fully dressed.

She reasons that he was just exhausted. She was too, falling asleep at around twelve-thirty, when she stayed up until two usually, though she was working most of the time. Craig stirs a bit when the coffee maker goes into action, but his eye remain closed.

Ellie opens the front door, searches for the paper, and locates it on the grass. She hears the rustling of grass as she bends down to pick it up, then is surprised to see a drooling German shepherd climbing on top of her.

"Hey!" she exclaims, struggling to get him off. "Stop!"

The dog licks her happily, pawing at her chest.

"You're so heavy," says Ellie, managing to get him off.

Ellie looks around, and sees the owner of the energetic dog. She wishes she'd never come down, awkwardly strokes the grass, then stands up. But that's gone quickly. Looking into his blue eyes made the air warmer, sweeter. She felt light-headed, her insides aching in a good way.

"Hey," says Sean, holding a leash and getting a hold of the dog. "I'm really sorry. She needs obedience school, I think."

Ellie smiles shyly. "It's a she?"

"Yeah, Andromeda," answers Sean, patting the dog on the head. "Emma's name. I call her Andy."

Ellie bristles slightly at the mention of Emma's name, but thinks she kept her cool so that Sean doesn't notice. He eyes her, and smiles. She hopes he keeps talking, that he'll forget that she hadn't talked to him even with all the calls, that for at least one moment he would just keep talking to her.

"So you're in town again?" asks Sean.

"Yeah, I'm doing the film company thing. Actually producing a slasher flick."

"The one you showed me the script of?"

Ellie nods.

"We really liked that movie," says Sean, grinning.

Ellie more than remembers. They even used to act it out, making silly voices. Sean wouldn't do it at first, but with some arm-twisting, he was soon saying the lamest lines while Ellie giggled.

"I'm hoping it's the next Napoleon Dynamite," says Ellie. "So lame and cheesy that it's brilliant."

Sean tugs back on Andromeda's leash as the dog is still trying to get to Ellie.

"Good luck with it," says Sean. "I should take her home."

"Oh. I didn't know you lived around here."

"Actually, I don't," explains Sean. "No, I was helping Snake with his car. He lives about five blocks from here. I do that for him sometimes. It's easier to stay over for one night than travel back to our house. Emma and I are in Millington now. Traffic's horrible, but it's a nice place for families."

Ellie swallows hard, so hard that she thinks she almost felt her tongue slide her throat. Of course, he was in Millington with Emma, married happily, thinking about families. She'd seen the ring on Emma's finger when Alex played a tape of possible stations where they could've promoted the second film, eventually bought by Claremont. The shine from Emma's diamond caught her eye immediately. It didn't take a high I.Q. to know that the guy was Sean, especially when Alex fessed up that Sean was moving out of the apartment they shared and was looking in classifieds for houses. What would he need with a house, Alex posed. Ellie knew.

"Millington's pretty pricey," says Ellie. "Your business must be going well."

Sean laughs. "Well, yeah, but I'm doing some woodwork on the side. Making the most out of Mr. Ehl's woodshop guidance."

"Well, good luck to you, too," says Ellie. "I gotta head back."

Ellie turns to leave, but stops when Sean speaks up.

"You still with Craig?" he asks.

Ellie keeps her back turned. "Yeah."

"I hope he's looking out for you."

"Yeah...yeah, he is."

"He's a good guy," says Sean. "See ya, El."

"See ya, Sean."

Ellie watches Sean and Andy head up the drive, crunches the paper in her fist. She cries as birds chirp cheerfully above her.


	8. ABC

**VIII. ABC**

_You went to school to learn girl  
things you never knew before  
like "I" before "E" except after "C"  
and why 2 plus 2 makes 4  
now, now, now  
I'm gonna teach you, teach you, teach you  
all about love girl, all about love  
sit yourself down, take a seat  
all you gotta do is repeat after me _

A B C , It's easy as  
1 2 3 , as simple as  
do re mi, A B C, 1 2 3  
baby you and me girl

Come on and love me just a little bit  
I'm gonna teach you how to sing it out  
come on, come on, come on  
let me tell you what it's all about  
reading, writing, arithmatic  
are the branches of the learning tree  
but without the roots of love everyday girl  
your education ain't complete  
teacher's gonna show you (she's gonna show you)  
how to get an "A" (na,na,na,na,na,na)  
how to spell "me", "you", add the two  
listen to me baby thats all you got to do

Oh,  
A B C , It's easy as  
1 2 3 , as simple as  
do re mi, A B C, 1 2 3  
baby you and me girl  
A B C it's easy, it's like counting up to 3  
singing simple melodies  
that's how easy love can be  
singing simple melodies  
1 2 3 baby you and me

Sit down girl, I think I love ya'  
No, get up girl, show me what you can do  
Shake it, shake it baby, come on now  
Shake it, shake it baby, oooh, ooohShake it, shake it baby, yeah  
1 2 3 baby, oooh oooh  
A B C baby, ah, ah  
do re mi baby, wow  
thats how easy love can be  
A B C it's easy, it's like counting up to 3  
singing simple melodies  
that's how easy love can be  
teacher's gonna teach you how to  
sing it out, sing it out, sing it out baby

Ashley massages her head, blinking blankly at the monitor at the other end of the room. Darcy, in a yellow, frilly frock, goes on about a cold front about to hit Toronto, smiling broadly as she mistakenly points to Vancouver first, but then finds their hometown.

Unfinished scripts are strewn across her desk, she can't find her appointment book, the phone is ringing off the hook. Ashley picks up, pretty sure of who it is.

"Hey, uh, is this WJTV?" asks a squeaky male voice.

"Yes, it is, this is Ashley Kerwin," replies Ashley, twirling the chord in her hand.

"Cool. Can you give me Darcy's phone number? She's smokin'," says the voice on the other end.

"Ugh!" says Ashley, slamming the phone down. "Six times today."

Ashley looks up at the screen and is relieved that Emma is on, talking about agricultural problems in Uganda. The phone calls would probably stop now. She hears a light knock on her door.

"Come in," says Ashley, beginning to organize her papers.

"Hi!" says Darcy cheerfully, walking over and taking a seat in the chair opposite Ashley. "You didn't catch my little mess-up on there, did ya?"

"No," lies Ashley. "It was...was good."

"Good," says Darcy, pretending to wipe her brow.

"But you should seriously think about getting security," says Ashley. "Six calls requesting your number. It's like they're blind to your wedding ring."

Darcy looks down at her wedding ring and blushes. "You worry too much, Ash. They're just frat guys. Besides, I get this same lecture from Nick everytime I go home."

Ashley puts some papers in her briefcase. "Okay."

"But anyway, I came here to talk about Leslie," says Darcy.

Ashley raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Well, Aubrey, you know my niece, she really liked her. And she doesn't have any friends really, so maybe we could arrange something."

A warm rush of joy fills Ashley's heart. The carnival wasn't a complete waste after all. Well, not on Aubrey's part. She thinks about possible times, but remembers that she'd already signed up Leslie and herself for the camping trip that weekend.

"Hmm, well, she's doing this performing arts camp thing this weekend," says Ashley.

"Oh, I heard about that," says Darcy. "Nick is friends with Mr. Park, the principal. Maybe I can get Aubrey in. She's a dancer, you know. Well, aspiring."

Ashley can't imagine ice-sucking Aubrey being coordinated, but appearances aren't always as they seem.

"Yeah, that'd be great," says Ashley. "I can watch over them."

"Or," says Darcy, beaming. "I can volunteer, and that way, you'd have someone to hang out with."

Ashley bites her lip. "Yeah...sure."

"Camping trip, yay!" says Darcy. "I need to go buy a tent."

Darcy jumps up and exits the room, bumping into Emma on the way out. Emma shakes her head.

"She's so lucky she's pretty," mumbles Emma.

Ashley smirks. "Hey, Em."

"So the concert and carnival...complete successes," exclaims Emma. "And I was hoping that you could write some thank-you cards..."

Emma gives her a pitiful smile.

"Hand over the list," says Ashley.

Emma places the list on her desk, but eyes Ashley for a bit.

"You okay? You look kinda tired," says Emma.

"I'm fine. I'll handle this."

Emma nods and heads out of Ashley's office. Ashley scans the list. Jude Harrison...Paul Hicks...Craig Manning. She gazes at Craig's name for a couple minutes, then the ellipsis that lead to his address. Perrigan Studios. It's in Toronto, thinks Ashley. Not too far from here. It's where he recorded his second demo for Mickey who heard him at a coffeehouse, when they were dating in college. He had asked her to stay outside of the studio, saying she'd be a distraction. She respected his wishes, but when the demo was finished, he let her in. She was the first to hear it. It was amazing, a more mature Craig, someone who knew the craft inside and out. Mickey snapped it up, and the rest was history. History alright, thinks Ashley, sadly folding the paper.

Or maybe it isn't over, at least not yet, she hopes. They still really needed to talk, and he said he'd be in Toronto a few weeks.

She buzzed an intern, who ran to her office in under four seconds.

"Yes, Miss Kerwin?" she says.

"I'm going out for the rest of the afternoon," says Ashley.

"Yes, Miss Kerwin," replies the intern.

"Oh, and if some weird guys call, just hang up."

II.

Craig runs his fingers along a keyboard, playing a bridge to a familiar song. The amp makes it twice as loud, and he feels the vibrations under his feet. He always plays this song to get going, has ever since it hit gold, always chooses the keyboard. Eddie Jayson, his producer, stumbles in, a box of doughnuts in his hand, a gold necklace with a large E on his chest almost twisting itself on the doorknob. Craig continues to play, while Eddie sits the doughnuts down.

"Man, if I never hear that song again, it'll be too soon," says Eddie, grinning. "What is that? Dust again?"

Craig stops playing. "Yep."

"Well, I guess every artist has their trademark song," says Eddie. "And it's usually about a girl. So fess up."

"Nope," says Craig, smiling. "And we have to record."

"Nah, man, we got plenty of time. Don't try and change the subject."

Craig drops into a chair and folds his hands together. "Fine. It's about...this girl."

"Go on," prods Eddie.

"But it's not the girl I'm dating...so yeah, complicated."

"Aww, you didn't tell me you were a player. I should've figured."

Craig shakes his head, laughing. "Nah, it's not like that, Ed. This girl is...well, I don't know what she is."

"Hey, man, I get it. She's your muse, your lighthouse, all that good stuff. I got one of those. Well, three actually."

Craig slaps him lightly on the shoulder. "Yeah, I bet you do."

Eddie starts adjusting the workstation, turns on the mixer, hands Craig the key to the booth. Craig unlocks it, then tries to reach for a doughnut. Eddie stops him.

"Uh-uh," says Eddie. "Sing first, eat later. Mickey's rules."

"Mickey," mutters Craig.

"Hey, Craig...do you ever think you'll see that girl again?"

Craig straps his guitar to his back. "Well, I saw her yesterday. But no, I think that was it."

"Sorry, man."

"Yeah, me too."

The cold reality sets in as he warms up. She is married, with a kid, and I don't want to make her life any more stressful, he thinks. He does a couple riffs, then lets the guitar rest on his waist. They'd always have Dust.

III.

Ashley's heart is beating with each stop of the elevator. Twelve stops. People go in and out, staring at her, probably not sure what to say to one of Toronto's most recognizable news anchors. Ashley provides a polite smile to all of them, and doesn't even know when they've reached the floor of Perrigan Studios.

"Your floor, miss?" says a balding man.

"Oh...yeah, my floor," replies Ashley. "Thanks."

Ashley steps out of the elevator and finds herself right in front of the door that says Perrigan Studios. It's closed and Ashley puts her hand over the knob, then pulls back her hand. What is she doing?

"Such a mistake," she whispers to herself.

She runs a hand through her hair, then starts for the elevator. The door to the studio turns, and Ashley mumbles "hurry up" to the elevator, which is climbing up from the fifth floor.

"Getting some water, Eddie!" she hears from the other side. Craig's voice.

Ashley tries to hide her face with her hair, but it's fruitless.

"Ashley?" says Craig, pulling her hair from her face.

"Hey," says Ashley, looking him in the eyes.

Her knees feel like they might buckle from under her, but she remains steady. It's worse than the night of the carnival, her heart racing as he smiled at her. I shouldn't have come, she thinks.

"I have to go," she says, pushing the down button again.

"So, you just came to ride our elevator?" asks Craig, grinning. "I mean, it's a fun elevator, but..."

"No!" cries Ashley. "I came to...check the address. We're sending out thank-you cards."

Craig smiles, rolls his eyes. "Yeah...that's why you came up to the thirteenth floor. You could've asked downstairs."

"Well, if you're going to be like that," says Ashley, pushing the button again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," says Craig. "It's nice to see you."

She actually believes him, a bit upset when the elevator finally makes its appearance and opens. The same balding man is in there, looking confused.

"Someone keeps calling the elevator, and I can't find my floor," says the man. "Coleman Insurance?"

"Tenth floor," says Craig, pushing the down button. "Have a nice day."

"Hey!" protests Ashley, while the man yells his thanks. "I was going..."

"To my studio," finishes Craig, taking her hand. "Step into my office."

Ashley smiles, then goes into the studio. It's even better than she remembers. New state-of-the-art equipment, a new coat of paint, gleaming instruments.

"It's probably not as good as yours," says Craig behind her.

"Are you kidding me?" says Ashley, leaning over a keyboard. "I want to die here."

"Well, don't do that,"says Craig. "That's a Korg Triton. Adam Levine recommended it."

"You met Adam Levine!" exclaims Ashley. "Like Maroon 5 Adam Levine?"

Craig nods. "Awards show. Tell her, Eddie."

Eddie, grubbing on an eclair, wipes his hands with a napkin, and raises his eyebrows when he sees Ashley.

"You went out for water, and brought back a lady?" says Eddie. "Hi, I'm Eddie and yeah, it's true. Aren't you on TV?"

"Hi, Ashley," says Ashley. "Yeah, I cover the news sometimes."

Eddie hands her doughnut, and winks at her.

"Wait, why does she get one?" asks Craig.

"Because she's pretty," replies Eddie, as Ashley bites into it.

"Well, no argument there," says Craig, causing Ashley to turn red.

Ashley looks into the booth, staring at the microphone. She couldn't think back to when she last sang. It might've been Spinner and Paige's engagement party...yeah, it was. Her mother recommended some love songs she grew up with. Motown. The crowd seemed to like the three songs she selected, and they loved Craig's acoustic accompaniment.

"You wanna sing something, Ash?" asks Craig, noticing that she's looking in.

"Oh no...I couldn't," says Ashley.

"Wait a minute. You sing too?" says Eddie. "You gotta sing. I'm like dying to hear it."

Ashley shakes her head. "No...I'm sorry."

"Come on, Ash, you have the public begging," says Craig, fiddling with the equipment.

For some reason, Jimmy's face came into her mind just then. He had never told her to stop singing. It just sort of happened with her focusing on a job that would guarantee money for them and Leslie. But he never asked her why she didn't sing anymore, either. It was something she loved to do. It still is.

"Warm up the mic," says Ashley, taking off her suit jacket.

Craig beams, takes the jacket from her and puts it over a chair. Eddie finishes preparing to play preset recordings, and Craig picks out a beat from the drumming machine. He then sets up the microphone and calls Ashley in.

"Mind if I join in?" asks Craig, slipping on his guitar. "I'll play soft."

"Yeah...I'd like that," answers Ashley, putting on a pair of headphones.

The beat starts playing through the headphones and Ashley throws Craig a smile. It's a song she sang at the engagement party. She couldn't believed he remembered it, especially since it wasn't his type of music. With him beside her, there's a return of comfort. They'd played so many times before, so many moments where they felt alone in the room, just like in this booth, with Eddie or a roomful of people looking at them. Her heart starts to lift as she hears the music, including echoes from Craig's guitar. Ashley sings:

"_Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.  
Got nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide_."

Craig strums his guitar, bopping to the beat, glancing at her shyly, then holding her gaze. Ashley returns the gaze, tapping her feet.

"_It's not love I'm runnin' from, It's the heartbreak I know will come,  
'Cause I know you're no good for me,  
but you've become a part of me  
Everywhere I go your face I see,  
every step I take you take with me, yeah._"

Ashley can feel it, coursing through her body. The tenseness in her muscles is gone, she can see straight, she can see him.

"_Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.  
Got nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.  
I know you're no good for me,  
but free of you I'll never be._"

Craig looks down, but up again, and the sounds of his guitar rush through Ashley's ears.

"_Each night as I sleep, into my heart you creep.  
I wake up feelin' sorry I met you,  
hopin' soon that I'll forget you.  
When I look the mirror to comb my hair  
I see your face just a-smiling there._

_Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.  
Got nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.  
I know you're no good for me,  
but you've become a part of me._"

It's perfect, just like the night of the prom they played together, even when they both knew she was going away. But they were here now.

"_How can I fight a love that shouldn't be,  
when it's so deep, so deep.  
Deep inside of me?  
My love reaches so high I can't get over it.  
It's so wide I can't get around it, no..."_

A love that shouldn't be. Ashley stops singing and puts the earphones over the microphone, rushing out of the room.

"You sounded great, baby!" yells Eddie after her. "Where you going?"

Ashley leans against a wall, sits, and catches her breath. She watches Craig walk toward her, a worried look on his face, and he sits on the floor with her.

"I don't think you've ever sounded that good,"says Craig. "What's wrong?"

Ashley rubs her head. "Everything," she whispers.

Craig opens his mouth to speak, but decides not to, waiting for her to continue.

"When I'm singing, it feels right.When I'm with you, it feels right. It shouldn't feel right, Craig. It should feel wrong and I should be moving on. I should stay out of your life..."

"Ashley, I don't want that," interrupts Craig. "And you showing up here...maybe you don't want that either."

Ashley stands up and straightens out her skirt. "I have to go home."

"Why? Because you feel like running?" asks Craig, angrily. "To Jimmy?"

"Craig...," starts Ashley.

"You came here to see me. Jimmy can wait. I waited when you went to see him everyday back then, so he can wait now."

Ashley sighs. He has a point, she thinks, easing back down to the floor.

"Okay," she says. "I don't want you out of my life either. And I came because..."

"Because?" encourages Craig.

"I want us to be friends," says Ashley, which she knows is partly true. "We're adults, and we're settled, so I think this is a good time for it."

"Yeah, now would be a good time," says Craig, though Ashley detects a bit of doubt in his voice.

"Good," says Ashley, staring at her lap.

"But good friends spend time together," says Craig. "So I think we should arrange something."

"What?" says Ashley, looking up at him. "Um...I don't know if..."

"That's what friends do," says Craig, assuredly. "They hang out. What are you doing this weekend?"

"Craig..."

Craig shrugs. "You're the one who initiated this."

"I'm going camping," answers Ashley. "With Leslie. It's a performing arts camp."

"And Jimmy?"

Ashley shakes her head. "Jimmy's coaching so he can't make it. I'm only going because they need some more helpers."

"That's a shame about Jimmy," says Craig, looking at his fingers. "Maybe I should go."

"No...no, that's..."

"We're friends. I'm an artist and can help you out. I went to camp. Seems like a good place to start. I'm all about supporting kids in need. Did Emma's show, remember? Oh, yeah, of course, you were there. And there's nothing for Jimmy to worry about."

"Nope...there's nothing... nothing for Jimmy to worry about," stammers Ashley.

"Great," says Craig, patting Ashley on the knee and standing. "Fax me over the info and we're all set."

Ashley awkwardly stands, not sure what's happening.

"And Ellie won't mind?" asks Ashley.

"Nah," replies Craig. "It's not like anything's going to happen. We're all...what was the word..._settled_?"

Ashley crosses her arms, a tight frown on her face. "Yeah...that was the word."

Craig ducks into the studio and retrieves Ashley's jacket as she calls the elevator. She goes into the elevator, arms still crossed. Craig stops the doors of the elevator from closing and hands it to her.

"Have fun packing, mate," he says in his bad British accent. "And don't forget the pork and beans."

Ashley frowns at him as the elevator closes, then bursts out laughing as she finds her keys.

III.

"And he just invited himself along?" says Paige, throwing herself on her bed, trying to pull up her jeans.

"Yeah, and I basically let him," replies Ashley, tossing hangers in Paige's direction.

"Oww, Ash!" moans Paige.

She bobs her head to the side to miss a flying hanger.

"Sorry," says Ashley, sitting on the bed with Paige.

Paige sits up, her satin underwear peeking through the open crotch of her jeans.

"It's hopeless, hon," says Paige. "I need Jenny Craig stat."

Ashley rubs her back "You're beautiful no matter what."

"You should've said that five pounds ago. Now I look like a cow with pink undies. But back to you. If Jimmy finds out that you're alone with Craig in the woods, he'll pull a Jason and murder you and Craig in your little tent."

"No, he won't, and we won't be alone," says Ashley. "Jimmy and I barely mention Craig. We're perfectly, perfectly okay with the subject."

"Did you blank out your own wedding?" asks Paige, pulling Ashley's hair. "When music boy tried to get you out of there? And trust me, everyone heard him."

"Oww, stop Paige!" cries Ashley.

"Sorry, payback for the hanger assault," says Paige. "But you've got to wake up. We may be adults, so to speak, but we're just as flawed as when we were walking around in gold and blue cheerleader uniforms or really fugly goth mishaps, present company included. And you and Craig have like a truckload of history. Put a little campfire ambience in and we've got a problem."

"My clothes were fine, my marriage is fine," says Ashley with as much power as she can drive up at nine o'clock at night. "And I'm going to plan it so I'm always busy with someone else. In fact, Darcy's coming along."

"Pssh," mutters Paige. "She'll get distracted by a lightning bug and leave you in a heartbeat. No, no, I think I should come along."

"Paige, so not necessary. Besides, you in the woods?"

"I can be rustic. I went with Dylan and Dad on fishing trips. And you can get me away from all this starched food and the leftovers Spinner brings home. I need some good old-fashioned exercise. In return, I'll keep you busy."

Ashley twists a hanger, bending it to a point that makes it unrecognizable. "Maybe you should come along."

"Okay, now help me zip up my jeans?" says Paige.

"Um, we're pals, but yeah, not doing that," says Ashley.


	9. Stop! In The Name of Love

**IX. Stop! In The Name of Love**

_Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Baby, baby, I'm aware you go  
each time you leave the door.  
I watch you walk down the street,  
knowing your other love you meet,  
But this time before you run to her,  
leaving me alone and hurt.  
After I've been good to you.  
After I've been good to you.  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Think it over.  
Think it over.  
I've known your, your secluded nights.  
I've even seen her, maybe once or twice.  
But is her sweet expression worth  
more than my love and affection?  
This time before you leave my arms  
and rush off to her charms  
After I've been good to you.  
After I've been good to you.  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Think it over.  
Think it over.  
I've tried so hard, hard to be patient,  
Hoping you'd stop this infatuation.  
But each time that we are together,  
I'm so afraid of losing you forever.  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart!  
Stop in the name of love  
Before you break my heart! _

Jimmy unlatches a pink lunchbox, puts in a few things and smushes in a juicebox, then snaps it closed. He dusts off his hands, then heads to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water. He takes a sip, then puts the water on the table.

"Les, are you packed yet?" he yells into the next room.

"Yes!" yells Leslie, turning down the volume of the television.

"Did you pack your toothbrush?" shouts Jimmy.

"No!" replies Leslie.

"Your bathing suit?"

"No!"

"Then you're not done!" yells Jimmy. "Go pack."

He hears a groan from Leslie, who then enters the kitchen and climbs into her father's lap.

"Why do I have to go?" asks Leslie, putting an arm around her father.

"It'll be fun," says Jimmy. "I packed you your favorites and everything. Peanut butter and banana sandwich, green grapes, crackers, fruit juice, and a big cookie."

"A big cookie from the mall?" says Leslie, her eyes dancing.

"Yep, from the mall," says Jimmy. "You'll have something to eat on the way there."

Ashley walks to the doorway, watching them. Jimmy smiles at her.

"What about golf?" asks Leslie.

Jimmy pinches her nose. "Forget it. The only thing I want you to think about is having fun this weekend. When Sunday comes, you'll have so many new friends that I'll have trouble keeping you on the green. I just want you to be happy."

Jimmy catches Ashley smiling and nodding approvingly.

"Okay," says Leslie, slinking out of Jimmy's chair. "I'll go pack."

Leslie runs off, and Jimmy hears her sneakers rushing up the stairs. Ashley claps lightly.

"Nicely done, Jimmy Brooks," says Ashley.

"Well, it's only one weekend," says Jimmy. "And she's too good of a kid not to have friends."

"A good kid because she has a good dad," compliments Ashley, picking up Leslie's lunchbox.

The ice maker in the refrigerator clatters while Jimmy watches Ashley make a brown paper bag lunch for herself. He rolls over to her, putting his hand over hers as she slathers on some mustard on a sandwich.

"I can make you one too," offers Jimmy. "The least I can do for sending my two girls off into the wilderness by themselves."

"No, I can do it," replies Ashley. "I like doing things myself."

Jimmy takes his hand down, says nothing. He can't remember the last time Ashley let him touch her for a long stretch of time. Even after they slept together, she'd roll over with a sweet smile, then fall asleep quickly. He thought he'd always been kind to her, helped pay for the car she wanted, watched her newscasts every chance he could, stayed up late when she didn't come home. So why did she act like he was a pariah? Maybe she felt guilty about something. But what?

"So Spinner's driving you guys to the school?" asks Jimmy, watching Ashley put some ham on the bread.

"Yep," says Ashley. "Then it's a two hour drive to get there."

"Who's going?" inquires Jimmy. "I hate the thought of you going there not knowing anyone."

"Umm...actually Paige said she'd go, and Darcy...she has a niece that's a dancer. So yeah, I'll know some people."

"Good."

Jimmy sees that Ashley's hand is shaking as she tries to reseal the mustard jar. Jimmy takes it from her and gets it on tight.

"There we go," says Jimmy. "Nice and secure."

He's surprised that Ashley leans down and kisses him then, but it takes a lot more faith to smile back at her than he was expecting.

II.

Ellie sits on a sleeping bag while Craig rolls it, then moves quickly when he gets to the top. She whips her hair out of her face, kneeling down next to him. Staring at his face, she can see bags under his eyes, but a glimmer of lightness in them. She has to admit that she was surprised that he'd volunteered for this performing arts camp, especially when he seemed intent on staying in Toronto and perfecting some songs a week ago.

"Bug spray," says Ellie, handing him a small bottle. "Mosquitoes like musicians."

Craig smiles a bit, but continues fastening the sleeping bag. Ellie shrugs, slipping it into his pack.

"You've been awfully quiet this week," says Ellie, trying to cram a compass into the front pocket.

"Just thinking of songs," replies Craig, sighing as the sleeping bag unfurls. "Okay, can you like do that again?"

Ellie hops back onto the sleeping bag while Craig rolls, muttering along the way.

"It was nice of Mickey to arrange this," says Ellie. "I mean, you don't get a chance to do stuff like the charity concert and this when you're going from awards show to tour gig to awards show to tour gig...and now you're recording."

"Surprised that you know my schedule," whispers Craig, then he yells "Success!"

The sleeping bag is indeed rolled and fastened, but Ellie doesn't congratulate him, instead crossing her arms and staring coldly at Craig.

"What's that supposed to mean?" says Ellie.

"What?" asks Craig, innocently.

"The little schedule remark you made just now."

"Well, come on, El, you...have this hectic job. I don't expect you to keep tabs on everything I do."

Ellie bites her lip. "Well, yeah...but I try to keep up. You can at least give me that."

Craig shoulders his pack, sleeping bag tied to it. His shadow covers Ellie. Ellie twirls her hair around her finger, and Craig kisses her on the cheek.

"Yeah, I didn't mean...well, you know what I mean, El," says Craig, a guilty grin on his face. "What matters is that we're there for the big stuff, right?"

"Yeah," says Ellie softly.

"So trust me. This camping thing...not a big deal. Thanks for the bug spray."

"Anytime."

Craig leaves the room. Ellie blows out a deep breath, then lays down on the carpet, eyes fixed to the ceiling. So she didn't go to those lame awards show where the annoying designer-dressed ladies would ask her who she was wearing? Nobody, so stuff it, lady, she'd have to reply. So she didn't go with him on tour. The company would sink without her. Alex, with her lack of experience, couldn't keep it afloat. No, just because she couldn't go didn't mean she didn't care, at least care enough to call Craig on the road and ask how it was going. This camp thing did come out of the blue, however, thinks Ellie. Did I miss that one? Well, he said it wasn't big.

The big stuff. Ellie guesses that includes being there for him the day Ashley married Jimmy, or the day, not long after that, that Craig found out that one of Mickey's associates had cleaned out Craig's account. He was broke, both in heart and pocket, and she stood by him through all the legal mess and the hard nights. She had to force him to keep up with his meds, even though he was going through an intense depression with or without them. She found him one night, walking the streets of Tokyo, numb, staring at himself in the mirror in a dirty bathroom of a bar.. Telling Marco that she wouldn't let him crumble was easier said and done. She went with him to a couple of his shows following the wedding. Normally, they'd be laughing at all the wild things they saw on the way into the city, the colorful spectacle, but Craig just put his head against the cushion of the taxi cab seat and sulked. The sulking was at its worst in this dingy bathroom.

"I'm sure your lawyers will figure it all out," said Ellie, helping Craig stand because he was more than a little intoxicated. "You'll be back in the loop before you know it."

Craig punched the mirror, blood seeping down his arm, through his shirt cuff. Glass splattered everywhere. Ellie stood there, thoughtless, backing away a little.

"This isn't about the money, Ellie!" shouted Craig, paying no attention to his bloody arm. "Ashley gave up on me, on us!"

"Craig, this isn't going to solve anything," says Ellie, fetching some paper towels.

"I can't stand him touching her every night. I don't even want him looking at her!" slurs Craig loudly. "I'm way better for her...and I thought she knew it. I want to kill him."

"No, you don't, Craig," whispers Ellie. "You're totally overreacting. You're just upset and confused. You need to calm down."

Craig pushed her away, which startled her. He was really getting violent. Craig found a pay phone, popped in three quarters, and started dialing. Ellie found him, tried to wrestle the phone away.

"Ashley," says Craig into the phone, a softer tone that made Ellie stop grabbing for the phone. "Pick up."

Ellie heard the trace of a dial tone, then tried to go for the phone again. Craig shoved her back.

"Craig!"shouted Ellie. "Give it to me."

"Pick up the phone, Ash!" slurred Craig into the receiver. "You stay out of this, El. You'll just take her side or Jimmy's side. No one knows how it feels."

"I do!" yelled Ellie, slamming the phone down. "You don't think you'll ever feel whole again. You don't dream anymore, at least not happy dreams. You just keep thinking about it. Don't you dare tell me I don't know how it feels."

Craig grabbed for the phone again. "I need to tell her I love her. What if she forgets me?"

"She won't forget. But she knows, and it didn't work," said Ellie, holding his hand back. "Please just give her some peace. Give yourself some peace."

A few tears fell down Craig's face and he sniffled. "I'm such a mess."

Ellie hated seeing him like that, clothes ruffled, barely able to breathe, to move. She put her lips to his, not really knowing why, maybe to cheer him up, to show that he wasn't alone.

"No, you're not," said Ellie, a bit relieved to see shock more than hurt on Craig's face. "I wouldn't kiss a mess."

Shock comes to Ellie's face as Craig returned the kiss. It was the first, the first that would start what was now.

The doorbell rings, causing Ellie to pay attention to the present. The present that by all accounts is still a mess. Ellie notes that Craig has already gone, opening the door for an enthused Alex.

"Okay, pull out the champagne or beer or scotch...whatever you two have," says Alex, scooching past Ellie and going into her kitchen.

"Um, hello Alex," says Ellie, closing the door. "And...uh, we've got wine."

"Man, you two are boring," says Alex, finding the wine and uncorking it.

"Why are you in my kitchen, pouring wine?" asks Ellie, getting out two glasses.

"Because Claremont said yes to _Priya Gets Mutilated_!" yells Alex, pretending to toast with an empty glass before pouring some wine in.

"What?" yells Ellie excitedly, letting Alex pour some into her glass. "No!"

"Yes!" shouts Alex even louder. "They're in love with it. They said they'd back a total PR campaign, and all we need to do is locate interested parties to advertise the film."

"Pour more, madam," advises Ellie, beaming. "This is a day for celebration!"

"I already printed out a list of stations for you to go to," says Alex. "WRJC, WJTV..."

Ellie looks down. "Well, you can cross WJTV right off that list."

"El, it's top-ranked and they're young. And they'd like the local artist angle. This isn't the most commercial film."

"Umm, it's Emma's station," says Ellie. "As in Emma Cameron, or Emma Nelson in professional circles."

Alex licks her lips. "Oh."

Ellie downs her wine, and starts to feel light-headed. Meeting Sean the other day just hammered it in that he was living another life without her, with Emma. There was the dog, Millington, this whole other business Sean had. Still, in a few moments, it felt like nothing had changed, that there was no one else.

"Hey, Alex, what if you...," began Ellie.

"There is no what if, Ellie," says Alex. "I gave the girl a black eye in high school. You and her never came to blows at least. El, we really need this."

Ellie nods. "Okay...fine. Let me get a pen to write down the information. I'll go later today."

She hunts in the kitchen for one first, then checks the top drawer of Craig's writing desk, finds a small key in the back. She shrugs and uses the key to open the bottom drawer. It's stuck so she pulls hard, harder than she intended. The drawer clatters to the floor, spilling out tons of pictures. Ellie falls, fumbles around. She's surrounded by images, images of them in Trafalgar Square, in St. James Park, right here in Toronto. Craig and Ashley. Everywhere.

"Yeah, Craig, I'll trust you, alright," mumbles Ellie, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

Collecting them all, she puts them in the drawer, locks it. I should've seen that coming, thinks Ellie. Too bad a heart isn't that easy to lock.

III.

A van speeds by Craig's car, beeping as it goes past him. Craig rubs his neck, knowing he should be going faster. He just has so much on his mind. He didn't mean to say that to Ellie. Well, not really. Truthfully, he is surprised that she keeps up with him. He knows he doesn't keep up with her film company as much as he should. He didn't even understand the other two movies that the studios had bought. And it really wasn't fair that he'd tried to track down all of Ashley's newscasts and hadn't finished reading the scripts Ellie would pass his way. Especially since being with Ellie the night of the wedding got him through.

It was a long car ride, longer than this one which was only slow because Craig was stalling to get to where he was meeting all the camp goers.

"What bar do you want to go?" asked Ellie, turning down a busy lane.

Craig had polished off the gin by then. "Any bar...all of them."

Ellie shook her head. "Well, that doesn't help me. We'll start at O' Riley's."

Craig downed shots at O' Riley's, Getterman's, the Blue Moose. Bartenders kept asking Ellie what was the problem. Craig's fans just stared, watching him drink He didn't care. Let them stare. They already knew his heart had been broken before if they listened to the album lyrics, and now they could see it firsthand. Ellie paced the room, finally getting concerned after the last bar trip.

"I'll take you home," said Ellie. "To Joey's."

"No, he's out of town, I think," said Craig, clutching his forehead in pain.

"Okay. Where do you want to go?" asked Ellie.

"Your place," answered Craig. "If that's okay."

Craig could read Ellie's face. She looked hesitant, but Craig knew she wouldn't say no. He wasn't going to try anything, just needed a place to crash. Craig climbed into the car, brushing past a few drunk girls trying to grab his butt. Ellie lowered the window so Craig could get some fresh air. The car stopped at a red light.

"El?" said Craig.

"Yeah?" said Ellie.

"Thanks for being such a good friend," said Craig, leaning in and kissing her.

Craig leaned back and fell asleep, Ellie crying over the steering wheel the last image he saw.

The school buses are in sight as Craig turns the car into the parking lot. He's still not sure why Ellie cried that night. He suspects it has something to do with Sean, that kissing someone else brought up some painful memories. But he knows a kiss doesn't often end in crying, that they should've been happy. If it doesn't end with smiling, it's something else. A pretend kiss? A pity kiss? Or yes, Craig thinks, getting his camping gear out of the car, a grasping kiss.

Ashley comes into focus immediately. She always did. Craig sees Ashley fumble with her flannel shirt, then shove her hands into her jeans. She peers from behind the bus as Craig comes up the walk. Leslie stares up at her, and Ashley smiles, smoothing out Leslie's high ponytail.

"Hey, the women of the hour!" calls Craig. "Are you guys ready for the great outdoors?"

"I know I am!" says Paige, standing in between Craig and Ashley.

Paige is dressed in a pink, velour sweatsuit, a pink backpack strapped to her back.

Craig's face falls, as Derek walks up to all of them, smiling happily.

"What is this? A Degrassi reunion?" says Derek.

"What are you doing here?" whispers Craig to Derek.

"Darcy," whispers Derek, leading Craig to the side, winking at him. "She told me about this thing and I graciously volunteered."

"She's married," whispers Craig.

"I've seen the way you look at Ashley...who has been married to Jimmy for like seven years."

"Five years," corrects Craig. "And we're friends, so it's different."

Derek smirks. "Yeah, okay. So I guess you wouldn't take up an offer to ride with her on the way down to the camp."

Craig pretends to check his watch. "Keep talking."

Derek pulls out a seating chart, showing who would be sitting where on the bus. He points to circles with the names Ashley and Leslie in the center of Bus A. Craig's on Bus B. Derek clears his throat.

"Slip me a five and you can be on Bus A in no time," says Derek. "There are benefits to being in charge of seating."

Craig slips him a five. "Not a word," he says.

Derek grins widely and starts making changes to the list. Craig brings his pack to where people are loading Bus A. He spies a pretty blonde-haired woman gliding towards him, holding the hands of two twin boys. The boys were dressed in the preppiest clothes he'd ever seen.

"Hello," says the blonde woman. "I just wanted to tell you that I have all your albums."

"Well, there's only two," says Craig, giving her a polite smile.

"But I heard you're recording another?"

"Yep. Should be done in about a year."

"My, that's an awfully long wait. This is Warren and Winston. Say hello, boys."

"You have weird hair," says the twin who Craig thinks is Warren.

"And bad fashion taste," adds Winston, looking disgustedly at Craig's red T-shirt.

"Boys!" chastises the woman. "Remember your manners. This is Craig Manning, the best rock star...well, ever. And I'm Casey."

"Thanks, Casey," says Craig.

Casey lets the hands of the two boys go, and they dart onto the bus, pushing each other on the way. Craig waits for Casey to go with them, but she isn't budging.

"It can get pretty cold in the woods," says Casey, rubbing Craig's shoulder. "If you want, I have hot chocolate in my thermos. Or I could warm you up another way."

"Ummm...," starts Craig, after taking a big gulp.

"Excuse me," says Ashley, standing beside Craig and frowning at Casey. "Craig, they're loading. So unless you want them to leave your stuff..."

"Yeah," says Craig, following Ashley to the back of the bus.

Craig hands his pack to a burly man, heaving bags into the back.

"So we're Bus A people," says Craig, hoping he doesn't sound too excited.

He and Ashley get on the bus, which is full of quiet five and six-year olds, with the exception of Winston and Warren, hitting one another and harassing a boy in front of them. He's grateful that a quiet Leslie is sitting by Aubrey, who is coloring. Craig looks around for two empty seats. They're just behind Warren and Winston. He sits and pats the seat next to him.

"You can sit next to me, buddy," says Craig. "We can catch up some more."

He's a bit relieved that he thinks Ashley winces at the word "buddy" for a second, but she quickly regains her composure.

"Or I could," says Paige, bumping Ashley to the side and sitting next to him. "You don't mind, Craig? We haven't really talked in forever."

Craig grits his teeth at Paige. "No...sure, go ahead."

Ashley glances at them for a bit, but then retreats to the back and sits by Ms. Park. Paige pounds Craig hard on the back.

"How you doing, Craig?" says Paige.

"Probably not as good as you, Paige," answers Craig. "I mean, you're practically glowing. Or is that sweat?"

Paige sticks her tongue out at him, crosses her legs.

"Why are you here?" asks Craig.

"To hang out with Ash," says Paige, opening her purse. "Want a granola bar?"

"No thanks," says Craig. "It's funny. When I think of the woods, Paige is the first name that pops into my brain."

"And when I think of the name Craig, trouble is the first word that pops into mine. In short, don't try anything."

Craig laughs. "And now we come to the truth. Hey, Winston, Warren."

The twins turn around, Winston's hand holding the hair of a crying girl in front of him.

"Do you know what a buffer is?" asks Craig, smiling at Paige.

"It prevents something from happening," replies Warren. "Why don't you get a dictionary and look it up next time?"

Craig raises his eyebrow at Paige.

"I'm not...I'm not a buffer," says Paige, tearing open a granola bar. "In order for something to happen, Ashley would have to be interested, which she isn't. I'm just here because I know you, and you're not going to force her to do anything. Jimmy and her are rock solid."

Craig nods. "Uh-huh."

"They are! I am not a buffer."

Craig slips on the headphones to his iPod, and presses play.

"Buffer," he whispers.

"Shut up!" exclaims Paige, though she's sure he can't hear her over the music.

He glances back at Ashley and waves, smiling at her. Ashley smiles shyly back, then turns back to talk to Ms. Park.

"I love camping," says Craig. "Don't you, Paige?"

Paige huffs, then bites hard into her granola bar.


	10. I'll Be Around

**X. I'll Be Around**

_This is our fork in the road _

_Love's last episode _

_There's nowhere to go, oh no _

_You made your choice_

_Now it's up to me _

_To bow out gracefully _

_Though you hold the key but baby_

_Whenever you call me, I'll be there_

_Whenever you want me, I'll be there _

_Whenever you need me, I'll be there_

_I'll be around _

_I knew just what to say _

_Now I found out today _

_All the words had slipped away _

_but I know _

_There's always a chance _

_A tiny spark will remain _

_And sparks turn into flames _

_And love can burn once again _

Warren and Wilson rush down the steps of the bus as soon as the driver opens the door. The rest of the passengers trail out, and Craig waits patiently as everyone files out. Paige gives him a knowing look as she gets out, but Darcy calls her over. Craig produces a triumphant smile and mouths "bye" to Paige. Leslie and Aubrey come out next, with Aubrey explaining the coloring book to Leslie. Ashley comes out last, fiddling with an earring.

"You haven't said hi to me yet, Ash," says Craig.

Ashley leaves her earring alone. "I thought you were too distracted by Casey."

Craig nods, smiling. "Well, you have my attention now. That is, if Paige permits it."

Ashley begins to speak, but is interrupted by a shrill whistle from Ms. Park, causing the group to quiet down. Mr. Park, a nice-looking, heavy set man, has a bunch of pink cards in his hands.

"Welcome to the Park Academy Performing Arts Camp, everyone!" says Ms. Park. "We have a host of exciting activities planned for our youngsters. We believe in cultivating and supporting every aspect in their growth as artistic leaders of the future. However, we recognize that this is also a camp, so normal camping activities are also on the schedules, which my husband is holding."

Mr. Park holds up the schedules.

"I'd like to thank the volunteers for helping us this weekend, especially our non-parent volunteers."

Ms. Park smiles at Craig, Derek, and a few others. Craig catches Ashley smiling at him, but she looks away as soon as he turns his head.

"If you will all please collect your bags, then your schedules, then head to your first activity spot in fifteen minutes, we can get started."

The group divides, some going for their bags, others for their schedules. Leslie finds Ashley, and clutches her waist.

"I can get your bags," offers Craig.

"Well, alright, thanks," replies Ashley. "Leslie, can you show Craig which ones are our bags?"

Leslie sighs, looks wearily at Craig, but heads to the back of the bus. Craig follows.

"What kind of activities do you like to do, Leslie?" asks Craig, as they wait in line.

"I don't know," replies Leslie, moving forward as the line shrinks.

"Do you like to swim?"

"No."

"How about kickball?"

"Too young."

"Oh...right."

Leslie points to two red bags to the right of the compartment. Craig lifts them, surprised at how light they are. Then, he straps his pack to his back. They start to go to where Ashley is talking to Mr. Park, but Leslie stalls and turns to Craig.

"Who are you?" she asks.

"Um, Craig...we met at the carnival, remember?" replies Craig, shifting the weight of his pack a bit.

"Yeah, I know that," says Leslie, rolling her eyes. "I mean, who are you to my mom?"

"Oh," says Craig, feeling sweat on his brow. "Um...we used to...hang out a lot. Good friends. We could be friends too...if you want."

"You seem nice, but...no, I don't think so."

Leslie walks past him, and goes over to a tree, sits on the ground. Tough crowd, thinks Craig. He goes over to Ashley, who is looking painfully at Leslie.

"This weekend's for her," says Ashley, sighing. "I don't know what to do, Craig."

"What we do is we get her to have fun," says Craig, peering over Ashley's shoulder to read the schedule. "Ah, swimming. Maybe we can get her into the water."

Ashley smiles at him, then waves Leslie over. Leslie opens up her fist to reveal some stones.

"I found rocks," she says.

"Good...maybe you can find some more by the lake," says Ashley.

"Okay," whispers Leslie, as the three of them head down the trail.

Craig unbuckles his pants and slides them down, a little embarrassed about his hairy legs. He didn't know why his legs were more hairy than his chest. It was even more discouraging to change in the boathouse bathroom, where his feet crunch on leaves, dead bugs, and he's not sure what else. Not to mention there were no stalls, just one empty room with a toilet and sink.

"Ugh!" says Craig, moving his jeans so a spider wouldn't crawl on them. "Well, at least my leg isn't as hairy as that."

He hears a light knock on the door. "Don't come in!" he says.

The door creaks a bit, and Craig blushes as Ashley peers through from the other side.

"Craig, what are you doing in here?" whispers Ashley urgently.

"Changing...do you mind?" whispers Craig.

"Craig, this is the women's bathroom," says Ashley.

"Um, no, it's the men's."

"Um, yes, it is the women's."

Ashley pulls the door back, pointing to the word "women" on the front. The "W" and "O" had faded, but yes, you could see traces of the two letters. Apparently, he had missed it.

"Okay...totally feeling dumb right now," says Craig.

Ashley giggles. "Well, now that you know, get out. I need to change. Leslie's waiting for me."

"I'm not done. I can't go out in my boxers," protests Craig. "My pants are around my ankles."

"I can't keep her waiting," moans Ashley. "I got delayed so now both of us are late. Just hurry up."

"Don't make me go out there, Ash," says Craig, turning red. "It's weird enough that I'm in here."

"And they won't think it's weird that we leave at the same time," whispers Ashley. "They'll think we were..."

"We were what?" teases Craig.

"Nothing. Why can't you just...why don't we...ugh," stammers Ashley.

"What if we just changed at the same time?" says Craig. "I won't peek. Promise. Scout's honor."

"You were never a scout," says Ashley, frowning at him.

"Humor me," says Craig.

Ashley groans, closes the door, and starts to undo her shirt, her back turned to Craig. Craig pulls down his boxers, then reaches for his swim trunks. While reaching, he catches sight of a red bra in the corner of his eye. Then, a bare shoulder, but he really can't see anything else. This is torture, thinks Craig, slipping on his trunks. He pretends to examine his legs, hoping for another glimpse, but amazingly she's already suited up by the time he works up the nerve.

"That didn't take long," says Craig, trying to cover up the disappointment.

"Yeah, I change fast when I need to," replies Ashley, standing right in front of him. "Satisfied?"

"Definitely satisfied," says Craig, his mouth inches from her lips. "Of course I could be more satisfied."

Ashley looks up confused, then smiles at him. Craig leans in, lips near hers, then throws the door open. The rest of the group was headed down to the lake, including Leslie, holding hands with Darcy.

"Leslie's waiting, and look, no one's around," says Craig. "After you, buddy."

Ashley shoots him an annoyed look, exits, runs right smack into Derek.

"Men's room?" asks Derek, eyeing them suspiciously.

"In there," says Ashley, pointing to Craig, clutching his jeans innocently. "And Craig's up for sharing."Derek shrugs, and tries to squeeze in with Craig.

"Dude, no!" says Craig, shoving him away.

Warren and Winston run to the edge of the pier and jump in at the same time, splattering Darcy who applies suntan lotion to Aubrey's back. Darcy screams. Craig notices that half the group is already in the water, and that another group is headed for the arts and crafts cabin Ms. Park is speaking about as they head in another direction. Ashley talks with Paige, Leslie scouring the ground for rocks. Craig decides to join Leslie, dressed in a cute green bathing suit, since he knows Paige would interrupt him and Ashley yet again.

"Find anything yet?" asks Craig.

Leslie stares at his chest, then looks down. Craig throws a towel over his shoulders, thinking that will make him less intimidating. He kneels down and sifts through the mud.

"Ah ha!" exclaims Craig, picking up a rock. "White quartz."

Leslie takes it from him. "It's pretty."

"I can make you a necklace with that," says Craig. "See what else you'd like on it."

"Boys can make necklaces?" says Leslie in disbelief.

"Yeah, I'll just drill a hole in the rocks, put it on a chain. It'll be nice."

Leslie smiles, the first time he's seen her smile all day. He remembers when he first saw Ashley smile. It was in Snake's class. They were talking about GM foods, and he said he thought it was cool that she was starting a petition, that most people didn't have the guts. Her smile lit up the room, brighter than the see-through mouse he was using that day.

"Okay. I can pick whatever I want?"

"Yeah," replies Craig. "Hopefully, it'll turn out good. I'm not the most handy person, but I've made stuff for my sister Angie."

"Is your sister five like me?"

"Oh, nah. She's in college now. But I remember when she was five. She liked sports, especially skating."

"I like golf...but not as much as music."

"That's like me and photography...I like it, but not as much as music."

Leslie nods. "I'm going to hunt some more."

Leslie wanders off, while Ashley walks to them, beaming. Craig sits on a smooth rock.

"So thanks for trying to get Derek in there with me," says Craig, stretching out his legs.

"No problem," says Ashley. "So Leslie...actually talked to you?"

"Yeah, she's actually a really cool kid. I don't know how since her mom's a total nerd."

Ashley pokes his knee, then looks down at his legs.

"At least I shave," laughs Ashley. "But anyways, it's nice...that you're being nice to her. And I'm sorry for not being friendlier to you in the parking lot earlier today."

"Unlike Paige, who was a little too friendly," says Craig. "Since when did you require a bodyguard, Ash?"

"What?" says Ashley, tucking some hair behind her ear. "Paige is here to..."

"Keep an eye on me, I think she said," interrupts Craig, winking at her. "But I just need you to know that that's so not going to be an issue. I promise to be a perfect gentleman."

"Yeah...yeah, I know,"says Ashley. "I'm going to go check on Leslie."

Casey appears, wearing a skin-tight blue swimsuit, her breasts prominently showing.

"Am I interrupting anything?" asks Casey, smiling happily at Craig.

"As a matter of fact...," begins Ashley.

"Oh no, you're not interrupting anything," says Craig, pleased to see Ashley gazing angrily at him. "Ashley was just leaving."

"Ashley, awww, what an adorable name," gushes Casey. "I have a Pomeranian named Ashley."

Ashley rolls her eyes, stands, and goes to Leslie. Casey takes her place, strokes Craig's hands.

"I always wondered what a guitarist's hands felt like," says Casey. "Oooh, very nice."

Craig takes her hand away, an awkward smile covering his face. Casey scoots closer, making sure her legs touch his.

"I know you're twenty-eight from your website," says Casey. "I'm thirty-four, but I'm a very young thirty-four. I don't even look it, do I?"

Craig shakes his head. "Oh...no."

"So what's your new album going to sound like?"

He spies Ashley wading in the water, the material of her suit now wet, framing every part of her body. I can't do this, he thinks. I can't just be her friend. Craig squirms, trying not to show where his attention really is.

"Um, I'm just going back to my suits...I mean roots," replies Craig. "Excuse me."

Craig paces up the trail, then stops in the middle. He could swear he heard footsteps behind him. He really hoped Casey wasn't following him. Ashley puts her hand on his shoulder and turns him around.

"What was that?" demands Ashley, who had put on some shorts over her torso.

"What was what?" says Craig.

"Ellie is sitting at home...and you're just parading around your body, talking to horny middle-aged women!" exclaims Ashley. "Have some decency."

"We were just talking," defends Craig. "Don't get all worked up."

"At least put a shirt on," whispers Ashley.

"Okay, Mom...why? You don't want anyone else to see?"

"No...there's kids here. And well, you're really...exposed. All the other guys aren't...well, built."

Craig laughs. "Thanks for noticing."

"Like you weren't checking me out in the bathroom," says Ashley, clearly flustered. "I'm not an idiot."

Craig blushes. "I didn't see anything."

Ashley looks down. "Well...good."

"Good."

"Okay, then."

"Okay."

Ashley shifts from one foot to another. "I'm sorry I yelled."

"And I'll put on a shirt," concedes Craig, smiling at her.

She smiles back, a smile that makes him happier than when Leslie smiled a few minutes earlier. She was checking me out, thinks Craig proudly. Now he was glad Mickey had gotten him that personal trainer.

"Are you coming to arts and crafts with us after this?" asks Ashley, throwing back her wet ponytail.

"If your bodyguard says it's okay," answers Craig, nodding towards Paige.

"I'll talk to her," says Ashley, offering him another smile.

Craig grins after her, then goes to find a shirt.


	11. I Love Music

**XI. I Love Music**

_Well, ooh ooh ooh _

_Get it on, get it on _

_Get it on, get it on, get it on _

_Get it on, yeah _

_Ooh Ooh Ooh _

_I love music _

_Any kind of music _

_I love music _

_Just as long as it's groovy _

_Makes me laugh _

_Makes me smile for the world _

_Whenever I'm with you girl _

_While we dance _

_Make romance _

_I'm enchanted by the things that you do _

_Ooh ooh ooh _

_I love music _

_Sweet sweet music _

_Long as it's swinging _

_All the joy that's it's bringing _

_I'm so happy to be _

_In complete harmony _

_I love you girl _

_And I hold you so close in my arms _

_I'm so glad that you're mine, all mine _

_Nothing can be better than a sweet love song _

_So sweet so sweet so mellow mellow _

_When you got the girl that you love in your arm _

_Oh honey I love you I love you yeah _

_Music is the healing force of the world _

_It's understood by every man _

_Woman boy and girl _

_And that's why _

_That's why I say _

_I love music _

_Any kind of music _

_I love music _

_Just as long as it's groovy, groovy _

_Music makes the atmosphere so fine _

_Lights down low _

_Just me and you baby you know _

_Specially when you got a cold glass of wine _

_Mellow mellow wine and song _

_I love music _

_Any kind of music _

_I love music _

_Just as long as it's groovy _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Sweet sweet music _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Listen listen listen _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Music sweet music _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Yeah, I love music _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Boogie, boogie, boogie _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_All night long, music, music, I love music _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Come on, get it on, get it on _

_Come on, come on _

_Get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on, get it on _

_Get it on, come on, come on, come on, get it on now _

_Get it on, funky funky music _

_Ooh ooh ooh ooh _

_Ooh ooh ooh ooh _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Music, music, music _

_I love, I love, I love, I love, I love music _

_Music, yeah, keep it groovy _

_I love music _

_Sweet sweet music _

_I love music _

_Just as long as it's groovy _

Hard macaroni is scattered across the surface of four tables in the center of the room. Crepe paper, colored pencils, and glitter goes back and forth between hands. Craig diligently drills through a piece of quartz, then a piece of limestone, lines them up near some turquoise beads a little girl leant him because she thinks his curls are cute. Several other girls are gazing at him timidly, giggling.

"Hey," greets Craig.

The girls giggle louder, go back to their individual projects.

Craig was pleased that he, Leslie, and Ashley had walked to the cabin together, Paige towing behind without saying a word. Leslie presented him with six stones, and Ashley gave him a curious look, but he just shrugged and went to work.

He glances over at Ashley, talking with Paige over in a corner. They're both gesturing widely, with Paige throwing Craig an occasional grimace. Craig turns around and begins sliding the stones on the chain that used to hold his New York apartment key, making sure to alternate them with the beads. He looks for Leslie, who is alone at the end of one of the tables, tapping a colored pencil against the wood. Checking the chain one last time, he decides it's as good as it can be, and walks over to her. He waves the necklace in front of her face.

"No fingers were harmed in the making of this necklace," says Craig, as Leslie takes the chain.

"You're good," compliments Leslie, grinning. "I like the beads."

"Well, it needed something," says Craig, sitting opposite Leslie.

"Thank you," says Leslie.

Aubrey joins them, silently sitting next to Leslie on the bench. She gets out her coloring book and starts coloring on the cover. Leslie stares at her, a confused expression on her face.

"I've already done all the pages inside," remarks Aubrey.

Ms. Park lets out another whistle, making half the people in the room jump.

"Oh, sorry, about that," says Ms. Park. "As you know, this evening we're having a showcase where all of our youngsters are invited to perform something of their choosing. We encourage everyone to perform, of course. Additionally, my husband will now pass out maps for the hike we'll be taking tomorrow."

"Yay!" yells Warren. "We get to pee out in the woods."

"Like real men," adds Winston.

"Ewww," say all the girls Craig originally sat with.

"Warren, Winston, quiet!" says Ms. Park. "It's very important that everyone keep a hold of these. These woods are quite large and we don't want to leave anyone behind."

Mr. Park hands Craig a map, and walks over to the next table, where Ashley has taken a seat. Derek beckons for Craig to come over to him.

"Oooh, paper," says Aubrey, picking up the map and a black colored pencil.

"I'll be back, guys," says Craig, hopping off the bench, heading towards Derek.

"What?" says Craig.

Derek folds his arms. "I need some advice."

"Umm...yeah?"

"Well, you're obviously into Ashley, and she's obviously into you. Yet, she's married, so you must have that special somethin' somethin'. I need that, because on the Darcy front, I'm making no progress."

Craig shakes his head. "You're out of your mind."

"Precisely. It's like these girls have their clamps on us, stop us from thinking rationally. They wiggle around in their little swimsuits or sundresses or anything tight, and we're gone. We don't think about the boundaries or anything like that. Or maybe...maybe it's because we're in the woods."

Craig eyes Derek. He's actually serious, he thinks. And just a bit scary.

"The woods?" questions Craig.

"Yeah, the wild. Where you live on your urges, act on instinct. It's like Vegas, only more green."

Craig grabs Derek's cell phone that's around his waist. "Can I use this?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Craig hits Derek's head with the phone.

"Ow," moans Derek.

"Leave her alone," says Craig, walking back to Leslie's table which now holds Ashley, Paige, Aubrey, and Leslie.

"Fine!" shouts Derek. "See if I ever help you again."

Ashley blinks up at Craig. "How'd Derek help you?"

The bus seating chart flashes in his mind, but he covers with "He let me use his cellphone."

Leslie puts on her necklace, beads clattering.

"Craig made this for me," says Leslie.

"No girl can resist jewelry," says Craig, smiling at Ashley.

"Well, that was nice of him," says Ashley, grinning at Craig.

"I didn't know you made jewelry," speaks up Paige, fiddling with macaroni. "What other tricks do you have up your sleeve, Craig? Ventriloquism? Appearing out of thin air, into places where you don't belong?"

"Right now I really wish I could make someone disappear," replies Craig, smirking. "I've always thought that was pretty cool."

Paige sharply kicks Craig under the table. He winces, glances at Ashley, who takes a deep breath.

"Umm...so what are you making, Aubrey?" inquires Ashley.

"Nothing," says Aubrey. "Here's your map."

She hands Craig the map. He folds it, and places it in his pocket. The room buzzes with chatter, topics ranging from when they should start serving dinner to what the kids wanted to do for the showcase.

"Are you going to do anything in the showcase, Leslie?" asks Ashley.

"Ms. Park said it'd be good for me to participate," says Leslie.

"I think she's right," says Ashley, putting an arm around her.

Craig sees that Leslie is less than enthused as she twists her necklace in her hands. He wasn't sure what was going on with Jimmy and Ashley's daughter, and thought it better not to ask. Ashley did say this weekend was for her. Were their problems at home? Between Jimmy and Ashley? Ones that affected Leslie? No, he should probably just stop thinking.

"It's the best way to get an audience," says Craig. "They can't root for you if they don't get to see you.."

"Alright," says Leslie. "I'll do it."

Ashley hugs Leslie, and kisses her on the forehead. They go off, finding the sign-up sheet for the showcase. Craig stares after them.

"So how's Ellie, Craig?" asks Paige.

"Huh...Ellie?" says Craig.

Paige kicks him again.

"Stop!" says Craig. "What's your problem?"

"You know exactly what it is," says Paige, getting up from the bench.

"Grown-ups are weird," mumbles Aubrey, sticking a piece of macaroni in her ear.

Ellie grips her keys tightly, sliding them back and forth on the chain, staring at the black, emblazoned letters on the front of the building. **WJTV. **She straightens her black skirt, breathes, then pushes open the glass doors. She peers up at the monitors, showing statistics about deforestation, advances to an intern highlighting a document.

"Hi, I called earlier," says Ellie. "I asked to see Ms. Ashley Kerwin."

When she'd called earlier that day, she thought maybe it was possible to speak to Ash, that Ash would remember they used to be best friends, and it would be a teensy bit easier, seeing as Ellie didn't feel an intense dislike bubbling up in her whenever she saw Ashley on the news. With Emma, it was like her heart was being lightly stabbed by a needle. Plus, she misses Ash, no matter how awkward their first encounter would be. Maybe they could be friends again.

"Ms. Kerwin is away," announces the intern. "You'll be meeting with Ms. Nelson."

Ellie smiles politely. "Um, is there anyone else I could speak to?"

The intern gives her an annoyed look. "Not if you want to talk about advertising. You can sit down over there. I'll buz her."

"Thank you," replies Ellie, plopping down in a plush chair.

For a few minutes, Ellie watches the statistics scroll by, the occasional image of a depopulated forest being shown while somber classical music accompanies the pictures. She stares at her nails, then nervously taps her feet against the carpet. She looks down at her feet, then up to see Emma coming towards her, dressed in a white, cotton top and pink, dress pants.

"Good afternoon, Ellie," greets Emma, extending her hand. "Nice to see you."

Ellie shakes her hand, sure her own hand is pretty clammy. "Afternoon."

Emma doesn't say anything else, just indicates that Ellie should follow her to a room around the corner. They enter Emma's office, and Ellie is struck by how large it is, even though she knew Emma was head of the station. There are a couple of awards on one shelf, including a Gemini. Emma's desk holds several photographs...Snake and Spike, Jack in a Little League hockey uniform, her and Manny at some party...Sean...lots of pictures with her and Sean. Their wedding picture stands next to a small pot of sunflowers. Dressed in a crisp, black suit, Sean's arms wrapped around Emma, clad in a long, cream gown, both of them smiling on the beach. Ellie feels a lump in her throat.

"Water? Coffee?" says Emma, going over to a small table that held refreshments. "It's really hot out there."

"No thanks," says Ellie.

Emma takes her seat behind her desk, while Ellie sits in front of her in a comfortable-looking chair that was uncomfortable to her.

"Thanks for meeting with me," says Ellie.

"Sure. How can I help you?"

"So I'm here today," begins Ellie, sweat trickling down her neck. "Because Claremont bought one of our pictures."

"Congratulations. I heard that you were running a company."

"Um, thanks. They want us to do a PR campaign for it, and we were hoping WJTV could run some ads for the movie."

Emma raises her eyebrow. "What kind of film is it?"

"Oh...well, it's a slasher flick."

Emma licks her lips. "Ummm...not exactly family-friendly."

Ellie rubs her forehead, sweat covering her fingers. "Yeah, but it's...funny. Really funny. More _Scary Movie _than _Carrie_."

She watches Emma clasp her hands together, and glance up at the ceiling. Ugh, I just want to get this over with, thinks Ellie. Just tell me no so I can get out of here.

"I want to see the film," says Emma.

"Really?" says Ellie, sure that shock is registering in her voice.

"Yeah," replies Emma. "When WJTV advertised a couple of Manny's movies, I watched them and saw they were okay. I also think we should set up another meeting to discuss it more thoroughly."

"I'm not sure when I can meet with you...," begins Ellie, her eyes falling on the wedding picture again.

"So you're not interested?" questions Emma, watching Ellie's eyes.. "Or is it..."

Ellie looks away, shaking her head. It was ten years later, and they were still both hung up on Sean. But why not? He's amazing, thinks Ellie. And I let him go...to her.

"Come on, Ellie, we've always been...cordial to one another no matter the circumstances," says Emma. "I don't see why this has to be any different. How about you drop a tape to me Monday, and we'll meet Tuesday?"

Cordial in practice, not cordial in heart, she thinks. Ellie rubs under her eye, pretending there's a fallen eyelash, but hoping it will keep back the tears, at least for three more minutes.

"Yeah, that's fine," says Ellie. "Thank you."

"Okay," says Emma, shifting some paper. "I'll just take out my appointment book."

A couple magazines fall as Emma takes her appointment book from the pile. Ellie kneels down to catch them. One is an import, Sierra Club Magazine with an endangered bird on the cover. The other, a parenting magazine with a special article on infants. Ellie's eyes burn as she stares at a smiling, happy baby playing with a doll.

"Oops," says Emma, as Ellie hands her the magazines. "Research."

Ellie folds her hands in her lap, her heart racing.

"So will Tuesday at three-thirty be okay?" asks Emma.

"Yeah...fine," says Ellie quietly. "I'm sorry...but I have this thing to go to."

Ellie stands, nearly knocking over her chair.

"Sorry," she says, making sure the chair is straight. "I'll see you Tuesday."

"Have a good one!" yells Emma behind her.

Her boots clapping loudly down the hall, Ellie walks briskly to the exit, ignoring the intern's farewell. She walks across the street, sits down on the curb near a convenience store, and finally lets the tears out. She wipes them with her sleeve, realizes she's hungry, enters the store. Going through the aisle, she picks up some pretzels, retrieves a Coke, heads to the counter.

"Will that be all, ma'am?" says the guy behind the counter, looking into her red eyes.

"Umm," says Ellie, leaning forward. "Do you have any razor blades?"

Craig looks on as Ashley smushes a marshmallow onto a graham cracker, then adds a chocolate bar, then another graham cracker. He watches Paige do the same thing, then bite hungrily into it, goo all over the sides of her mouth. Leslie, sitting between Craig and Ashley, gives Craig a confused look. They're all seated on logs around a campfire, roasting marshmallows, with a few people setting up a wooden stage for the showcase.

"Aren't you going to eat one?" asks Leslie, handing him the bag of marshmallows.

"Uhh," says Craig, staring at it.

Ashley laughs. "I thought you went to camp."

"Yeah, rich kid camp," says Craig. "We had to eat health food."

"You're not a camper if you don't eat a smore," chastises Darcy, eating a Hershey bar straight out of the wrapper.

"Darcy's right," agrees Ashley. "Give into temptation and go for it."

Craig sighs as Darcy hands him one. "My diet."

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" chants Darcy, Paige, Ashley, and Aubrey.

Leslie nods at him to follow their command. Craig bites into it, chews for awhile.

"Mmm, what have I been missing?" says Craig, stuffing the rest into his mouth.

They all laugh. Ms. Park arrives, carrying a clipboard. She taps Leslie and Aubrey, who get up and make their way towards the stage. Darcy follows them, leaving Paige, Ashley, and Craig alone.

"Uh, Darcy," says Paige, after finishing a fourth smore. "Where are you going?"

"You'll see," replies Darcy, zipping up her sweater.

"Spinner dated that girl?" muttered Paige, shaking her head.

Paige rubs her stomach, and Craig hears a slight gurgle. She burps, looks like she's going to puke at any second. Craig holds back a laugh.

"You okay, Paige?" asks Ashley.

Her stomach gurgles louder.

"I think...I think I'm going to be sick," moans Paige, standing and rushing to a nearby latrine.

She slams the door behind her.

"Well, that was some exit," says Craig.

Ashley throws a twig into the fire. "She's been acting strange lately. I should keep an eye on her."

"But who's going to keep an eye on you?" says Craig, tossing in another twig.

"Nobody," replies Ashley, not looking at him. "I can take care of myself."

"Funny. I thought that was Jimmy's job," says Craig, watching the flames leap higher.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Ashley, glaring at him.

Craig sighs. "What are the pills for, Ash?"

Ashley stands up, brushes her hands, moves to another part of the log that's empty. Craig follows, intent on making her speak.

"That wasn't aspirin," whispers Craig. "What are they?"

"Craig, not now, okay?" says Ashley. "Leslie's about to perform."

"Just tell me what they are," says Craig. "Just tell me it's nothing."

"It's...it's nothing," stammers Ashley. "Leslie's up first."

Ashley stares straight forward, but Craig focuses on her. Why wasn't she telling him anything? Was she also hiding it from Jimmy? It wasn't nothing. It was something.

Ms. Park pounds the microphone, a loud bleep sounding throughout the woods. Leslie slouches on stage, not giving anyone eye contact. She has a weird look on her face, a face Craig recognizes from some of his earlier tour performances. Fear.

"Alright, everyone," says Ms. Park. "We're very pleased to have one of our brightest and most talented singers honor you with a performance tonight. Leslie Brooks."

There is a modest round of applause, and Ms. Park gives Leslie the microphone. Leslie looks out at the crowd, the hand without the microphone shaking. Her blue eyes shine as if tears are about to spill out.

"Oh no," breathes Ashley.

Leslie runs off the stage, giving Darcy the microphone. Ashley leaps up, and after a few moments, Craig goes to find them. Leslie had run pretty far into the woods. Ashley clutches a crying Leslie, Ashley kneeling down and patting her back.

"I couldn't...couldn't do it," cries Leslie in a soft voice. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," comforts Ashley. "It's alright to get nervous."

"Of course it's alright to get nervous," interjects Craig. "All good musicians have had stage fright."

"Really?" says Leslie.

"Yeah," says Craig. "Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Jimi Hendrix. They all had it."

"Who are they?" asks Leslie.

"They're legends," explains Ashley. "But yeah, they had it."

Craig kneels down next to Leslie. "And they knew the secret."

"What secret?" says Leslie, turning to Craig.

"They knew that sometimes nerves can be used to put in that extra energy, to make the performance extra good. They knew the nerves were really just excitement, like sparks to get them going."

Leslie sniffles. "Sparks?"

"Yeah, right here," says Craig, pointing to her heart. "They just needed to look down deep inside and realize it was okay."

"Okay to what," says Leslie.

"Okay to shine," answers Craig.

Ashley smiles at him, while Leslie appears to be thinking hard about everything he just said. He hopes it worked. He didn't even really know what he'd been saying, but he did remember that was how he felt taking the stage the first time, when he sang to Ashley. Who would forgive someone for cheating on them? Even though Ashley had made his life miserable for that time he spent with Manny, he had written the lyrics because he knew she deserved it. She deserved a lot more than he could offer. The nerves helped him sing that day, clear, with passion. He watched her face, and it gave him more. The words fell out, and when she told him the lyrics were just right, he felt like a light shone on his heart.

"Would you sing with me?" asks Leslie.

Craig blinks back at her, then smiles. "Sure. I've got some lyrics and music in my pack."

They head back to the stage, where Aubrey is twirling around, then standing on her tiptoes, her toes perfectly pointed. She does one more twirl, as the theme to Swan Lake stops. Everyone claps. Craig sees Darcy clapping more enthusiastically as he takes some sheet music and a tape out of his bag.

"Ms. Park," whispers Craig to Ms. Park, who is at the edge of the stage. "Leslie and I would like to sing, if that's alright."

"That's more than alright," replies Ms. Park. "Go ahead."

Ashley sits on the front log, crossing her ankles. Paige joins her, massaging her stomach.

"Can I use your cell?" asks Paige.

Ashley nods, hands her the phone. Ms. Park retrieves a second microphone for Craig, and puts the CD in the CD player. Light, acoustic music flows throughout the space, the echo sounding against the trees. The stars twinkle as the guitar on the CD strums. Craig looks down at Leslie, who appears less nervous, her shoulders back, eyes on her mother.

"_Today is long. Flight and song, but I don't even listen. Blue bird hides. Piece of night. I don't even try,_" sings Leslie.

Craig is struck by how beautiful her voice is, a higher pitch and softer tone than Ashley's, but still as vibrant and soulful. She's also reading the music remarkably well. He barely makes his cue, listening to it, but sings:

"_Every mama gone missing. Every papa gone mad. I take a chance_."

Leslie holds her head up higher, the microphone over her mouth.

"_It's not romance, but something more important. So give me wings. Let me sing. It's all been done before_," sings Leslie.

Ashley looks at both of them, her eyes glittering.

"_For any girl that's unhappy. For any boy that is bad. Every mama gone missing. Every papa gone mad," _sings Craig, peering at Ashley, then down at Leslie.

"_I take a chance_," finishes Leslie, smiling at Craig.

They end, and everyone is on their feet, Ashley the first to rise. Paige rises, but still looks ready to hurl. Other kids come up on stage, and clap Leslie on the back.

"Your voice is good," says Winston, blushing a little.

"Yeah," agrees Warren. "You want to see a dead turtle?"

"Um, okay," says Leslie, though Craig knows that by her face she's not that excited. "Aubrey, you want to come?"

Aubrey pulls off her ballet shoes. "Is it a female? They're more interesting."

"Don't know," says Leslie.

"I'll come anyway," says Aubrey.

The kids brush by Craig, who just shrugs at Ashley.

"Okay, we have one more act," yells Ms. Park, again making a loud beep that makes the crowd shudder. "Sorry. Darcy and Derek will honor us with a song."

Darcy bounces on to the stage, throwing back her hair. Derek makes some sort of gangsta sign, then shakes Craig's hand. Craig rolls his eyes, then sits next to Paige on the log. Music begins pounding out of the speakers, and Darcy dances, does the Cabbage Patch. Derek does a move similar to the Funky Chicken.

"_A few times I've been around that track  
So it's not just goin' to happen like that  
Because I ain't no hollaback girl  
I ain't no hollaback girl_" yells Darcy into the microphone.

"_Oooh, ooh, this my shhh...this my shhhh!_" sings Derek, more yelling than singing.

A few little girls behind Craig and Ashley start dancing, getting into the song. Ashley covers her ears.

"Ugh, she sings this song everyday at work," moans Ashley.

Derek tries to get Darcy to dance with him, but she pushes him away.

"Now I'm really going to throw up," says Paige. "Gwen Stefani is so tired."

Craig and Ashley both laugh, then glance at Leslie, over to the side of the stage, still chatting with the other kids.

"Thank you," says Ashley, looking at Craig as the fire starts to die down.

"You're welcome," says Craig.

The wind blows embers towards them, lighting each of their faces. Then, the embers fall, as the last strains of music fill the forest.


	12. Quiet Storm

**XII. Quiet Storm**

_Soft and warm, a quiet storm  
Quiet as when flowers talk at break of dawn, break of dawn  
A power source of tender force  
Generatin', radiatin', turn me on, turn me on  
Ah, you short-circuit all my nerves  
Promisin' electric things  
You touch me and suddenly there's rainbow rings  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life, uh huh  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life, ah  
Blow, baby _

A windy sigh, weak am I  
Butterfly caught up in the hurricane, hurricane  
Lucky me, I'm barely free  
Suddenly I'm caught up in your sound rain  
Ah shower me with your sweet love  
I will bathe in every drop through all the seasons  
Let it pour and never stop  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life, through my life  
You're just like a  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life  
Ah, shower me with your sweet love  
I will bathe in every drop through all the seasons  
Let it pour and never stop  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life, through my life  
You're just like a  
Quiet storm blowin' through my life

_Blow, baby_

The sun pokes through the clouds and seems to blare down on the exact spot where Ashley stands. She wipes her forehead with her hand, hoping that the day will grow less hot as everyone prepares for the hike. In the middle of the group, Ashley watches as people strap on or put in rolled up tents, depending on the size. The schedule for today is packed, though Ashley has no idea what half the exercises entail. She reads the schedule again: Communication Discovery, Finding Your Method, Green and Growth. She feels like she's stepped into an education textbook. There are a couple things she's glad to recognize: swimming, this time in a different spot, and Instrument Construction, which she guesses involves making drums out of items from the woods.

Paige is seated on a tree stump, bent over, her long blonde hair almost touching the grass.

"Still feeling bad?" asks Ashley, patting her back.

"Hold on," says Paige, then making a gagging noise. "Okay. Period of nausea gone."

"Maybe there's a place where you can lie down," suggests Ashley. "You're kind of green."

Paige holds up her hands in protest. "No...no, I'm here for you. I called Spin and told him I was fine."

"How long have you been throwing up?" inquires Ashley.

"Hon, don't worry about it," says Paige.

In the distance, Ashley can hear tires screeching, then a small, blue car shows up, right in front of the arts and craft cabin. Spinner, dressed in a light orange polo shirt and jeans, hops out of the car, looking very concerned. Paige sits up, trying her best to look pleasant.

"Honeybee, what are you doing here?" asks Paige, smiling.

Spinner shakes his head. "In the car...now."

Ashley gives Spinner a stunned look. She didn't remember Spinner ever being that forceful with Paige.

"Spinner, there's nothing wrong with...," starts Paige.

"Uh, yeah, that's why you're all pale and sweaty," says Spinner. "We're going to a doctor."

"No," says Paige. "And hello, it's hot. Reason for sweat."

"I'm worried. You sounded bad on the phone."

"Well, don't be."

Paige bumps Spinner and goes to pick up her backpack. Spinner takes it from her, and carries it to the car.

"Gavin, give me that!" yells Paige, causing people to stare. "Give me that!"

Spinner throws it in the back, goes around and opens the door for Paige. Paige sulks, throws Ashley an apologetic glance.

"It's okay," says Ashley. "And he cares. Go on."

Paige trudges to the car, and slams the door, shooting Spinner an evil stare. Spinner waves bye to Ashley, slamming on the brakes, the car weaving out of the sight. Craig comes up afterwards, shouldering his backpack.

"Did I miss anything?" he asks.

"Yeah, my bodyguard was abducted," says Ashley. "By her husband."

"Pity," says Craig, smiling.

Ashley can tell he's a bit relieved. To her surprise, so is she. Craig had played the perfect gentleman, more than the perfect gentleman really. He was being amazing with Leslie, courteous to her. He was right. Paige wasn't necessary. But maybe she wanted Paige to be necessary. Ashley blushes at the thought, then searches for Leslie. She is gabbing with some of her newfound friends, Winston staring shyly at her.

"So I guess she doesn't need me anymore," pouts Ashley.

"Awww, give her some time," says Craig. "That's what happened with Joey and Ang. They get attached, then go off on their own, then come back. With really annoying, wannabe rocker boyfriends."

Ashley laughs. "Uh-oh, overprotective brother."

"Hey, I'm allowed," defends Craig. "He has a red mohawk, and all these ugly piercings."

"Don't judge a book by its cover."

"He listens to Creed."

"Okay...yeah, no, that's just gross. Hope for a break-up."

They laugh, as Ms. Park heads to the front of the group. She blows the whistle, and half the kids scream.

"Sorry," she says. "Okay, today, we'll be traveling to the Star Point camping ground to do our exercises. Our exercises will continue the next morning, so I trust everyone brought a reliable tent. Our maps guide us directly to the location, and we'll be in one big group. It's best to pick a buddy, though. Okay, follow me."

Ashley starts to move towards Leslie, but sees that Aubrey has already snatched her hand. Derek nods at Darcy, who nods back.

"Buddy?" says Ashley to Craig.

"Buddy," says Craig.

Casey, in white, tight shorts, runs over to Craig, carrying a Louis Vuitton bag.

"Buddy?" inquires Casey, licking her teeth.

"Taken," says Craig, holding up Ashley's hand, a warm surge going through Ashley's body.

Casey smacks her lips, then leaves. Craig doesn't let Ashley's hand go for a few seconds. It's the first physical contact that they've had all trip really, and Ashley is disappointed when he lets go. She clears her throat.

"Do you have a map?" she asks.

"Yep, and a compass," replies Craig.

The group starts to move, the sun following them, and Ashley feels faint in the heat. She lags behind, Craig lagging behind as well, grinning at her once in a while. Leslie's at the front of the pack, but looks back at one point and waves at Ashley.

"See, she still knows you're alive," says Craig.

Ashley smiles. "Yeah."

They reach a fork in the road. Ms. Park peers to the left, then the right, then down at the map. Ashley rubs her knees, feels a slight pressure running from her ankles to there.

"These shoes," mutters Ashley.

"What's up?" says Craig.

"Jimmy bought me these shoes," says Ashley. "They're cute, but not really good for hiking."

"I'll stay back with you," says Craig, shrugging.

Ashley smiles, and they walk again as the group heads right. For the next fifteen minutes, everyone goes on, but then shortly after they reach a large oak tree, kids start complaining about food.

"I want some chips!" exclaims one girl, plumping down on the rock.

"Me too!" yells a boy beside her.

A few more children cry out, and Ashley settles on a rock, eager to rest her feet.

"Alright, alright," says Ms. Park. "But we're losing time. Let's stop for a minute, enjoy the scenery, and Mr. Park will pass out some trail mix."

The kids cheer. Darcy whoops.

"I love trail mix," says Darcy. "I ate it all the time at Bible camp. Raisins are for praisin'!"

Darcy walks off to get one. Derek stares behind her, awestruck.

"She is so amazing," says Derek, catching up with her.

Ashley chuckles, then spies a nearby brook. Glancing quickly at the group, she slips off her shoes and goes to wiggle her feet in the water. The rocks on the water's edge feel cool against the soles of her feet. Birds twitter above her.

"Do they hurt that bad?" says Craig, who had followed her.

Startled by his voice, Ashley pulls up her feet quickly, pounding her ankle against a large grey stone. She winces. Craig massages her ankle, causing her to wince some more.

"Okay, now it really hurts," moans Ashley.

Craig makes to pick her up, but Ashley pushes away his arms.

"What?" says Craig.

"I can walk...or limp probably," says Ashley, standing. "Don't trouble yourself."

Craig helps her up, and Ashley limps to the clearing where everyone is. Or was. They were gone.

"They left us!" exclaims Ashley.

"What!" exclaims Craig. "You didn't tell anyone where you were going?"

"No," says Ashley. "Okay...it's alright. Just pull out your map."

Craig gets the map, and Ashley watches his face twist in confusion.

"What are all these black squiggles?" says Craig. "There's like five different ways to get to Star Point on here."

"She said there was only one way," says Ashley, looking down at the map. "Did you just doodle on your map?"

Craig runs a hand through his hair. "Aubrey."

"Aubrey?"

"She thought this was paper, and scribbled all over it, I bet."

Ashley groans, limps around the clearing, hoping for any sign that would show where the group had wandered off to. No footprints, trail mix crumbs, nothing. A squirrel hops on the rock she was sitting on originally.

"Hello?" yells Ashley. "Hello?"

Craig laughs. "Who are you yelling at, Ash? The squirrels?"

Ashley frowns at him. "This isn't funny. We're lost."

"It's not a big deal. I'll call someone on my cell. I...oh," says Craig.

"What?"

"I leant my phone to Mr. Park so he could check on the bus for pick-up tomorrow."

"And I leant my phone to Paige, and I stupidly forgot to ask for it back."

Craig blows out a deep breath. "We'll find them. We'll just...follow our instincts."

He tries to read the map again, pulls out the compass. Ashley fixes the collar of her flannel shirt, which she had thrown on in haste when the morning started off cold. She is just about to pull it off when Craig speaks.

"Hmm, well, I think it's...that way," says Craig, pointing to the left of the rock.

He aims his compass and starts to walk. Ashley picks up her bag, walks after him, her ankle feeling slightly better.

"How do you know?" says Ashley.

"I don't," says Craig, honestly. "But I'm taking a chance."

Ashley stalls, remembering their talk on the ferris wheel about her not taking chances, that Craig said was still in her to do it. Well, there was still time to do exactly that, to go with her gut.

"Fine," says Ashley, walking alongside him.

A frog croaks and jumps right in front of Ashley as they come to a meadow near a small stream. She lurches back, stops, watches Craig march confidently ahead.

"Keep up, Kerwin!" he shouts, smiling back at her.

"Are you getting some sick pleasure out of this?" says Ashley, throwing off her pack. "Because I'm not."

The same frog jumps on her feet, his slimy butt touching her shoe. Ashley screams, limps fast about ten yards, hearing Craig chuckle behind her. The frog disappears behind a tree, and Ashley comes back.

"Yeah, that gave me a little pleasure," says Craig, still laughing.

"I'm glad you're being so entertained," says Ashley, frowning. "Because I'm hot...tired...and yeah, just a bit hungry."

Craig takes off his pack, unzips it, tosses her a granola bar. "From Paige."

Ashley bites into it, not looking at him. "I wish we could ask someone for directions."

"I could ask the frog. He seems to like you."

"Ohhh, my feet," says Ashley, rubbing her knee. "Why can't you go slower?"

"It's getting late and it's not my fault Jimmy got you sucky shoes."

Ashley glares at him. "They're not sucky...they're pretty."

Craig picks up his pack, then hers, even though Ashley tries to grab for hers. "Just be a good buddy and keep up, then."

They start across the meadow, flies buzzing around them. Ashley swats them away, managing better. She doesn't know how she's finding the strength. Halfway through, however, a throbbing pain shoots up her leg.

"Okay...stop please," whimpers Ashley, throwing herself on the grass, hair falling in her face.

Craig aims his compass, paying no attention to Ashley. Ashley stands, whirls Craig around, takes his compass and throws it. Craig's mouth falls open.

"You...you threw my compass!" exclaims Craig. "Ellie gave me that."

"I don't care...I mean, sorry, but I can't walk anymore!" shouts Ashley.

"You're giving up?" asks Craig.

"Yeah...yeah, I am."

"Figures," mutters Craig, turning his back to her.

Ashley makes him turn around again. "Excuse me?"

Craig tosses the map down angrily. Ashley shrinks back a little.

"I thought you wanted us to be together!" yells Craig as the wind blows the grass around them.

"Yeah, as friends!" exclaims Ashley.

"Yeah, well, I'm sick of being your buddy."

"Craig," says Ashley, a lump in her throat. "This isn't the time or place."

"Um, hello?" says Craig. "There's no one around!"

Ashley scratches her neck. "Yeah, well..."

"Yeah, well, nothing! Answer me."

Clouds start to cover the sun, which Ashley is grateful for. What she isn't grateful for is the hurt look on Craig's face. Yes, she wanted to be with him. Why did he think she let him invite himself here? Or watch him perform? Or sing with him? But there were so many reasons, so many reasons not to do it. Jimmy, Leslie, Ellie. But something keeps her from telling him that, that there's no chance.

"I'm married," says Ashley. "I'm married, Craig."

"No, you're not," says Craig.

"Yes...yes I am!" yells Ashley, shoving him lightly. "I made a choice."

"Yeah, the wrong one," says Craig. "You're not happy. I'm not happy. I'm betting Jimmy is only slightly happy. Some marriage."

"I wouldn't trade Leslie for anything," says Ashley.

"But you'd trade me," says Craig, glaring at her. "We're meant for each other, Ash."

Ashley feels a tear forming in her eye. "No...no," she says, shaking.

"Yes...yes, we are," whispers Craig, pulling her closer. "That's why you came to my studio, why I'm here now."

"Stop it!" shouts Ashley.

"I can't move on. I tried. But I want you. Just tell me that...that there's hope."

Ashley cover her eyes, cries into his chest. "I can't."

Craig separates from her, leans in, tries to kiss her. Ashley moves her face, then lightly slaps Craig, more a tap on the cheek than a hard slap. Craig touches where she hit him, and looks down at her. Ashley sobs.

"Don't put me through this," whispers Ashley. "Don't put me through it."

A single tear slides down Craig's face. He coughs, then unlatches the tent from his pack and starts setting it up. The meadow is silent, except for the wind, which is getting louder, blowing more intensely. Ashley thinks she feels a rain drop glide down her arm, but maybe it's a tear.

The grass tickles Ashley's arm as she stretches out on the ground. Craig had built a fire where there was no grass, not looking at her the whole time, and the rain had held off. As soon as the sky turned a dark blue, Craig ducked into the tent, leaving Ashley to sit in front of the flames, trying her best to control her crying. By this time, she has started to settle down, peering up at the sky, watching the black clouds roll by. Then, she hears a low rumble of thunder.

"Just what I need," says Ashley, pulling her flannel shirt close to her chest, a slight chill flowing through her.

She hears the flap of the tent, turns to see Craig looking at her. She turns back to the flames.

"Go away," says Ashley.

"Ash!" says Craig. "It's about to storm."

"I don't care."

Rain starts to come down, pelting Ashley. She sneezes, but lets the rain continue to soak her. She hears the flap close, then open again.

"Ash, please get in here!" yells Craig over another rumble of thunder.

"No!" she yells back.

"Ashley, you have to be the most stubborn person...you'll get sick!"

"So what?"

"Get in here! I won't talk to you, okay?"

Craig closes the flap again.

The fire begins to peter out, and she sighs. She grudgingly walks to the tent He better keep his word, she thinks, ducking inside. Craig is sprawled across the floor of the tent, laying down. It's a decent-sized tent so Ashley can maneuver around without touching him. She sees that he has on his leather jacket. He tosses her another blanket, then puts a kerosene lamp between them.

"You're not cold?" she says, then remembering that yeah, she shouldn't be talking to him.

Craig raises his eyebrow, but talks anyway, in a casual tone. "I'm fine. You're wet. Jacket's warm."

"A jacket isn't a blanket," says Ashley, still forgetting the no-talking rule.

She holds part of the blanket open for him, and he slowly puts it around him. Ashley tries to scoot over more, but they wind up bumping heads.

"Ow," says Ashley, laughing a little, then putting on a serious face.

"Well, we usually bump heads," says Craig, rubbing his brow.

Ashley nods, then checks her hair.

"Eww, leaf," she says, taking a small leaf out of a patch of wet hair. "Wind must've put 'em there."

"You've got some back here too," observes Craig, fingering the back of her hair.

"Can you?"

"Yeah."

Ashley leans forward, rests her head on his chest, as Craig pulls out some leaves. He takes out the last leaf, Ashley raising her eyes to his face. Her nose is almost touching his, and she can feel Craig's breath on her chin. She strokes his cheek, bites her lip, then presses her lips to his. Before she knows it, her lips are moving with his, and he puts his hands on the back of her neck, closing his eyes. She isn't thinking. It's that sensation that's been missing, for so long. It's here. It's found her. Craig stops for a minute, breathing hard.

"Sorry," he says.

"No...I kissed you," says Ashley, drawing him back to her. "And I want you."

Craig kisses her again, throws down the blanket, hands moving down her back. Ashley moans, slipping off Craig's jacket, puts it near the blanket. Craig smiles, moves the wet hair from her face, then kisses her neck. If she were listening, she could hear the rain rapping against the material of the tent, but she's only listening to the sound of her heart.

"This flannel...it's itching," breathes Ashley, staring down at the blanket as Craig kisses her.

"I can help you with that," whispers Craig, pulling away, then peeling the flannel off her skin.

It makes a squelching sound, exposes a cotton shirt, which he gets off quickly too. Ashley tugs at his shirt, and he helps her take it off. He inches her down to the blanket, making his jacket a pillow for her head. Her pulse quickens as Craig kisses her again. She shivers.

"Are you cold?" asks Craig.

"No," says Ashley. "I'm warm...warm all over."

Craig grins, and buries his head in her chest, starting to unfasten her bra. It comes off with ease. Ashley blushes as he moves it down her shoulder. Their breathing becomes more rapid, as Craig traces a finger down past her navel, to her belt. Ashley clutches Craig's face, peers up into his eyes. He kisses her intensely, starting to undo the belt.

It feels right, thinks Ashley. Every touch. She didn't feel emptiness, sadness, or longing, just a warm and tender touch. Craig knew her. Everywhere. Every pore, limb, heartbeat. And her heartbeat matched his. Then why? Why did her head start to hurt, her knees start to shake?

"Jimmy," whispers Ashley, after hearing Craig moan in her ear.

"So not the name I want to hear right now," whispers Craig, taking his hand from her belt.

Ashley sits up, putting the blanket over her chest. Her heart starts to slow down, no longer passionately beating. Craig sits up as well, his hair tousled, sweat pouring down his chest. She no longer hears the rain outside.

"We can't, Craig," says Ashley. "I can't do this to him. And Ellie...we just can't."

Craig doesn't respond, pulls on his shirt, then his jacket, barely looking at her.

"Say something," begs Ashley.

"I need...I need some air," says Craig, grabbing the lamp.

He exits the tent. Ashley flops to the floor of the tent hard, staring at the finger that would've held her wedding ring.

Ashley awakes to the sound of a bird hooting, maybe an owl going in as night gives way to day. Her body aches, though it's not pain; it's a warm, steady ache knowing that she couldn't be with Craig the night before. She rubs her head against his leather jacket, then starts to get dressed. She throws the blanket over her to protect her against the morning cold. After finishing, she leaves the tent, seeing Craig sitting near the remains of the fire he started. He started a fire in me too, thinks Ashley sadly, also looking at the charred, burnt sticks.

A grey mist surrounds them, but Ashley can see him clearly in the fog.

"We're decent people, Ash," says Craig. "We care about them. So what do we do?"

"I don't know," says Ashley, shivering.

"We can't go on like this. We're either flirting or fighting or...taking each other's clothes off."

Ashley looks down. "It's complicated."

"I...I can break up with Ellie," says Craig, staring at Ashley. "I can't string her along anymore. I care about her too much."

Craig stares at Ashley, expectantly.

"Um," begins Ashley. "I'll..."

"You'll?" encourages Craig.

"It's going to take some time," says Ashley. "But after last night, yeah. Okay?"

"Okay...okay, I'll wait," says Craig, smiling, not needing to hear the rest.

Suddenly, they hear a horn beep. A red truck drives up to them from out of nowhere, and Ashley sees Derek and Mr. Park in the driver's seat. Derek gets out of the truck, and jogs to them.

"Dude!" says Derek. "Everyone's in a panic. Don't worry, Ash. Leslie's alright, but man, were we worried. You guys walked all the way to like Route 32. It's just past this meadow. Someone said they saw Craig walking around with a lamp, phoned us."

Craig throws Ash a look, but starts collecting his things.

"Our map was messed up," says Ashley. "One of the kids drew on it."

"Oh," says Derek, though Ashley hears a bit of disbelief.

"It's true, Derek," says Craig.

Derek shrugs, then goes back to Mr. Park, who is changing a tire on the truck.

"I'll buy you a new compass," whispers Ashley. "Just tell me the kind Ellie got you."

Craig shakes his head. "Nah, I love the path we took."


	13. You Keep Me Hangin' On

**XIII. You Keep Me Hangin' On**

**Author's Note: This is the first chapter where you will get Paige's POV. Hopefully, it's not confusing because it does flow with the rest of the story. Thanks. :)**

_Set me free why doncha babe  
Get out of my life why doncha babe  
Cuz you don't really love me, you just keep me hangin' on  
You don't really need me but ya keep me hangin' on _

Why do ya keep a'comin' around playin' with my heart  
Why doncha get out of my life and let me make a new start  
Let me get over you the way you've gotten over me-hey

Set me free why doncha babe  
Let me be why doncha babe  
Cuz you don't really love me, you just keep me hangin' on  
Now you don't really want me, you just keep me hangin' on

You say although we broke up you still wanna be just friends  
But how can we still be friends when seein' you only breaks my heart again

Whoa-oh-oh

Set me free why doncha babe (Whoa-oh-oh)  
Get out of my life why doncha babe (Whoa-oh-oh)  
Set me free why doncha babe  
Get out of my life why doncha babe

You claim you still care for me but your heart and soul need to be free  
And now that you've got your freedom you want to still hold on to me  
You don't want me or yourself so let me find somebody else, hey hey

Why doncha be a man about it and set me free  
Now you don't care a thing about me, you're just usin' me-go on  
Get out, get out of my life and let me sleep at night

"Make sure you have everything!" yells Ms. Park, as everyone mills around in front of the arts and craft cabin.

Craig digs furiously inside his bag, the sun beating down on his back. He's sure it's somewhere.

"Hi," says Leslie behind him.

"Hey," he says. "Did you have fun yesterday?"

"Yeah," says Leslie. "I learned a lot. I guess I won't see you anymore."

Craig takes his hand out of the bag, gives her shoulder a squeeze.

"Nah, we're friends," says Craig. "We'll see each other."

"If I write some lyrics, would you take a look at them?" asks Leslie.

"Yeah, I'd love to read them."

Leslie smiles. "Thanks, and thanks for looking out for my mom. I don't think she could've survived the woods. She's a little girly."

Craig laughs, as Leslie skips away.

Digging to the very bottom, he smiles, touching it, puts it in the pocket on the back of his jeans. He glances around, sees Darcy demonstrating how to hula hoop for Aubrey and Leslie, then spots Ashley rifling through her purse. Walking past Ashley, he grazes the top of her waist with his hand, making her grin. He nods towards the cabin, goes inside, waiting for her to come through. Ashley appears a few seconds later.

"So," says Craig.

"So?" says Ashley, shrugging.

"So come here," says Craig, smiling at her.

Craig leads her into the supply closet.

As soon as the door closes, Craig kisses her mouth, then her neck. It feels just as good as it did last night. He thought it was some state of delirium, a dream, that it didn't actually happen. But no, it was real, and this is real. He's glad to see Ashley relaxing as he does it, but she makes a cry of anguish.

"Rake," says Ashley, moving to the left. "In my back."

Craig knocks the rake over, a loud clatter filling the closet. He kisses her mouth, stops, lays his forehead against hers.

"I feel like we're in high school again," says Craig.

Ashley sighs happily, touching his chin. "Yeah...but this feels insanely better."

"Insanely," agrees Craig.

Ashley looks at the door of the closet. "Well, we don't want to get left...again. Leslie's probably wondering where I am."

"We've still got twenty minutes before we leave," says Craig. "And I need to give you something..."

"Yeah?" says Ashley.

Craig reaches into his pocket, and gives her a small, neon pink and green bracelet, a friendship bracelet.

"I didn't know...um, this would happen...us trying to be together. But I knew we'd be friends at the very least. So I made it in arts and crafts after you left. It's not big, I know. Aubrey helped me make it. You know, I really like that kid."

Ashley slides it onto her wrist, her eyes misty.

"Yes, it is big, Craig. It's very big," says Ashley, hugging him. "I'll wear it...all the time."

"Even when we're together. Which won't be that long, right?"

Ashley blinks, a surprised expression on her face, looks down.

"Yeah...yeah, I shouldn't have asked...," starts Craig. "But yeah, patience and me are pretty much enemies."

"No," says Ashley. "That's alright. But it's a marriage...so, it's more difficult than your situation, you know?"

"Oh, I know."

"So are you going to talk to Ellie today?"

Craig nods. He'd been thinking about Ellie as soon as he got up that morning, during all the final exercises which were mainly catch-up activities where the kids completed things they worked on the previous day. Leslie had apparently constructed a nice little drum in Instrument Construction that she asked Craig to sign. Apparently, Winston had told her he was a rock star, just not some nice guy that could sing. Even with the sweetness of that gesture, Craig knew he wasn't being sweet with another girl in his life, that he was making a huge leap that would hurt Ellie. He rubs his head, which is starting to pound.

"I don't even know what to say yet," confesses Craig.

"Just be...gentle with her, please," says Ashley. "I know you will, but just as gentle as possible."

"I'll be as gentle with her as I was with you last night," says Craig, then turning red. "Well, not _that_ kind of gentle."

Ashley blushes. "Last night was...," she begins.

Craig wraps his arms around her waist. "Incredible...perfect...inevitable," he says, kissing her between words.

"All the good adjectives," says Ashley, hugging him tight.

He holds her tight too, closing his eyes. This time, it would work. They didn't want anyone to get hurt, but it was a long time coming. Ellie would find someone, someone that loved her as much as he loved Ashley. And Jimmy, well, perhaps he'd find happiness too.

"You have no idea how happy you're making me, Ash," he whispers in her ear.

Ashley lets go, clutches Craig's face with her hands, smiles. "I think I know. Same here."

II.

Paige adjusts her sunglasses, pulls a trench coat tightly to her chest, enters the convenience store, a little chime sounding as she reaches the counter. The clerk gives her a quizzical look, as she puts on her brightest smile.

"Hey," greets Paige. "Do you have any...um...cigarettes?"

The clerk raises an eyebrow. "Kind?"

Paige scrunches her nose. "Whatever."

He gets a pack, places it on the counter, starts to run it over the scanner. Paige stops him.

"Can I have some...batteries?' she asks.

"Kind?"

"Doesn't matter. You choose."

The clerk reaches up and takes a pack of batteries down, eyes Paige suspiciously. Paige taps the counter, whistling. She leans in, brushing back her hair.

"Listen, um," she whispers, then staring down at his nametag. "Um, Murray...good name by the way, do you have pregnancy tests?"

"Oh, pregnancy tests!" exclaims Murray.

"Shhh," says Paige. "A little discretion here. I mean, but I'm probably not pregnant."

"Oh."

"I have this like ten-year plan, and I still need a year to get my design business of the ground. It's not like I can go on Project Runway and have instant success, you know. That's what I do. I run a business."

"Cool."

Paige beams. "Thanks, so yeah, I've been really careful. So I can't...can't have a baby. And Spinner's...so busy right now too so..."

"Your husband's name is Spinner?" says Murray, making a repulsed face.

"It's cute," defends Paige. "But hello, focus. If I were pregnant, which I'm not, the timing would be all messed up and...I'd have to stay home and change diapers...ewww. It's fine when Ash did it, but me...no."

"Who's Ash?"

"Uh, friend. But again, focus, hon. I basically promised Spinner and myself that we'd wait three years. Our house is really small and we have like no room for a baby. Plus they make a lot of noise."

"Well, they have to," says Murray. "I mean, they can't talk."

"And I don't hold that against them, really. But I like my eight hours of sleep, thank you very much. So you see why I'm dressed like this."

Murray shakes his head. "Uh, no, why are you dressed like that?"

"So no one will recognize me," replies Paige. "I already convinced Spin I just had a stomach bug, lied and said I went to a doctor, and coordinated this outfit."

"You went to a lot of trouble," says Murray, smiling.

"I know! You figure it wouldn't take this much work."

"Especially since you're not pregnant."

Paige shifts her eyes, avoiding his look, ignoring his smile. "Definitely not."

"They're in aisle seven," says Murray. "And congratulations if you are."

Paige crosses her arms. "I won't be needing the cigarettes...or the batteries."

"Yeah, I figured."

Paige walks down aisle seven, scanning the shelves. The pregnancy tests are right in front of her face, and she reaches out for one. She reads the instructions, grimaces, checks another. The second one seems alright, and she sings along to the song over the speaker, a Jude Harrison song she liked.

_Tell me you love me like a star  
Tell me you want me where ever you are,  
Tell me you breathe me until your last breath.  
Liar, Liar, oh, Liar, Liar_.

Yeah, she was a liar, a girl whose thighs were getting bigger, who felt weird things going on in her stomach. She had even started craving fruit recently, something she knew her mother went through during her pregnancy with her. Well, that's my mom, thinks Paige. And she was ready for me and Dylan. But Spinner, he was so concerned, asking all these questions. Paige scratches her nose, makes her way down the aisle. She hated lying to him, but he just couldn't know, especially when she herself wasn't prepared to know. Starting down the aisle, she stops to examine a bottle of vitamins.

"Joining the FBI?" says a voice in front of her.

She views Ellie through her tinted glasses, which is odd as Ellie's wearing mostly black.

"Joining the Korn reunion show?" replies Paige. "I hear they're into moody, skinny girls with no fashion sense."

Ellie chuckles. "Seriously, it's way too hot for a trench."

"Just trying out a look," mumbles Paige, putting the vitamins down.

Ellie arches an eyebrow. "Interesting."

Paige holds the pregnancy test behind her back, backing up towards Murray, who was chewing a chocolate bar and singing Jude at the top of his lungs in a high-pitched voice.

_Tell me you love me like a star,  
Tell me you want me where ever you are,  
Tell me you breathe me until your last breath.  
Liar, Liar,  
Oh, Liar, Liar, Liar, Liar, Oh, Liar, Liar._

"Wow, seriously concerned for the state of music in our country," says Paige, looking disgustedly at Murray, still backing up.. "Should've talked to Craig about that. I'll see ya around."

"Wait, you saw Craig?" asks Ellie.

"Yeah, at the camp thing."

The test drops and Paige makes a grab for it, but Ellie sees it, her eyes widening. Paige sighs.

"I'm not...," starts Paige.

"Well, how would you know if...um, you haven't done it?" asked Ellie.

"I've done it. Hello, that's why I'm in this mess," says Paige, obviously misunderstanding her.

Ellie laughs. "No, not sex. I mean, if you haven't done the test."

"Because I don't want to...believe that I am. Because I'm...a little scared. Leave me alone."

Ellie pats her on the shoulder. "Come on. There's a bathroom in the restaurant next door. Pay and we'll go over."

Paige gives her a confused expression. "We're...barely friends."

Ellie shrugs. "I'm not Hazel. But you're scared, and you were there for me when I was scared."

Paige thinks back to when she first saw Ellie's arm in high school, all those frightening cuts, Ellie lurched over, crying. It would help to have another woman around, she thinks, even if that woman was someone she wasn't close to.

"Okay," whispers Paige.

"Good, so take off the shades, I'll get what I need, and meet you there."

Paige walks up to pay for the test, Murray slyly grinning. She takes off the shades, asks for the bathroom in the restaurant next door, and removes the trench coat. Removing the test from the bag, she goes to work, hearing boots cross the linoleum in the middle of it.

"Are you peeing yet?" says Ellie, the door of the bathroom clattering behind her, checking to see what stall Paige was in..

"Ellie, shut up," says Paige, finishing up. "Some privacy please."

"Sorry," whispers Ellie. "What are we hoping for?"

Paige opens the stall, looks at the directions, washes her hands.

"We don't want pink," replies Paige.

"Good, I don't like pink," says Ellie, smiling at her.

"Well, normally I don't mind pink, but yeah. Five minutes."

Paige paces the room, looks at her watch every few seconds, until five minutes is up.

"Please not pink, please not pink," she mumbles to herself.

She gives Ellie a frightened look, and looks at the test.

"Pink!" exclaims Paige, pounding the sink. "No...and oww!"

Paige massages her hand, not intending to hit it that hard. Immediately, a list starts going through her head. All the people she had to tell. Her mom., Spinner, Marco, and yeah, Ash would want to know. Why? Why now?

"Okay for physical contact?" says Ellie.

"Physical contact would be appreciated right now," says Paige.

Ellie hugs her, pats her back. "Spin's great. You should be happy."

"I'm not ready, Ellie. I can't have this baby."

Paige sees Ellie's face fall, her eyes darting. She looks miles away, thinking about something. She hoped she didn't sound like a total brat, that she didn't care about this life growing inside of her. But sometimes it was okay to think about yourself, wasn't it? I'm in such a mess, thinks Paige, stroking her forehead.

"This is a gift, Paige," says Ellie. "I know...I know it sounds lame. But you're going to be so thankful."

Paige takes the test, throws it in the trash, shakes her head at Ellie.

"Doubt it," she says, pushing through the door.

Ellie sips her coffee, retrieving mail from her mailbox. She can see two bills in between magazines and groans. No parenting magazines. It had been a strange day, especially that run-in with Paige. Didn't she know that she was lucky? Ellie shakes her head, fetching her keys. She could start thinking about nursery patterns, baby names, all the things she wouldn't get to think about. Seeing that pregnancy test on the floor brought out warm feelings for her, easier to take than imagining Emma leafing through a parent's magazine. Besides, she knew she couldn't take her anger out on anyone else, that she should be happy for Paige and Spinner. They were good people. She imagines a baby in a Bebe bib and laughs, entering the house.

As soon as she enters, she hears the shower running and sees Craig's stuff near his writing desk. She knows they didn't part on the best terms, but she is excited to see him. Maybe she could even tell him about Paige. Paige never said to keep it quiet.

"You're home!" she yells over the running water, peeping her head into the bathroom.

She can see Craig's silhouette, him washing his hair.

"Yeah!" replies Craig. "I smell like forest, but I'm almost done."

Ellie smiles. "Got any laundry?"

"Uh, yeah! But I can do it!"

Ellie realizes she hasn't told him about Claremont buying the film either.

"Okay, hurry! I've got some really good news. In fact, two pieces of good news!"

She unzips Craig's bag, starts taking out clothes, and yes, a lot of clothing smelled pretty woodsy. Ellie felt the urge to pinch her nose, but doesn't, taking out his leather jacket. A sweeter smell wafted up to her nose, startling her. She sniffs again. Flowers? No. Perfume? Yes, perfume, too feminine to be cologne. That's when her finger finds a couple pieces of red-brown hair, fairly long bits of hair. Definitely not her hair. Then, she remembers that Paige said she was at the camp, and she couldn't think of a reason why unless Ashley was there too. Ashley with her long, red-brown hair. She can feel a heavy sting near her heart, clutching the jacket as Craig comes into the room, dressed, drying his hair with a towel. Ellie looks down, then up, holds the jacket towards him.

"This definitely doesn't smell like the forest," says Ellie, with heavy sarcasm. "Ashley, isn't it?"

Craig's eyes look like they're ready to fall out of his head. He stares at her, his lips tight.

"Really nice, Craig," says Ellie. "I don't know which was more fun. Finding the Ashley museum in your little drawer, which I was pretty much understanding about up until now, or this. Was she at this little camp excursion?"

Craig clears his throat. "Ellie, you...," he starts.

"Was she?" yells Ellie, the back of her eyes now wet.

"Yeah, she was."

Ellie shakes her head, throws down the jacket.

"You have so little respect for me, this relationship!" exclaims Ellie, walking briskly to their bedroom.

Everything looks the same. The vanity that held a modest collection of pictures of them together, not nearly as many as were in that drawer. The bed Craig had avoided for the past two weeks, or really whenever he felt the need. The scripts on their nightstand Craig never discussed with her.

"That's not true!" says Craig, grabbing her arm. "El, I care about you so much."

"If you cared, you would've let me go, instead of just keeping me hanging. I've done so much...I've done so much for you! When she wasn't around!"

"Like never going to my shows or finding excuses not to go with me to anything."

"At least I'm not cheating!"

Ellie starts to cry, sitting on the bed.

"You don't have feelings for me. There's like three people in this relationship, and I just had this faith that we could make it. Stupid me."

"Ellie, I'm the stupid one, okay?"

"Yeah...you are, Craig," says Ellie, tempted to hit him anywhere, anywhere where it hurt. "I don't even care what you guys are doing. All I care about is that you're still pulling the same reckless stuff you did in high school, caring about yourself. You're selfish, and so is Ash! Jimmy's probably clueless too. You guys really deserve one another."

"I want us to be friends," whispers Craig. "Ellie, you know what you mean to me."

"No, I don't Craig!" says Ellie. "A friend wouldn't lie to me, a boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me. Right now, I can't find any meaning between us."

Craig drops his eyes. She'd never talked to him like that before since they'd been together. But she knew he expected it.

"I'm in love with her," says Craig softly.

"That's pretty obvious," says Ellie. "But I can't be happy for you guys. I wonder why."

"And I think it's obvious that you're...in love with someone too. I don't think there's three people in this relationship, El. I think there's four, and we deserve to be happy, as twisted as everything is right now."

Ellie shoots an angry look at him, goes to the closet, and drags out a suitcase. It angered her that Craig was sneaking around with Ash, but it angered her more that he had the nerve to bring up Sean right then and there, as if that excused everything.

"Get out!" yells Ellie. "I don't care where you go, or what you do. Just leave."

Craig drops the towel, begins to put things into the suitcase, not looking at her. Ellie stares at him until he's done. He slips past her, shoulders slouched. Ellie wipes her tears. Why was he putting her through this? He was supposed to be her support, just like last time, when she was ready to cut, the guy who looked out for her in group, a friend that valued her feelings. That was the problem, a friend.

As Craig closes the door behind him, she realizes that she really is alone. She heads to the bathroom, takes out the razor blades she bought, and pushes up her sleeve. Metal meets her skin. It's sharp, cold, the first pain she can control.


	14. Ain't Too Proud To Beg

**XIV. Ain't Too Proud To Beg**

_I know you wanna leave me,  
But I refuse to let you go,  
If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy,  
I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me._

_Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin',  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go.  
Ain't to proud to plead, baby baby,  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go._

_Now I've heard a cryin' man, is half a man,  
With no, sense of pride.  
But if I have to cry to keep you, I don't mind weepin'  
If it'll keep you by my side._

_Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin',  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go.  
Ain't to proud to plead, baby baby,  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go._

_If I have to sleep on your doorstep, all night and day,  
Just to keep you from walkin' away,  
Let your friends laugh even this I can stand,  
Cause I wanna keep you, any way I can._

_Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin',  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go.  
Ain't to proud to plead, baby baby,  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go._

_Now I've got a love so deep, in the pit of my heart,  
And each day it grows more and more,  
And I'm not ashamed to come, and plead with you baby,  
If pleadin' keeps you from walkin' out that door._

_Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin',  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go.  
Ain't to proud to plead, baby baby,  
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go._

Jimmy removes his headphones, looks at the front door, and backs away from the coffee table. He's been waiting for his girls to return for most of the day, surprised and annoyed by the quiet in the house that weekend. Coaching went well, but coming home to an empty house wasn't satisfying at all. The loneliness got to him so bad that he called up his parents, who he tried to avoid talking to more than once a week, especially his dad, who'd grill him about Leslie's progress with golf. They both wanted her to be the best, but Jimmy hadn't told him about the arts academy, mainly because he's afraid that his dad will look at it as a lack of commitment, look at her differently, the same way he looked at Jimmy when he quit basketball his senior year. If he knew that Leslie had skipped this weekend to make friends at an arts camp, he'd grill Jimmy about that too. He couldn't stand the thought of being judged by his dad yet again, and besides, Leslie loves the game. Tonight's phone call had, unfortunately, ended up with Jimmy promising his parents that he and Ashley would eat with them at Spinner's restaurant. He really hopes they're not too tired.

He sees the knob turn and grins. Leslie enters, carrying her bag, rushing to Jimmy, who pecks her lightly on the lips.

"You're home, munchkin!" says Jimmy. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," says Leslie. "It was so much fun!"

Ashley comes in, avoiding Jimmy's stare. She immediately puts a few things in the closet as Leslie continues.

"I made a drum, and we sang, and oh, we went for a hike," says Leslie.

"No, no..._you_ didn't go on a hike!" cries Jimmy in mock astonishment.

Leslie giggles. "Yeah, and my friend Aubrey and Winston saw a family of deer. They were pretty."

"I'm happy you had fun, Les," says Jimmy, throwing Ashley a small smile, which he's thankful she returns.

"Yeah, and Winston's sending me an invitation to his birthday party next Saturday. I need to check my e-mail."

Leslie races upstairs, Jimmy's eye following her. The camp had really worked, as many reservations as he had had about it. Surprisingly, it gives him as much joy as when Leslie got her first golf stance right.

"She said friend," says Jimmy, beaming. "I don't think she's ever said that word before. And e-mail invitations! This is great!"

Ashley nods. "It was amazing."

Jimmy wheels to her side, pinches her waist playfully. He notes that Ashley shakes a bit, even though she has a smile on her face.

"And of course, you know I missed you," says Jimmy. "I said we'd have dinner with my folks, if that's okay?"

"Sure," says Ashley softly. "Let me just wash up, help Leslie pull up that e-mail. Do we have a sitter?"

"Yeah, one of the girls I coach said she'd do it. You remember Lisa?"

"Oh, yeah. Leslie really liked her. Okay. I'll go upstairs."

Ashley makes her way upstairs, with Jimmy's eyes following her. He thought that time away would make her more affectionate towards him. He hated staring at the empty half of their bed, thinking of Ashley, alone, exhausted from whatever camp activities they were doing. But no, she was still fidgety, more fidgety if that was possible. Jimmy finds his wallet, starts sifting through the bills, counting. He can count how much money he has, but he can't count how many times Ashley has eased her mind around him. However, he's sure the number would depress him.

Craig knocks on the wooden door, glances at his suitcase. He hears raised voices on the other side, then someone putting on the chain lock, and then the chain lock coming off again, then being put on again. Finally, the door opens a sliver, revealing Marco's head behind the chain lock. He frowns at Craig, crosses his arms

"Hey," says Craig. "And I'm assuming you know everything."

Marco looks ready to spit on him. "Ellie, Craig...I mean, _Ellie_, Craig. She's the biggest sweetheart ever."

"Yeah, I'm horrible," says Craig, looking down.

Marco rolls his eyes. "She calls me at work, livid...and frantic. And you're...," he starts.

"Homeless, at least for tonight," says Craig.

Craig thinks he sees Dylan wavering behind Marco, listening to the entire conversation.

"Please, Marco," says Craig. "I'm begging you. Tomorrow, I'll call Mickey, get a hotel room."

Marco makes a move to remove the chain, glancing at Dylan.

"I've made mistakes too," says Dylan, giving Marco a knowing look. "Remember?"

Marco blinks back at Craig. Craig is pretty sure Dylan is referring to Marco's junior year, when Marco took him back after Dylan cheated. At the same time, the person wronged was Ellie, Marco's Ellie, so it really was up in the air whether Marco would let him in. Marco undoes the chain, steps aside so Craig can come through.

"Thanks, man," says Craig, looking at both Dylan and Marco.

"Anytime," says Dylan, goofily grinning.

Marco glares at him, grabs a blanket from another room, and throws it on the sofa. Dylan shrugs, and heads into the kitchen.

"The sofa's lumpy," says Marco, coldly. "Just so you know. And no, you can't have the extra bedroom."

Craig had never heard that amount of iciness in Marco's voice, but isn't too surprised when Marco starts taking out pillows, another blanket, and fresh towels. Despite his anger, he was still Marco. Craig smiles to himself, but erases it when Marco sits next to him, wringing his hands.

"So it's Ashley?" asks Marco. "Ellie wouldn't say who."

"Yeah, I didn't think she would," says Craig, knowing Ellie wouldn't go into detail, maybe out of embarrassment. "It's Ash."

"So my advice went right over your head," says Marco, shaking his head.

"No, but your advice went right over my heart," says Craig. "I'm really sorry, man. You know I care about El, don't you?"

Marco doesn't say anything, but Craig can tell that he's not responding out of agreement.

"Okay, so now that you've done this," says Marco after a minute of silence. "You have to know that Jimmy isn't going to let you roll all over him...okay, bad word choicr...he's not going to let you come in and swoop Ash away. She's his wife, the mother of his kid..."

"So?" interrupts Craig, getting up and pretending to read Marco's certificate for Employee of the Month at his non-profit association.

"So I'm saying you have to be prepared. Jimmy isn't the most forgiving person, and he's definitely not the most passive person. You know how he was with Spin."

"That was completely different," says Craig. "Besides if she wants a divorce, he should respect her wishes. He should respect that she wants to be with me."

"Yeah," says Marco, sarcastically. "Like you respect their marriage. It goes both ways, Craig."

Craig picks up the certificate. "Yeah, I know. But Jimmy's older now...more mature."

"Maybe," says Marco. "Just be careful. And don't touch my stuff."

Marco puts the certificate back, fixes up the pillows, and turns off the light. Craig flops down on the sofa, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, thinking about Ashley. Yes, it would be hard, but maybe Jimmy would make it easier for all three of them. Maybe he'd remember that Craig sacrificed a lot of time with Ashley so Jimmy could be with her, that a marriage based on duty wasn't as fulfilling as one based on love. Craig picks up his phone, thinks of dialing her, but no, he knows he has to wait, wait for everything to work in their favor.

Jimmy passes the mashed potatoes to his mother, the fork clattering against the bowl the only sound at the table. He glances at Ashley, something he's been doing ever since they took their seats. Ms. Brooks would occasionally ask her a question, and she'd reply quickly, then become quiet again. Mr. Brooks clears his throat, starting to carve his steak.

"Jim, I found some professional training programs for Leslie," says Mr. Brooks. "Really good for youngsters. I'll send you the websites later."

Jimmy lops some potatoes on his plate. "Dad, I'm coaching her," says Jimmy.

"Yeah, I know, but you can never say no to extra help," says Mr. Brooks. "The female golf population has become more and more crowded in the last six years, so we want Leslie a cut above the rest, right?"

"Yeah," says Jimmy, wiping his mouth with his napkin, praying that the dinner would end quickly.

"Besides, your game was basketball, not golf," says Mr. Brooks, and Jimmy hears the trickles of disappointment in this assessment. "Of course, that changed."

Ms. Brooks hangs her head, turning red. Jimmy grits his teeth, and notices that even Ashley has looked up at this point. Mr. Brooks chews a piece of steak, sips his wine.

"Jimmy's a really good coach, Dad," says Ashley suddenly. "The girls at Degrassi love him, and of course, Leslie does."

Mr. Brooks smacks his lips. "I'm sure, I'm sure. I'll go see about the bill."

Ms. Brooks smiles at Ashley as her husband leaves, obviously pleased at her defense of Jimmy. Jimmy grins too, glad to see Ashley more vocal.

"Ashley, we were actually thinking about taking a cruise before September," announces Ms. Brooks. "Have you ever been to the Virgin Islands? They're beautiful."

Ashley shakes her head. "Uh, no."

"Well, we were thinking you and Jimmy could come with us. My sister would be happy to take Leslie. It would be nice to spend time with you and Jimmy before Degrassi goes back in session. Of course, I don't know your schedule. Jimmy's father thinks it'll cut into Leslie's practice time, and that's why he started searching for these professionals. But I'm sure we can figure this all out, and have a lovely time."

Jimmy thinks he sees Ashley shaking more, her eyes becoming glazed. He lays down his fork, and a look of concern crosses his face.

"Excuse me," says Ashley. "I have to go to the ladies' room."

"Sure," says Ms. Brooks.

Jimmy excuses himself, noticing his mother's confused smile, but wheeling after Ashley, surprised to see her take a turn not towards the bathroom, but to the mauve-colored lounge, empty except for them, since it's just before closing. There is a row of phone booths Ashley heads to, picking up the phone, plucking out a quarter from her purse.

"Ash!" says Jimmy, startling her, forcing her to drop the quarter.

"Oh...hi," says Ashley.

Jimmy laughs. "We don't have to do the cruise thing. I don't think I could survive a week with my parents, so I don't expect you to. Who are you calling?"

Ashley hangs up the phone. "Emma," replies Ashley, though Jimmy can hear that her voice is unsure.

"The station? But it's Sunday."

Looking around the lounge, Ashley darts her eyes, and Jimmy can see clearly now that she's on the verge of crying. She sits on a mauve-colored couch, her knees going up and down violently.

"What's wrong?" says Jimmy, stroking her arm.

"It's not the cruise! It's not you!" sobs Ashley. "It's me."

"What're you saying, Ash?" asks Jimmy. "I'm missing whatever you're trying to tell me."

Ashley covers her face with her hands, and Jimmy sees a neon bracelet fall down her arm. He reaches out, touches it.

"Did Leslie make this? It's nice," says Jimmy, hoping that would change the subject, make her smile.

It doesn't, making Ashley cry more, stand up, pace the room, hugging herself. He doesn't remember seeing her this agitated. He'd seen her stressed on several occasions, but he attributed that to her work. This didn't seem work related.

"She didn't make it," whispers Ashley. "Someone else did."

Ashley turns her back to him, Jimmy seeing her muscles tense through her shirt He thinks back to before she left for camp, the last time he saw her, remembers that suspicion he had, a suspicion that she felt guilty about something. This someone else? But who would give her a friendship bracelet, one that would upset her that much? He didn't think Paige or Darcy would garner that type of reaction, thinks it has to be someone that she cares about, but is afraid to say their name.

"Craig," says Jimmy, feeling his entire body get hot. "It's Craig's."

Ashley faces him, tears that were hanging on her chain now falling.

"Yes," she whispers.

Jimmy's heart pounds, and he thinks that his body might as well be all paralyzed because he can't feel anything. He starts to wheel towards the door, his mind blank, but Ashley blocks him.

"Jimmy, it's not you!" cries Ashley. "I just have all these feelings. Craig was at this camp, and I lied to you and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!"

Jimmy bangs the arm of his wheelchair. "Is this about sex, Ash? Because I don't know why else you'd lie to me."

Ashley glares at him. "No, and you know it's not, Jimmy."

Jimmy smiles coldly. "I don't know what to think. How long have you been seeing him?"

"Um...we met at the charity concert, then the carnival...," begins Ashley.

"And you never told me about it," says Jimmy, rubbing his head. "Go on."

"Then I went to his studio..."

"You went to his studio," says Jimmy, smirking. "Ash, you know, just stop there. This can't get any better, can it? So what is, are you confused between us? Do you just want him?"

Ashley stays silent, looks down at the bracelet.

"You want him," answers Jimmy for himself. "Which means our whole marriage was some lie, our daughter was made out of that lie..."

"No, no," interrupts Ashley, as more tears fall. "I love you, Jimmy. It's just..."

Jimmy blinks up at her, his heart racing. "What? Ash, I'm really confused. You love me, but you don't want to be with me."

Ashley sighs, collapses on the lounge couch. Jimmy wheels to her, takes her hand. As much as she'd lied to him, he knew that Craig was just working his magic on her, that it was momentary, and they'd realize it wouldn't work. Ashley was his wife, and she was usually faithful, unbelievably kind. This couldn't be happening.

"Just take some time," whispers Jimmy. "I want to make this...make us work. You just need to let him go."

Ashley releases another loud cry. "Jimmy, I think we should..."

"I know, I know," interrupts Jimmy. "We should take some time apart, let you get closure with him."

"No," whispers Ashley. "I think we should get a divorce."

Jimmy lets her hand go, feels his veins turn ice cold, his blood pumping wildly. Ashley balls her fists, stands, looks around the room.

"You obviously haven't thought this through," says Jimmy, giving her an intense stare.

Ashley looks down nervously. "Yes...yes, I have."

"And Leslie? You want me to tell her that her mother's just bailing, to fulfill some selfish fantasy with another guy?"

"It's not a fantasy!" yells Ashley.

"Yes, it is, Ash. You guys never work. We've always worked, until you've bailed!" shouts Jimmy.

"Why do you think I keep bailing, Jimmy? I don't want to, but something's missing. I try to feel it...I really try, but it's like I can't!"

Jimmy lets a tear fall down his cheek, glances down at the carpet, then back at Ashley, whose eyes are deeply red. She's not playing, he thinks. She really wants this.

"I'm not giving you up without a fight, Ash," says Jimmy as calmly as he can. "Not for me, not for Les. I'm not giving you a divorce."

Ashley brushes past him, wiping her eyes, jogging out the doors of the lounge. Jimmy arches up his head, letting the tears burn his face, starting to regain feeling. The one place where he feels the most right now, his heart, he wishes would just disappear.

Jimmy hears a light tapping from outside Leslie's room, and pushes through her door, newly painted pink with a large white daisy in the center. He painted it last summer, with some help from Spinner. He remembers how it made Leslie smile, jump up excitedly, how Ashley grinned when she saw it. Leslie pulls a piece of paper from the printer.

"Hey, munchkin," says Jimmy. "Did you print out your invitation?"

"Yes," says Leslie, putting it on her nightstand. "I'm going to mark it on my calendar and count down the days. That's what Mommy does when she has something big coming up."

Mommy, thinks Jimmy. Your mother who I don't understand. He'd waited two hours before coming home, sure Ashley had gotten a cab ride home. He hoped it would cool her off, that they could talk it out some more.

"Good," says Jimmy. "Let me tuck you in."

Leslie obediently gets into bed, brushing back her hair, slinking under the covers. Jimmy smiles down at her, kisses her nose. He notices a beaded necklace around her small neck, with stones in the middle of the beads.

"Did you make that at camp?" asks Jimmy.

"My friend Craig made it," replies Leslie. "He sings too. I like him. Night."

Leslie kisses Jimmy on the cheek, and throws her head against the pillow. Jimmy lets more tears fall as he turns out the light, and heads for the bedroom. The bed is still made, but some drawers have been opened. Small items were gone. Her make-up, her hairbrush, her nightgown. She was gone.


	15. You Can't Hurry Love

**XV. You Can't Hurry Love**

_I need love, love  
To ease my mind  
I need to find, find someone to call mine  
But mama said_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
You got to trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes_

_But how many heartaches  
Must I stand before I find a love  
To let me live again  
Right now the only thing  
That keeps me hangin' on  
When I feel my strength, yeah  
It's almost gone  
I remember mama said:_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

_How long must I wait  
How much more can I take  
Before loneliness will cause my heart  
Heart to break?_

_No I can't bear to live my life alone  
I grow impatient for a love to call my own  
But when I feel that I, I can't go on  
These precious words keeps me hangin' on  
I remember mama said:_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes_

_No, love, love, don't come easy  
But I keep on waiting  
Anticipating for that soft voice  
To talk to me at night  
For some tender arms  
To hold me tight  
I keep waiting  
I keep on waiting  
But it ain't easy  
It ain't easy  
But mama said:_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said to trust, give it time  
No matter how long it takes_

_You can't hurry love  
No, you just have to wait  
She said love don't come easy  
It's a game of give and take_

Ashley spots some signs for a music festival as she drags her rolling suitcase to a bench, cool night air blowing on her face. A packed bus revs up its engine in front of her, and she takes a seat, clutching her purse to her chest. Her heart beats against it as she unzips her purse, fetches her bottle of pills. She reads the label. Tricyclin. The doctor had given her these as a last resort, cautioned her to use them wisely, said they were okay, that a lot of white collar workers used them. Temptation to take a few, more than she should, enters her mind.

She shakes the bottle, looking at the bus, and an image of a sleeping Leslie comes into her mind. She didn't want to leave her, pay Lisa that extra ten bucks to stay the night and watch over her daughter. She wanted to be the one doing that, but she couldn't lie there in bed with Jimmy, let him think that not agreeing to a divorce was okay. Was he enjoying the fact that they barely kissed, were barely affectionate? Or the fact that they were growing more and more distant? What was he holding on to? The answer, she knows, is hope. Ashley holds her purse tighter. Hope can only do so much, Jimmy, she thinks. But maybe that applies to her too.

The driver opens the bus, peers out at her.

"Going, miss?" he asks.

Her first instinct had been to go, anywhere, just to clear her mind. She wouldn't have to face anyone on the stretches of road, but she knew sooner or later, she'd have to face the most important person, herself. Never mind that they'd all be worried about her.

"No," she replies.

"We're the last bus tonight," he says. "You sure?"

Ashley nods. "Yeah, I'm sure."

The door of the bus closes and it speeds away, leaving Ashley alone in the lot, a streetlight shining down on her. At first, it felt good to be alone, but now Ashley shivers, shaking in the dark. She hears shoes clomping against the pavement, but can't see the figure advancing towards her. Grabbing her pepper spray, she curls it in her fist.

"Ashley Kerwin, right?" says the figure, stepping into the glow of the streetlight.

Ashley puts the spray back into her purse, then the bottle of pills. Jay Hogart stood before her in a bus driver's uniform, his medium-length brown hair touching the collar. She'd seen him at Spinner's house a couple times, throwing back beer, watching games with him. She's a little wary, but not so much that she feels her life is threatened.

"Hi," says Ashley.

Jay looks around, confused. "Are you...coming or going?"

"Don't know really," replies Ashley. "I just needed to get out of the house."

"Oh," says Jay. "Well, do you need a ride? Is someone picking you up?"

"No," says Ashley. "I don't think I can talk to anyone anyway."

Jay takes a seat beside her, shoving his hands into his pants. Ashley moves to the side, acting like she's making room for him, but really trying not to be too close to him. Still, he could've done something already if he really wanted to.

"What if I talked to them for you?" asks Jay. "You don't have to tell me the particulars. I'll just tell them to come get you. You really shouldn't be out here at night on the streets of Toronto, looking all fresh and pretty."

Ashley smiles at him. Well, if Spinner likes him, maybe he's not too bad, she thinks, dialing a number. Jay grins back at her, puts the phone to his mouth. He tells the person on the other end where Ashley is, gives them a few directions, clicks the phone off, and hands it to her.

"Thanks, Jay," says Ashley, feeling more relaxed.

"Yeah, well, whatever," replies Jay. "I'll stay til he comes."

"Why...why are you being so nice?"

"I've got nowhere special to go," says Jay, shrugging. "You seem out of it. You're Spin's friend. And well, you're hot. Have a weakness for hot, lost dark-haired girls. You know, I'm not that bad a guy."

"No," says Ashley, grinning at him. "You're not."

II.

Craig parks the car in the bus lot, the headlights of his car illuminating Ashley. He sees her talking with a guy, and his stomach practically does somersaults. Slipping out of the car, he walks briskly to them, putting on a forced smile.

"Hey, thanks, I can take it from here," he says to Jay, casting Ashley a quick look. "I'm sure you have somewhere else to be."

"Chill out, Craigster," says Jay. "Musicians sure are moody."

Jay chuckles to himself, waves bye to Ashley, and disappears into the bus station. Ashley looks up at him, then down at her suitcase.

"Going to the music festival?" jokes Craig, half-heartedly.

Tears start to fall down her face, and Craig sits by her, hugging her from the side.

"Hey, what's wrong?" says Craig, kissing her forehead. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," whispers Ashley. "You should've seen Jimmy's face, Craig. Like I stabbed him in the heart a thousand times."

"He knows?" says Craig, his eyes widening. "Ash, wow, honestly, I didn't think you'd tell him so quick, but..."

Ashley shakes her head. "He saw the bracelet, and he knew. I was going to wait, but there was so much guilt. I couldn't...couldn't hold it in."

Craig pictures Jimmy defeated, depressed. To his surprise, it didn't please him at all. He had really hoped that Jimmy would see things clearly, but maybe that was too much to ask, just like Marco said.

"That means we can be together now," says Craig, stroking her arm. "I didn't want to hurt Jimmy either, but he'll see. After you guys get divorced, he'll meet someone and get on with his life."

Ashley slips out of Craig's arms. "Craig, he didn't...he didn't agree to the divorce."

Craig lets his arms fall, no feeling in them. Ashley rises from the bench, stares out at the empty bus lot, leaving her suitcase behind. Craig trails her, focuses on her eyes.

"A selfish fantasy...that's what he called us," says Ashley, wiping her left eyes with her sleeve.

"We're not selfish," says Craig. "I'm so sick of hearing that word. We just want each other. You've bent over backwards to stand by him, you sacrificed time with me, your singing...what more does he want? He's the selfish little..."

"Craig, stop!" interrupts Ashley, her voice echoing in the emptiness.

"Sorry," says Craig softly. "But we need to fight him, Ash. Every time something stands in our way, we've beaten it, and I don't see why this has to be different. I know it's going to be hard, harder than anything we've faced, but I love you too much to throw in the towel."

Ashley kisses him lightly on the lips, hugs him closely to her.

"You said you'd wait," whispers Ashley. "I can talk to him, convince him. I just need a little more time."

Craig sighs, looks at his car. How much time would it take this time? He blinks furiously, stroking Ashley's back. He wouldn't follow Jimmy's time, let him control everything, cost him more time with her. He pulls out his keys, eager to change the subject.

"Where do you want to go?" he asks, though he can tell Ashley wanted him to say something different.

"Where are you staying?"

"Marco's, but only for tonight. He definitely doesn't want me there. I broke up with El. She found out about the trip."

A pained look covers Ashley's face, and Craig knows she's thinking about Ellie the same way he thought about Jimmy. The thought of a depressed Ellie stung him as well, but he wanted to solve this problem first.

"Anywhere you can stay?" he asks.

"Um...maybe Mom's," says Ashley. "It's not too far from here."

Craig nods, opens the car door as Ashley retrieves her suitcase. They drive in silence, Ashley settling her head against the seat, starting to nod off. As his car moves, Craig notices that he seems to be hitting every red light, like something is telling him to stop. The red matches his mood, and as he finally drives right through a welcome green light, he thinks, I won't stop, let her go, not this time.

There's only one light on as Craig and Ashley approach her childhood home, signaling that someone is indeed up at midnight. Ashley drags her suitcase to the entrance, rings the doorbell tentatively, fixing her hair. Craig grins at her, smoothing down a lock of hair that stuck up due to the car seat.

The door opens, with Kate Kerwin blinking her eyes in alarm.

"Hey, Mom," says Ashley, as Craig takes his hands away from her quickly.

"Hey, Kate," greets Craig, then catching himself. "Um, Ms. Kerwin."

Kate Kerwin frowns at Craig, but then gives Ashley a sympathetic look. She lets them come in, with Jeff straggling into a room, scratching his belly.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" asks Kate, glancing at her suitcase.

Ashley darts her eyes, but settles them on her mother. "I just need a place to stay."

Kate looks at Craig quizzically, sighs. "Jeff, fix up the guest room for Ash?"

Jeff nods, hugs Ashley for a few seconds, pats Craig on the back. Ashley kisses her mother on the cheek, follows Jeff with her suitcase. Craig makes a move to go with her, but Kate halts him, shows him to the couch. Craig takes a seat, glances nervously at a picture of Toby with his arm around a tall, beautiful model, smiling happy. Craig wishes he felt that glad to be here, but nope. He smiles weakly at Kate.

"So how's Toby?" he asks.

"I think the more important question is how is my daughter?" says Kate. "And what are you doing here?"

Craig opens his mouth to speak, but Kate continues.

"Whatever is going on, you have to know something, Craig. Something I don't think you or Ashley are getting a full grasp of. Jimmy has been supporting her for five years, always remained faithful to her, never cheated on her, never left her. Obviously, you know your history with her is quite different."

Craig swallows a lump in his throat. Kate sits on the arm of the couch, glaring at him.

"So excuse me if I'm backing Jimmy up one hundred percent. He's good for her, keeps her grounded. That's the problem with you two. It's so scattershot, random, hence her very eventful wedding day. She may feel things for you, but he's the father of her child, a really gifted child."

"Leslie's great, and I would never...," begins Craig.

"You'd never what, Craig? Complicate her life? Because that's what you're doing now, I'm pretty sure. Goodness knows you've done it how many times with Ashley."

Craig stands. "Listen, Ms. Kerwin, I'm in love with your daughter, and yeah, it's complicated, but I'm not going to avoid it anymore."

"So you're here for the long run?" says Kate, also standing.

"Yeah, I am."

"I'll believe it when I see it, Craig. You may think you have nothing to prove, that it's easy, but you're wrong. You have everything to prove."

Kate exits the room, Craig slumping on the couch again. He can feel sweat on every part of his body. Ashley comes in, a robe covering a nightgown. She tilts his head to her, kisses him, and thoughts float out of his mind. At least for that moment.

"Call me tomorrow?" she says.

"Yeah, of course," says Craig, kissing her back.

"Maybe by then, I'll work up the nerve to talk to Jimmy."

Craig bites his lip. Kate said he had to prove himself, to be there for Ashley, and he knows just where to start.

"I gotta go," says Craig, rising quickly, heading for the door. "Tell your parents bye for me."

Ashley stares after him, confused. "Where are you going?"

"Just...it'll be okay. Love you," says Craig, rushing back for one more kiss.

Craig closes the door behind him, starts speeding towards Marco. Once he gets to the apartment, dials Spin's number, listening to a groggy Spinner moan into the phone.

"Hello, this is Mason's Bar and Grill. Would you like some scalloped potatoes with your pork loin?" he moans.

"Hey, Spin," says Craig, cheerfully.

"Ugh, Craig," says Spinner. "It's almost two and I hate you. What do you want?"

"Hate me later," says Craig. "I need Jimmy's address. I need to see him."

A summer breeze wafts through the grass as Leslie hula hoops in the front yard, her hips swaying to a rhythm she's humming. Craig watches her for a bit, standing on the other side of the road, his stomach turning. He couldn't get Kate's words out of his head. Was he really complicating her life? He really liked her, and didn't want that to be the case at all. He walks towards her, waving when her eyes meet his.

"Craig!" she calls, bouncing happily up to him. "You're here!"

"Hi, Leslie," he says. "What're you doing?"

"Hula hooping," replies Leslie. "It helps me keep time. It's like a metronome. You know what those are? It's okay if you don't. I don't think Daddy knew when I first said the word."

Craig smiles. "Yeah, I know what it is."

"And I wrote lyrics, too. Three songs!"

"Wow, that's great. You're a hard worker. I'll look at them next time."

Leslie beams. "Are you hear to see my mom? I'm not sure where she is. She's not here. Lisa's still here. It's weird."

"Well, actually...," starts Craig.

He's interrupted by the creak of a door opening. Jimmy comes out, his wheels gliding down the ramp, stands defensively by Leslie.

"Get away from my daughter!" exclaims Jimmy, causing Leslie to shrink back from Craig.

"Jimmy, cool it," says Craig, staring him down.

"What's wrong?" says Leslie. "He's nice, Daddy."

"Get in the house, Les," orders Jimmy, angrily. "Now!"

Leslie gives Craig one last sorrowful look, then runs into the house, closing the door behind her. Craig clears his throat, while Jimmy spits out at his feet.

"I'm here, because...," says Craig.

"It's not enough that you steal my wife," interrupts Jimmy. "You try and worm your way into my daughter's life too?"

The heat rises in Craig's face. He'd wanted to calmly discuss it, but no, forget it.

"I don't have to steal her," he says softly.

"That's what you want to believe, Craig. You and your demented mind that can't leave well enough alone."

"You guys don't seem well to me," remarks Craig, coldly.

"We're better than you guys were. You see, sooner or later, you're going to slip up, like you usually do, and Ashley'll be with me. You came back into her life, Ash got all excited, fine. But she's married to me. We're in it for the long run, or else she wouldn't have put this ring on my finger. You've got nothing on me, Craig."

Jimmy holds up his hand, his gold wedding band shining in the sunlight.

Craig smirks. "Yeah, that's why you hung up all those times I called when you and Ash were living together."

"I'm going to let an ex-boyfriend call my live-in girlfriend? Yeah, that makes sense."

"Why don't you just let her go, Jimmy? Or maybe I'm just giving you too much credit."

"Like you let Ellie go? I guess she was your little back-up, huh? You don't care who you hurt, do you?"

"Jimmy, just shut up," says Craig, gritting his teeth.

"I'm just getting warmed up, Craig. We haven't seen each other in five years, and you know, I have a lot to say. I'm feeling pretty talkative today. You came here to talk, right? Be all noble and try to work things out?"

Craig's body grows warmer and warmer, and he tries to find any resolve that's there, to just let Jimmy vent.

"You're not the hero, Craig," says Jimmy. "You're purposefully ruining my marriage and there's no way I'm letting you and your ego screw up my life. If you were a real man, you'd step gracefully aside, accept it, but apparently you're not. I bet you Ash asked for more time, right? Want to take a guess what that means?"

Craig shakes his head, which starts to ache. "Shut up. She said she wants a divorce."

"But she's stalling?"

Craig wipes his brow, says nothing.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," says Jimmy, aware that Craig's getting more nervous. "She asked for time, and you can't give it to her. She loves me, Craig, and for you to expect it to be some walk in the park, you're deluded."

"Deluded?" says Craig, giving him a pointed look. "I thought that was you."

He says nothing else, leaving Jimmy with a stunned expression on his face. Hopping into his car, he goes down a few blocks, then pulls over. He slams the steering wheel with his hand, feeling the heat of it, the pain flowing through his hand. So many voices whisper in his ear. Ellie, Kate, Jimmy. Jimmy was wrong. Ash would do it, ask for the divorce, let them live. He lays his head against the steering wheel, lets a couple tears fall, wipes them away, and drives .


	16. Maybe Your Baby

**XVI. Maybe Your Baby**

_Do you know how I feel?_

_Can you feel it?_

_I'm talkin' to you..._

_I'm feelin' down, some kind of lovin'_

_Cause my baby done left me here_

_Heart is blazin' like a five alarm fire_

_And I don't even give a care_

_I feel like the world has turned on me_

_My dreams turned to ashes right in front of my face_

_I'm gettin' kind fo worried_

_And I feel so all upset, M-hmmmm..._

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_I feel like cryin'_

_In the mornin' when I got a heartache_

_I can't call up the doctor for help_

_Cause the only person that could ever do me any good_

_Is sleepin' out with my best friend_

_I feel like I'm slippin' deeper_

_Slippin' deeper into my shell_

_And I just can't take it_

_This stuff is scarin' me to death_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_I feel like cryin'_

_My baby's out of work_

_Sittin' in THE circle_

_Checkin' out the guys that are passin' by..._

_by...by...by...by...by...by_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans..._

_No other man can love you like I can_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_Maybe your baby done made some other plans_

_Can you feel it?_

_I got plans for you baby_

_Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Yeah_

_I just can't take it any more_

_You know I don't want any trouble_

_Now I ask myself_

_Do you want me baby?_

_Do you want me baby?_

"Fore!" yells Mr. Brooks, making a clean swing and watching the ball cut through the air.

The ball lands on the ground, inches from the sixth hole as Jimmy takes off a glove, the heat of the sun reaching his fingers. Mr. Brooks nods approvingly and they walk over to the ball, the wheels of Jimmy's chair scrunching too-green grass.

All those treatments had really paid off, the sensations he could feel in his upper body that much sharper. Unfortunately, that includes his heart, which felt battered, barely moving. The altercation with Craig just intensified it, seeing him interact with Leslie, dragging up things from the past, encouraging him to let Ashley go.

But worse, so much worse, was sleeping two nights without her, having no clue where she was. He couldn't even explain to Leslie, just told her that Mommy's at a journalism conference and you'll see her soon. Lisa was really helping out, not asking questions probably because she was afraid to. She got her mom to shuttle Leslie back and forth to places, and went shopping for them after school. It took all of the courage he could find through all this sadness to phone up his own mother and tell him that Ashley left, though he didn't mention Craig. No one else knew, including his father. Jimmy definitely didn't want _him_ to know, know that there was yet another reason to be disappointed in him. He couldn't even hold his family together.

"Thanks for meeting with Mr. Tuckett today, Jim," says Mr. Brooks, putting the ball into the hole with ease. "He's really going to help Leslie out with all the important details. Like how to sink these pesky sixth holes. It always gives me the most trouble, but not today."

"Nope, you're on a roll today," says Jimmy, smiling slightly, turning his head.

"Speaking of trouble, you look like you found out Shaquille O' Neil died. What's wrong?" asks Mr. Brooks, shouldering his club.

Jimmy chuckles nervously. "Nothing's...nothing's wrong. Just tired."

"Nah, you can't fool me. Is it work...or Leslie...or Ashley...or..."

Jimmy bristles at the mention of Ashley's name, and Mr. Brooks sighs. He puts an arm around Jimmy's shoulder.

"Every marriage has problems, Jim. You guys are just having a rough patch. That happens a lot when you're young. Don't worry about it."

"We're fine," says Jimmy, massaging his neck.

"Because if you're not, you could tell me, right? I know your mom and I weren't there for you growing up, but we care. We're here now. I don't want to see you in any more pain."

Tears burn the back of Jimmy's eyes. He finally lets a couple out, and Mr. Brooks puts his club away, leads him to a large tree where there's shade. The shadow shelters them as another party of golfers walks past, chatting animatedly.

"Is there someone else?" whispers Mr. Brooks.

Jimmy sniffles. "Yeah. He made quite the entrance at our wedding, too."

Mr. Brooks groans. "What is it with this guy? This Craig?"

Jimmy shrugs. "And she wants a divorce."

"She's just going through a phase," comforts Mr. Brooks. "You're a good husband, Jimmy, and she loves you, went through all those days supporting you. She's a good wife, but she's probably feeling a bit confined, some of those feelings being reawakened. That's okay. She'll get over it."

"Dad, that's what I thought, but..."

"There's no buts, Jimmy," argues Mr. Brooks, forcefully. "I had to fight off this other guy for your mother's affections, and now she's happy with me. She just had to realize that I was the one that made her feel that way. You're a winner, Jim, don't let this guy take away what matters. And Leslie needs a stable environment if she's training."

Jimmy's heart starts to beat wildly, beads of sweat coating the hand without a glove. His father hadn't called him a winner in a long time, not as a Degrassi coach, Leslie's coach, or a son. It astonishes him to know that he has faith in him, and yes, it worked for his dad, so why not him?

"So what do I do?" asks Jimmy.

"You send her divorce papers," says Mr. Brooks.

Jimmy scrunches up his face. "What? Dad, I want to stay married."

"No, you act like you're giving in a little, soften her, make her talk to you, because my guess is that she hasn't contacted you?"

Jimmy looks down.

"It's just like a golf game, Jimmy. You take your time, assess the distance, strike, and you're in, and hopefully it takes one hit. But I think you should add some pressure too, because that'll make her come around faster. The outcome will be optimal."

A robin flies up on a branch, just above Mr. Brooks' head, and Jimmy keeps his eyes focused on it, his fingers numb.

"I don't want to pressure her to come back to me," says Jimmy softly.

"We're not doing that. Look, Ashley has this huge conscience, okay? We're pressuring her to confront her feelings for you, which are probably stronger than these ones for Craig. Use her conscience as an advantage. You just need to poke it a little, remind her that the home she's leaving is what she loves. She's been there for five years, so obviously she was happy there. Remind her that a life without you and Les, and with this Craig, won't be happy. You get me?"

"Yeah...yeah I get it," replies Jimmy, watching the robin fly up to another branch, approaching a nest.

The robin puts its beak into the nest, and Jimmy can clearly see that it's searching, though he's not sure why. It's summer so he assumes the babies are gone.

"I'll call my lawyer," says Mr. Brooks. "Jimmy, I promise it'll turn out the way you want it. I work with big wigs all the time. Pressure's a little good for them, even if it's harsh. We'll get her back."

"Okay," says Jimmy, as the robin twitters, maybe as lonely as him. "Make the call."

II.

Paige skims through a large book, squirming with the turn of each page. The book shows the steps of childbirth, each movement, each vivid detail.

"Ew," says Paige, staring at the open cervix.

A waiter puts down an iced tea in front of her, makes a face, then leaves. She turns another page.

"Ew!" says Paige, a little more loudly, as she views a detailed drawing of the amniotic sac.

Her eyes scan a couple more pictures, then rest on a mother in a hospital gown, smiling down at her newborn.

"Ew," whispers Paige, grimacing at the mother. "I'm not wearing that."

Spinner approaches her at the bar, and Paige quickly puts the book into her shoulder bag. He grins, then kisses her on the lips.

"So I just got a compliment on the napkin holders," says Spinner, proudly. "You know, the one thing in this restaurant I picked out."

Paige giggles. "Please. Was it that guy that tries to get free French fries? He'll say anything to get them."

"Alright, okay, it was him," admits Spinner, smoothing back her hair. "You're the design queen."

Paige glances around the restaurant, feeling a nice flutter in her stomach.

"Yeah, I did a good job, didn't I?" she says.

Spinner kisses her again. "You always do. Next, we get a bigger house. I'll let you go crazy."

"You really want a house? I mean, that could take a while."

Spinner shrugs. "Uh, yeah. I can't turn around without ramming my knee into the bed in our room. It's small."

"It's intimate," says Paige, laughing nervously.

"Well, I like that part," says Spinner, blushing. "But in like three years, the money from here and the money from your business can get us a decent place. A place with more space...for kids. Hint hint."

"Babe, you're not supposed to say 'hint hint' if you say what the hint was referencing right before. You know what? Just forget it."

The hurt look on Spinner's face bothers her, but this conversation makes her antsy. Paige hops off her stool, drops her bag in a booth, sits, and refuses to look at Spinner, who continues to stare at her. She hears the small tinkle of someone coming through the door, and feels a strong hand tap her shoulder.

"Come here often?" says a voice. "I can buy you a drink."

Paige looks up to see J.T. and smiles. He wears a blue blazer, jeans, and sneakers, his hair shorter than the last time she saw him at her wedding to Spin. She gives him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Sweet potato, your game is still wack," comments Paige. "And yeah, sit down."

They both sit.

"How many times are you going to reject me, Paige?" says J.T. "I'm beginning to take it personally. Next thing you know, you'll invite me to your wedding to some other guy with a tongue ring who harassed me in high school."

Paige takes a menu from the table and lightly hits him with it. J.T. chuckles.

"Speaking of which, when are you going to settle down? I heard through the grapevine about a girl. Dana? Am I going to get to meet this one?" says Paige.

"Long answer, no. Short answer, no," replies J.T. "I keep my private life private. She's hot. That's all you need to know."

Paige laughs. "Mmmkay, and how is Jacob?"

"Now that, I'll talk about," says J.T., digging out his wallet and sliding over a picture of his son.

She stares at a smiling Jacob, clad in baggy shorts, holding a skateboard in one hand. She knew his adopted parents probably didn't know that J.T. had once been a skater in high school, but the thought of Jacob cutting up in school, skating on the street like J.T. amuses her.

"I guess he'll be a director too," says Paige. "He's so cute."

"Not this kid," says J.T., shaking his head. "He wants to be a wrestler. Liberty, of course, has quite a few things to say about that."

"She's still here, practicing law? I think I see her around sometimes."

"Last time I saw her, we were shooting scenes for the sketch show I was directing. She brought Jake to watch. But yeah, she rooted herself here. Me, I need to be on the move, or else I'll go insane. I really miss Jake when I'm on the road, though."

"It's amazing you guys have made it work. I remember how...well, dramatic it was for you guys."

J.T. grins, though Paige detects a hint of sadness.

"Liberty and I will always be friends, be there for Jake, care about each other. That makes it easy. Not everyone hates their ex. And his adopted parents are really cool."

J.T. puts the picture back into his wallet, puts the wallet into his pants. Paige bites her lip. Maybe she could tell him. She was closer to him than Ellie, and he'd helped her out with the whole Dean situation. Plus he was a guy, and he could tell her what might run through Spinner's mind when she dropped the bombshell.

"J.T., I need to tell you something," whispers Paige.

"Why are we whispering?" whispers J.T., arching his eyebrow.

"Because it's a secret," says Paige, glancing up at Spinner, who is still staring at her, though sometimes his eyes shift to J.T.

"Go ahead," says J.T.

"I'm...kinda pregnant," says Paige.

"Whoa!" exclaims J.T., his jaw dropping.

Paige puts a finger to her lips. "Quiet! Spin doesn't know yet. But yeah, took a test, saw a doctor, the works."

"Are you going to wait until the kid drops out to tell him? You should tell him now, Paige. Let him be there for all the early stuff. I didn't get to do all that."

Paige puts a hand to her forehead, stroking her temple. "So not ready for this. J.T..."

"None of us are ready, Paige," says J.T. "Do you think I was? I was...well, I almost peed in my pants when Liberty told me, that is, before I crashed the car. Oh, sorry, back to you. But you're married and happy and..."

"And it's so not planned," interrupts Paige. "We wanted a house. There's no place for him or her to sleep."

"Paige, you can't plan everything," says J.T. "I didn't plan to be a dad at sixteen, and it turned out well after all those ups and downs."

Paige groans. "I don't know."

"You need to talk to Spin," says J.T., glancing at Spinner. "Here, practice on me."

"Uh, I don't know," says Paige, tapping her nails against the table. "It'd be weird."

J.T. rolls his eyes. "Come on, Paige. If Spinner wasn't with you, you know you'd want me to be your baby's daddy."

Paige tries to hide a smile, but grins widely. J.T. holds out his hands, and Paige takes them into hers, staring into his eyes. She giggles, then puts on a serious face. J.T. puts on a serious face too. Paige thinks she sees something moving towards them, but brushes it off, trying her best to give J.T. her full attention.

"Honey," she says, "I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."

She hears something loud slam against the table, still holding J.T.'s hands. A notepad. She glances up, staring at a flustered Spinner.

"I can't believe...what...J.T.?" yells Spinner. "You're going to...with J.T.?"

Paige shakes, her mouth hanging open, not saying anything. J.T. has a frozen look on his face. Spinner pulls J.T. up by the collar, causing a couple of ladies to squeal with fright.

"Spinner, you're totally out of the loop, man," says J.T., trying to take Spinner's hands off of him.

"I heard it with my own eyes, seen it with my own ears...wait, reverse that. Just...get out!"

Paige manages to get J.T. free from Spinner's grasp, and stands in between them.

"J.T.'s my friend," says Paige. "Leave him alone!"

"I never liked you, man!" says Spinner. "But now...I want to wring your neck. And Paige, what were you thinking? I mean, J.T. You can't do any better? What, did he use his pump before you two hopped into bed?"

"Listen, neanderthal...," starts J.T., getting up in Spinner's face.

Paige pushes J.T. away. "You, sit. Spinner, kitchen, now."

J.T. sits reluctantly, frowning at Spinner. Taking Spinner's hand, she pulls him to the center of the kitchen, brushing past some waiters who had stopped working to check out the argument. They immediately go back to work as Spinner eyes them furiously. Paige paces the room, her hands shaking.

"Okay," says Paige, calmly. "This isn't how I planned for it to go down, but I haven't been planning a lot of things lately."

"You didn't plan for me to find out?" says Spinner angrily. "In front of my staff? In my own restaurant? Yeah, that's so sweet of you, Paige."

"It's not J.T.'s baby!" shouts Paige. "We were just acting, okay?"

Paige is glad to see the anger lifting from Spinner's face. He blows out a breath.

"Two people in this kitchen are having a baby, though," says Paige, smiling at him.

Spinner looks at the waiters, who now aren't even trying to pretend they're not listening.

"Nikolas and Tara?" says Spinner. "Aw, dude, congratulations."

The waiters, Nikolas and Tara, stare at each other, confused, as Spinner shakes their hands. Paige huffs, makes Spinner face her.

"It's you and me, Spin," says Paige. "We're having a baby."

Spinner stands in front of her, looking like his heart dropped down to his shoes. He opens his mouth, closes it again, opens his mouth, closes it again.

"Spin, say something, anything," says Paige, twisting her hair awkwardly.

He doesn't say anything. He grabs her, twirls her around, kisses her head. The staff cheers, some banging forks against the table excitedly.

"We're having a baby!" yells Spinner, smiling, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Opa!" shouts Nikolas, doing a little jig, turning Tara around with a twirl.

Spinner takes Paige's hands, leads her out into the dining area, has her sit on a stool. He leaps up onto the bar, stumbling a bit, but able to stand there with no problems.

"Boss, I just cleaned that area," moans the waiter.

"Gustavo, shut up, dude," says Spinner, ignoring the waiter sticking his tongue out at him. "Drinks are on the house, everyone! My lovely wife Paige just informed me that we're expecting. Well, she's expecting."

The customers applaud heartily, some yelling congratulations, smiling at Paige. Paige gives a quiet smile, waves to them. J.T. gives Paige a thumbs up. Spinner gives off the bar, kisses Paige's hand, and she can feel her stomach flutter. It's either butterflies that come from the baby, love, or fear.

"I'm like erratic right now," says Spinner, gazing into her eyes.

"Ecstatic?" says Paige.

"Yeah, either one of those," says Spinner, clutching her to his chest.

She pats his back, stays silent. She sees a woman enjoying her wine, maybe a little too much. The celebration is already too much for her.

III.

Sweat trickles down Craig's nose, as he encourages Eddie to move a little to the left. Eddie puts all his weight into it, and finally, the sofa is in the studio. Craig flops down on the sofa, rests his eyes on where the two drumkits and the Korg Triton used to be. Eddie sits by him, fanning himself with his Sean John handkerchief.

"Told you it would fit," says Craig. "Actually, I'm amazed it fit."

"Our studio's pretty huge. Ugh, and you have a show to do today," reminds Eddie. "I don't have to do nothin'."

Craig catches his breath. "I know this is punishment for not answering Mickey's phone calls all weekend. But still, he could have a heart."

"What heart?" moans Eddie. "All his organs are made of iron. That's why he smells all the time."

"I thought it was cheap cologne," says Craig.

"Whatever it is, he's stank for not getting you a hotel room," says Eddie.

"Thanks, man," says Craig, bumping Eddie's fist with his. "And for helping me move this stuff. I'll think of something else. Other artists sleep in their studios."

"So this weekend...something big must've happened?" says Eddie, smiling. "Maybe with that Ashley girl?"

Craig grins. "A gentleman never tells."

"You ain't no gentleman. Tell."

Craig laughs, picks up his phone. He'd promised to call Ashley, but he'd been hoping to tell her that he talked to Jimmy and reasoned something out. In hindsight, he realizes how foolish that was. A part of Jimmy was right. He wasn't giving her the time she needed.

"I'll be back," he says to Eddie, leaving the room.

He dials her number, and Ashley picks up after the third ring.

"Hello?" she says.

"I did something...stupid," says Craig.

He thinks he hears Ashley sigh on the other end of the phone.

"I went and talked to Jimmy," admits Craig. "It was impulsive and idiotic and it definitely didn't help matters. I'm really sorry, Ash. I'd tell you in person, but I have this show to go to. Then, more recording time."

Ashley's silence troubles him, but she responds in a nicer tone than he anticipated.

"Yeah, it wasn't the best move. Still, I know you...you had to wait all this time. Just don't do it again, okay?"

Craig beams. "I really want to see you."

"Aren't you working tonight?" says Ashley, laughing.

"I'll blow it off, and rescue you from your mom," says Craig. "Just...I want to see you."

"You didn't get sick of me after all that time out in the woods? Wow, I'm good."

Craig laughs.

"I'll pop by the studio later," says Ashley. "See you in action. I have to go. Doorbell."

"Okay, tonight," says Craig, then flipping off his phone.

He goes back into the studio, seeing Eddie sprawled out on the bed, that had been a sofa minutes before.

"This isn't comfortable at all, man," announces Eddie. "You can't bring a lady here or nothin'."

"Well, that's disappointing," says Craig.

They look at each other and bust out laughing.

IV.

Ashley pulls her hair into a ponytail, grateful to be the only one in the house. Both her mother and Jeff were working, Kate's cat, Whistler, being the only living creature in the house with her. Whistler hisses as Ashley picks him up and heads for the door.

"Shh, Whistler," she coos to him, opening the door. "Be a good baby."

Liberty, dressed in a prim, plum-colored dress suit, grins at her, her long, curly hair piled in a neat bun. She looked every bit a lawyer, though something about her looked at ease. She carries a manila envelope in her hand.

"Liberty!" exclaims Ashley, giving her a small hug, causing Whistler to meow unhappily. "You ring soft. I barely heard the bell."

Liberty nods. "Cute cat," she says, staring at Whistler.

Ashley smacks her lips, drops Whistler, who happily scampers away.

"Come in," encourages Ashley. "I haven't seen you since...when you, me, and Emma went out to eat a few months ago."

"Oh, yeah," says Liberty. "That was nice. Um, can we sit?"

Ashley searches Liberty's face, detects a hint of sadness in her voice. She hopes nothing's wrong with Jacob. She leads Liberty to the couch, and they sit.

"Ashley, this is really hard," says Liberty. "You have no idea."

The tempo of Ashley's heartbeat starts to increase. "What is it?"

Liberty presents her with the envelope. "Jimmy...these are divorce papers. I'm assuming Mr. Brooks used his political sway to get this done rather quickly."

Ashley blinks at Liberty, confused. Maybe he did listen, thinks Ashley. She relaxes her muscles. She knows it must've taken a lot out of him, especially after seeing Craig. This was really good of him.

"It's...it's expected, Liberty," says Ashley, starting to open the envelope.

"That's not it, Ashley," says Liberty, stopping her from going any further. "I asked to come over. They would've sent someone else, but I knew it might be better if it came from someone you know. I saw these papers and knew I had to be the one to be here. I'll help you anyway I can."

Ashley's chest starts to ache. She has to admit. Everything seemed ominous since Liberty stepped through the door.

"What is it?"

Liberty clutches Ashley's hand. "He's asking for sole custody of Leslie."

Every part of Ashley's body feels numb. She's not even aware she's crying, just trying desperately to catch her breath.

"What?" exclaims Ashley. "He can't...can't do this!"

"It's not uncommon," says Liberty. "Ashley, it's not definite at all. I'm a really good lawyer. I can help."

Ashley struggles to breathe. Whistler jumps on the couch, purrs, and settles his head into her lap.

"I'm a good mom!" cries Ashley. "I don't deserve this!"

The shouting makes Whistler jump and head for Kate's bedroom.

Liberty reaches out to hug Ashley, but Ashley pulls back, runs out of the door, stands on the sidewalk, releasing every tear, stamping the ground. How could he be that cruel? They'd known each other since they were eleven, and she'd supported him through everything. Everything. The thought of never seeing Leslie ate away at her heart.

She sees a cab heading towards her, checks to see that she has money. She does. Thirty bucks, not much, but enough to get her to where she needed to go. Crying all the way to the studio, instead of going up, she sits in a nearby bathroom for hours, wanting to be alone, not wanting to be seen, disgraced. She feels so dirty, and doesn't even look in the mirror when her watch says ten-thirty. Craig would be back by then. She stumbles into the elevator, pushes thirteen, wiping her eyes.

Surprised to find the door unlocked, she enters, seeing Craig plucking away on his guitar, singing. Craig spies her through the glass of the booth, puts his guitar in its case, and comes out smiling.

"Hey, Ash!" says Craig, his face falling when he sees her red eyes.

Eddie peers at her as well, shrugs at Craig, and leaves them alone.

"What's wrong?" says Craig.

Ashley throws herself into his arms, her eyes misty, her heart thumping.

"It's okay," whispers Craig.

"He's taking her away from me," whispers Ashley. "He's taking her away."


	17. You're All I Need To Get By

**XVII. You're All I Need To Get By**

_When I was just a little girl  
I wanted the world at my feet  
Now all that's changed  
'cause I have love  
And now I do can see  
You're all I need to get by _

Like the sweet morning dew  
I took one look at you  
And it was plain to see  
You were my destiny  
With arms open wide  
I threw away my pride  
I'll sacrifice for you  
Dedicate my life to you

I will go, where you lead  
Always there in time of need  
And when you lose your will  
I'll be there to push you up the hill  
There's no, no looking back for us  
We've got love  
Sure enough  
That's enough

You're all I need to get by  
All, you're all I need to get by

Like a mother protects her nest  
For you I'll do my best  
Stand by you like a tree  
Dare anybody to try to move me  
Darling in you I found  
Strength where I was torn down  
Don't know what's in store  
But together we can open any door

Just to do what's good for you  
And inspire you a little higher  
I know you can make a woman  
Out of a soul that didn't have a goal'cause we, we got the right foundation  
And with love and determination

You're all I want to strive for and do a little more  
All, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into

You're all I need to get by  
All, you're all I need to get by

The metal bar from the leg of the sofa bed cuts through Craig's back, his eyes closed, refusing to vocalize the pain. He refuses to make any noise, to let her sleep. Holding her hand while she's curled up on the bed, he strokes her wrist with his thumb. It was miraculous that she fell asleep at all, after telling him about Liberty's visit, how a life without Leslie wouldn't be a life, how she didn't think Jimmy would ever do something so heartless. Finally, Craig insisted she get some rest, and she remained wordless climbing into the bed, her eyes shutting as he watched her. Eddie peeped in once, asked if he could do anything, and Craig asked him to get some of Ashley's essentials from Kate. Eddie complied, got her purse and an overnight bag. Craig didn't want to think what Mickey would say when he found out they still hadn't finished recording the first song.

He starts to think about his very first song, the one he recorded for Leo, when everything seemed so possible. That ended quickly. He still recalls how they laughed at him as he exited the studio, how Leo didn't come to his defense, how he went to Ellie for comfort, leading to them dating. But, as always, the spark wasn't there, and they couldn't make it work as much as they tried. Nevertheless, Craig went with her to Degrassi's graduation to see Jimmy, Spinner, and his other friends collect their diplomas. He avoided all their questions about recording, Leo, the music scene that didn't warm up to him like he thought they would.

The auditorium was packed, including Degrassi's most recent alumni: Marco, Ellie, Paige, himself. At the close of the ceremony, they all milled around with the new graduates. For a second, it seemed like they were all in the same school, like old times. He found Emma, hugged her, wished her well. Then he found Manny, kissing her on the cheek, hugging her, wishing her the very best. He shook hands with Spinner, J.T., and Toby, got a nice surprise when Sean came up and asked him how he was. But no, he wasn't at all prepared to see Ashley and Jimmy holding hands near the podium. He couldn't help but stare. Did she forget all about him when she went to London? Did she love Jimmy just as much as him? Or maybe, and this thought made his heart sting, she never loved him at all, even though she said it. Ashley threw back her hair, saw him. The air almost seemed electric, because the hair stood up on his neck, and he couldn't move. Ashley grinned, gave a small wave, but he backed away, not sure of what to do. He turned, and went out the door. He ran into Spinner and a few others.

"Dude, I graduated!" yelled Spinner, standing in a small circle with Paige, Marco, and Darcy.

"Which I knew you could do," said Darcy, hugging him from behind.

"Well, I'm like bombazzled," said Spinner.

"Bamboozled?" offered Paige.

"Yeah," said Spinner. "Craig, you gotta come to my celebration party. It's at the beach. We're going to have a bonfire and corn chips and good music and corn chips..."

"Spin's really excited about the corn chips," giggled Darcy.

Craig sighs, his mind on Ashley. He knew she'd be there. Why rub in the pain any longer?

"I don't know...," started Craig.

"Craig, stop being emo for a sec about the Ellie break-up," said Paige. "Who knows when we'll all be in the same vicinity again?"

Spinner made a pouty face, which Darcy copied. Paige and Marco joined in.

"Fine, I'll go," said Craig.

"Yes!" shouted Spinner. "I'm giving you the most corn chips, man."

They arrived at the beach at around seven-thirty, long picnic tables set up on the sand, music blasting from a CD player. Spinner's parents and Kendra waved them over, started dispensing food. Kids from Degrassi, even kids Craig didn't know, chowed down on hamburgers, hot dogs, chips. Craig sat with Marco and Paige, digging into a hot dog. No Ashley. Well, he thought, maybe she won't show. He was wrong. She and Jimmy started toward the head table, where Spinner and Darcy sat with his family, Jimmy shaking Spinner's hand. They weren't really close, but Ashley had probably convinced him to go. Ashley walked up to Craig's table, shifting her eyes away from him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," said Paige and Marco at the same time, though they were greedily digging into potato salad.

"Hey, Craig," said Ashley, a small smile on her face.

"I wonder if there's cake," said Craig, throwing down his napkin, brushing past Ashley.

He heard Ashley sigh behind him. He made his way to the other side of the beach, not caring at all about cake, the sand grainy under his tennis shoes. Once he reached a nice distance from the party, he sat on a rock, seeing the stars beginning to come out. Something on his left touches Craig's hand. Ashley. He turned away from her.

"You won't even look at me," said Ashley. "Fine."

He looked at her as she started to head back.

"What do you want to say?" yelled Craig.

She came back, a look of relief on her face.

"I don't want to never see you again, especially knowing you hate me," said Ashley.

"I don't...I don't hate you," stammered Craig.

"Yes, you do," said Ashley, looking down. "I shouldn't have left you like that. I didn't give you a proper explanation, just took off. You didn't deserve it. Craig, I care about you and I've been waiting for the right time to say I'm sorry."

Craig swallowed a lump in his throat. He'd been waiting to hear that all summer, all year, that she cared, that she'd been thinking of him.

"I'm sorry for brushing you off," said Craig.

Ashley patted the rock. "Can I?"

Craig nodded. Ashley scooted onto the rock, her shorts scrunching as she brought her knees to her chin. He glanced at her face in the dusk, orange light coating her tanned skin. It felt like something was shaking in his heart, something he hadn't felt for about a year.

"You and Jimmy...you're dating?" said Craig, looking away from her.

"We're...taking a break," answered Ashley, shrugging. "And I think it's going to be a long one. We're going to the same college, but I think he wants to see what else is out there."

Craig took a deep breath. "Have you found someone else then?"

"Yes," said Ashley.

Craig felt like hurling himself off the rock. He shook his head, beginning to leave. Ashley stopped him, her hand on his heart.

"You're the someone else, with Ali, with Jimmy," says Ashley, settling her head on his chest. "You're always the someone else."

Craig held her face in his hands, wiping away tears that had fallen. Ashley smiled shyly.

"I can't put all of this on you so fast," she said. "I'm sorry. You and Ellie are..."

"Done," finished Craig. "We're done. And you're my someone else too."

They were coated in darkness, though Craig could see the small glow from the bonfire on Ashley's face. He couldn't believe it. All those months, a whole year, and they were both still holding on. He knew it would always be like that, that they'd come in and out of each other's lives, when they needed each other most.

"Craig, I don't even know what to say," said Ashley.

He touched her lips, brushing them with his forefinger. Ashley closed her eyes, and he kissed her, and it was as sweet and tender as he remembered.

"We don't have to say anything," said Craig. "We never do."

Craig moves a little to the left, the bar cutting more deeply into his back. Ashley's eyes flutter open.

"You look uncomfortable," she says.

"I'm fine," mutters Craig, pretending he'd been asleep, though he hadn't slept a wink.

"Liar," says Ashley, squeezing his hand again.

Craig stands, rubbing his back, then sits carefully down on the bed.

"How was the mattress?" he asks.

"It was okay. Didn't get much sleep," replies Ashley, patting down her hair.

Ashley sits up, lays her head on Craig's shoulder.

"He can't win, Craig," says Ashley. "Because if he does..."

"He won't," interrupts Craig. "I'll call Mickey, ask him if he could give me some of my funds and send me the names of some amazing lawyers."

"No, Craig, you're not paying for this," protests Ashley.

"I want to help."

"You already are. Okay?"

"Okay," says Craig, trying to kiss her on the lips.

Ashley holds him back, covers her mouth.

"Morning breath," she mumbles. "Get away."

"We've dated before," says Craig, trying to kiss her again. "Come on."

"Let me brush my teeth," says Ashley. "It's in both our best interests."

Craig groans as Ashley stands, gets out her toothbrush and some toothpaste. He glances at the clock. Ten-thirty. Mickey would be calling him any minute to check on their progress.

"You're weird, Kerwin," says Craig. "Do you still carry an extra thing of floss too?"

Ashley grins. "You know me so well. And yes, check in the bag."

Craig smiles after her, unzips her bag. He hears a little rattle, and his hands find a small bottle of white pills. Tricyclin, he reads. These were the same pills Ashley called aspirin, thinks Craig, looking at them more closely. He tucks them into his jeans pocket, scribbles a quick note to Ashley, and heads to the mall.

II.

Ellie shuffles a folder from one hand to the next, peering into the large window of the Dot, watching Emma stir a cup of coffee, glancing patiently around. She leans against the brick exterior, wishing Emma would just vanish, that no one would notice a tall, blonde girl dematerialize into thin air. Emma had politely agreed to meet her a different day, asking no questions. She really wished she had asked, that that could give her a reason to snap at her, even though she knew the only person who deserved it was Craig. Ellie makes sure her sleeve is completely down, covering two small cuts. She wanted to do more, but Alex came to visit about an hour later. Then, Marco stuck to her like glue, once Craig left his apartment, sure something was up. Luckily, he hadn't asked, maybe worried that he already knew the answer.

Taking a huge breath that made her stomach ache, she presses through the door and heads to Emma, who widely grins and stands. Ugh, she's so annoyingly professional, thinks Ellie, smiling back.

"Good afternoon, Ellie," says Emma, shaking her hand. "I'm glad you could come."

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," says Ellie. "A lot of weird stuff happened this weekend."

"Oh, it's no trouble," says Emma. "I was busy too. And it's good that we're doing it at a more comfortable place. You looked a bit restless at the station."

Ellie nods. "It was just...a bit claustrophobic."

"Yeah, it's steaming hot in there. I gotta get Derek to check that out. Speaking of hot, aren't you burning up? That's a pretty blouse, though."

Ellie glances down at her blouse. It was the most airy, long-sleeved shirt that was clean, that would hide the cuts. And of course, she noticed, thinks Ellie.

"It's cold...in the office," lies Ellie. "Aren't we going to talk about the film?"

"Yeah," says Emma, pulling out her chair as Ellie does the same. "I've got a couple concerns."

"What kind of concerns?" asks Ellie, waving off a waitress headed towards them.

"Well," says Emma, settling into her chair. "It is very funny, but there are some gory parts. Our demographic is primarily middle-class families. Stuff like the charity concert is appropriate, you understand."

"But...but I did some research and you have quite a large number of young males watching your programs too. They're the ones that go to these horror movies."

Emma nods. "Yeah, but those guys primarily tune in to see Darcy. And she's like G-rated sexy, so it's not really a problem."

"Oh, okay. That's fine," says Ellie, though she's surprised how disappointed she is. "I mean, I tried, right?"

"However...," starts Emma, smiling.

"However...what?" says Ellie.

"However, we could probably run them at one of our sister stations if we come up with a decent ad. We're both creative so I think it's highly possible."

"You don't have to go to all this trouble."

Emma pats her hand, which makes Ellie's blood run cold.

"Ellie, I want to help," says Emma. "When I first got this station running, I needed a lot of support. Anyone with a struggling company..."

"It's not struggling!" exclaims Ellie. "I just need time."

"It's okay, Ellie," whispers Emma. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just you look so sad all the time. And tense. Are you in some type of trouble?"

Ellie rolls her eyes. "Don't you dare pity me," she whispers angrily.

"Pity?" says Emma, her eyes growing wide.

"I'm not one of your little causes," says Ellie, tears burning the back of your eyes. "Just because you married Sean doesn't mean you have to feel sorry for me. You shouldn't."

"So this _is _about Sean," says Emma, nodding, as if she'd been waiting to hear that name.

"Emma, you're so transparent," snaps Ellie, getting up and shoving her chair in hard. "And one more thing. Get off your high horse because you're not fooling anyone."

Ellie throws Emma a dismissive look and charges out of the Dot door. She throws the folder into a trashcan, gets into her car, and drives down the road, heading home. Emma has some nerve, she thinks. She partly blames herself, putting herself in the same room as her, focusing on that wedding picture, being in the submissive role. How much she wanted to toss that coffee in her smug face, especially throwing Sean's name into it, just like Craig had a couple days before. But they were both right. He was at the root of it. He's at the root of everything.

She pauses when she hears a low, stuttering sound coming from the head of her car. Then, she sees smoke curling up from the hood. Pulling over, she gets out, coughing as the smoke blows into her face.

"This day can't get any worse," she moans, kicking a tire.

She kicks it again. At least that felt good.

A horn blasts.

"Go away!" she yells at a blue car approaching her.

The car stops, and Sean's head pokes through the window. Ellie looks at him, as still as a statue.

"You sure you want me to go?" says Sean, smiling at her.

Ellie glances at her car, then back at him.

"Not entirely," she replies.

Sean hops out of his car, pops her hood open, grimaces as he assesses the damage. Ellie stares at him as he goes to work, at his curly, sandy hair, his strong arms and backside. Ugh, thinks Ellie. I'm such a pervert.

"Do I have something on my butt?" says Sean, catching her looking.

Ellie's mouth hangs open. "No!" she exclaims.

Sean grins, pleased with her answer. "Oh," he says.

"What's wrong with it?" asks Ellie, hoping that would change the conversation.

"Carburetor," replies Sean. "Does Craig even take this in for maintenance?"

Ellie shrugs. "I don't think Craig can spell carburetor."

"Yeah," says Sean, chuckling. "I remember he wasn't good in shop."

Ellie pats the hood of the car. Craig was the last person she wanted to talk about. She lost a boyfriend, ran into her ex, and had her car go out on her in one week. Just great.

"Can it be saved?" she says.

"Yeah, just needs some Sean surgery," says Sean, smiling at her.

Ellie scrunches up her face.

"You used to like the Sean surgery joke," says Sean, closing the hood.

"I never liked the Sean surgery joke," says Ellie. "I just humored the Sean surgery joke."

Sean smirks, calls what Ellie hears is Merl at the shop, and Sean assures her that Merl is coming for her car and she'll have her car back in about two days.

"Thanks," says Ellie, checking her watch. "I need to get back to work."

As she checks her watch, her sleeve slips down, and she quickly tries to make sure the fabric covers her skin. It's too late. She watches Sean's face fall, and she puts her hand behind her back.

"Ellie, are you okay?" whispers Sean.

"You know what? Your lovely wife just asked me that! I'm fine!" yells Ellie.

"Emma? You saw Emma?"

"Yeah, and she was just the right amount of patronizing. I don't need anyone checking up on me!"

"She probably thought she was helping. That's just who she is. I'm really sorry if she offended you."

Ellie scratches her ear, looks down. "I shouldn't badmouth your wife. Sorry."

Sean laughs. "I'm used to you being outspoken, El. Forget it."

"Okay."

"Do you really have to go back to work, like right now?"

Ellie shakes her head. "I was going to get a head start on some things, but I'm pretty much through for the week."

Sean nods, opens his car door, throws a blanket and some clothes into the backseat, and holds the car door open for her. Ellie blinks back at him, her eyebrows raised.

"Just get in," says Sean. "Might do you some good."

Ellie stares at the open road. She didn't know how to feel. There's work and people would wonder where she was. But looking at Sean, smiling at her, kind of took care of all of that. She got in, closing the door.

"Where are we going?" asks Ellie, as Sean slides into the car with her.

"Sit back and relax for once," orders Sean. "You'll see when we get there."

III.

Mr. McKay rings a cash register as Craig pretends to read some hair growth formula bottles. He'd only seen Mr. McKay a couple times when he came in to buy condoms, and those times were really awkward. Running into Joey that one time with Marco had to be the most embarrassing. But he had to suck it up, ask him about this Tricyclin and what it did. The only question was how? He's pretty sure that information is confidential.

"You don't need it," says a small voice to his right.

He turns to see a freckled girl of about ten, wire-rim glasses covering her nose.

"What?" says Craig.

"The hair growth thing," says the girl. "I love your hair. So rock star."

Craig looks at the formula. "Oh. Thanks."

"Can you sign my stomach?" begs the girl, lifting her shirt, exposing her bellybutton.

"Oh..wow...whoa!" cries Craig, glancing around nervously. "Put down your shirt, okay?"

"What in the world is going on here?" shouts a loud, booming voice behind him.

Mr. McKay stands between them, putting a protective arm around the little girl.

"Grandpa, it's okay," whines the girl. "This is Craig Manning. He's going to sign my stomach."

"What...Craig!" yells Mr. McKay.

"No, sir...I...I wasn't!" exclaims Craig. "I just came to ask you a question."

Mr. McKay eyes Craig up and down. "Go ahead."

Craig wipes his brow. "I need to know what Tricyclin is and how many you should take in a month."

"Are you the patient?" inquires Mr. McKay.

"I'm not the patient...but it's very important."

"Craig, it depends on the patient, and I can't give you that information. It's confidential. He or she would need to come in and ask me."

Craig's shoulders hunch, defeated. The girl stares at her grandfather, pleadingly.

"Please, Grandpa," says the girl. "He looks worried. And he plays such good music."

The girl clasps her hands together, silently begging. Craig looks at Mr. McKay, hopefully.

"Their name?" says Mr. McKay, sighing.

"Ashley...Ashley Kerwin," replies Craig.

Mr. McKay heads back to his counter, followed by Craig and his granddaughter. He types Ashley's name into the computer, reads a few sentences, strokes his chin thoughtfully.

"I've listened to all your songs," whispers the girl.

Craig smiles down at her, then turns back to Mr. McKay.

"Well?" prompts Craig.

"Well, I prescribed a bottle to her about a week ago. She should only be taking a pill a week, if she feels it's necessary. That's four a month. The bottle should be pretty full since it's the tenth of the monthl."

Craig knows the bottle's half full, touching his pocket. He can feel sweat forming on the palms of his hands. Mr. McKay notices Craig's reaction, and gives him a pleasant smile.

"She's come to me more than once, so it may just be an old bottle if there's more missing. Tricyclin's stress relief medication. Nothing serious, unless the person abuses it, which isn't that atypical. And we know Ashley's very cautious."

"Yeah," says Craig, nodding to himself. "She's the most cautious person I know."

"Normally, if the person abuses it, they'd have an accelerated heart rate, dizzy spells, chest pain, fever. It could lead to some serious heart conditions. But Ashley's had none of that, right?"

Craig thinks back, and does remember her getting dizzy at the carnival, but that may've been due to the heat. He really didn't know.

"I don't think so," answers Craig.

"Good," responds Mr. McKay.

The little girl yanks on Craig's sleeve. He bends over.

"Autograph, please," says the girl. "You can sign wherever you want."

"Um, I'll sign your shoulder," says Craig. "Thanks, Mr. McKay."

Mr. McKay hands him a black marker.

"Is this girl the Dust girl?" says the girl, blushing as Craig scrawls his name on her shirt.

"Yeah," says Craig.

"That's romantic," says the girl. "I hope she's okay."

"Me too," says Craig, dotting the "I" in his name.

IV.

Ashley ties her shoe as Craig enters the studio, a big smile on her face when she sees him. Craig can still hear the little rattle of the pill bottle as he walks in.

"Hey," says Ashley, kissing him. "Minty fresh."

Craig returns the kiss, enjoying her lips more than her breath.

"Mmmm," compliments Craig as Ashley pulls away.

"So while you were gone, I decided to go see Jimmy," says Ashley. "I'm thinking it's his dad who convinced him to do this, because this is so not him. I'm pretty certain we can work it out. I basically have to believe that."

Craig shifts his feet. "I shouldn't go with you probably. A part of me thinks it's my fault, going over there, making things worse."

"Don't blame yourself," says Ashley, forcing him to sit back down on the mattress. "Should you have done it? No. But Jimmy makes his own decisions, even if they're really his dad's decisions."

"I'm with you, in spirit," says Craig. "Or body, if you need the body."

"That sounds pretty suggestive," laughs Ashley. "I might have to take you up on that later. Once this is all straightened out."

"You see? That wasn't even what I meant," says Craig, nuzzling her neck with his lips.

"Yes, it was," says Ashley, lightly pushing him back.

"Umm, but I do need to know something," says Craig, more seriously.

Ashley gives him a confused look. "Yeah?"

Craig removes the bottle from his pocket, holds it up to her face.

"I'm worried, Ash. Really," says Craig.

Ashley bites her lip. "I take them sometimes. But since you came back, I don't take them anymore. You make all the stress go. It's over, Craig. Promise."

"You sure? Because I'm going to be there for you, Ash, whatever it is. Through this Leslie stuff, and anything else. Just like always."

Ashley beams, pulls Craig to her, kisses him deeply. Craig drops the bottle, clutches her to his chest.

"I know," says Ashley, wiping lipstick from his lips. "Thank you. And I'm sure."

Craig stands, helps Ashley up.

"I can't be on a bed with you or something's going to happen and you'll never get to Jimmy's," says Craig. "Let me take you out to eat before you go. Mickey'll nail me later, but whatever."

"Wait a minute," laughs Ashley. "You really wanted to get it on on this ghetto bed?"

"We only need one bed," says Craig, picking her up, making her giggle.

"Or a tent," says Ashley, as he puts her down and they leave.


	18. What's Going On?

**XVIII. What's Goin' On**

_Mother, mother  
There's too many of you crying  
Brother, brother, brother  
There's far too many of you dying  
You know we've got to find a way  
To bring some lovin' here today - Yeah_

_Father, father  
We don't need to escalate  
You see, war is not the answer  
For only love can conquer hate  
You know we've got to find a way  
To bring some lovin' here today_

_Picket lines and picket signs  
Don't punish me with brutality  
Talk to me, so you can see  
Oh, what's going on  
What's going on  
Ya, what's going on  
Ah, what's going on_

_In the mean time  
Right on, baby  
Right on  
Right on_

_Father, father, everybody thinks we're wrong  
Oh, but who are they to judge us  
Simply because our hair is long  
Oh, you know we've got to find a way  
To bring some understanding here today  
Oh_

_Picket lines and picket signs  
Don't punish me with brutality  
Talk to me  
So you can see  
What's going on  
Ya, what's going on  
Tell me what's going on  
I'll tell you what's going on - Uh  
Right on baby  
Right on baby_

Ashley stands outside her home, viewing the blue mailbox that she always collected mail from, the roses she planted to make the yard cheerier, a purple barrette lying on the walkway to the door. She picks up the barrette, clutches it in her hand. She'd braided Leslie's hair so many times, watched over her when she was sick, went all over town to find Velcro shoes for her when she had trouble learning how to tie her shoes. The last thing seems so small, but she can't forget the way they celebrated when she actually did learn. She made her a little ice cream sundae and everything. Didn't Jimmy remember that day, or any other day?

The walkway feels hard against her feet as she approaches the door. She rings the bell, clears her throat. The image of them all fighting in a courtroom seems surreal. She definitely didn't want to put Leslie through that, and knew a part of Jimmy didn't either, at least the Jimmy she knew.

A pretty Hispanic woman opens the door, a surprised look on her face.

"Oh, hi!" she greets, ushering Ashley in.

Ashley thinks she's seen her before, and she appears very warm, sweet. She wears an apron over a blue dress.

"I see you on TV all the time," she says. "I'm Tia, Lisa's mom?"

"Oh, right," says Ashley, smiling. "Nice to see you."

"Lisa and Leslie are at the park right now," says Tia. "I'm just fixing up some dinner for the girls and Jimmy before they come back. Jimmy can't cook anything, huh? Of course, it's probably not as good as anything you make."

"I'm not that great of a chef either," replies Ashley. "Thanks for helping out. I just...um, needed to get away for a bit."

'No, no, I understand. Lisa's father had the same problem. Of course, that lead to our divorce. But it's different for you guys, I'm sure."

Ashley averts her eyes, not wanting to tell her anything, as nice as she is. It was a little strange having a woman who was practically a stranger doing what she used to do, maybe doing it better. But no, she has to focus, locate Jimmy.

"Is Jimmy here?" asks Ashley.

"No, he went to a celebration lunch at Mason's Bar and Grill," announces Tia. "Paige Mason's having a baby. Isn't that exciting?"

Wow, thinks Ashley, smiling gleefully. That explains the weight gain and the puking. It's nice that something happy is happening in all this mess. She makes a mental note to make some time with Paige as soon as she can.

"That's so great," says Ashley. "I've been incognito, so that's a shock. But a happy shock."

Tia nods, happily. "It should still be going on. You can track down Jimmy there. They invited you both, but I guess you never got the message."

No, she never got the message, but it's not like Jimmy knew where she was. Who knows? He may've not wanted to tell her at all.

"Thanks," says Ashley. "How's Leslie?"

"Honestly, a bit sad," whispers Tia, frowning. "She barely eats. Stays in her room a lot. It took a miracle to get her outside today, but Lisa can be very convincing. But I'll look out for her. Don't worry."

Ashley nods, wishes she was the one looking out for her. Leslie was _her _daughter after all. At least for this moment, she thinks sadly. Her child not eating? A part of her wanted to run to the park right now, and get her, take her away, but no, Jimmy first.

"Can you tell her that I'm going to see her...really soon?" says Ashley.

"Certainly," says Tia. " I can certainly do that."

II.

Paige butters a muffin, passes the salt shaker to Marco, remaining quiet like she's been for the last twenty minutes. There were smiling faces all around, sometimes aimed at her, other times directed towards Spinner. The restaurant was supposed to be closed to everyone else, but Paige was hoping Ashley would show so Spinner left the door unlocked. Her mother's smile is the brightest, and she lists some good places for baby furniture for Spinner while Paige chews her muffin. Dylan, Marco, and J.T. were talking about some hockey game that aired last night, though Marco seems a bit lost, but less lost than she's feeling right now. She glances at Jimmy, pretending to be engaged in the hockey conversation. He looks the most lost, and she slides her chair back, settling into a chair next to his.

"A sugar packet for your thoughts?" says Paige, reaching for a packet and handing it to him.

Jimmy takes it, shrugs. "Sorry. I'm really excited for you, guys. Just dealing with a lot."

"Where's Ash?" asks Paige. "She's not acting much like a best friend right now. Of course, I'll pardon her if there's a good reason."

"She's not acting much like a wife right now, either, so we're both in the same boat," whispers Jimmy, then noticing Paige's concerned expression. "Do you know what happened on this camping trip?"

Paige looks down at her hands, covered in crumbs. Ashley and Craig obviously did something.

"Not the particulars, but I can guess," she answers. "Jimmy, she cares about you. I know that's weird to hear considering whatever happened. But she cares."

"Do you think we have a chance? Me and Ash? Because Paige, I've never been in love with anyone else. No one."

"I wish I could say yes," says Paige. "But I honestly don't know."

Jimmy and Paige exchange awkward looks as Spinner stands, tapping his champagne glass with a fork.

"Friends, family," says Spinner over the hum of the room. "Thank you for coming out to celebrate with us. I'd like to say a few words, hopefully smart ones."

Everyone chuckles, and Spinner heads to Paige, kisses her cheek. Paige blushes, twirling the napkin on the table. He's already made such a big deal about this, she thinks. And didn't he pick up that she was less than enthused? She went over the numbers last night, and financially, it would be very tough. They might even have to sell one of their cars.

"When I first saw Paige, I was so stunned by her hotness, and yeah, a bit confused by her wit. But I get confused easily. Anyway, I was more confused that she gave me the time of day. But I'm so glad she did, because I can't think of a kinder, more intelligent, more beautiful girl to be the mother of my kid. We've been through a lot, but nothing like this. Still, I love her and this person we're about to meet so it'll be all good in the end. And if it's a boy, I'll treat you all to a free dinner...not that I have anything against girls...sorry Jimmy."

Jimmy cracks a smile. "That's fine, man."

"Paige, would you like to speak?" whispers Spinner, kneeling down to her.

Paige grins nervously. "I think you said it all, honeybee."

"You don't want to at least say a little something?" says Spinner.

She notices the warm, excited look in his eyes, and she feels herself weakening. He's so happy and I'm so anxious, she thinks. She could pretend, just for a minute or two. Standing, she taps her glass of apple cider, and glances around the table.

"So, thanks for coming, and I'll make this short and sweet," says Paige. "It's excellent to have friends like you. I mean, Hazel's flying in from New York tomorrow just to see if I have my head on straight. Some friends couldn't be here, but..."

She's interrupted by the tinkle of the door opening, Ashley coming towards them, dressed in a dowdy grey shirt and sweatpants, as if she hadn't slept well the night before.

"Hey," she says, awkwardly, her eyes set on Jimmy.

Jimmy stares at the floor, and Paige can see tears at the edges of his eyes.

"Ash?" says Paige, trying not to sound startled. "We didn't think you were coming."

Paige looks at the other members of the party. They all appear rattled, particularly Marco, who twists in his chair like he can't sit still. The exception is her mother, who asks Spinner to set down a place for Ashley.

"No thanks, Ms. Michalchuk," speaks up Ashley. "Just came to see Jimmy."

"You're not staying for the party?" says Ms. Michalchuk, sounding a tad offended.

"It's okay, Mom," defends Paige. "Ash and I...we'll celebrate later."

Ashley gives her a sorrowful smile. "Definitely."

Paige sits back down, throws Marco a confused look. The bags under Ashley's eyes are quite visible."Are you coming home?" says Jimmy, softly.

"Jimmy, can we go somewhere to talk?" asks Ashley.

Jimmy bangs the table with his fork, hard. The sound makes Ashley and the others jump. He stares at Ashley intensely, and Paige can feel an increase in heat in the air-conditioned restaurant.

"I really don't feel like talking now, Ash," he says, calmly. "Are you coming home?"

"That's a problem, because I want to talk," exclaims Ashley. "Why would I come home after that? Jimmy, how could you do this? This is totally brutal, over the line. You're punishing me! You can't do this!"

Everyone looks at Ashley, nervously. Spinner furrows his brow, shrugs at Paige. Paige shakes her head, rests her chin in her hands.

"Why don't you tell them what you're doing, Ash?" says Jimmy, coldly smiling at the others. "I'll do it. She's leaving me...for Craig."

"What...what's going on?" whispers Spinner in Paige's ear.

"She decided over the weekend, some eventful weekend that apparently means more than five years of marriage," continues Jimmy, his voice raising in volume with each word. "I guess the sex was that good, wasn't it?"

Tears start to fall down Ashley's cheeks, and she's trying hard to catch her breath.

"That's enough, Jimmy," mutters Marco, though it's loud enough for them all to hear.

"Marco, no offense, but you're not the one lying to a sad five-year old about where her mother is," says Jimmy.

"No, you're just the one taking her mother away from her!" exclaims Ashley, finally finding her breath.

"What?" shouts Paige. "Jimmy?"

"I'm protecting her!" defends Jimmy.

"From what?" demands Paige.

"From all this mess, Ashley."

" Jimmy, I can't believe you!" shouts Paige.

Jimmy ignores Paige's outburst, squinting his eyes at Ashley.

"It wasn't my idea," says Jimmy, his voice softening. "But it's the only way I can make you realize what a huge mistake this is. Just come home and we'll forget the trip and the paperwork and whatever else."

"So this wasn't your idea?" snaps Ashley. "Jimmy, after all this time, you still let your dad control your life, play these sick little mind games."

Paige could tell Ashley touched a nerve, and she wishes she told her to pull back, that maybe Jimmy was about to listen to her. The mention of Mr. Brooks just stoked the fire.

"Hold on!" says Jimmy. "My dad cares about me, more than you. He doesn't desert me when things get a little difficult, like you. Or treat me like I don't mean anything, like you."

"I was there for you in the hospital, at home, all the time!" cries Ashley. "I treated you well."

"Yet you spend a few nights with Craig, and that goes out the window. He must have you really whipped to leave everything for him."

"I have a mind of my own, Jimmy! I seem to be the one using mine, unlike you."

"Please. He sings one note, and your knees buckle, your morals go out of wack. There's no way I'm letting him near my kid. You guys can do whatever you want, but if you want to be all irresponsible and stupid, you're gone too, Ash. You're leaving Leslie out of it. Drop Craig and I'll drop the suit."

"I'm not dropping him," says Ashley.

"I'm not dropping the suit then. You can come get your stuff, say bye to Les on Saturday, and then she's done with you, just like me."

Paige is a bit surprised to see Spinner leave her, put a supportive arm on Jimmy's shoulder.

Jimmy's words suck the life out of Ashley. Paige can tell by her face, now not only tired, but fearful. The room is completely silent, much quieter than before. Paige couldn't fathom it, all this drama between them, over a kid. She touches her stomach, feels a small flutter. She hopes she never has to go through this, watching Ashley turn and go out the restaurant, let her child go through something like this.. But as a new mother, she at least knows this, that as much as you want to protect them, you can only do so much, and hopefully, it's enough.

III.

Ellie rolls down the car window, sticks her head out slightly and peers down the road. She smells salt, which she finds odd, and tries to catch Sean's eye. The conversation as he drove was very light, mainly about Ellie having no idea where they were headed. He keeps his eyes straightforward, parking the car on the side, under the shade of a tree. Getting out first, he grabs a blanket, then lets Ellie out without saying a word.

She turns, looks out past a little clearing, and sees sand, water lapping against it. Sean smiles, puts a hand on her back, leads her to the middle of the beach. It takes her about three minutes to realize where they were. It had been about seven years since they were there. Wasaga. She rightfully has mixed feelings about this place. It was where they first broke up, where Sean realized he had to stay after the shooting. However, this was where they later came to see Tracker and his wife, and Sean's parents, who had warmed up to Ellie. Those were nice days, full of barbeques, walks on the beach, moonlit swimming. Those nights, Ellie was less inhibited, letting Sean rub her back through her one-piece suit, hold her as the waves crashed against their bodies when they swam, not agitated by the wet sand staying between her toes. She thinks she hasn't felt that way in forever, as Sean unfurls a blanket so they can sit down.

"You come here often?" asks Ellie, stretching out her legs.

"When I need to," says Sean, taking off his shoes. "Plus it's nice to see my family. But I like being alone too."

"Me too," agrees Ellie, rubbing her boot.

Sean laughs. "Can't enjoy the beach with those things on. Take 'em off, Nash."

Ellie rolls her eyes, a shy smile on her lips. "Fine."

As her boots and socks come off, a nice salty breeze blows on her feet. It's nice and she closes her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" says Sean, after a few seconds.

"The truth? How much work I could be doing at this moment," says Ellie.

Sean sighs. "We gotta take care of that. Come on, let's go."

He grabs her hand, Ellie squealing in protest. They head to the water's edge, and Ellie views a number of shells and rocks through the blue-green water. Something small and see-through glides by her left foot.

"Jellyfish!" screams Ellie, letting Sean's hand go and moving about in the water, making small waves. "I saw one!"

"There's no jellyfish here," says Sean. "I grew up here, remember?"

"I saw it, Sean!" says Ellie.

"Okay, wait," says Sean, sifting through the water.

Ellie watches him closely, holds her breath. Sean pulls his hand back, moaning loudly.

"Sean!" cries Ellie. "Did it get you? Let me see."

Sean lets her see his hand. Perfectly fine.

"Got attacked by a plastic bag," says Sean, pulling out the bag and waving it in front of her face. "Way worse than a jellyfish."

Ellie punches him. "I hate you!" she exclaims, giggling.

"You don't hate me," says Sean, smiling.

"Yes...yes, I do!" laughs Ellie.

"You don't hate me...because now you're not thinking about work, are you?"

Ellie nods. "No, I'm not. I'm thinking about something else."

"What?" says Sean.

Ellie knocks him over, Sean falling into the water, his pants and his T-shirt completely soaked. Ellie claps happily, does a little victory dance.

"Now we're even," says Ellie, doing one more little shimmy.

"Okay, okay," says Sean, getting up, shaking himself.

They head back to the blanket, Sean shivering.

"You're really mean," says Sean, grinning at her.

"Be a man, Cam," replies Ellie, clapping him on the back.

She hasn't smiled this much since the last time they were together, the night before the miscarriage. The night before, they were watching a horrible movie on cable, something about zombies eating kids. It was all very morbid, but it did spark up talk about them having kids. Ellie slept soundly that night, not knowing that the real horror would come the next day. Life stinks that way sometimes, she thinks. A frown replaces the smile that was on her face.

"Sean, you're being really nice...I mean, considering. Not that I didn't expect you to be nice," stammers Ellie, trying to find the words.

"Why wouldn't I be nice? El, I get that you wanted something else. Maybe someone else," says Sean.

Ellie raises her eyebrows in confusion. "No, it wasn't about Craig."

"It wasn't? I just assumed because you went with him on tour months later and..."

"Craig and I...we didn't even work this time around, Sean. When I left, the circumstances had nothing to do with him."

"Oh," says Sean, looking into her eyes. "Can I ask why?"

Ellie traces a finger along the hem of the blanket, tears threatening to fall at any moment.

"There was this situation...this baby," whispers Ellie.

Sean sits up straight, his mouth open.

"It was ours, Sean," whispers Ellie, the tears now coming out. "It was ours. And that was it...I can't have any more kids."

Sean closes his mouth, covers it. Ellie sees that his eyes are shiny. She reads it as shock, or hurt. He sniffles, and she knows he's also on the verge of tears.

"Umm...were you in any pain?" asks Sean, uncovering his mouth.

Ellie shakes her head. "Not much. The emotional pain, that was bigger. I couldn't be with you...I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"But I wanted you, El!" whispers Sean, urgently. "I wanted...I can't...I tried to call all those times..."

"I know," interrupts Ellie. "It was wrong of me to push you away. But being with you hurt so much."

Sean starts to cry silently, shivering more violently. Ellie turns her head, not being able to bare the sight. All that time he thought it was Craig, but this has to be worse. His tears fall faster and faster, and Ellie wishes he would speak. Was he thinking about their son and daughter dying, being unable to save them? He was such a protector. That's what she thinks about sometimes, that her body couldn't support him or her, that there was no way to save them.

"The sad part is...I think I would've made a good mom," says Ellie, wiping her eyes.

Ellie doesn't notice Sean taking her in her arms, but she feels it. They cry together, like they would've that day she lost the baby. They cry delayed tears, which hurt and heal.

IV.

In the studio, Craig listens to the phone ring for about the hundredth time, finally picks up. He can hear Mickey huffing angrily on the other end.

"I bought you that phone for a reason, Craig!" he barks. "I haven't talked to you in days. That'd be fine if you were on vacation, but you're freakin' recording an album!"

"There's personal stuff I've got to deal with," says Craig.

Mickey harrumphs. "Sounds like girl trouble to me. If Ellie's keeping you from doing what you need to do..."

"It's not Ellie, okay?" interrupts Craig loudly. "It's..."

Ugh, he gave Mickey the lead in to prod him some more.

"Oh, so there is a girl. Eddie told me one dropped by the studio. What's her name?"

"None of your business."

"Don't make me find it out, Craig!" yells Mickey. "You know I could do it."

Craig sighs. "Her name's Ashley Kerwin. We've been on and off...and on and off...and on. It's one of those. You got your story, now leave it be."

"Hmmm," mumbles Mickey. "She's a news anchor, right? I thought she was married."

"Almost divorced, actually. Mickey..."

"Cause if she is, we could really swing this. Oh, wow. That's really scandalous. We could pump that up in the papers, make it seem like you two are destined. Star-crossed, Romeo and Juliet thing...that would sell your music like hotcakes. Yeah, I'll start making calls."

"No! No! Mickey, there's a child involved. I want to keep this as private as possible."

Mickey chuckles. "Yeah, you're Craig Manning and no one will find out? You gotta be kidding me."

"Promise me, Mickey!" exclaims Craig. "It has to stay private."

"Ugh, this static...I gotta go, Craig. Get back to work. Bye," says Mickey, before Craig hears a dial tone.

Craig peers down at the cell phone in disgust, checks his messages, and sees a text message from Spinner. PAIGE PRGNT. PRTY 2. Just because my life's weird right now doesn't mean I can't wish her well, thinks Craig, heading out of the studio and driving to the restaurant. It's four, so he wagers Paige and Spin would be the only ones there, and Jimmy would thankfully be home by then. He immediately sees Paige, helping Spinner pile dirty cups into a bin.

"Hey, congratulations!" greets Craig, hugging Paige gently.

"Craig!" exclaims Paige, glancing nervously around. "We didn't know you could break away from the studio."

"For this? Yeah!" says Craig, beaming at her, then Spinner. "You must be excited."

Craig reaches out to shake Spinner's hand, but Spinner shoots him a dirty look and goes into the kitchen.

"Um, Jimmy's still here, so...," whispers Paige.

Paige is too late delivering the information, as Jimmy wheels out of the bathroom and stops dead in his tracks, glaring at Craig.

"Looking for your girl, Craig?" says Jimmy. "Or my wife?"

"Jimmy, I didn't know you'd be here, okay? I don't want to do this," says Craig.

"Then you shouldn't have started it!" exclaims Jimmy.

Craig rolls his eyes. "You started this, Jimmy. I never thought you'd stoop this low. What about Leslie? Are you thinking of her?"

"Yeah, I am! Ash isn't. Someone has to."

"I think your dad's thinking for you, and you're too much of a coward to stand up to him. He may control this state, but he can't control how I feel or how Ash feels. I'm not going, no matter what you do."

Jimmy starts to wheel towards Craig quickly, but Spinner holds him back. Craig does likewise, but Paige shakes her head and he steps back. Craig walks towards the door, his heart thumping hard against his chest.

"We'll see who's a coward when I take the stand," yells Jimmy behind him. "I'll see you in court."


	19. I Heard It Through the Grapevine

**XIX. I Heard It Through The Grapevine**

**Author's Note: For the first time, you'll be getting Emma's POV in this chapter. Sean's will be coming too in late chapters. However, they're not as large, nor as frequent as the others. Thanks.**

_Bet you're wondering how I knew  
'Bout your plans to make me blue  
With some other guy that you knew before  
Between the two of us guys you know I love you more  
It took me by surprise I must say  
When I found out yesterday, oo_

_I heard it through the grapevine  
Not much longer would you be mine  
Oo, I heard it through the grapevine  
And I'm just about to lose my mind  
Honey, honey yeah_

_You know that a man ain't supposed to cry  
But these tears I can't hold inside  
Losin' you would end my life, you see  
'Cause you mean that much to me  
You could have told me yourself  
That you found someone else, instead_

_People say believe half of what you see  
Son, and none of what you hear  
I can't help bein' confused  
If it's true please won't you tell me dear  
Do you plan to let me go  
For the other guy that you knew before_

_I heard it through the grapevine  
Not much longer would you be mine  
Oo, I heard it through the grapevine  
And I'm just about to lose my mind  
Honey, honey yeah_

Paige sips her peach smoothie, walking back and forth in the terminal, moving out of the way when a family drags luggage past her. The airport is crowded, more so than usual. She guesses it's because it's summer and people are traveling for vacations, reunions, honeymoons. She and Spinner couldn't afford to go anywhere. Sighing, while throwing the cup in the trash, she doesn't see a boy running quickly towards her. He bumps into her, has an annoyed expression on his face.

"Watch where you're going, lady!" he shouts.

"I had the right of way, hon," snaps Paige. "Maybe you need to look where you're going."

The boy smirks. "Pregnant ladies sure have some attitude."

He runs off, leaving Paige with her mouth agape.

"You can tell I'm pregnant!" she shouts after him, causing people to stare. "Am I that fat?"

"Oh yeah, you're definitely fatter," says a cheerful voice to her side.

She turns to see Hazel. They both squeal, and hug each other, jumping down.

"Oops, better be careful," says Hazel, patting Paige's stomach.

"Thank goodness, a non-dramatic friend," says Paige, hugging her again. "It's like 90210 plus One Tree Hill plus the one with Katie Holmes pre-Tom Cruise around here."

"So nothing's changed?" laughs Hazel. "You'll have to fill me in later."

"Fill me in on the man situation," says Paige.

"I'm happily single, okay? Not all of us have Spinners. Some of us shop around."

"As long as you're shopping at the right place, and he knows you're a quality buyer, Haze."

Hazel loops her arms with Paige's and they start down the terminal. It felt good to see her. They talked on the phone all the time, which Paige was thankful for, but having her in the same room was much better.

"How's New York?" asks Paige.

"It smells, but the buildings are pretty," replies Hazel. "Business is really good. I may not be an artist, but I sure have an eye for detail. CD covers are my life. I really want to get into management though, be a double threat. Isn't it weird how like half of us are in media jobs?"

"Snake was a really good teacher," says Paige. "Media Immersion equals success."

"Speaking of success," says Hazel, stalling and pulling out a newspaper. "I got _Celebrity Canada_ when we touched down!"

"Now, Hazel, we're too old to read these self-absorbed celebrity rags," says Paige, shaking her head.

Hazel gives her a puzzled look.

"I'm playing!" exclaims Paige. "Open it!"

Hazel laughs, flips a couple pages, scowls. "Ashley Olsen's in rehab. Again?"

"No, that was the other twin," says Paige, turning the page for her. "And pink cashmere is not her friend. Star Jones gets lipo. Hilary Duff gets a nose job...good. Was needed. Jude Harrison and Tom Quincy, engaged!"

"Awww," they say at the same time.

Paige reads a few more blurbs, but her eyes pause on two particular pictures. Craig, singing at some concert, and right next to it, a picture of Ashley, behind the podium at a conference. Hazel blinks at her in confusion, then reads the blurb out loud.

"Based on recent information from a reliable source, we have exclusive news that rock star Craig Manning is wooing Toronto television personality, Ashley Kerwin, who is married to a local basketball coach. Once lovers, the flame has been rekindled and Ashley has even been sighted at Craig's studio. Rumor has it that she will be divorcing her husband in order to be with her past love. Stick with _Celebrity Canada_ for the latest developments."

Hazel closes the newspaper. "Wow! I'm assuming this is the drama?"

Paige nods. "And I'm assuming Ashley and Craig haven't seen this yet."

"But Jimmy and Ash have a kid," says Hazel.

"Jimmy's asking for sole custody. It's really chaotic, hon. I can't wrap my head around it. I feel weird at home, because Spinner's siding with Jimmy, and I want to talk to Ashley, but she's not answering my calls."

"That doesn't sound like the Jimmy I dated," sighs Hazel. "That's insane."

"It's his dad, I think."

"Ugh, maybe I can talk to him. But if his dad's pushing all of this, it won't do much good, I'm pretty sure. But back to you, because I came for you. Are you happy? Scared?

"I'm everything. A part of me is happy. Contrary to popular belief, I want kids. But now? It can't be coming at a worse time. Of course, Spin feels differently. Spinner's all I want to name the baby after an action movie star last night. I am not naming my baby after Vin Diesel."

"He's hot, though," says Hazel, smiling.

"Okay, yeah, but his name's weird. Anyway, I'm terrified to tell him that I'm terrified. Now with all this mess, I want to focus on Jimmy and Ash. It can wait."

"Alright, Paige, but you have to tell him. You hold in how you feel and well..."

Hazel frowns, holds up the page with Craig and Ashley. "Well, you get this."

II.

Emma begins ticking off things on her checklist, nodding hello to a few interns rushing by her as she heads to her office. She isn't really paying attention to the words, just trying to stay focused on something, anything. Sean didn't come home last night, and he always called. She checked the garage first, and Merl told her that the last he heard from Sean was Sean calling for him to pick up a car, Ellie Nash's car to be exact. The thought of Sean being with Ellie almost made her want to take off work and lay in bed the whole day. But with Ashley missing all week, for whatever reason, she had to cover a lot of ground. He's going to call, she thinks, entering her office. He's going to call.

She stops, groans. Darcy and Derek were sitting in the plush chairs she reserved for visitors, watching TV on her monitor, passing a bowl of popcorn between them.

"What are you two doing?" exclaims Emma. "Get out!"

"Chillax, Em," says Darcy. "It's our lunch break and we just wanted to see the music video countdown."

Darcy pops a kernel in her mouth, smiles charmingly.

"Don't use your 2006 slang on me, Darcy!" says Emma. "You can't just come in and..."

"It's cheddar, your favorite," says Derek, handing her the bowl of popcorn.

Emma licks her lips, takes the bowl forcefully, and digs in. A music video with an artist Emma doesn't recognize ends, and a pretty, brown-haired VJ comes on the screen.

"Wasn't that sensational? And now, we have some juicy news about Toronto's very own superstar, Craig Manning."

"Oooh, turn it up," says Darcy, sitting up.

Derek presses the volume button on the remote, and all three of them lean in.

"Apparently," says the VJ. "We've finally learned the secret identity of the girl Craig's sprung on. It's none other than Ashley Kerwin, a journalist married to Jimmy Brooks, a coach and son of prominent businessman, Trenton Brooks."

The screen flashes a video of Ashley during one of her broadcasts.

"Dude!" yells Derek. "Whoa!"

"What!" cries Emma. "No way."

"Ashley's hair looks cute like that," comments Darcy.

" Craig and Ashley are giving it another go, thus prompting Jimmy to seek a divorce, and sole custody of his daughter with Ashley. It'll be a true battle between these well-known individuals. As for Craig and Ashley, is this a forbidden love affair worth the risk? Is this the elusive Dust girl, Craig's inspiration for his massive hit?"

"I bet she is," says Darcy, nodding at Derek.

" One thing's for sure. We're behind Craig, one hundred percent We love you, Craig!" says the VJ.

"Go Craig!" exclaims Derek.

"But poor Jimmy," says Darcy. "This is one hundred percent intense."

Emma shakes her head, rubbing her eyes. This had to be why Ashley was out of touch, and Emma couldn't blame her. Still, she felt a degree of sympathy for Jimmy. If Sean ever left her, she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

"Let's see if Judge Judy is on," says Derek, picking up the remote.

"Uh, hello?" says Emma. "Three of our friends are involved in some heinous court case, and you want to watch Judge Judy?"

Darcy and Derek glance at one each other. "Yes," they answer.

"We care," says Darcy. "But we only have thirty minutes left, and the preview showed Judy really laying into this guy that works as a mime so he can't talk back."

"Dude, we're missing it!" says Derek.

"You guys are so vapid!" says Emma, exiting.

"At least we're not vegetarians!" snaps Derek behind her back.

"_I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener, that it what I'd truly like to be..._," sings Darcy under her breath, causing Derek to laugh.

Normally, Derek and Darcy didn't bother her. They were harmless. But not being able to contact Sean just intensified the annoyance. She thinks to call him, but no, he should call her. Honestly, she felt bad about how she handled the Ellie situation. Eighty percent of her had good intentions, wanted to see her succeed with the ad. The other twenty, well, did want to know why Ellie ditched Sean. Whenever Sean went to visit Snake, she'd feel a sharp pain in her stomach, a pang of jealousy, knowing that Ellie was in that district, was closer to him. She had hoped the move to Millington would decrease these visits, but no, Sean had kept going. Was he going for Snake or something else, someone else? And now, it's pretty obvious Craig had moved on from Ellie.

Emma clutches her wedding ring protectively, her head throbbing. He'll remember, she assures herself. And even though marriages were ending, even Jimmy and Ashley, he'll remember. He'll remember our vows.

III.

A harp strums as Jimmy wheels to a table, covered in white linen with fresh, white roses set in the center. He hated coming to his father's country club, a scene he was never much into growing up. He went out of respect for his parents, but he could only fake comfort for so long. Unfortunately, it was the only place his father and his father's lawyer were able to meet for a quick powwow. His father and an attractive woman in a green suit stand as he comes to them.

"Jimmy, hi," says Mr. Brooks. "This is Carla Arrow, my attorney. The best in the region."

Jimmy shakes her hand lightly, not surprised that he can't be cheerful. "Hi."

They all sit. Carla asks him a few friendly questions, but then launches into legal speak.

"Jimmy, I can assure you that I have the best credentials. Based on the information your father provided, I believe we'll get a nice sum of money in the divorce settlement and sole custody of your daughter. This other lawyer, Liberty Van Zandt, she's young, green. Not a contest."

"Liberty's really smart, though. I knew her in school," says Jimmy.

"That was school. This is the real world. I know she's won a couple cases, but my record works in our favor. It's particularly beneficial to us that there seems to be a case of infidelity on Ms. Kerwin's part."

"Um, I don't know if they slept together...," begins Jimmy.

"Come on, Jimmy," says Mr. Brooks. "It doesn't matter, anyways. We just have to get the jury on your side. And we don't have much time. I moved up the case."

"You what?" exclaims Jimmy.

"After you told me that she didn't come around, I moved it up. I have a few friends in the legal circle, made some calls. Now, it was difficult, but I worked it out. It took some work getting those divorce papers to her at Kate's in the first place so fast, but this was much harder."

"Wait...how did you know Ash was at Kate's? I didn't even know."

Mr. Brooks takes a deep breath. "I called Kate and she told me. She called yesterday, upset. She's not on board with us, Jim."

Jimmy's heart sinks a bit. He didn't think Kate would support his decision, but he did like Kate a lot. He could imagine the look on her face when she heard.

"But we do need an in, a way to dig up what actually happened. So I hired a detective," says Mr. Brooks.

"Good move," says Carla.

"Dad! Don't you think this is a bit extreme?" shouts Jimmy, causing the harpist to miss a note.

Other people turn to them, and Mr. Brooks starts to speak in a hushed tone.

"He's just digging up things that will help us. Stuff on Craig, primarily. However, he did tell me about some camp, which you didn't tell me about. A performing arts camp sponsored by Leslie's school."

Jimmy looks down, not at all soothed by the gentle, beautiful harp music. Mr. Brooks eyes him sharply, while Carla drinks some water.

"Dad, I was going to tell you...," starts Jimmy.

"No, you weren't. That's okay, because I'm thinking it was Ashley's idea. But no, can't have that. It's eating away Leslie's practice time. That's why I feel this sole custody idea is a good one," says Mr. Brooks.

"And it's likely you'll get her," adds Carla.

"The camp was good for her, though," protests Jimmy, quietly.

"She had fun for one weekend. That's fine, but now it's time for her to focus," says Mr. Brooks.

"That's how I got where I am," says Carla. "Focus."

An image of an excited Leslie coming into the door after camp enters his mind. She looked so happy, happier than he'd ever seen her.

"Dad, I'm not sure about this custody thing," says Jimmy.

"Jimmy, don't back out now, especially since we know it'll make the difference in Leslie's future. Ashley is going to ruin all her goals with this music stuff, and Craig, he'll just encourage it too since he's a musician. You don't want Leslie to fail, do you? Become some girl singing in run-down clubs when she could've been the next Michelle Wie," argues Mr. Brooks.

"No, but..."

Just then, he looks up to see Kate, heading towards them, glaring at Jimmy.

"Kate," says Mr. Brooks, standing.

"Save it!" snaps Kate. "Jimmy, I can't believe you. That's my granddaughter too. Ashley's daughter. Ashley would die for Leslie, I would die for Leslie. She's been nothing but good to you, and I've always supported your relationship with her. If you go through with this, actually pull this off, we'll fight you in court again, appeal it, and I'll pay every penny until I'm broke. You will not hurt my daughter anymore."

Jimmy swallows a lump in his throat. He'd never seen that coldness in Kate's eyes before. He'd only seen warmth and now, he feels like he can't breathe.

"Kate, you leave my son alone!" exclaims Mr. Brooks.

"Gladly," replies Kate. "And Trenton, I'm too much of a lady to tell you what I think of you in front of your friends, since I know you're pulling the puppet strings. But when we get into the courtroom, you can best believe my demeanor's going to change considerably."

Kate shoots Mr. Brooks one more cold look, and walks out, her heels clomping against the floor.

"Seems like we're in for quite a rumble," says Carla.

Jimmy bites his lip, stares at the harpist, who is no longer playing. No sweetness for the soul.

IV.

Craig rubs Ashley's head, the only sound in the living room the scratch of a pen. Neither of them had slept the night before, and going back and forth between here and the studio was taking a toll on Craig. Mickey finally did offer him a hotel room, but Craig declined, thinking that money could come in handy if the legal fees got too big. Liberty said not to worry about it, to pay her later.

Ashley can barely keep her eyes open, watching Liberty leaf through some paperwork. She, Liberty, and Craig sit on her mother's sofa, Craig stroking her knee as Liberty reads a yellow piece of paper. Ashley gives him a quiet smile, then turns back to Liberty.

"He'll argue the infidelity angle, that's for sure. We're going to need some character witnesses, so start thinking about that, Ashley. Craig, maybe you can aid her with that."

Craig nods. "Yeah. Whatever I can do."

"And think of some for yourself as well," says Liberty, putting the paper into a folder.

"Me?" says Craig. "Why me?"

"Um, the jury will be looking at Ashley, sure, but if you guys are permanent, which I thought you were, they'll want to know how you'll fare as a potential stepdad. You guys are permanent, right?"

Craig looks at Ashley, who grins at him.

"No pressure," she whispers. "We aren't even technically dating, I guess."

Craig starts to say something, but can't.

"That's alright. I shouldn't pry, but it'll come up," says Liberty, noticing Craig's awkwardness. "Okay, Ashley, I think we should talk about the financial side of things."

Craig stands, still a bit startled. "I'm going to get you guys some lunch, okay?"

He stoops, kisses Ashley, and goes outside to his car. On the way there, his phone rings. Please don't be Mickey, thinks Craig. Nope, Joey. Craig smiles, answers.

"Hey, long time, no see," says Joey, after Craig says hello.

"Same here," says Craig.

"Actually, I'm lying, Craig. I'm seeing you everywhere, it seems. The papers, the TV."

"The album isn't out yet. That's strange. I did a couple shows. Is that what you mean?"

He hears Joey laugh nervously on the other end.

"I'm doing a bad job of playing it cool. Listen, I know about Ashley."

"How could you...," says Craig, then he feels something crunch under his foot.

Craig picks up the newspaper, sees his face on the back page. He nearly drops the paper as he scans the words. Her visiting the studio, the divorce, Leslie...it's all there. He wishes he was invisible right then and there. He'd find Mickey and kill him. Hopefully, Leslie hasn't seen it.

"So are you guys really together?" asks Joey. "Because I support it if that's what you want."

"Yeah, it's what I want," says Craig.

"What's the status? This is for keeps?"

"Of course!" says Craig, his face flushing. "Why is everyone so concerned about our status? It's between us."

"I'm sorry, Craig. It's just...you guys don't have the best track record. That's fine with me. Look at me and Caitlin."

Craig gets into his car, the heat of the seat burning his butt. Now, not only was he mentally in a pressure cooker, but he was in one physically too.

"I want it to be permanent," says Craig to Joey. "I...wait, I have an idea."

"Craig, am I going to like this one?" asks Joey.

"Yeah!" says Craig, defensively.

"This won't be flying to England, part two, will it? I know how impulsive you can be."

"No, no, this one's good. Really good. Give me Sydney's number, will you? You guys are still friends, right?"

"Yeah, but...okay, here it is."

Joey checks his address book, providing Craig with the number. He thanks Joey, speeds towards Sydney's office, a grin plastered on his face. He knows he has enough money, and Mickey owes him, big, so actually getting the money would be easy. He practically floats as he walks to the office, Sydney's secretary letting him in.

"Craig!" greets Sydney. "This is a pleasant blast from the past. Now you're all famous and really, really tall."

"I'm stretchy," says Craig. "It's nice to see you."

She gives him a small hug, then asks him to take a seat.

"What can I do for you?" asks Sydney.

"I'm looking for something really private, really nice, really permanent," says Craig.

"Okay. I can do that for you," says Sydney. "What kind of space are we talking about?"

"Something big, something that'll be ours," says Craig. "I want a house."


	20. Seven Rooms of Gloom

Author's Note: Well, I shamefully haven't been attributing the songs to the artists who performed them originally. So just skip this, although you may be interested where they came from. I don't know. I just gotta do it. Lol.

**Never Can Say Goodbye is the property of the Jackson Five.**

**What Becomes of the Broken-hearted? is the property of Jimmy Ruffin.**

**Baby Love is the property of the Supremes.**

**Come See About Me is the property of the Supremes.**

**Don't Make Me Over is the property of Dionne Warwick.**

**Tears of a Clown is the property of Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.**

**Tracks of My Tears is the property of the Miracles.**

**ABC is the property of the Jackson Five.**

**Stop! In The Name of Love is the property of Diana Ross and the Supremes.**

**I'll Be Around is property of the Spinners.**

**I Love Music is property of the O' Jays.**

**Quiet Storm is the property of Smokey Robinson.**

**You Keep Me Hangin' On is the property of Diana Ross and the Supremes.**

**Ain't Too Proud To Beg is the property of the Temptations.**

**You Can't Hurry Love is the property of Diana Ross and the Supremes.**

**Maybe Your Baby is the property of Stevie Wonder.**

**You're All I Need To Get By is the property of Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.**

**What's Going On is the property of Marvin Gaye.**

**I Heard It Through the Grapevine is the property of Marvin Gaye.**

**XX. Seven Rooms of Gloom**

**Seven Rooms of Gloom is property of the Four Tops.**

_I see a house, a house of stone _

_(Seven rooms) _

_A lonely house 'cause now you've gone _

_(Filled with gloom) _

_Seven rooms, that's all it is, seven rooms of gloom_

_(Just seven rooms of gloom) _

_I live with emptiness _

_(Filled with emptiness) _

_Without your tenderness_

_You took the dream I had for us _

_Turned my dreams into dust _

_I watch the phone never rings _

_I watch the door that never rings _

_Bring you back into my life _

_Turn this darkness into light _

_I'm all alone in this house _

_Turn this house into a home _

_I need your touch to comfort me_

_The tender, tender arms that once held me_

_Without your love, your love inside _

_This house is just a place to run and hide _

_Seven rooms, that's all it is - seven rooms of gloom _

_Rooms of emptiness _

_Without your tenderness _

_Don't make me live from day to day _

_Watching the clock that ticks away _

_Another day, another way _

_Another reason for me to stay _

_I need you here, here with me _

_I need your loving desperately _

_I'm all alone, all alone _

_In this house that's not a home _

_I miss your love I once had known _

_I miss your kiss that was my very, very own _

_Empty silence surrounding me _

_Lonely walls they stare at me _

_Seven rooms, that's all it is - rooms of gloom _

_I live with emptiness _

_Without your tenderness _

_All the windows are painted black _

_And wait right here until you come back _

_I'll keep waiting, waiting _

_Until your face again I see_

The aroma of fresh-baked bread fills the house, a smell so fragrant it makes Jimmy stop his wheelchair in his tracks as he heads towards the kitchen. Saturday, the day Ashley would show up, get her stuff, leave, permanently. He'd been dreading this day ever since Spinner and Paige's get together. He watched Spinner trot in some boxes, a few cartons, some hangers for her. Jimmy stared at the boxes in the last couple days, sure they were just some figment of his imagination, wanting them to be, but no, they were there. It was even weirder seeing Ashley's car parked on the street when he came in from his parents' or coaching at Degrassi. Wheeling into the kitchen, he sees that Tia is already hard at work, cooking. She's tied her long, mahogany hair back into a long ponytail, trailing down to her behind. Jimmy almost feels bad for noticing, remembering that he's still technically married. He tries to guess her age. Maybe thirty, thirty-one, couldn't have been that old when she had Lisa. He's pretty sure she's recently divorced as well, and he can't help but wonder if she's feeling the same things, but he doesn't dare ask.

"Smells good!" compliments Jimmy, pretending he hadn't been looking at her.

"Oh, didn't see you there," says Tia. "Yeah, I made some roast chicken for tonight, then some vegetables, and now bread. I can bake a cake later if you'd like."

Jimmy laughs. "No, please don't. I'm really glad you're helping, but that's too much."

"I like doing it," says Tia. "I haven't gotten to cook for a man in years. Lisa, she won't eat half the stuff I make. You at least eat everything on the plate."

"I have a healthy appetite," says Jimmy, smiling. "But what you're doing is very much appreciated. Staying here until Lisa and I get back from practice, cooking, laund watching out for Leslie. Thank you."

Tia blushes, which makes Jimmy nervous, so he goes over to a table, pretends to read a magazine. Tia remains silent, pops open the oven, and takes out the pan without putting on a mitt. She squeals, drops the pan, the bread spilling out onto the floor. Jimmy quickly gets a washcloth from the dish drain, ice from the dispenser, and holds the compress over her hand.

"I'm such an idiot," moans Tia, squirming.

"Hold still," advises Jimmy.

"Thanks. Actually doesn't feel that bad anymore."

"It's the least I can do."

"Now I see why Lisa likes you so much. She just goes on and on about how you've improved her game. You're a great coach, and a good person."

Tia looks into his eyes, and he's surprised, surprised that he'd never really paid attention to her at practices or games, surprised that they're so sweet and inviting, surprised that he feels a warmth that is often missing from this cold house that he wanted to be so much different, surprised that he's feeling what he's feeling. Such pretty hazel eyes.

"Um," says Jimmy, backing away and shaking his head. "I've gotta go because Ashley's showing up soon. I don't think I should be here, don't want to make it awkward. Tell Les I said bye?"

Tia bites her lip, visibly timid. "Okay. I'll see you later."

"Yeah..later."

Jimmy leaves the room, thankful to hear Spinner's car horn, indicating that he's ready to drive him over to practice. Lisa's already outside, fumbling with her duffel bag. He wheels outside, takes one more sad glance at Ashley's car.

"Hope my mom isn't bugging you, Coach," says Lisa, as Spinner gets out of the car.

"No...she's cool," says Jimmy. "A really good cook."

"And a really good date," says Lisa, smiling, winking at him.

"Nice try, Lisa," he says, as she slips into the car.

"Just saying," grins Lisa.

Jimmy looks down, smiles to himself. It's too soon, he thinks, but nice to hear.

II.

"_There was nothing at all, no, nothing at all, there was only a dream of you_," sings Craig, ambling up the aisle, staring at some hammers, then a couple screwdrivers.

He hears a slight click, and sees Marco headed towards him, folding his sunglasses.

"I have one question for you," says Marco, rolling his eyes. "Why am I at Home Depot?"

"Because I called?" says Craig, innocently.

"Craig...," starts Marco.

"Okay, okay. Well, first, thanks for coming. I know you don't have the best impression of me presently."

"You're just a level above pond scum, and you only rose because I feel bad for Ash. She didn't deserve to be blasted like that by Jimmy. And you and her all over the press. It's insane."

"What!" says Craig, his eyes flashing. "What'd he say to her?"

"Nah, just forget it, man," says Marco. "Just tell me why I'm here."

Craig takes a deep breath, putting Jimmy out of his mind, focusing on this more joyful endeavor. Sydney had taken him to various areas, but as soon as he saw the one on the quiet Carter Avenue, he knew. A blue house with white shutters. Seven, spacious rooms. A wood-burning fireplace. A room he could turn into a studio. A huge room for Leslie. Not pretentious, but classy enough. Yep, it was perfect, and he speedily filled out the paperwork after Sydney gave him the conditions. After chastising Mickey for the news leak, Mickey apologized, felt guilty, agreed to supplying him with the money for the house. While Ashley and Liberty hammered out the details,he headed to the furniture store, started ordering things, flipping through the catalog, finally happy about something in the last couple days. There were still things he needed, and he is hoping Marco will help with the design and color scheme. Ashley was none the wiser, and that pleased him immensely. She'd finally have a nice, warm place to sleep, a less stressful environment, and the thought of waking up to her every morning made him want to dance around town, even though he didn't really dance.

"You're here, because I need your eye for design," says Craig, grinning at Marco.

"For what?" says Marco.

"I just bought a house. For me and Ash."

Marco groans, turns to leave.

"Marco!" exclaims Craig.

"You've...you've got issues, alright?" says Marco, whipping back around. "It's been like two weeks since you ditched El to be with Ash. Okay, I saw that coming, though I didn't like the way you handled it at all. And now you're buying a house!"

"Yeah? So?"

"Craig, you have to be the most...the most spontaneous...I can't figure you out. You have no definition."

"Thanks," jokes Craig, grinning.

"Stop joking. You know what I mean."

"But I need a space for me, Ash, Leslie. This is one spontaneous thing that'll work out for all of us."

"You're that optimistic Ashley will get custody? I know Jimmy's dad is going to pull out all the stops. As much as I admire Liberty's intelligence, she's facing a behemoth."

Craig scratches his chin. Of course, Ashley would get custody. What jury in their right mind would be unable to see that Ashley was a good mother, and that Leslie needed her? He sees it every time they're together.

"Are you going to help me out or not?" asks Craig.

"I don't know..."

"Ignoring that yes, I'm the biggest jerk on the planet for what I did to Ellie, ignoring that you don't agree with this, just please, please, please help. We're friends...usually."

Marco rubs his forehead, and Craig's grateful he seems to be mulling it over.

Craig picks up a pink lava lamp, shakes it. "Good?"

"Yeah, because you guys are so retro," says Marco, taking it and putting it down.

"I was thinking black, like really funky and modern," offers Craig. "I saw this cool, black bedroom on..."

"Did you get the memo that Ashley isn't goth anymore?" interrupts Marco. " She's going to want something more mature, earth tones maybe. Okay, now these are nice lamps."

Marco holds up a light, blue lamp with a white shade. Craig nods approvingly.

"How many rooms are there?"questions Marco.

"Seven. A kitchen, two bedrooms, a den, a basement, two baths," answers Craig. "Money is not an issue."

Marco raises his eyes in alarm. "Get a cart. No, three. We've got work to do."

III.

It all appears the same. The stairwell still creeks, you can still hear dogs barking from the other apartments, the hall still smells like a mix of Lysol and trash. Ellie pinches her nose, follows Sean up the stairs. All the way from Wasaga back to Toronto, they didn't say anything else. Ellie was too afraid to, but she has all sorts of questions. Did he hate her for keeping it in this long? He said he wanted her, and was that the case now?

They slept next to each other on the blanket, Ellie curled next to him, and Sean, by then dry, staring out at the water. She stared at his back until she fell asleep, knowing that they were both emotionally exhausted. Sean woke up with the sun, let her rest until she got up by herself. They stood, brushed the sand off, and headed back to his car, Sean awkwardly staring at the sand as they walked. When his car reached the city line of Toronto, Sean took a sharp left, which startled her. She finally asked where they were going, but before long, she had figured it out. The same landlord was there, glad to see them, said sure, go on up, though it's a bit messy. He handed Sean the key, and now he slips it in, turns on the light.

Their old apartment is completely empty, just dirt and paper all over the floor. Ellie shuffles through it, touches the wall where she used to mark off the calendar with all her appointments and where Sean would tape notes on a little board. Her favorite: Don't drink my chocolate milk. She only did that once, but it was a running joke with them. He wrote it about three times a week. She sighs. She missed those.

"It's like a tomb," whispers Ellie, then immediately wishes she chose a different word based on last night's conversation. "Sorry."

It didn't seem to have that much of an effect. Sean looks like he's in his own world, she thinks. Sean folds his arms, glances around the apartment. Ellie puts a hand on his back.

"Why are we here, Sean?" she asks softly.

"I'm just trying to figure out...you know, figure it all out," he says.

Ellie nods. She understands. That's what she'd been doing for the last several years, figuring out why it happened to her and to Sean, figure out how to make the pain go, pretty much aware that it might be permanent. But something changed last night, in the quiet. As she slept, she felt a gentle touch inside of her, almost like a hand stroking her heart. The weight had been lifted. It made her smile, and she awoke with a smile too.

"I wanted to be there for you," says Sean suddenly.

"I know," says Ellie. "That's what I...um..."

"You what?" prompts Sean.

"That's what I love about you. You're sweet and protective."

"I couldn't protect you then."

Ellie stares into his eyes, rubs his shoulder. "What you're doing now? Just as important to me."

Sean unfolds his arms, runs a hand through her hair, which makes Ellie's knees tremble. She puts her hands on either side of his waist, inches forward, and tries to put her mouth on his. Sean shrinks back, and Ellie listens to the wild beating of his heart.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry," stammers Ellie. "You're sad...and married."

"I'm sad...and married...and I'm scared," stutters Sean, turning red.

"I scared you?" says Ellie, her voice shaking. "I thought..."

"No, no, El," says Sean. "I'm scared because I want to kiss you back."

Ellie's mouth parts, her heart races.

"I go to your neighborhood, and I just walk around, hoping that you'll be in town. When I saw you that day...it was... I feel so stupid," says Sean.

Ellie feels a tear slide down her cheek, a smile trying to escape from her lips.

"What am I going to do?" whispers Sean, staring at Ellie. "Emma...Emma, I have so many feelings. It's like I'm stretched."

"I can't say," replies Ellie. "It's your heart."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to do what you want to do."

Sean begins to pace the room, but Ellie stops him after a couple minutes, hugs him. Sean hugs her back, his breath on Ellie's hair.

"You don't have to decide now," she whispers into his ear. "Just know I love you no matter what."

Sean holds her more tightly, as the light above them starts to dim.

IV.

Her car sits idly by the sidewalk, but Ashley passes it blankly, walking slowly to the house. Craig had offered to go with her, but no, she wanted to travel alone, to think. Truth is she stopped thinking as soon as he left to run some mystery errand. Where would she start? How could she tell Leslie all that needed to be said? She rings the doorbell, the ring too sharp for her ears. She's a tad shocked that the same woman answers, this Tia, but after dispensing some nice greetings, she goes upstairs, anxious and not anxious to see her daughter for what might be the last time. She half wished Jimmy was there, so she could curse at him, yell at him.

She knocks on Leslie's door, low music coming from the room. She doesn't answer, so Ashley presses through. The sight saddens her. Leslie stares out a sunny window, a gloomy expression on her face, tear-stained cheeks. Ashley's heart nearly stops. She goes to Leslie, sits on the bed.

"Hey, Les," she says, putting an arm around her. "I'm glad I caught you before you went to the party today."

"Not going to the stupid party," mutters Leslie.

"Really?"

Leslie looks at her, starts crying into her bosom.

"Aww, sweetie," says Ashley, holding back her own tears, stroking her back.

It kills her when Leslie pushes her arm away, stands, faces the window, her back to her mother.

"Leslie, I'm so sorry I was gone. I wanted to be here with you. I missed you so much," says Ashley.

"I can read!" exclaims Leslie, her back still turned. "I can read small words, and I know how to look up big ones!"

Ashley shakes her head, bewildered. What's she talking about?

"Leslie, I'm not understanding you," she says.

Leslie faces her, sniffling. "In the papers...you and Craig! And Daddy. Don't you care about Daddy anymore?"

Ashley feels numb, doesn't speak.

"I saw a picture of Craig in the paper, read it. I asked Lisa what sole custody means, and she told me. It means you can't see me anymore. Do you want to get rid of me like you did with Daddy?"

"No! No!" cries Ashley. "That's why I'm fighting for you."

"I don't want you to fight for me. You or Daddy. Why can't it be like it was? Why?"

Ashley can't hold the tears back anymore, tries to reach out for Leslie, who backs up.

"I love you, I love Jimmy, but I love Craig too," says Ashley.

"You said Craig was your friend, someone you knew in high school!" yells Leslie. "You didn't marry him. You married Daddy, so don't you love him more?"

Ashley clutches her forehead. "I love your father, just not like that."

"I hate Craig! I hate him!" says Leslie, running to her desk.

She picks up a small notepad, starts ripping out papers. Ashley grabs her, sees one page, reads the lyrics. She thinks back to when Leslie couldn't express herself at all, before the camp, before everything. All that expression she had worked so hard for...she was just ripping it up.

"Your lyrics," whispers Ashley, trying to collect them. "You don't want to keep them?"

"No!" screams Leslie, knocking the paper out of her hands.

"Leslie..."

"Craig's messing up everything. Why are you letting it happen?"

Ashley steadies herself, sits down, and pulls Leslie on her lap.

"You know how you love golf, but you just love music ten times more?" asks Ashley.

Leslie mumbles yes, wipes her tears.

"I love your Dad, care about him more than you think I do, but I love Craig and I can't let him go. I tried, and I can't."

Leslie lays her head on her mother's chest, her anger subsiding. Ashley kisses her forehead, rocks her back and forth. Jimmy can't take her away, she thinks. I'll fight, until I can't fight.

"You can't leave anymore," says Leslie, sniffling.

"We'll be together soon, Les. I promise," says Ashley.

"So Craig's your music?"

Ashley smiles through her tears. "Craig's my music."


	21. Can I Get A Witness

**XXI. Can I Get A Witness **

Can I Get A Witness is the property of Marvin Gaye.

Ah ah listen to everybody (body)  
Especially you girls (girl)  
It's not right to be left alone  
When the one you love is never home  
I loved to hard my friends sometime say  
But I believe, I believe  
That a woman should be loved that way

But it hurts me so inside  
To see you treat me so unkind  
Somebody, somewhere tell her it ain't fair

Can I get a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
Somebody (can I get a witness)

Is it right to be treated so bad  
When you give it everything you had  
If I talks in my sleep  
'Cuz I haven't seen my baby all week

Now you chicks you all agree  
This ain't the way it's supposed to be  
Let me hear you  
Let me hear you say, "yeah yeah"

Up early in the morning  
Well they're all in my mind  
Just to find her out all night  
Well I've been crying

But I believe  
A women's a man's best friend  
I'm gonna stick by her  
'Till the very end

Well she caused me so much misery  
I forget how it's supposed to be  
Somebody, somewhere  
Tell her it ain't fair

Can I get a witness  
Can I get a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
Witness, witness (can I get a witness)  
Witness, witness (can i get a witness)

Everybody knows, especially you girls  
That a love can be sad  
But half a loves is twice as bad

Now you chicks you all agree  
That ain't the way love's supposed to be  
Let me hear ya  
Let me hear you say "yeah yeah"

I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
Yeah I want a witness (I want a witness)  
Somebody (can I get a witness)

Is it right to be treated so bad  
When you give it everything you had  
If I talk, in my sleep  
'Cuz i haven't seen my baby all week

Yeah she caused me so much misery  
That ain't the way it's supposed to be  
Let me hear  
Let me hear you say "yeah yeah"

I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
I want be (can I get a witness)  
I want a witness (can I get a witness)  
Witness, witness  
I want a witness

Sean blows warm air into his hands, even though it's close to seventy degrees at night. He can already feel the coldness of the air conditioner when he touches the doorknob to his house. A different type of cold settles in his stomach. He'd never not called Emma before. It was common for him to phone her about two times a day, just to let her know he'd be home late or just to check up on her. That was him. Mr. Reliable. He took out the trash regularly, fixed the pipes, cleaned the rain gutters, whatever needed doing. When he had time, he'd do woodwork projects for extra cash, extra cash that is headed towards a beach house they both wanted. It was Emma's idea, but Sean came around. It would be nice to have a house on the beach where they got married. The beach, nothing like Wasaga, was pristine and gorgeous, just like Emma. But could it ever really be home? He barely felt comfortable in Millington, and Emma seemed to be picking up on that more and more, asking him why he kept leaving all the time to go this place and that, why he couldn't take some time off and get to know the people here? Things in Toronto were different, he wanted to tell her. A good kind of different.

Unlocking the door, someone switches on the living room light. As his eyes adjust, he immediately sees Emma, wearing a silk nightshirt under a silk, teal robe. She sits on a chair, her legs folded under her. The light nicely frames her blonde hair, but does nothing to hide the frown etched on her face, nor the tears falling down her cheeks.

"You didn't call," says Emma, crying softly. "You always call."

Sean sighs. The couple days with Ellie wore him out in every way– physically, spiritually, emotionally. The loss of their child and the fact that they almost kissed spun around and around in his brain, and he didn't find any more relief as he drove home. He didn't even try to come up with anything to say, hoping that she'd be asleep, hoping that she'd be mad and just decide to talk to him the next morning. That would've bided him some time to think.

"Em," says Sean, going to her and trying to touch her arm.

Emma pulls back, and Sean nods, takes his hand away.

"I should've called," says Sean. "I'm sorry."

Emma dries her eye with her silk sleeve.

"Did they fix Ellie's car yet?" she asks pointedly. "I suppose you took her wherever she needed to go and conveniently forgot that your wife would've wondered where you were. My mistake for caring."

Sean's face reddens. He looks down, allows Emma to continue.

"Sean, I don't mean to be a shrew, but don't you get why this makes me uncomfortable? I mean, we've been through so much and I think I've been an okay wife..."

"You have, Em! You're amazing," interrupts Sean, holding her face in her hands.

He's surprised Emma lets him touch her. She cries more intensely, stares into her lap.

"I wouldn't have said my vows if I didn't mean them, and I thought you felt the same..."

"I do, Emma! I do!"

"I do?" says Emma, laughing nervously. "That's what you said our wedding day, and it didn't make much difference. Not if you're running off with some other girl."

"It's not just some other girl," says Sean. "She's...she's..."

"She's what?" demands Emma.

"Something," whispers Sean.

Emma takes Sean's hands from her face, stands.

"Figure out what she is. I'm going to stay with my parents for a few weeks, okay?" says Emma, making her way to the bedroom.

Sean stares behind her, unable to move, unable to think. This was all happening so fast. Emma stalls for a bit, turns around.

"I love you, Sean," she says. "I've loved you forever. There's never been anyone else, nobody from the past. I can accept your past, sure, but if it's not your past, if it's still going on, then I deserve to know. You owe me that."

She ducks into the bedroom, and the sound of hangers moving to the side and a zipper gliding down on a suitcase is more depressing than he is prepared for.

II.

All the stone steps are littered with people. Police hover by the sides, while crowds thrust signs into the air, yelling at TV cameras and reports wandering around. Paige pops a stick of gum into her mouth, watches the excitement. Spinner had to work that day so he couldn't come. She thinks she recognizes a lone, blonde reporter walking down the steps as she talks to the camera. She listens in.

"Hello, Toronto! This is Heather Sinclair, reporting from the steps of the Dwyer Courthouse, where today, one of the most compelling court cases in recent history will take place. I've left the radio station, and am coming to you live, filling in for Crystal Hodge. Two weeks ago, news broke that rock musician Craig Manning was romantically involved with local TV anchor, Ashley Kerwin, who is married to Jimmy Brooks, coach of Degrassi Community School's Lady Panthers. Starting today, the fate of the child of Brooks and Kerwin will be under intense scrutiny as Brooks seeks full custody of their daughter. For the past three weeks, the noted attorney Carla Arrow and novice Liberty Van Zandt have surely worked out strategies for their clients. Though Van Zandt is a relatively new attorney, she's won two very difficult cases in the last couple years, both of which involved child custody. Still, is that enough to overcome Arrow, who has never lost a case in her twenty-five year career? Though Craig Manning is quite famous, another well-known and influential person involved in this situation is Jimmy's father, Trenton Brooks, owner of several, successful businesses and a mainstay in Toronto's political circles. The presence of celebrity, the intrigue, the power struggles that are sure to come...stay with us for up to the minute information."

Paige rolls her eyes, walks to the left where a male reporter is talking to two teenage girls, flashing buttons on their jackets.

"And what do these buttons say?" says the reporter, sticking the microphone in front of one of the girls.

"CrAsh. We combined Craig and Ashley's names. We support them and we can't wait for Craig's next album!" exclaims the girl.

"It was my idea," says the other girl. "Craig, we love you! We're calling ourselves the Dust Bunnies in support of your Dust girl. I came up with that, too. There's a thousand of us so far."

"Impressive," says the reporter.

"Gag," mutters Paige, massaging her back and glancing down at her bump, which is quite apparent in her black dress.

"My sentiments exactly," says a voice to her right.

Ellie stands by her side, looking disgustedly at the crowd.

"What are you doing here?" asks Paige. "I figure this would be the last place you'd be."

Ellie pulls out a piece of paper, starts to read. "Dear Ms. Eleanor Nash, your presence has been requested..."

"Oh, you got that too," says Paige. "It's really nice to come home and read a document that says, hey, come on down and testify in a case between your two close friends."

"In my case, it would be two former close friends," says Ellie, tucking the paper back into her purse. "Jimmy and I..not that close either."

"Sorry."

"Whatev. I am so not ready for this. Feel like bum rushing the vending machines and eating artificial junk with me?"

Paige nods. "Baby prefers Twinkies."

The two of them enter the courthouse, pleased that the madness outside hasn't transferred to the inside. They locate a vending machine, and Paige puts in two quarters and a dime, presses a button. The machine releases a packet of Twinkies, and Paige retrieves it. She opens it, scarfs it hungrily.

"Wow," says Ellie, chuckling. "Your kid's definitely getting fed."

"I eat healthy stuff too," defends Paige. "Vegetables, carbs, milk. In fact, Spin insists on it. He got all these little books so he can cook all these nice, pregnancy meals."

"Awww," says Ellie.

"It's sweet, every now and again, I need something fattening, greasy, or just plain bad for me."

"Are you still nervous?"

Nervous didn't even begin to describe it. Spinner had sat her down the night before, talked about the sonogram that was coming up, signed them up for Lamaze classes they could take at a nearby gym, asked her to take another look at their bank papers. It was just too much in a week. Worse was the nausea, the gas, the frustration that was bottling up in her. Thanks a lot, kid, she wanted to say. Thanks a lot for coming too soon.

"Hello, hon? Yeah! I don't want a fat little head coming out of down there. I don't want to be hyped up on drugs during delivery, crazy like I was that semi-formal when Maneater Santos broke my leg. And I don't want to have scraggly, sweaty hair while I push and everyone waits for this little miracle."

Ellie shakes her head. "You have no idea how grateful you should be. Are you that self-absorbed?"

"You're not the one having this baby, Ellie. And why should I listen to you? You've never been pregnant. You have no idea what I'm going through, what any mother is going through!" exclaims Paige, her voice carrying across the empty hallway.

Ellie gives Paige a hurt look, which makes Paige gulp. She starts to leave, but comes back after a few steps, getting in Paige's face.

"I can never have kids," whispers Ellie. "I can never have kids and you're carrying around a baby, feeling sorry for yourself. You have Spinner, you have your mom. Ashley, as many negative feelings as I have towards her, could lose her kid. I lost a child that I didn't know I had, and I've spent years trying...trying to get over it. If I can try to keep going, then you should be able to. Simple as that. Grow up."

Ellie walks down the hall, as Paige sinks into a chair in the hall, staring at a clock. In ten minutes, the case would begin, with Ashley fighting to hold onto something they had in common– mother hood. Ellie couldn't fight; it was taken from her, and that had to be unplanned. This is all unplanned. She knew it would be ugly, that it would get heated. Why draw it out in her mind? Why fight it within herself?

III.

Craig steers a foreign car into the lot near the courthouse, with Ashley gazing through the tinted windows. It was Craig's idea, believing that the paparazzi would chase his car there, seeking some photos before the actual proceedings. He pulls into a spot near the middle, and Ashley grabs her purse. She peeks outside one last time, and sees the huge crowd. It almost seemed like a movie, that this isn't her life. Getting out of the car, Craig immediately takes her hand, throws a shy smile her way. Ashley smiles back, though it's slight. They advance to the courthouse, hearing a myriad of screams, bulbs flashing, microphones thrust in their faces.

"This is crazy," whispers Ashley to Craig.

"Maybe something in the water," says Craig, bustling past a reporter, Ashley in tow.

They believe they're home-free, but before entering the door, a photographer snaps their picture, blinding Ashley.

"Excuse you," says Craig, putting an arm around Ashley and brushing past the photographer, who curses Craig under his breath.

"That'll be a good shot, I'm sure," says Ashley, blinking, her eyes getting back to normal.

"Are you okay?" asks Craig.

"Yeah, just need a drink," says Ashley, pointing to what she thinks is a water fountain.

"You want to drink from a fire extinguisher?" laughs Craig.

"Oh!" says Ashley, finally realizing her mistake. "You can go on in.'

Craig strokes her neck with his hands, kisses her. "I want to drink your lips," he says, smiling.

Ashley giggles. "You say the dorkiest stuff sometimes."

"But you love it."

"This much is true," says Ashley, giving him a quick peck. "Now go."

Craig groans, lets her go, and walks into the courtroom. Ashley stoops down over the water fountain, but is interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. She faces a blonde woman, wearing a press tag, grinning happily.

"Hi Ashley. Remember me?" she says.

Ashley thinks back for a bit, but is able to remember her name. "Heather? Heather Sinclair?"

"Aww, you remember me. Nice. Listen. I was wondering if I could land an exclusive interview with you. Have you always had a thing for Craig? I know you did in high school, but on that day you exchanged vows with Jimmy, did your heart belong to another? The public deserves to know."

"Heather, I don't really want to...," begins Ashley.

"Word has it that a camping trip spiced things up. Was this the only time you two were together or is part of a series of secret romantic getaways?" inquires Heather.

Ashley felt like digging into her purse right at that moment and popping a pill. Luckily, she didn't have to. Paige bumps Heather with her hip, then stands beside Ashley.

"Leave my friend alone," says Paige.

"Hmph, Paige Michalchuck.Why am I not surprised? Tell me, Paige, how does it feel to be the wife of a man who owns a second-rate restaurant while I'm the most popular DJ in the Toronto area? All those days of witty comebacks aimed towards me finally came back to bite you in the rear. So how's about you go be a good housewife, with an unsuccessful business on her hands, and let me do my job?" says Heather, smirking the entire time.

"How's about I ram that microphone up your fake nose, which trust me, even your faithful listeners can tell is faux by that wheezy voice of yours?" snaps Paige.

"You're so jealous," says Heather.

"Yeah, I'm so jealous I don't need Botox at twenty-seven or have saggy implants. Get a clue, Heather, and leave before I kick your lipo-sunctioned butt, and that'll be more that your rich Daddy has to pay for."

Ashley is grateful that Heather looks fearful at that threat. Heather retreats, mumbling to herself.

"Thank you," breathes Ashley.

"No problem," says Paige. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm scared. Liberty says they'll probably call me to the stand first," says Ashley. "Thanks for being a witness."

"Happy to do it," says Paige. "Jimmy's so out of line. Can't believe he's sticking with this. Just be strong, hon. I know you've got it in you."

The two girls go into the courtroom. Liberty is seated on the right side, with Craig in the row behind, talking to Kate. The sight pleases her. Craig and Kate had been talking, though Kate hadn't given her approval of their relationship, and she guesses it's mainly Kate checking up on her. Ashley also finds Ellie, sitting awkwardly between two women, cracking her knuckles, staring straight ahead. She stops looking at her, sits by Liberty at the table.

"This is going to be some day," says Liberty. "Just keep your cool. Know they'll go for the jugular."

Ashley swallows a lump in her throat. She pours herself some water, her hands shaking. She sees that Craig notices and he rubs her back. Just then, they hear a rumble of voices, and turn to see Jimmy wheeling up front, dressed in a black suit and tie, escorted by his parents and Carla Arrow, looking very professional in a tailored, dark blue suit. They go to the table opposite them, and Ashley tries to catch Jimmy's eye, but he won't look over at her.

A side door opens, and the bailiff stands in front of it.

"Presenting the honorable Judge Martha Winton," shouts the bailiff.

"She's a good judge," whispers Liberty to Ashley. "Very fair."

Judge Winton appears, a solemn-faced woman with medium-length hair and stately glasses, comes out and takes her seat, hovering above them all. Twelve men and women sit in the jury box, and Ashley also tries to catch their eye, but all face the judge. She taps the surface with her gavel.

"I call to order the case of Brooks vs. Kerwin," she says loudly. "Because of the circumstances surrounding this case, the well-known individuals involved, I ask that everyone in this room observe strict privacy, particularly because this case is centered around a minor. Mr. Brooks, you seek sole custody of one Leslie Elizabeth Brooks?"

"Yes, your honor," says Jimmy with a surety in his voice that chills Ashley's bones.

"And a divorce from Ms. Ashley Renee Kerwin?" asks Judge Winton.

"Yes, your honor," replies Jimmy, though Ashley thinks his voice is less confident with that answer.

"Very well," says Judge Winton. "Miss Arrow, you can begin with your opening statement."

Carla stands, walks to the jury. "Thank you, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today is about one matter and one matter only, the well-being of a five-year old girl. Which environment would best nurture her? Is it with Jimmy Brooks? A faithful, hard-working father or a mother who chooses to leave her husband after a momentous weekend? Leslie deserves a model parent, who isn't easily influenced by flights of whimsy, financially provides for her, and supports her goal to be a pro golf player. All of these attributes can be found in Jimmy Brooks, a well-respected member of the Degrassi community. I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, what could be a more perfect home for a bright, driven child? Ashley Kerwin makes impetuous, harmful decisions that will, with no doubt, damage the psyche of her daughter. Likewise, the man she has chosen to leave her husband for, the potential stepfather of the child, is just as impetuous, as I will prove in my argument. Additionally, their relationship, both past and present, is unpredictable, unstable, rootless, not at all suited for an impressionable child. I will make this quite clear. Thank you."

Ashley's insides start to burn, stomach churns. Impetuous? That wasn't her at all. So she couldn't control her heart? How could she when she was in love? Carla made her sound like a total airhead. And she didn't know Craig, or anything about their relationship. Ashley clasps her sweaty hands together.

"Ms. Van Zandt," says Judge Winton, taking notes as she speaks.

Liberty rises from her seat, looks at the jury.

"Thank you, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as Miss Arrow said, this surely comes down to what is best for Leslie Brooks. However, what I will argue, is that separating a child from the mother she's known for five years, has loved for five years, is detrimental to the mental well-being of the child. Ashley Kerwin, no matter her indiscretions, has always provided for, cared for, done what's best for Leslie. Does a mother's love count for nothing, or should we focus on hearsay and revenge? Miss Kerwin pulls in a considerable amount of income, all of which goes to Leslie's school, a performing arts academy that Leslie enjoys. What my opponent fails to realize is that Leslie also has a profound love and talent for music. Performing has given her a boost of confidence, allowed her to express herself like never before, and it was done over the course of the weekend under question, with the help of not only Miss Kerwin, but her partner, Craig Manning. Thus, it was a beneficial environment. In fact, Mr. Manning's presence was not put into question by the child until Mr. Brooks filed for divorce. We seek joint custody in order for the child to keep seeing both of the parents she grew up with, which I will argue is the most rewarding environment for her. Thank you."

Liberty takes her seat, and Judge Winton finishes taking notes. Ashley smiles at Liberty, then at Craig, who smiles back.

"Councillor," says Judge Winton, nodding at Carla. "You may call your first witness."

"I call Ashley Kerwin to the stand, your honor," says Carla.

Ashley takes a deep breath, walks to the stand, her pumps going against the floor the only sound. The bailiff holds the Bible, and she's sworn in, glancing quickly at Craig. He mouths "I love you" and her nerves settle a bit.

"Good afternoon, Miss Kerwin," says Carla.

"Afternoon," responds Ashley.

"Can you tell us what happened the weekend of June twenty-fifth please, in exact detail?" says Carla.

"Um, I went to a camp sponsored by Leslie's school. We did activities, stuff like swimming and crafts. Then, we came home," answers Ashley.

"Miss Kerwin, you're going to have to be a little more forthcoming than that. Truth is Mr. Manning was on this trip, without the knowledge of your husband. You chose to hide it from him."

"Yes...yes, Craig was there, and no, I didn't tell him.."

"Interesting. That makes it less innocent, doesn't it? Clearly deceiving your husband. What else are we to deduce, Miss Kerwin, but that you slept with Mr. Manning over this alleged weekend, and wanted to hide it?"

"Objection, your honor!" cries Liberty. "That's clearly speculation."

"Fine, I'll be blunt and ask if I may, your honor?" says Carla.

"Proceed," says Judge Winton.

"Did you sleep with Craig Manning while you were on this trip, Miss Kerwin?"

"No," says Ashley, strongly.

"So there was no sexual contact? No touching, groping, kissing?"

"There was...umm, some touching, kissing."

"Above the belt, below the belt?" questions Carla.

"Above the belt. Some of our clothing...some of it was off," says Ashley.

She peers over at Jimmy, who covers his mouth, looks as if he's ready to vomit.

"Miss Kerwin, you expect this jury to believe that your clothing was off, and you just stopped in the process? Are you and Mr. Manning sexually active now?"

"We cared about Jimmy and Ellie!" exclaims Ashley.

"Eleanor Nash, Craig's former girlfriend?" asks Carla.

"Yes, we stopped because we cared about them. We couldn't do it. I'm not that kind of person."

Carla smirks. "So you've always been faithful, Miss Kerwin?"

Ashley rubs her temple. What did Liberty say? They'd go for the jugular.

"My notes show that's not the case at all, Miss Kerwin," says Carla, looking intensely at Ashley. "In fact, you're far from the model of faithfulness, starting from an early age, aren't you? You irresponsibly took ecstasy, cheated on Mr. Brooks. Then, you left Craig, your supposed paramour, for England and cheated on him with someone there. Normally, I wouldn't bring up adolescent behavior, but it seems to be a pattern with you. Perhaps it's in your nature."

"Objection, your honor!" cries Liberty. "Badgering the witness."

"Your honor, to get to the heart of the question, the stability of an environment for Leslie, we must weigh all the factors. I'm simply questioning the ethics of Miss Kerwin," says Carla.

"I'll allow it, but proceed with caution," says Judge Winton.

"Have you ever been faithful to one man, Miss Kerwin?" asks Carla.

"Yes, for five years," says Ashley, giving Jimmy a strong look.

Jimmy bites his lip, looks back at her, nervously.

"And then it stopped, as per usual," says Carla. "Why did you marry Jimmy Brooks?"

Ashley avoids Carla's cold gaze, tears falling fast to her chin.

"Miss Kerwin, I asked you a question," says Carla.

"I married him...because I thought it would give him some strength. I wanted him to be happy. I always wanted you to be happy, Jimmy."

She stares at Jimmy, wiping her tears. She can tell Jimmy's near tears as well, trying his best to hold them in.

"But you weren't in love with him," says Carla.

"No," says Ashley. "I wasn't."

"More deceit, ladies and gentlemen," says Carla, turning to the jury. "Doesn't it say love, honor, and obey in the vows of marriage? Well, based on Miss Kerwin's actions, it seems she's lied about loving Mr. Brooks, and she certainly didn't honor him over this camping trip. Is this a good example for a child?"

Ashley notices that a few members of the jury are looking skeptically at her. One shakes her head.

"Your witness, Ms. Van Zandt," says Carla, heading back to her table.

Liberty stands. "Your honor, if possible, I'd like to cross-examine Ms. Kerwin at another time, and bring up another witness."

"Yes," says Judge Winton. "Ms. Kerwin, you'll be questioned another day. Please take your seat."

Ashley gets up, walks slowly to her chair, and collapses in her chair, cries silently. Liberty pats her on the shoulder, then heads to the floor.

"I'd like to call Paige Mason to the stand," says Liberty.

Through blurry eyes, Ashley watches Paige advance to the stand, be sworn in, and sit down. Paige puts a hand over her belly, stares at Ashley sympathetically.

"Good afternoon, Miss Mason," says Liberty.

"Liberty," says Paige. "Oops, sorry. Miss Van Zandt."

"Miss Mason, how would you describe Ms. Kerwin as a mother?" asks Liberty.

Paige grins, a genuine grin that touches Ashley's heart.

"She's an amazing mother. And not to step out of turn, but I think all the wrong questions have been asked by Miss Arrow. What about the fact that Ashley stays in Leslie's room when she has nightmares, or that she's the one that knows Leslie only likes peanut butter, not peanut butter and jelly? Leslie trusts her. I've seen them together. I'm like Leslie's second mom. I'm actually about to be a mom. If I can be half as good as Ash, I mean Ms. Kerwin, than that's pretty awesome. I mean, good. And you can't stop how you feel about someone. You can't do it, Jimmy."

Jimmy glances at Paige, then looks down.

"Don't fault her for following her heart," says Paige. "Fault her for maybe marrying you under false pretenses. Fault her for giving in. But don't fault her for loving someone."

Liberty smiles happily at Paige. "Thanks, Miss Mason. Your witness, Miss Arrow."

Carla evaluates Paige with her eyes, then stands.

"Miss Mason, I'm fairly sure that you were at this weekend getaway, were you not?" asks Carla.

"Yes, I was, for the first two days," answers Paige.

"Why were you there? To keep a watch on Ashley?" says Carla.

"I was helping a friend," says Paige, icily. "You know what I mean? Or do you have friends?"

Carla coughs, frowns at her. "So you have no knowledge of what happened between Ms. Kerwin and Mr. Manning?"

"Apparently, I know as much as your notepad," replies Paige, shooting her an evil look.

"Very well. Thank you," says Carla, sitting back down.

Ashley grins to herself. Paige was a tough nut to crack. She didn't technically lie, but she gracefully avoided the question. She looks at Craig, who nods approvingly at Paige. The jury also looks warmly at Ashley, making Ashley's heart lighter.

"Thank you, Miss Mason," says Judge Winton.

Paige steps down, flashes Ashley a quick smile, and takes a seat in the back.

Suddenly, a loud blast like a siren fills the room, the doors to the courtroom open, and a man in a police uniform jogs briskly to the judge's podium.

"Your honor, there's been a security breach. It's strongly advised that we all leave the courtroom. I'll escort you out," says the officer.

"We're in the middle of an important case...," begins Judge Winton.

"Your honor, it could be anything, and during these fragile times, it is best to be cautious. Please halt the proceedings, and continue tomorrow."

Judge Winton sighs. "Very well. The proceedings will commence promptly at nine tomorrow morning. Court adjourned, but I would like to see both councillors."

She bangs her gavel, and everyone rises, as she walks with the officer down the aisle, Liberty and Carla grabbing their briefcases, trailing behind her. Paige comes up, hugs Ashley, says her good-byes. Ashley looks over everyone's heads, finds Jimmy. He's talking to Ellie, Mr. Brooks in between them. Walking out, her and Craig stand in the hall for a few minutes, before being approached by Liberty, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"We just went over some things. I really think Paige's testimony helped us. One of my better moves, if I must say. So rest easier, guys. With Craig's testimony tomorrow, we could sway the jury. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Liberty," says Ashley.

"Hey, we're fighting the good fight," says Liberty. "Have a good night."

Liberty exits the room. Craig beams at Ashley.

"What?" says Ashley, smiling.

"Let's go somewhere," says Craig.

"Um...okay, where do you want to go?"

"Now that, I can't tell you."

Craig turns her around, making her face the other way.

"You know the drill," he says, dangling a blindfold in front of her face.

"What...what are you doing?" stammers Ashley.

"Just getting a little more sophisticated. Covered your eyes last time. This time, blindfold."

Ashley remembers the hotel room, smiles in anticipation. The roses. The A & C heart. The pants on the lamp. So romantic, such a long time ago, so perfect. But what was he planning now? He ties the blindfold firmly on, starts to lead her to the exit.

"What about the cameras? They'll think you're kidnapping me or something," laughs Ashley.

"Nope, they had to leave because of the security breach, which I think Heather caused incidently. She's finally good for something. Anyway, let's get going."

"You're not going to give me a hint?" says Ashley, as the breeze from outside hits her body.

"Just trust me."

"Just one hint?"

" You're going to love it as much as we love each other, okay?" says Craig, hugging her from behind.

"I don't think that's possible."


	22. Loving You Is Sweeter Than Ever

**XXII. Loving You Is Sweeter Than Ever **

Loving You Is Sweeter Than Ever is the property of Stevie Wonder and **Ivy Hunter.**

I remember yet before we met  
When every night and day  
I had to live the life of a lonely one.  
And I remember meeting you,  
Discovering love could be so true  
When shared by two, 'stead of only one.

When you said you loved me  
And we could not be parted.  
Said, I built my world around you  
And I'm truly glad I found you

Because loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
I never felt so good before.  
Loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
Yes it has, you know it has.

Each night I pray we'll never part  
Because the love within my heart  
Grows stronger from day to day.  
Best I try, hard I try  
To reassure and satisfy.  
You know I'd be lost if you went away.

Because loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
Yes it has, I know it has.  
Loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.

Because loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
I never felt so good before.  
Loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
Yes it has, you know it has.  
Loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.  
Don't you know my baby there.  
Loving you has made my life sweeter than ever.

Darkness surrounds Ashley's eyes, as the car lurches forward, finally coming to a stop. Her window down, she can smell light perfumed air, the fragrance of summer blossoms. Though her eyes are shut, she can tell it's dusk, soft breezes caressing her skin. The ignition is turned off, and first she hears Craig's door open then hers, feels him take her hand. There's a slight jingle of keys, which makes Ashley twist her lips in confusion. He leads her down a path to somewhere.

"Everything isn't done yet, but we did as much as we could," he says.

"What are you talking about?" asks Ashley.

"Before we go in, two rules. One, we can't talk about the case. I want you to relax. I mean, total relaxation. Two, if you don't like anything, blame Marco," says Craig, putting the key in the lock.

"Marco?" says Ashley.

Craig pulls Ashley inside, locks the door.

"Can I take this off now?" asks Ashley.

"No...just a sec," answers Craig.

She feels Craig go past her, and suddenly a song starts to play. Ashley grins.

_As sure as night is dark and day is light  
I keep you on my mind both day and night  
And happiness I've known proves that it's right  
Because you're mine,  
I walk the line. _

"Johnny Cash," states Ashley. "Why am I listening to Johnny Cash?"

Craig shushes her, and Ashley picks up a trace of something that smells like smoke.

"Is something burning?" asks Ashley as the song continues.

_You've got a way to keep me on your side _

You give me cause for love that I can't hide

For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide 

Because you're mine, I walk the line.

Craig maneuvers Ashley into what she guesses is the center of wherever she is. He unties the blindfold, allows her to look around. Ashley can't stop smiling, her heart beating fast, her hands rising to her face in astonishment. Candles were everywhere, on a mantelpiece that held pictures of them, some from their London trip, some from high school and college; they were near the radio that blasted the tune; they were near a window where the sun is setting. A couple vases of red roses were on a coffee table, with a white card attached to the stem of one rose.

"Read it," says Craig, grinning.

Ashley picks up the card, reads it. "717 Carter Avenue."

"It's our address," says Craig.

"Address?" breathes Ashley. "You mean?"

Craig nods excitedly. "This is our house. All of it."

Ashley covers her mouth, then jumps into his arms, while Craig swirls her around. She laughs happily, grabs his hand, and starts searching the rooms. With each room, Craig explains what he and Marco did, and Ashley is impressed. They did so much in so little time. The furniture was there, three of the rooms were painted, and Craig informs her that Sydney had actually given him a good deal. After making the rounds, they return to the main room, both their faces framed by candlelight.

"I'm...I'm speechless," says Ashley. "A house!"

"That's a first," teases Craig.

Ashley slaps him lightly. "You're sneaky...in the best way."

She strokes his cheek, kisses him. To her surprise, Craig pulls away, wipes his lips.

"Take off your heels," says Craig, disappearing into another room.

"Umm, why, do you want to wear them?" yells Ashley behind him.

"Just take them off, squish your feet against the carpet!" he yells back.

Ashley shrugs, chucks off her heels. The carpet really is soft and squishy, she thinks, smiling slightly. Craig comes back in, his arms loaded with boxes. Ashley arches an eyebrow, watches him set them on the floor. She starts reading the names on the boxes, giggling.

"Awww," she gushes.

"I've got Trivial Pursuit, which I know you could kill me in. Scrabble, which you could also kill me in. And Monopoly," says Craig, sliding off his suit jacket.

Ashley claps, sit on the floor.

"I want you to have a fair chance, so Monopoly," says Ashley.

Craig starts setting up, Ashley gazing happily at him. How was it possible to have a person know you so well, and not only that, no what you needed? She had felt like running out of the courtroom so many times during her testimony, the level of stress at its maximum, just like when she ran to England, ran out of the studio, but Craig was always there, waiting.

"I want the dog," says Ashley, plucking the small, metal moving piece that resembled a dog.

"Angie almost swallowed the dog once," says Craig. "Not pretty. I guess I'll be manly and choose the racing car."

"Oh yeah, guys always choose the car," says Ashley. "Guys and their rides."

"Only this one doesn't have a backseat," says Craig, examining the little car closely.

"You would notice _that_!" exclaims Ashley, moving her hair out of her eye.

They play as the candles start to die down, music lightly playing in the background. Ashley didn't think about the case, about Jimmy, about what would ultimately happen. It was nice not to think, to have five million different things whirling around inside her head. Craig seemed to be on the same page, finishing off a piece of pizza they ordered, groaning when he lands on Boardwalk.

"Why does that keep happening?" he moans, shaking his head.

"Cough up the cash, Craig," says Ashley, grinning widely.

"Who taught you to buy up all the railroads? You're killing me," says Craig.

"Putting hotels on Boardwalk is what's really killing you. That's two thousand dollars."

"Which I don't have. Come on, cut me a break."

Ashley shakes her head. "Nope. Pay up."

"Ugh, let me count again."

As Craig counts his fake money, Ashley has a sudden thought that makes her heart skip a beat.

"This is kind of our first big date," announces Ashley. "I mean, since we've been back."

Craig smiles at her, rifling through his hundreds. "Yeah...yeah, it is."

"Remember our first date?" asks Ashley, blushing.

"The luau!" answers Craig, enthusiastically. "We were young."

"And I was goth...," starts Ashley.

"And I was cute," finishes Craig.

Ashley throws a little green house at him, and he laughs. They'd had so many firsts. She thinks back to the first time they met at Degrassi. She was writing song lyrics for Kwan's class, running a hand over her short, black hair, staring off into space. Craig came into view immediately, wearing a dark sweatshirt, a camera resting around his neck.

"Writer's block?" he asked.

Ashley had noticed him a few times, mainly in class or him hanging out with Sean in the lunchroom. She ran the pen tip over her lips, shrugging.

"It's just not coming out right," she complained. "Sometimes you want to say something, but the words.."

"They need to find you," finished Craig.

Ashley nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly."

"I write music too...not really good music."

"I'm sure it's good," said Ashley, smiling encouragingly. "I could...maybe read it sometime. Be an extra eye."

Craig grinned. "Yeah. Just go easy on me, okay? I'm new to this whole music thing."

"I won't be cruel," replied Ashley.

Craig extended his hand to her. "I'm Craig. We've never been properly introduced."

"Ashley," said Ashley, taking his hand, feeling a warm surge shoot up her arm.

Craig looked at her, staring right into her eyes. "It's nice...nice to know you."

"Same here," said Ashley, staring back.

Ashley smiles at the memory, watches Craig wipe his mouth with a napkin.

"Do you remember...our first time?" asks Ashley, picking up a little hotel. "In one of these?"

Craig's face reddens. "I definitely remember that."

Ashley slides next to him, beaming. She rubs his thigh, while Craig does his best to look around the room aimlessly.

"How about we do what we did then, finish what we started in the tent, and I'll forget what you owe me?" whispers Ashley.

Craig shyly looks down, then pulls Ashley to his chest, kissing her deeply. Ashley stops, stares into his eyes.

"Let's make love in our house," whispers Ashley, tracing his chin with her thumb. "Let's pretend it's us tonight and there's no one else."

"Ever since I bought the bed, I've been wanting to test it out," concedes Craig, rubbing his nose with hers.

Craig leans her back, and Ashley yelps as something small pokes her back. She reaches behind, rolls her eyes at the small red hotel. Craig takes it, throws her away, helps her to stand. He kisses her neck, lightly licking the nape of it. Ashley moans, drawing him to her. They both back up towards the bedroom, still in each other's arms, still attached. Ashley's back hits a door, and Craig stops kissing her, his breath coming in short gasps.

"It's been so long, Ash," he whispers. "So long without you."

"Eight years, but who's counting?" says Ashley, fumbling with the doorknob, getting it open.

She flips on the light, resumes kissing him, enjoying Craig's lips. He starts unbuttoning her blouse, as they both sit on the bed.

"We can be loud as we want," says Craig, reaching to unfasten her bra. "It's our place."

"You're the one that's loud," says Ashley, taking off his tie.

"No, I remember. You're the loud one," says Craig, chuckling, as he kisses the top of her chest.

Ashley moans, lets him kiss anywhere he wants. So many things had remained dormant within her, stiff, chilled. But now, so much warmth, a returning heat. She closes her eyes, hears the belt of her skirt, then her skirt fall to the floor. Craig unbuttons his dress shirt, fingers flying down fast, getting it open, and it joins the pile on the floor. He lays on top of her, his mouth inches from hers.

"You sure, Ash?" he says, gazing into her eyes.

"I love you. What's to be sure about?" she says, reaching down to unbutton his slacks.

The slacks, his boxers, her underwear, also banished to the floor.

Craig moans, kisses her forehead, her nose, her lips.

With each movement, she comes more undone. Gorgeously undone. Each touch leads to a better one. Each heartbeat leads to a quicker beat, a new, sweet rhythm. There has never been this type of music, and it's something they want to last forever. It's jazz, sweaty, intense, dizzying. It's classical, beautiful, graceful. It's rock, passionate and timeless. There's so much to it. And yes, it's theirs.

Ashley sighs into the pillow, breathing in the fresh scent. Everything looks new to her, possible to her. Craig puts an arm around her body, swathed in the silk sheets, laces his fingers through hers, smiles into her hair.

"I love you," he whispers, squeezing her hand.

She takes his hand, kisses it. "Will you say it every morning?"

"Yes," says Craig, finding her lips again.

II.

The alarm flashes seven o' clock with red, large number as Craig wakes up.

"Mmm," he mutters, turning his head.

As he turns, he's pleasantly startled by the body sleeping next to him. He didn't have any dreams the night before. He didn't have to. The one he wants is right here, her red-brown hair trailing down the blanket, a mix of perfume and sweat reaching up to his nose. He hopes this is the first of many mornings like this, being next to her, satisfied in every way. She opens her eyes, stares happily at him.

"I love you," says Craig, pinching her thigh through the sheet.

"You remembered," says Ashley, running a hand over his curls.

"Yep, even though you wore me out last night," says Craig.

"We were getting reacquainted," says Ashley, shyly.

Craig pulls her to him, so she's on top, looking into his face.

"We reacquainted three times," says Craig, sliding his hands down her back.

Ashley blushes, rolls to the side, and grabs her bra and underwear. Craig sits up, gleefully smiles as she dresses. But to his disappointment, Ashley is frowning as she clips her bra.

"We have court today," she says, patting down her hair.

Craig nods. "Yeah, with me on the witness stand."

She heads for the bathroom. Craig finds a fresh pair of boxers, gets them on, and joins her. He's surprised to find her pacing the room, her head down.

"I need to stop by my mom's and change. I should probably call Liberty. I have to...," begins Ashley.

Craig stops her from pacing anymore. "You have to calm down. It'll be fine."

Ashley shakes herself, smiles. "Yeah, you're right. Are you ready?"

Craig sits on the toilet, putting toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

"To defend your honor? Always," says Craig, confidently.

"Thank you," says Ashley, wrapping her arms around his head. "But you're not ready."

"I'm not?"

"Yeah, you need a shave."

Ashley takes his toiletry bag, finds some shaving cream, and a razor. Craig gives her a puzzled look as she puts some shaving cream near his mouth.

"I stink at answering questions, though," says Craig. "When Mickey's friends stole all my money, I got all frazzled. I may have said poop in one of my answers."

Ashley laughs, starts guiding the razor down his left cheek.

"I'll question you," says Ashley.

"So what do you want to know?" asks Craig, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Mr. Craig Manning, did you know that a certain Miss Ashley Kerwin is amazingly grateful to you? For everything?" asks Ashley, grinning as she finishes his left cheek.

"No, but it's nice to hear," says Craig, smiling as Ashley completes her task.

"Did you also know that she's amazingly attracted to you?"

"Hmmm, yeah, I think she made that pretty obvious last night," laughs Craig.

"And what if, just a possible scenario, this certain Miss Ashley Kerwin were to ask you to marry her?" says Ashley, avoiding his eyes.

Craig's mouth drops, and he can hear water running through the pipes, rattling in the toilet.

"Really?" says Craig, gulping.

"Well, she wouldn't ask you when you're sitting on a toilet. But maybe someday. When things are better."

Craig flushes scarlet. "Then I'd say I'd be looking forward to it. And she already knows my answer."

"That's what I thought," says Ashley, beaming. "Let's get dressed."

The two of them dress in a hurry, Ashley calling Kate ahead of time so they'd be expecting them. As they exit the house, Ashley gets her first full view of the house. Craig watches her face light up, enthused because he hadn't seen that face in awhile. All his effort has paid off. They get into the car, Ashley still smiling.

"What?" prompts Craig.

"We have a mailbox," says Ashley, looking at the blue mailbox with its flag up. "We have a home."

III.

The crowd had grown more intense from yesterday, so much so that police offers now joined the midst of the throng. There is constant yelling, car horns honking, cameras flashing. At least, thinks Craig, I know more of the people milling around. It includes Derek and Darcy, standing at the entrance, waving as Craig and Ashley approach the entrance.

"Dude, you're like John Lennon and Yoko Ono, man!" says Derek, patting him on the back.

"She's no Yono," says Craig, nodding towards Ashley. "What are you two doing here?"

"WJTV stuff," replies Derek. "Your story's getting bigger and bigger. Someone's gotta cover it. Emma went AWOL, you're here, Ash, so we have this temporary boss."

"And she's wack. But if you guys need any judicial terms, I watch Judge Judy all the time," says Darcy. "I can help Liberty out if she's ever stuck."

Craig rolls his eyes, while Ashley gives her a sweet smile.

"Thanks, Darcy," she says, heading into the courthouse.

Craig, about to go in, is stopped by Derek, who eyes him smugly.

"What?" says Craig.

"You look really, really...I don't know. Don't you see it, Dar?" says Derek.

"Mhmmm," says Darcy, grinning at Derek.

"Just say it," says Craig, a puzzled look on his face.

"Afterglow-y," says Darcy.

"You got some!" whispers Derek, proudly. "It's so freakin' apparent, guy."

"Seven years of pent up passion," whispers Darcy. "Finally released."

"I don't know what...I don't know what you guys are talking about," stammers Craig. "I gotta go...like now."

He brushes past them, his cheeks burning. Only Darcy and Derek, thinks Craig. Only them. But yes, he is happy. He can't control what others see. He had Ash, a house, and soon, this would all be over. Before walking into the courtroom, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Joey, Caitlin, and Angie, her hair trailing to her waist, stood before him.

"Hey," says Joey, hugging Craig. "We finally made it here."

Craig returns the hug, grins. "You guys didn't tell me we were coming."

"I got called to testify," explains Joey. "On your behalf, I assume."

"And of course, Ang and I wanted to be here for moral support," says Caitlin.

"Still dating that delinquent, Ang?" asks Craig, hugging her gently.

"His name is Viper," says Angie. "And yes, we're happy. But I'm just hoping you're okay? All this stuff is scary, Craig."

Craig glances around at each of their faces. It's clear Angie isn't the only one concerned.

"Don't worry, guys," soothes Craig. "This is going to work out fine. Paige's testimony, your testimony, Joey, and my testimony is totally going to turn this in our favor. It'll be good. Okay?"

Joey nods, reassuringly, though Craig can see worry lines etched near the top of his head.

They all enter the court room, Craig taking a seat behind Ashley and Liberty, his family seated in the same row as him. Ashley chats with them happily, as Craig's eyes drift across the room. First, he sees Ellie, talking to Spinner in a row at the opposite end of the room. Paige is missing today. Then, he sees Jimmy, his parents, and Carla bending over a piece of paper until Judge Winton calls the case to order.

"Sincerest apologies for the brief recess. Miss Van Zandt, it was agreed that you would start us off today. Would you like to call your first witness?"

Liberty nods. "Yes, your honor. I call Joseph Jeremiah to the stand."

Joey straightens his tie, approaching the bench, is sworn in, and sits. Craig feels a bit more at ease. Joey had done so much for him in the past, and there isn't reason to believe he would fail him or Ashley now.

"Mr. Jeremiah, if your stepson, Craig Manning, were to become the stepfather of Leslie, Ashley's daughter, do you think he'd fare well?" asks Liberty.

"Absolutely," says Joey, smiling at Craig. "He's caring, understanding, one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. He was fantastic with my daughter Angie, his stepsister. Very attentive. And he's had a hard life, but he just keeps going. He's strong."

"How would you describe his courtship with Miss Kerwin?" questions Liberty.

"Oh, wow," says Joey. "Well, they've had their share of problems, but they love each other, or else I guarantee they wouldn't be here. They both give of their hearts completely, which sometimes gets them in trouble, but they've seen each other through things most adults couldn't get through. Craig loves her intensely. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. And Ashley, Miss Kerwin, she's helped him, helped our family, been there for a lot. Just as committed. That's why I believe in them, why I'm here today."

"Thank you, Mr. Jeremiah," says Liberty. "Your witness, Miss Arrow."

Carla smiles coldly. "Mr. Jeremiah, do you know a Miss Eleanor Nash?"

"Ellie...yes," says Joey.

"Aaah, so you know that this woman, not Miss Kerwin, was dating Mr. Manning about a month ago?"

"Sure, yeah."

"Mr. Jeremiah, would you consider Eleanor a good girlfriend? More importantly, a faithful girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"Yet, Mr. Manning cheated on her. This woman has also stuck by your stepson during hard times. In fact, when Miss Kerwin went to England, she helped him along with a support group. When Ashley cheated on him, Miss Nash was there."

"A support group which Ashley suggested," adds Joey. "Ashley does care about Craig. "

"How did she treat Craig when she found out he was bipolar?" asks Carla. "Well?"

Craig holds his breath, feels like his tie is cutting off his circulation.

"She was concerned, maybe a little too much."

"She pitied him, then left, like she did with Jimmy for the past five years?"

"No!" yells Joey. "Look, she got scared, she was sixteen. They were teenagers."

"And Craig, of course, being a normal teenager, tries to follow her half way across the world, and he was medicated at the time."

"He was heartbroken!"

"Heartbroken? Heartbroken? Why not sit at home like most teenagers do? No, instead he jeopardizes his health and acts irresponsibly, because of the undependable nature of Miss Kerwin, who abandons those she supposedly cares most about?"

"I'm not defending Ashley in that instance, but...," begins Joey.

"Mr. Jeremiah, there's no need. Actions speak louder than words. Thank you."

Carla takes a seat, smiles at Mr. Brooks, begins taking notes.

"I have to say something, your honor," says Joey, facing Judge Winton. "Just a little bit."

Judge Winton slides down her glasses, puts them back on. "Very well."

"Craig, he's made some bad choices. But I am so proud of him, and I admire him. He follows his heart. He takes chances. And yeah, it gets you in trouble, but maybe the reward is worth it."

Joey casts a look in Caitlin's direction. She smiles back at him.

"You may be seated, Mr. Jeremiah," says Judge Winton.

Joey returns to the row, shaking Craig's hand as he sits.

"Your witness, Miss Arrow," says Judge Winton.

"Your honor, I call Craig Manning to the stand," says Carla.

Craig swallows the lump in his throat. It can't get much worse, he thinks, though Joey's comment may've made a difference. He felt like he was putting his head under a guillotine. Still, he has to put on a brave front for Ashley. He had to be the braver out of the two, and he wouldn't let her crumble.

"Do you promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" says the bailiff, Craig's hand on the Bible.

"I do," says Craig, then sitting down.

Craig strokes his chin, puts his hands in his lap. Ashley gives him a weak grin, which he returns. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Jimmy staring at him intensely.

"Morning, Mr. Manning," says Carla.

"Morning," replies Craig, shifting in his seat.

"Mr. Manning, can you tell us about the night of July eighth, approximately five years ago?" asks Carla.

"What?" says Craig, arching his eyebrows.

Carla walks to a table, pulls a piece of paper from her folder.

"Police report filed on that exact day, your honor," she says, handing it to the judge. "Mr. Manning damaged property in a bar in a drunken outrage. He escaped jail time based on some wrangling from his manager. You don't recall breaking a mirror, Mr. Manning, or were you too drunk to notice?"

"I remember...being there," says Craig, his foot shaking a bit.

"So you were intoxicated at the time?"

"Yes."

"And on this same night, we have eyewitnesses who saw you push Ms. Nash."

Craig throws Ellie a look, and she bites her lip.

"I...I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't hurt her!"

"But you pushed her. He pushed a woman, ladies and gentleman of the jury. Whose to say he won't hurt a child after a drunken stupor? Mr. Brooks has a clean record in comparison."

Craig hears the scratch of a chair, and sees Ashley shoot up, glaring at Carla.

"Craig has never laid a hand on Leslie!" she protests. "He'd never hurt my daughter!"

"That's ludicrous!" adds Joey. "My son's harmless!"

"Miss Kerwin, Mr. Jeremiah, settle down or I will be forced to hold you in contempt," says Judge Winton. "These police reports are legitimate. Council, you may proceed."

"Thank you," says Carla, flashing Ashley a triumphant smile. "Mr. Manning, who controls your funds?"

Paralyzed, Craig blinks back tears. He would never hurt Leslie or any other child.

"Mr. Manning, please answer the question," says Carla.

"Umm, my manager controls most of my funds," says Craig. "I control some assets, though they're smaller."

"Your honor, we also have documentation that shows that Craig Manning had a period of debt five years ago, presumably because his manager's associate stole his primary funds, including part of his inheritance," says Carla, fetching the document and handing it to the judge.

"I see," says Judge Winton.

"Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, his finances are less secure than one would think. Jimmy Brooks continually pays for Leslie's needs, and has a spotless financial record. We need to think of financial security, and even though Mr. Manning makes more than enough, it has not always been consistent. Keep in mind, this is the man Miss Kerwin could potentially start a home with."

Craig watches Ashley shoot Carla a cold look, as if she's about to pounce on the lawyer.

"Not to be taken lightly, Mr. Manning, are some recent, extravagant purchases?"

Craig shrugs.

"A house? You bought a house, did you not?"

"Yes."

"Did you think very hard about buying it, or was it one of your spontaneous ventures, like trying to follow Miss Kerwin to England?"

"I...um..."

"You're under oath, Mr. Manning."

"I made the decision and bought the house...the same day."

He looks at the jury, who look bewildered. Ellie and Jimmy also appear taken aback. Ashley rubs her neck, nervously.

"Doesn't seem very stable to me," says Carla.

"I want us to be stable!" argues Craig. "That's why I bought it. I want Leslie to have a home with us! With me and Ash."

"You're already making plans and you don't know the outcome of this case? Very impetuous, and it shows very little respect for the child's wishes. Perhaps she doesn't want to live with you. How close are you to Leslie?"

"Okay, so we're not real close, but..."

"Just as I thought. You show total disregard for her feelings, the feelings of Mr. Brooks. That's why you crashed the wedding between Mr. Brooks and Ms. Kerwin. And years later, you knowingly put yourself back in the mix to disrupt their home."

"That's not true!" exclaims Craig.

"So Miss Kerwin told you to come to this camping trip?"

"No...I invited myself...along," stammers Craig.

"There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Knowingly went after another's man wife, cheating on Miss Nash. Do you and Miss Kerwin have a sexual relationship?"

"We didn't sleep together that night," says Craig.

"That's not what I asked. Are you sleeping together presently?"

"We...we slept together last night. But that's it."

Craig feels sweat pouring down every part of his face.

"And the divorce papers haven't even been signed yet," says Carla, shaking her head.

"They were sent, but Jimmy keeps acting like an idiot and...," shouts Craig.

Jimmy pounds the table, drawing attention to him.

"Who's the real idiot, Craig? You come into my life, ruin my marriage, make my kid depressed. I'm just trying to hold onto what I have!"

"You never had it!" yells Craig. "You never had Ash!"

"Gentlemen!" shouts Judge Winton over the many murmurs in the room. "Stop. I'd like a brief recess and suggest that you all get a hold of yourselves. Mr. Manning, please step down and control yourself."

Craig leaves the stand, walks straight out of the room, even though he can feel Ashley's eyes on his back. Everyone files out, and he sits on a bench outside an office, wiping tears. Ashley sits next to him.

"Craig, you need to know that this doesn't change anything, alright? I still...," starts Ashley.

"It's no use, Ash," says Craig. "You can't get Leslie if I'm around."

"Yes...yes we can."

"No, no we can't! They made me sound...sound horrible! I wouldn't trust me either."

He stands, walks away, but Ashley makes him halt.

"You're always the optimist," says Ashley, tears filling her eyes. "Why are you giving up? You can't!"

"Maybe you shouldn't be with me," says Craig, holding her back as she tries to hug him.

"No...Craig! Craig! I need you to be here. Let's just talk to Liberty first."

"Ash, I won't be the one that stops you from being with Leslie. I can't..."

"Craig...you left before. Don't leave again. You said...you said you'd stay! You can't leave like last time. You can't."

Craig shakes his head. "If I stay, it's over. Don't you see? You're a good mom and Jimmy doesn't want me around."

Ashley tries to grab him again, but he pins her hands to her sides.

"Don't make this harder for me, Ash," he whispers, kissing her cheek.

Ashley sobs, pushes him away. "I hate you! I hate you so much right now!" she whispers.

She runs away. Craig wishes someone would shoot him right now, end this horrible pain.

"Ashley!" he screams behind her. "Ashley!"


	23. It's The Same Old Song

**XXIII. It's the Same Old Song **

You're sweet as a honey bee  
But like a honey bee stings  
You've gone and left my heart in pain  
All you left is our favorite song  
The one we danced to all night long  
It used to bring sweet memories  
Of a tender love that used to be

Now it's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone  
It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone

A sentimental fool am I  
to hear a old love song  
And wanna cry  
But the melody keeps haunting me  
Reminding me how in love we used to be  
Keep hearing the part that used to touch my heart  
Saying together forever  
Breaking up never

It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone  
It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone

Precious memories keep a lingering on  
Everytime I hear our favorite song  
Now you're gone  
Left this emptiness  
I only reminisce  
The happiness we spent  
We used to dance on the music  
Make romance through the music

It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone  
It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone

It's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been goneIt's the same old song  
But with a different meaning  
Since you been gone

Ashley stumbles into the courthouse bathroom, mindlessly turning on a faucet, washing her hands. As the cool water slips over her skin, she stares at her reflection in the mirror. Mascara on her cheeks, red eyes, smudged lipstick. How could he? She ducks into a stall, slams the door, sits on the toilet, not caring about ruining her clothes. Taking a few sheets of toilet paper, she dots her eyes, wipes her nose. Taking a few breaths, she opens her purse, puts her hand over the bottle of Tricyclin. If Craig didn't keep his promise about sticking around, why she should keep hers about the pills? Besides, one wouldn't hurt.

Suddenly, she hears the door to the bathroom open. Quickly swallowing one pill, she puts the bottle inside her purse and zips it up.

"Ashley?" calls Kate, knocking on one stall and then another.

Kate finds her stall after the third try, opening the door Ashley forgot to lock. Ashley sobs, looks down.

"What happened, sweetie?" asks Kate, kneeling down beside her.

"Craig...Craig's leaving!" cries Ashley. "He said he wouldn't, but he is."

"Oh, honey, I...," begins Kate.

Ashley's lips tremble. "You were so right, Mom. You never trusted Craig, doubted him. I shouldn't have trusted him."

Kate strokes Ashley's knee through her stocking.

"No, Ashley, I was wrong," says Kate, softly.

Was this her mother? The one that had defended Jimmy on their wedding day, said Craig wasn't right for her?

"What?" whispers Ashley.

"He bought a house. That's a huge step. And he's willing to be beaten down by that vulture woman Carla in front of the courtroom, harassed by this media circus? For the past weeks, he's been recording, but has always made time to check on you, take care of you. I'm...a bit impressed. Alright, more than impressed. You should give him a chance. He'll come back."

Ashley shakes her head. "But..."

"But this is hard, I know. But so was your wedding day, and the day you decided to be with him, and the day you got the papers from Jimmy. There are many hard days, for both of you. Today is Craig's. If he doesn't believe he can be a good stepdad, but you do, you have to give him some time."

"I don't want to lose him," says Ashley.

Kate takes out a handkerchief from her purse, and dots her daughter's eyes. Ashley can't help but think what a dramatic contrast this is from their wedding day, when she was also crying over Craig, though Kate wasn't giving her any comfort. Now, she was telling her to have faith, in herself, in Craig.

"Ashley, you can't lose what you will always have. I saw your eyes when you were about to marry Jimmy, the doubt, the longing for someone else. Craig feels the same way or else he wouldn't go all through this just for you. Believe in something I never believed in until just recently."

"Believe in Craig?" says Ashley.

"In him and in yourself," replies Kate, lifting her daughter to her feet.

II.

Judge Winton walks to her seat, her eyes scanning the room. She nods approvingly, as Craig resumes his place on the witness stand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I know emotions are running high, but please remember to keep proper decorum for the duration of these proceedings. Is Miss Kerwin present?"

Craig looks for Ashley, his chest burning. Didn't she understand? Based on Carla's questioning, the jury would think he was a drunk, violent, financially unstable nutcase. Cut him out of the equation, and Jimmy would go easy on her, maybe drop the suit. He couldn't stand in the way of her being with Leslie, watching her all those nights where she lost so much sleep, was so stressed. But seeing her run away from him about thirty minutes ago crumpled him. What is worse? Abandoning her or abandoning all hopes of her never being with Leslie?

The double doors to the courtroom open, with Ashley and Kate advancing to the front. Ashley doesn't look back at Craig, just takes her seat besides Liberty.

"Alright, we may proceed," says Judge Winton. "Miss Van Zandt, your witness. Mr. Manning, you are still under oath."

"Thank you, your honor," says Liberty, standing and heading towards Craig.

Craig crosses his legs, not at all ready to be shot in the foot again.

"Mr. Manning, may I be personal for a second?" says Liberty, pacing in front of the witness stand.

Craig shrugs, his leg nervously shaking. "Yeah...I guess."

"You and your father Albert...well, you didn't have the best relationship. Can you tell the court a little about it?" says Liberty.

"Umm...," mumbles Craig.

"Mr. Manning, just take your time. I know it's difficult, but I think it's crucial for the jury to hear."

Craig nods, casting a sad look at Joey, who appears just as uncomfortable.

"My dad...beat me. Whenever he got mad or felt a lot of pressure," says Craig, tears casing his eyes.

"How did that make you feel?" asks Liberty.

"Alone...scared...worthless. It hurt because I loved my dad. He just...he just couldn't change. I thought he could."

"So you know firsthand the ugliness of abuse. My opponent would have the jury believe that Mr. Manning is capable of physical abuse, but why would he do it if he knows how horrible the effects of abuse can be?"

"I'd never do that to a child," says Craig. "Whenever I have kids, I'd want them to be loved and protected, because I didn't always get that. I got it from my mom, and later from Joey. That's what they deserve."

"And Ashley?" prompts Liberty.

"She's been doing it for five years," says Craig, staring at Ashley with a sad smile. "She makes it look natural. I don't know how. She's lost sleep over this case, sacrificed her work pay so she could focus on this case, put up with so much."

Ashley's head is down, but Craig's pretty sure she's taking in every word.

"Mr. Manning, what were your intentions when you agreed to go on this camping trip?" asks Liberty.

"I wanted us to spend time together. My intentions weren't totally pure, but spending time with a friend you have more than friendly feelings for...I don't think that's evil. We hadn't seen each other in several years, so any time I could be with her, honestly I would've taken it. I don't regret it."

Liberty gives him a warm smile. "Do you have any regrets? I mean, your own work time has been limited, your relationship with Miss Kerwin has been broadcast for the whole world to see, and some seedier parts of your past have been revealed just this morning?"

"No, there's no regrets," says Craig smiling, grinning at Ashley. "I mean, the house. That was to help Ashley have a place of her own, and I know I bought it out of the blue, but I had hope. I hoped I could take care of her and Leslie."

Ashley looks up at him, her blue eyes twinkling.

"There's this room that would've been so perfect for her," says Craig, smiling at the jury. "It has great acoustics so Leslie could've sang and heard her voice bounce off the walls. She has a great voice. It's shockingly good. And I would've let her pick out whatever color room she wanted. I don't think she would've chosen pink. Maybe purple. I know Ash likes purple so maybe it's in her genes. I don't know."

Ashley wipes away a tear, blinks at Craig.

"I would've loved to have a home with them," says Craig, choking on the words. "Just don't punish Ashley for things I've done. She's a wonderful mom. I'm just not a wonderful boyfriend."

He glances over at Ellie, who stares back with a sullen face.

"I'm really sorry that I hurt Ellie. I just want her to be the happiest she can be, and I know that wasn't possible with us together. Should've handled it differently. But sometimes you have to let go to save what you have. Our friendship. And that night, she saved my life and I shouldn't have pushed her. Fact is she's saved me a lot, and I abused her friendship. But I'd always be there for her. I hope she knows that. I'm sorry."

From where he's standing, he can tell Ellie's crying a bit, her arms folded.

"Mr. Manning, do you think that if you left the situation, that Miss Kerwin could find someone better?" says Liberty.

"Maybe. I don't know," answers Craig. "I just know I would try to be better. I've always been better with her around."

Liberty confidently nods. "No further questions."

"You may step down, Mr. Manning," says Judge Winton.

Craig stands, walks to the row where Joey, Caitlin, and Angie sit. Joey stares at him, hard, but not as hard as Ashley. She offers him a nervous smile, which Craig doesn't see as he hangs his head. He does raise his head at one point, but his eyes find Jimmy's. To his surprise, Jimmy doesn't look spiteful, just contemplative. Carla, on the other hand, appeared livid.

"Your witness, Miss Arrow," says Judge Winton.

Carla straightens her suit jacket. "I'd like to call Eleanor Nash to the stand."

Visibly startled, Ellie heads to the witness stand, her long red hair waving behind her as she walks. She's sworn in, pulls down her sleeves, stares shyly at everyone in the room.

"Miss Nash, how long did you date Mr. Manning?" asks Carla.

"Around four and a half years," answers Ellie.

"Quite a long time then. That's longer than Mr. Manning and Miss Kerwin, I'd like to point out. Why do you feel your relationship was more successful?"

Ellie shrugs. "Um, I guess because we understand one another. Being in group allowed us to communicate pretty openly with each other. We gave each other space, which helped. I can honestly say we weren't complicated."

"You mean, not as complicated as Mr. Manning and Miss Kerwin?"

"Yeah, we were easy-going. We made do."

Carla smirks. "Interesting. Why do you think Mr. Manning would throw away such a healthy relationship for a weekend get away? Excitement?"

Ellie breathes in, then out. "Don't know. I've been there for him through some really brutal stuff."

"Brutal stuff that included being turned down by Miss Kerwin...twice?"

"Yes."

Craig quickly glances at Ashley, who shifts in her chair, scratching her forehead, refusing to look at Ellie. Carla throws a sharp look at Liberty, then turns to Ellie.

"My opponent was personal, so I feel the need to be as well. You're a cutter, are you not, Miss Nash?" asks Carla.

Craig is tempted to go console Ellie after a frightened expression covers her face. A tear slides down Ellie's nose.

"Yes," says Ellie, softly.

"Speak up please, Miss Nash," says Carla.

"Yes, alright!" sobs Ellie, loudly.

"Have you ever cut yourself because of Mr. Manning's interactions with Miss Kerwin?" prompts Carla.

Craig gulps. Please say no, he thinks. He has to hear her say no.

"Yes," sobs Ellie. "Yes."

Craig buries his face in his hands. What is happening with us? Ashley's on pills, Ellie's cutting, he's breaking promises. When would it all end? He stands, walks towards Ellie.

"Ellie...El, I'm sorry," says Craig.

The bailiff walks to him, stops Craig from going any further. Ellie shakes herself, tries to regain her breath.

"Just let me talk to her," begs Craig. "Ellie..."

"Now is not the time, Mr. Manning," says Carla, coldly smiling at him.

"Like you would know!" exclaims Craig. "Who are you to make her say she's a cutter in front of all of these people? You're heartless!"

"I'm not the one getting her to cut!" shouts Carla. "You're out of line, Mr. Manning. Why don't you sit down?"

"Mr. Manning, you've been warned," says Judge Winton. "Bailiff, take him out of my courtroom."

Craig sighs, looks one more time at Ashley. She shakes her head, as the bailiff leads him out. Craig walks into the sunshine, the heat of the middle of summer beating against his neck. He's instantly surrounded by several reporters, including Heather, who at least today wasn't trying to get inside.

"Craig, what happened in there?" asks Heather, shoving the microphone into his face.

"No comment," replies Craig, speaking to everyone as he jogs down the steps. "That goes for all of you."

III.

It's the green wallpaper, the dolphin posters, the comforter with the cloud pattern. These were from her childhood, but Emma doesn't feel any warmth by viewing them. She only feels loneliness, an alien in a familiar place. The first week at her parents', she was numb, not sure of what she ate, watched on TV, read in the newspapers, though she snapped out of it when she came across news snippets on Craig and Ashley. She was surprised when one week turned into two, and now three. Snake didn't say anything, but Emma didn't really expect him to. He was much too easy-going and calm to argue for or against Sean. Her mother just offered a sweet word or two, cooked for her even though Emma never asked her to. Jack? Well, Jack was Jack.

As she puts the cloud comforter over her head, Emma hears someone pounding on the outside of her door.

"What!" she exclaims.

"Wake up, ya blonde beanpole!" calls Jack through the door.

"Shut up, Jack!" shouts Emma.

"Fine, I'll just tell her to go away then," says Jack.

"Tell who?"

"You've got company."

Emma sits up. Sean. He'd finally come around. Checking her hair in the mirror, smoothing it out, she yells for Jack to open the door.

"You've got hot company," says Jack, with an amused smile on his face.

Emma wrinkles her nose. "Huh?"

Manny leaps into the room from the hallway, a paper bag in her hand. "Ta da!"

Emma flops back onto the bed, throws the blanket over her head.

"Some welcome!" complains Manny.

"Told you she was moody," says Jack. "Must be that time of the month, eh, beanpole?"

"Manny, hit him for me," says Emma from under the blanket.

Emma hears Jack wince softly, and knows Manny must've done what she asked. Then, she feels Manny hops on top of her, hugging through the blanket.

"Emmaline, Emmaline," says Manny, in a sing-song voice, tapping her head through the blanket.

"Stop it, or I'll call you Manuellita," threatens Emma.

"Don't get emo on me, pull a Craig," says Manny, getting off of her. "Come on, get up, and welcome the world. You'll get pale again and lose your tan, which trust me, you need."

Manny pulls the blanket off of her, and Emma rises, muttering the entire time.

"Why are you here?" says Emma.

"I haven't been able to reach you in weeks," says Manny. "Figured something was wrong, called your mom, and Spike told me about the Sean situation. So tell your BFF what the deal is."

Emma moans. "A certain red-haired ex. He spent two whole days with her, doing who knows what."

"Yeesh," says Manny. "Okay, well, I brought just the thing then."

Manny fetches the paper bag, hops back on the bed. Emma puts her knees to her chest.

"Ice cream," says Manny, pulling out a little carton. "Vanilla fudge, your favorite."

"How sweet," says Emma.

"And gin," says Manny, beaming.

"How necessary," says Emma, smiling even though she didn't want to.

"We should go clubbing tonight. Celebrate my presence and all that good stuff. Oh, and you getting your mind off Sean would be the bonus."

Emma laughs. "And Chris won't mind his fiancee partying it up?"

"Psssh, no. I have him wrapped around my finger. We can get more drinks if we need them."

"Like vodka?" teases Emma.

"I dare not risk the vodka," says Manny, in her best overdramatic voice. "To be placed in such an unpleasant experience where my bosom would be exposed and broadcast to innocent, impressionable boys, I would die...I would just simply die."

Emma giggles. "Gin, later. Ice cream, now."

Manny pulls out two plastic spoons, and they dig in. Emma's relieved, that this was actually helping. Still, Manny was no Sean, as much as she loved her best friend.

"You're thinking I'm no Sean," assumes Manny, licking the back of her spoon.

"Yeah," says Emma.

"He'll come back to you, Em," says Manny.

"How do you know?"

"I just do. The good guys...they always come back."

IV.

Craig tosses a peanut into an empty shot glass, rests his head on his elbow. The bartender shines a glass, and Craig can feel him staring at him. He hadn't drunk that much, not yet anyway. Craig's eyes peer up at a television monitor over the bar. Ever since he was forced to leave the courtroom, he'd been on automatic pilot, just letting his mood take him anywhere. He stopped by a convenience store where he saw magazines with him on the cover, a park where cameras snapped his picture, and now the bar where thankfully it was just him, the bartender, and a couple of men asleep on a table.

An attractive, brown-haired reporter appears on the screen, some footage of Ashley leaving the courthouse running as she talks. Craig's heart sank. She looks so disheveled and defeated, and I'm not there. Nothing is working out as he planned. Liberty asked if he had any regrets? No, but he certainly has some guilt.

"Today was quite a dramatic day in the Brooks vs. Kerwin custody battle," says the reporter. "Craig Manning took the stand earlier this morning, making a valiant plea to the jury to ignore past actions and focus on Miss Kerwin's apt mothering skills. In fact, it sounds as if Mr. Manning may remove himself from the situation and let Miss Kerwin raise the child on her own. Also present was Eleanor Nash, a former girlfriend, who has remained out of the eye of the public until now. She has not taken the break-up with Manning well, even to a point where she is cutting herself after not having done this in years. However, Miss Van Zandt's questioning of Eleanor Nash tomorrow could bode well for Miss Kerwin. The two were formerly friends, and after Carla Arrow's decimation of Miss Kerwin's character, Miss Nash could side with Kerwin. It could go either way, based on insiders. It depends where Nash's loyalties lie. The jury seemed sympathetic to Mr. Manning's testimony, but also looked cautious when his near arrest in Tokyo was revealed. It's definitely not a black and white case, and tune in for the ten o' clock news for the latest developments."

Craig orders another shot, downs it, stares at the counter top.

"How come when you guys have sex, something really dramatic happens afterwards?" says a voice to his right.

Craig glances over his shoulder. Joey.

"How'd you find me?" asks Craig, twirling his glass.

"I know the bartender," says Joey, waving at the man. "Hey Dwayne!"

Dwayne waves back, goes back to polishing the glass.

"Sold out," mumbles Craig. "Who don't you know on Degrassi Street?"

"First, let me be a dad," says Joey, sitting in the stool next to him. "How much have you had?"

Craig shakes his head. "Not that much, considering. I can see straight."

"Okay, now let me be a friend," says Joey, putting an arm around him. "It's going to get better."

"How can it get better, Joey?" demands Craig. "I can't erase all this mess in my past. I'm making Ellie cut, making Ash unhappy. I can't be with the woman I want, and the girl that was my best friend hates me. There is no better."

"Where's the Craig I know, huh?" says Joey, warmly. "The one that ran out of the studio for the girl he loved, or the one that went to Vancouver when he had no idea what would happen? We don't know what's going to happen, Craig, so you have to keep pressing."

That Craig. He recalls the day after he ran out of the studio, when they were so happy, sitting outside Joey's. Ashley hadn't stopped smiling, and neither had he. From then on, they thought it would be easy, never mind that his friends hated him at that moment, or that her mother wasn't too fond of them either.

"I can't believe you ran out of a recording session for me," said Ashley, resting her head on his shoulder.

Just touching her again gave him butterflies.

"Yeah, well, there'll be others," said Craig, kissing the top of her head. "But there won't be other Ashleys."

"There better not be," says Ashley, playfully punching his leg.

"But you know. There's Ashley Judd, Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson. All very hot Ashleys," teased Craig, hugging her to him.

She punched him lightly, just like the day before at the studio.

"No fair," she said. "You're the only Craig I'm thinking about."

"Okay, okay. I ban all other Ashleys from this moment on."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Ashley Kerwin. Ash."

Ashley pulled him in for another kiss.

"Last year seems a lifetime ago. That stuff with Manny. I was scared, and you brought me back in. Thanks for believing in us."

Craig strokes her hair, feels the sun warm both of them.

"I've never had so much faith before," he said.

Faith. Where is it now? Did it run off the way Ashley did?

"That Craig is currently being persecuted," says Craig, running a hand through his hair.

"I meant what I said on the stand. I admire you so much," says Joey. "I know you can be a stepdad, a husband, whatever you want."

Joey pats him on the back, is about to say something else, but is interrupted by his cellphone ringing.

"Hold on," he says to Craig, picking up the phone. "Yeah?"

Craig stares at the shot glass. It wasn't helping at all. He slides it to Dwayne, who gives him a thumbs up, then disappears into a backroom. Maybe Joey's right. This doubt was just making things ten times worse. He and Ashley were both heartbroken, and Ashley believed in him enough to almost ask him to marry her. Maybe it could work.

"Ugh, don't make me do it," says Joey, smiling into the phone.

Caitlin, thinks Craig, smiling. He could tell by the way Joey's face has lit up. If he calls Ash, maybe he'd get the same reaction. He loved seeing her face that way.

"Fine," says Joey, then he begins to sing, "_I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care_...there, you happy? I love you. Bye."

Craig chuckles as Joey hangs up the phone.

"Like you and Ash don't have a song," defends Joey, blushing. "I don't want you driving. You're not that drunk, but just promise me. You need a ride?"

"I'll take a cab," says Craig. "I can't risk you singing again."

"Fine," says Joey.

He pats Craig on the back, leaves the bar. Craig offers to pay Dwayne for the drinks before he goes, but Dwayne says no, you could use a break. Thanking him, he asks Dwayne to look out for his car, and gets a cab. Leaning his head against the cab's backseat, the cabbie turns on the radio, hums along.

"_I don't know if you'll forgive me, for being so blind to how you felt_," he hears.

Dust. Their song, so clear, so sharp, still so applicable to what he and Ash were going through.

"Turn it up, please," asks Craig.

The cabbie nods, does a double take when he realizes that yes, the singer of the song that's playing is in his car.

"_What I know is that I hurt you, oh, what I know is that I suck, and what I know is that I'm sorry_."

He is sorry, sorry for building up their dreams, and pulling out, sorry for adding stress she doesn't need, sorry for it all. He flips open his phone, hoping it's not too late, finding that Craig Joey talked about, the one who believes until he can't believe anymore. He gets her voicemail and frowns.

"Ashley," he says into the phone. "I don't want you to think I have no faith. I just...lost it for awhile. I'm sorry. I've got faith in you, in us. When I ran out of the studio, when I waited for you that summer, when I went on this camping trip. It's still here, okay?"

He clicks off the phone.

"That the Dust girl?" asks the cabbie.

"Yes," replies Craig.

"I'm pulling for you guys. Like those romantic stories. They always work out in the end."


	24. I Can't Get Next To You

**XXIV. I Can't Get Next To You **

I Can't Get Next To You is the property of the Temptations.

I can turn a gray sky blue  
I could make it rain if I wanted to  
I can build a castle from a single grain of sand  
I can make a ship sail honey, on dry land

Unhappy am I baby  
With all the powers I possess  
You're the key to my happiness woman  
I can't get next to you  
Baby

I can fly like a bird up in the sky  
I can buy the things baby, that money can buy  
I can turn a river into a raging fire  
I can live forever baby, if I so desire

Unhappy am I baby  
With all the powers I possess  
Girl, you're the key to my happiness  
I can't get next to you  
Oh baby  
I can't get next to you girl  
Baby

I can turn back the hands of time  
You better believe I can  
I can make the seasons change baby, just by waving my hand  
I can turn everything from old to new  
The one thing I want to do the most honey  
Is impossible for me to do

Unhappy am I baby  
With all the powers I possess  
You got the key to my happiness  
I can't get next to you  
I got to have your love  
Baby

I can't get next to you  
I got to have your love  
Oh baby

Sean flips on the electric saw, cutting into a nice strip of mahogany. The sound causes Jay, sitting in a car Sean had just attended, wearing sunglasses, his feet propped up on the steering wheel, to roll his eyes. Alex, next to him, pops her chewing gum with her tongue. He turns the saw off, grabs the measuring tape.

"You've been playing with wood all day, Sean," says Jay, lifting his sunglasses. "What type of wood is that?"

"Mahogany, a.k.a. rich people's wood," answers Sean. "Someone gave me some extra from a wardrobe I helped build."

"Wood," chuckles Jay.

Alex hits him with her rolled up jacket. "You are so immature," she says.

"But seriously, you've been here a lot," says Jay. "Do you ever go home?"

Sean hangs his head. He really didn't want anyone to know Emma had left him, or why. After seeing the drama that accompanied Craig and Ashley in the last few weeks, he hoped to avoid the same questions, commentaries, whisperings. At that point, Snake and Spike probably knew, and Manny as well, but he could live with that. He was sure those three wouldn't hate him.

"Just got work to do," replies Sean. "Moving the projects to the garage helps, though."

What isn't helping is that throwing himself into work wasn't solving anything. Ellie had shrewdly gotten her car on a day where Merl was the only one working, so Sean couldn't see her then. Now, work and the case were most likely occupying all her time. And he couldn't talk to Emma without first talking to Ellie. Emma's right, he thinks. He owes her the truth, whatever the truth is.

"Okay, so I'm bored enough to ask you what you're working on," says Jay.

"Nothing special," says Sean.

That's a lie. He'd been thinking about working on it for weeks. He just recently found the courage.

"Forget that," says Alex, hopping out of the car. "I want to know the real reason you're always here. Trouble in the world of blonde that wants to save every baby seal?"

"Leave him alone, Lexi," mumbles Jay.

"Because I told you not to marry that tofu terror," continues Alex. "Said she'd make you wear hemp clothes and ride a whale to work if she could to protect the ozone layer. But no, you went and did it, and now you're miserable."

"Alex, come on," grumbles Jay. "She's hot."

"Ellie is way, way, two thousand infinity way hotter," says Alex. "She's smart, funny, sweet. And now she's single."

"We're not picking out a girl for you, alright?" says Jay. "Sean, tell her everything's fine."

Sean coughs, starts inspecting the cut he made.

"A ha!" exclaims Alex, smiling at Jay. "I knew it."

"Dude," mutters Jay, sitting up and staring at Sean. "Spill."

"No...no," protests Sean. "Guys, just..."

"Sean, we're your friends. Hear to lend an ear," interrupts Alex.

"And mock," adds Jay, smiling at Sean.

"Be supportive,' says Alex.

"But mainly to mock," says Jay.

Sean drops the measuring tape and massages his head. Maybe talking to someone would help. At least Jay and Alex would be somewhat sympathetic.

"A few weeks ago, I came home to Emma just before midnight," starts Sean.

"What was she wearing?" asks Jay.

Alex throws a dirty look at him.

"Just trying to get the visual," defends Jay. "Go on."

"Well, the two days before, I spent with Ellie. And Emma...didn't take it well."

Alex smiles broadly, but Jay looks a bit puzzled.

"Did you guys like...do anything?" asks Jay.

"No...we almost kissed, though. Stop smirking, Alex."

Alex puts a hand over her mouth to hide her smile.

"Just so you know, I care about them both, okay? Emma's basically waiting on me to decide what to do. The thing is I can't even start thinking."

"What's to think about?" exclaims Alex, taking her hand down. "I understand all that stuff...the until death do you part thing. But can you honestly tell me that you can let Ellie go?"

"I can't...that's the thing," says Sean, kicking the tire of the parked car.

"Hmm, here's what you gotta do," starts Jay.

"Like he's going to take advice from the Ravine Rat," says Alex. "Just drop the blonde."

"Let me speak my piece. Okay, first you ditch the wood, even though I haven't used my best wood jokes yet. Then, you find Ellie, and you kiss the girl, just like that movie says. See if there's anything there."

"What movie?" says Alex.

"The one with the crab that talks...the one with the hot fish."

"Wow!" exclaims Alex, giggling. "You watched a Disney movie?"

"Hey, shut up! I was eight...and bored."

"I think I'm going to choke on my gum!" says Alex, laughing more hysterically.

Jay gets out of the car, starts tickling Alex. They aren't paying attention to him anymore, so he considers Jay's advice. He did want to see her again, and Emma gave him the okay. Not to kiss her, but to at least discover if the feelings were still as strong. Packing up his stuff, he turns to Jay and Alex, who have finished their horseplay.

"I don't know where to find her," says Sean.

"You heard the man," says Alex, punching Jay in the gut. "The movies. I think I know which one."

II.

Emma peers from behind two scantily clad women in line, seeing a large, tattooed man letting a few people behind a velvet rope. She's modestly scanty, letting Manny dress her up in a sleeveless, sparkly red top and a white miniskirt with a gold belt. Manny told her Nicole Richie wore a similar outfit to a Hollywood club, but Emma had to ask her who Nicole Richie was and by then it was too late; the outfit was on, and Manny was pulling her to Inferno, Toronto's hottest club.

Manny starts dancing, shaking her hips to the beat as booming music from inside wafts to their ears. She wears a short, hot pink dress and matching shoes.

"We're not inside yet," says Emma, covering her face in embarassment.

"You dance whenever the door opens," says Manny, stopping when the door shuts. "It gets your blood pumping."

"I can't believe you got me to do this," murmurs Emma.

"What? You look hot. The track is blazing, as Chris says. And it'll be really hard for you to think when the music's pounding in your head," says Manny.

Emma sighs, glances down the line. To her surprise, she can see Derek, in a blazer and jeans, and Darcy, in a spangly green top and tight pants, pushing through people to get to her and Manny. Darcy screams happily, and hugs her.

"You're alive!" squeals Darcy. "Ugh, please come back to work."

"Seriously," agrees Derek. "With you and Ash gone, they hired this temporary replacement that's a total wench."

"She said I needed a geography lesson. Can you imagine that?" cries Darcy, reapplying some lipstick.

Manny snorts behind Emma's back. Emma thought that was a wise piece of advice, but yeah, she missed her job, including being with the two of them, something she never thought was possible.

"What are you two doing here?" asks Emma.

"I called in reinforcements," explains Manny. "We only need..."

Before Manny can finish, Emma sees a hand wave in her face. J.T. Emma claps, jumps up and down.

"I haven't seen you in like...," begins Emma.

"A century," says J.T., hugging her. "I know. I know. I stop by when I can."

"Which is never enough," interjects Manny. "Okay, rule for tonight is to not mention the S-word, mkay?"

"Well, I don't really use profanity so that's easy for me," says Darcy.

"Not that word," says Manny, rolling her eyes. "The S-word I told you over the phone."

Darcy nods, seems to get it.

Manny grabs Emma's hand and they head towards the bouncer, who is reading a clipboard. The bouncer frowns at them, looks skeptical.

"Name?" he says.

"Hello? Manny Santos, star of every popular romantic teen comedy in the last few years, though I've done some more mature parts. Anyway, I think it's pretty obvious who I am. And this is my entourage."

The bouncer eyes her, then grins. "You played a sorority girl in the police force! I loved that one!"

Manny nods exuberantly, then yells at the people behind them. "Sequel's in theatres in December!"

They cheer wildly, as the bouncer lets them past the velvet rope.

"Enjoy yourself. I've got to tell my wife I met Manny Santos!" says the bouncer as they head in.

"Love ya," says Manny, blowing him a kiss.

Manny was right about the music. As soon as they enter, Emma can't hear anything else, think about anything serious. J.T. puts an arm around her, smiles. In their company, she almost feels thirteen again, without any cares in the world.

_Don't dance, we just pull up our pants  
And do the rockaway,  
now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back  
(Come on!) _

"Woot!" exclaims Manny, bumping Darcy with her butt. "Lean back, baby!"

"An oldie, but a goodie," compliments Derek, nodding his head to the beat.

J.T. starts rapping along with the lyrics, while Manny runs to the bar and orders martinis all around. Before Emma knows it, a cute waiter appears with their drinks.

"Some service," says Emma, sipping hers, enjoying it.

"Go to the right clubs and doors open for you," assures Manny. "Now a toast to staying in touch, keeping it real..and..."

"And living through Degrassi," adds J.T., raising his glass.

"I'll drink to that," says Emma, as they all clink glasses. "Surviving Degrassi should be a reality show or something."

"Maybe I could film it?" says a voice behind her.

Emma looks over her shoulder, her mouth falling open.

"Peter?" she says, her glass nearly falling.

Peter chuckles, hugs her. "Hey. I've never seen you guys in here. I come here most weekends."

"It's our first time," explains Manny.

"You look good, Em," says Peter, beaming at her.

"Manny's doing," says Emma. "I look like a scrub most days."

"Nah, I've seen some of your broadcasts. You always look good," compliments Peter. "You want to dance?"

Emma shakes her head, laughs nervously. "Me and rap music? Not good. Just ask Chris Sharpe."

"Aww, go ahead, Em," nudges Manny. "I'm about to embarrass J.T. on the dance floor anyway. He'll take all the focus off of you."

J.T. raises his eyebrow. "What?"

Manny puts her glass down, then J.T.'s, and she guides him to the dance floor. She starts to shimmy to the rhythm, and indeed, J.T. can hardly keep up, starts doing something like the Electric Slide. Derek twirls Darcy, and they start to dance as well.

"Just one dance. I probably have equally bad rhythm," says Peter.

Emma puts her drink on the bar, his hand in his. They're at a safe distance from each other, begin to sway to the music.

"Go Emma! Go Emma!" chants J.T, Manny, and Derek circling them.

"It's your birthday! It's your birthday!" yells Darcy.

Emma laughs, continues to dance, glances up into Peter's eyes. They're just as blue and captivating as she remembers, the eyes that convinced her to have a secret relationship with him. He places a hand on her hip, starts to groove with her. Emma brushes some hair out of her eye, looks awkwardly down, then up again. His eyes aren't Sean's, she thinks. They just aren't.

"I'm sorry," she says to Peter. "I'm sorry."

She brushes past the club goers, heads for the exit, finally breathes in the cool night air. Going to a street corner, she lets tears fall down her nose into an open, smoky grate. The smoke bothers her eyes, so she turns away. After a few seconds, she feels a hand on her shoulder, and through her blurry vision she can see Manny.

"I can't do this, Manny," says Emma. "I don't understand why it's taking this long. What am I doing wrong?"

"Shhh, you aren't doing anything wrong," says Manny, smoothing her hair. "It's okay. I'll take you wherever."

"Not home," begs Emma, crying more intensely. "I can't..."

"I got you, Em. No matter what, I've got you."

III.

Ashley had felt her phone vibrate all through the drive to her mother's, but she was too depressed to answer it. Ellie cutting again? She lays her head against the carseat, hoping that will stop the throbbing. When she and Craig were in the woods, she didn't think it would cause all of this. Believing in some miracle, she thought Ellie would understand, that Jimmy would yell at her but understand nevertheless. Custody battles, cutting, and Craig ditching her didn't cross her mind.

Kate gives her a warm smile as she pulls into the driveway. They get out of the car, and Ashley's surprised to see the living room light is on.

"I thought Jeff was at a convention," says Ashley, as Kate unlocks the door.

"He is," says Kate, winking at her.

When Ashley enters the room, she immediately grins, viewing her father, Chris, and Toby smiling at her. Toby's model wife also sits by her husband, Toby's arm around her.

Robert Kerwin stands, and wraps his arms around his daughter.

"How you holding up, kiddo?" he asks.

"Pretty well considering," replies Ashley. "I'm so glad you guys are here! What, Toby? Microsoft didn't need you anymore?"

"Ah, they can survive without me for a little while," says Toby, getting up and hugging Ashley.

"Hola, Estella," greets Ashley.

Toby's wife looks relieved, a greeting she can finally recognize.

"Hola!" replies Estella.

Chris also comes over for a hug.

"Well, at least you look stunning on camera," he says.

Ashley's face reddens. "Nah," she says.

"How's Craig?" asks Robert, glancing down for a quick second as Whistler circles his feet.

Ashley frowns, but Kate quickly interjects, offers everyone some wine. They agree, and head for the kitchen. Whistler follows them. Ashley hangs around her mother as she uncorks the wine.

"Thanks," whispers Ashley.

Kate nods. "No problem."

"And thanks for bringing Dad and Chris here. Toby too. The more people I know that care about me the better I feel."

"You're still not taking those stress pills, are you?" asks Kate. "The ones you took when you were first starting out at the station?"

Ashley scrunches up her face, not wanting to lie to her mother.

"I know, I know. I worry too much," says Kate. "I'll leave you alone for tonight. Let's enjoy your father, Chris, and Toby. Estella, well, I guess I get to try out my Spanish."

"Yeah, no distractions," says Ashley, putting her cell on the kitchen table. "I need to go wash up, though."

Kate walks over and starts pouring the wine into glasses for everyone. Casting a quick look over to them, Ashley grabs her purse, heads towards the bathroom. Taking out the pill bottle, she pulls out two tablets, gets a plastic cup filled with water, and swallows the pills.

A part of herself thinks she deserves this. Being with Craig is making her ex-best friend cut. Choosing to marry Jimmy was hurting everyone, including Jimmy. She just wanted to do the right thing. What is the right thing?

IV.

Craig walks slowly to the door of his studio, fumbles with the key when opening it. The alcohol has put him off a bit, but he had the sense not to go back to the house. Their house. Seeing the doused candles, the Monopoly board they didn't clean up, the bed they made love in would just pound in the emotional rollercoaster of the day. Then he realizes they'd spent a lot of time in the studio too, her singing to what he thought was only him, her sleeping on the sofa bed. Why hadn't she picked up her phone yet? Was she that mad at him? Probably, he thinks. He lays his head against the door of the studio in defeat.

Suddenly, the door opens, and he falls on the floor.

"Another drunken night, Craig?" says a voice above him.

Craig stares upward. Mickey. Part of him wants to stay on the floor.

He stands, brushing off his pants. "When did you get in?"

"Tonight, when you were apparently kicking back a few. You smell."

"You should talk," mumbles Craig, plopping down on the sofa.

Mickey sits down on the sofa with him. "I'll ignore that comment."

"Why are you here?" asks Craig.

"Damage control," says Mickey. "That Tokyo thing. People can forgive drunken stupidness, Craig, but pushing a girl? I did my best to cover it up, but that Arrow woman's got the Midas touch or something because she found out about it. We gotta do a press conference tomorrow."

"What?" exclaims Craig. "I have to go to court tomorrow."

"No, you don't," says Mickey. "You've already testified. I doubt the judge is going to let you back in, especially after the whole Ellie thing. You can't just yell in court and not expect it to have consequences. Cool your head."

"Ashley needs me," says Craig, sternly. "I'm going."

"To do what, Craig? Sit on the court steps all day? Here's what you do. We'll do the press conference in the morning and I'll have you back before the court session ends for the day. You can be her emo Romeo as soon as the door opens and she comes out."

Craig shakes his head. "I don't need any stupid damage control. The fans...they're supportive, it seems."

"Uh, that's because I've been protecting you from the bad," says Mickey, going over to his briefcase and taking out a mound of paper. "You think everyone likes that you're going after a married woman?"

Mickey tosses the paper in his lap, and Craig starts to read. He sighs as his eyes find each inflammatory word. Adulterer, homewrecker, jerk, and those were the nicer ones. They threatened to stop buying his albums, attend his shows.

"I don't...," begins Craig, his brow sweating.

"You don't care?" interrupts Mickey. "Judging by that face, I think you do. And I know I care, or else I wouldn't have hopped on a helicopter to come here. Craig, both our careers are riding on this. I've got other acts, but you're what's getting me the income. We can clear all this up in a flash. If you really want a home with Ashley, you'll need money, right? That's what that Arrow woman was arguing. What a witch, by the way. In any case, now's the time to show everyone that you're down for the count, that you're a good guy. You gonna pass that up?"

Craig bangs his forehead. "You'll get me back here tomorrow afternoon? You swear?"

"I swear," says Mickey. "Okay, let's head to the airport. The conference is in Vancouver. I already got a fresh change of clothes for you."

"Not from Robertia?" says Craig, wincing.

"Yeah, Robertia. What's wrong with that?"

Craig didn't push it any further. He has too many other things whirling around in his mind. They reach the airport in record time, and Craig boards the helicopter. The pilot, chewing an apple, waves to him as Craig and Mickey take their seats.

"Is this thing safe?" asks Craig.

"Of course," assures Mickey. "Pete, take her up."'

Craig pulls out his phone, starts to dial Kate's.

"No cellphones, sir," yells Pete over the sound of the propellor.

"But...," says Craig.

"You heard the man," says Mickey, putting Craig's phone into his briefcase.

As the helicopter takes off, Craig glances out of the window, at the planes, the trees, the lights. It's all so small. The biggest image in his mind, however, is the woman he left behind.

V.

A werewolf scratches a teenage girl's leg before she and her boyfriend climb to the safety of the tree. Ellie rolls down her car window, chews her popcorn thoughtfully. On the movie screen, the werewolf begins slamming into the tree. Usually, she does a running commentary on the movie in her head, part of being in the film business, but tonight, her eyes are glazed over, and tears coat the popcorn kernels as frequently as the butter. She rubs her red eyes, keeping them focused on the screen. The girl and her boyfriend start to scream, as the werewolf has somehow managed to break the tree in half. It advances to the girl, who her boyfriend hides behind.

Suddenly, there's a tap on the other window. Ellie screams, jumps, a few kernels falling on the seat as she raises the bag.

"Sorry," says Sean, his voice carrying so that she can hear him from her window. "I'm...so...sorry."

Ellie beams, rolls down the other window so she can hear him better.

"Hey...that's okay," says Ellie.

"Mind if...," starts Sean.

"No," says Ellie, unlocking the door. "Come in."

Sean slips in, closes the door behind him. Ellie thinks back to their recent Wasaga trip and smiles. He'd taken such good care of her. And then the almost kiss. But she had so much trouble facing him after it. When she went to pick up her car, she did want to see him, but she figured he would and should be the one to find her. And he has, she thinks, glancing happily at him.

"The movies, huh?" says Sean, awkwardly.

"Yeah, they're my escape," says Ellie. "Why do you think I got into this business?"

"Free Mallomars?" jokes Sean.

Ellie laughs. "Twizzlers are where it's at."

Sean grins, pulls a pack of Twizzlers from his jacket pocket. Ellie blushes, thanks him, and takes them. They both stare at the screen.

"What is this mess?" asks Sean.

"Some lame movie they always show at drive-ins," says Ellie. "I already forgot the title."

"This has to be the last drive-in in the entire country."

"They're romantic...and classy. And good for girls who have had horrible days."

"How horrible?"

Ellie closes her eyes, hugs her small popcorn to her chest.

"I had to say I was a cutter in front of fifty people, and now the whole world knows. Days of privacy...completely gone."

"What?" whispers Sean. "Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through that, El."

Ellie opens her eyes. "And I get to take the stand tomorrow. What a lucky girl I am."

Onscreen, the boyfriend runs wildly in the woods after the werewolf claws his girl to death.

"This movie's so lame," says Ellie, laughing a little. "At least I'm not thinking about anything serious when I watch it."

"Why doesn't he use the gun around his belt and shoot it?" says Sean.

"Because that would require sense, which teenagers don't have in these type of horror movies," says Ellie.

"Fair enough," laughs Sean. "But I guess even we don't have the best sense sometimes."

"No...no, we don't."

Ellie stares into his eyes, the screams of the boyfriend filling her ears. Sean stares back, puts his hand on her cheek.

"Sometimes it makes complete sense," whispers Ellie.

"Sometimes it doesn't," whispers Sean, leaning in, his lips inches from her lips.

Just then, a horn blasts, and they're both illuminated by the headlights of a car. A man in a leather jacket gets out of the car, and walks over to Ellie's window.

"This is my space," he says, crossing his arms.

"Who says?" says Sean, getting out of the car.

"I say," replies the man.

"I was here first," says Ellie, joining Sean by his side.

"Vinnie, leave them alone," calls a woman from the man's car.

"Theresa, quiet!" yells the man. "I'm talking to Eminem and Fiona Apple here!"

"Fiona Apple!" exclaims Ellie. "I know you're not talking, Danny Zuko!"

"Danny Zuko?" says Vinnie, a confused look on his face.

"Guy from Grease!" yells Theresa.

"Shut up!" shouts Vinnie. "Move your car, and I'll slam my fist in your face, buddy."

Sean nudges Ellie to the side. Ellie's heart begins to race, and she's hoping they can solve this without it coming to blows. Theresa glances at her, appears to be enjoying the spectacle. Ellie rolls her eyes.

"I'll pay you for the spot," offers Sean, taking out his wallet.

Ellie is grateful Vinnie seems to be considering this.

"How much?" questions Vinnie.

"Twenty-five bucks," says Sean.

"Mmmm, okay," says Vinnie. "That'll get me popcorn, cola, nachoes...yeah, that's good."

Sean hands him the money, and Vinnie gets in, backs up, finds another spot. Ellie laughs, hugs Sean.

"That was classic," giggles Ellie.

"Eminem and Fiona Apple," laughs Sean, rubbing her back as they hug. "Some people are straight up freaks."

"And some people are straight up crystal clear," says a voice to their left.

They pull out of the hug, and face the speaker. Emma. Manny stands awkwardly beside her, Slurpee in hand.

"This is a bad type of convenient," mutters Manny, taking a slurp.

"Emma...we were just...," says Sean.

"Enjoying the movie? That's what we came to do too," interrupts Emma.

"In my limo," adds Manny. "It's the pink one."

Ellie glances at a long, pink limo parked near the concession stand. They must've pulled up in the last few minutes. It looked like a moving bottle of Pepto Bismol.

Sean appears taken aback by Emma's clothing, but Ellie guesses he decides to say nothing.

"We went clubbing," explains Manny.

"And I was still crying over you," says Emma, wiping her eyes, which were covered in glitter. "Meanwhile, you're here with her. About to kiss...on a date!"

"Emma, I can explain," says Sean.

"Don't bother. I suppose no one believes in marriage anymore. Not Ashley, not Jimmy, and definitely not you, Sean."

Emma takes off her wedding ring, puts it in Sean's hand.

"Since it means nothing, you can have it back," says Emma, her eyes shining. "I'm going back to work, getting on with my life, forgetting about you."

Emma starts to walk away, Manny staring angrily at Sean as she walks with her.

"This is all screwed up," says Sean, a tear falling down his face.

"Should I leave?" asks Ellie, another scream coming from the screen.

"Yeah...yeah, I think you should," answers Sean.

He walks down another road, the road Emma didn't take. Ellie gets back in her car, then heads towards her house. The look on Emma's face. Why did it keep replaying in her mind, like it was rewinding, then playing, rewinding, then playing? Was it because she could understand how she felt? Ellie blocks that out of her mind after a minute or two. It would require more thought than she was prepared for.


	25. Standing in the Shadows of Love

**XXV. Standing in the Shadows of Love **

Standing in the Shadows of Love is the property of the Four Tops.

Standing in the shadows of love/

I'm getting ready for/

The heartaches to come/ Can't you see me/ Standing in the shadows of love/ I'm getting ready for/ The heartaches to come/ I'd run but there's nowhere to go/ Cause heartaches will follow me I know/ Without your love, the love I need/ It's the beginning of the end for me/ Cause you've taken away/ All the reasons for living/ When you pushed aside/ All the love I've been giving/ Now wait a minute/ Didn't I teach you right/ Baby, didn't I/ Didn't I do the best I could/ Now, didn't I/ So don't you leave me/ Standing in the shadows of love/ I'm getting ready for/ The heartaches to come/ Don't you see me/ Standing in the shadows of love/ Just trying my best to get ready/ For the heartaches to come/ All alone, I'll desperately be/ With misery my only company/ May come today, in fact/ May come tomorrow/ But it's for sure/ I ain't got nothing but sorrow/ Now don't your conscience bother you/ How can you watch me cry/ After all I've done for you/ Now hold a minute/ Gave you all the love I had/ Now, didn't I/ When you needed me/ Always there, now wasn't I/ (Standing in the shadows of love/ Getting ready for the heartaches to come)/ Im trying not to cry out loud/ You know, crying/ It ain't gonna help me now/ What did I do to cause all this grief/ Now what'd I say to/ Make you want to leave/ Now wait a minute/ I gave my heart and soul to you/ Now, didn't I/ And didn't I always treat you good/ Now, didn't I/ I'm standing in the shadows of love/ I'm getting ready for/ The heartaches to come/ Hope to see you/ Standing in the shadows of love/ Trying my best to get ready/ For the heartaches to come... 

"Lay down please, Ms. Mason," commands Dr. Ames in her friendliest voice.

Paige groans, feeling the thin paper on the hospital bed through the backside of her hospital gown. Why did they put women through this discomfort? Good thing I waxed, thinks Paige, as the nurse puts a blanket over her legs. Spinner smiles at her, glances over at the monitor, his eyes gleaming in anticipation.

"Ready for your first ultrasound?" asks Dr. Ames, moving a plastic, white object over her exposed stomach.

"Um, what's that white thingy?" asks Paige, brushing back her hair.

"A probe with transducers," replies Dr. Ames. "It's going to show us an image of your baby. We're trying to get echoes. The echoes will emit an image, and you'll get to see him or her."

"Echoes? Like with dolphins?" says Spinner. "Dude, that's like Free Willy or something."

"Kinda like echolocation," says Dr. Ames, chuckling.

"Did you know there are Spinner dolphins?" asks Spinner. "My mom said..."

"Hello, I'm still here!" interrupts Paige. "Just getting a bit antsy."

Dr. Ames produces a satisfied smile, and points to the screen.

"Almost done," she says, tapping a couple buttons.

"Hey, what do you think of the name Indiana for a boy?"

"Like Indiana Jones, the movie star?"

"Exactly," says Spinner, grinning widely.

"Keep the grin on, Mr. Mason," advises Dr. Ames. "There's your baby."

A grainy, white image of a curled baby, three months old, appears on the monitor. Paige watches Spinner's face light up a hundred times brighter, stares awkwardly at her belly. Spinner chuckles.

"Wow, it's really different when you actually see it, isn't it, honeybee?" asks Spinner, beaming at his wife. "It's like the shadow of our love."

Paige still keeps her head turned, avoiding the monitor. It's not like she didn't take Ellie's words to heart, and she knows that she's lucky. It's just all coming so fast, a speeding train headed towards them, gliding down the tracks full speed ahead. What if it were different? What if they had the bigger house, the booming businesses, the SUV? Would things change? Would she become a soccer mom, and lose her dreams of being a fashion designer, be worthless as Heather suggested?

"Don't you want to look at him or her, Paige?" prompts Spinner. "Hopefully him."

"Everything looks in order, Paige," comforts Dr. Ames. "You don't have to look so concerned."'

"I'm all categories of concerned," mumbles Paige.

Paige notices Dr. Ames and Spinner exchange a look.

"Um, doc...ma'am...can you give us a few minutes?" asks Spinner.

Dr. Ames nods, puts a couple instruments away, and leaves them alone in the room. Paige can feel tears stinging the back of her eyes.

"Mascara about to be ruined," says Paige, nervously laughing, wiping her right eye.

"Why?" says Spinner, softly.

"I'm scared," sobs Paige. "We don't have the money or the room or the success we need. I know I should be thankful, but..."

"Hey," whispers Spinner, putting a hand on her stomach. "Who said we needed all of that?"

"It's common sense," says Paige. "Look at Jimmy and Ash. They were ready."

"Yeah, _look _at them, Paige. Look where they are now. It's not good. We're good. We love each other."

"But Spin..."

Spinner kisses her stomach. "When I look at this sonograph...," he starts.

"Sonogram," offers Paige.

"Yeah, sonogram," says Spinner. "I don't see money or houses or anything like that. I see that day when you said you'd eat lunch with me, and the luau dance where I was orange, and us getting through the Dean stuff. And all these years of marriage, and we're just as happy? I see like these moments that make us strong and I know...I know we can do it."

Paige smiles, shakes her head. "Babe, that's all very sweet. Still..."

She stares into his eyes, so trusting, so hopeful. What did Ellie say? That this was a blessing? Looking at him, perhaps the happiest he's ever been, she knows Ellie is right. Spinner's just as right, she thinks. They were made of strong stock. They could conquer any adventure, even one with diapers and pacifiers. Perhaps this would be the most challenging of them all.

" I love you. We can do this," says Spinner, placing a hand on her belly. "I love you enough, Paige."

Paige shakes her tears back, finally a real smile etched on her face. She glances at the image of her child, so small, so helpless. It deserves more than I can give, she reasons. But I can give all I can. She clutches Spinner's hand with hers, their joined hands over the stomach that holds their child.

"I love you enough, Spin."

II.

Emma opens her eyes, stares at the sunlight running across the folds of her blanket. Last night had seemed like a dream, until she actually woke up. Sean and Ellie nearly kissing. The image arose again and again in her mind, sharper, more painful. She rolls to her side, yelps as her knee hits something hard. It's Manny, murmuring in her sleep.

"Ugh," mutters Manny. "No more. No more."

Emma pokes her. "Did you drink all the gin?"

"No, brain freeze," answers Manny, lifting one eye open.

"I told you not to have those five Slurpees," says Emma, rising. "We just had to stop by 7 Eleven. Good comfort burritos, though."

"Never again," promises Manny, sitting up. "I had to pee, then barf, and now massive brain freeze hangover. I can't even remember who I'm mad at. I know it was somebody."

Emma hides a smile, fetches her toothbrush. "The S-word?"

"Oh...yeah. I hate his denim-clad butt."

Going into the bathroom, she is glad to escape the sunlight, be apart from Manny. She just needs to clear her head, be alone. Perhaps popping by the station would get her the necessary alone time. Saturday usually wasn't that busy. Brushing her teeth, showering, and getting dressed, she waves bye to Manny. Manny responds with a little wave, then plops down back into Emma's bed, falling asleep.

Thankfully, it is basically only her, except for a couple news writers working on fixing up Monday's scripts. Without Ashley, they look more frazzled than usual, Emma observes. She goes to her office, pulls out some paperwork, sets it on the desk. While moving one folder, she accidentally knocks over her wedding picture. The wedding picture that looks so complicated now. Sighing, she stares at it, remembers the day that rejuvenated her love for him. It was Jimmy and Ashley's wedding, and Sean was just wandering aimlessly around the garden. Or so she thought.

"This has to be the biggest wedding I've ever been to," said Emma, reaching down to brush two tulips with her hand. "This is Donald Trump big."

Sean threw a friendly glance her way, and leaned against the side of the gazebo.

"You here with Ellie?" asked Emma, a bird chirping on a bench beside her.

"Ellie and I...," started Sean, then he smiled, and refused to speak anymore.

"I'm sure...sure whatever it is, it'll work out," said Emma.

Emma noticed that Sean appeared ready to crumple, a sad glint in his eyes so obvious, even in the shadow of the gazebo. She put a hand on his shoulder, a simple, gentle touch. She hadn't touched him in years, not like she used to, not like she wanted to. It hurt her to think it had taken that much time. But it hurt more to not know if Sean wanted her to do what she was doing. He did, wrapping her in his arms. Emma felt his tears through the sheer material of her dress. The wetness of them caused shock waves in her heart.

"Sean," breathed Emma, her voice choking out his name.

"I don't know what to do," whispered Sean. "I don't know what to do, Em."

Emma puts down the wedding picture, stands, and turns her back to it. She starts to cry, her hands shaking uncontrollably. A light knock sounds on her door. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, but she knows it's too late.

"Yeah..come in," she says softly.

Turning her head, her pulse starts to race. Ellie.

"You gotta be kidding me," Emma whispers to herself.

Ellie stands in the doorway, anxiously shifting from one foot to another. Emma wipes her eyes with a tissue, and throws the tissue in the trash.

"Um, the woman outside told me... no one was here on Saturdays. I wouldn't...have come otherwise," stammers Ellie. "I need...I need the film back."

Emma opens a drawer, takes out the video, anger boiling in her chest.

"Here, take it," says Emma, handing it to her. "Is there anything else you feel like taking from me?"

It makes her somewhat happy to see Ellie bristle at the question.

"Emma, listen...," begins Ellie.

"No, _you _listen," interrupts Emma. "I've been faithful, understanding, and patient for the last five years. Whenever he came to Toronto, I never said a word. Deep down, I knew he was coming back to see you. Whenever he felt like calling you while we were dating, I never said he couldn't. I just thought you guys would work towards some type of closure, so I left it alone. So why am I paying for it now? Can you answer me that?"

"We didn't kiss!" exclaims Ellie.

"You almost did," says Emma, sharply.

Emma goes back for another tissue, staring sadly at Ellie the whole time.

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?" says Ellie through her own tears. "Emma, I've been all those things to, with someone else. And now it's different. It's just...why can't I have what I want?"

"Ellie," whispers Emma, shaking her head. "You're asking the wrong person."

III.

Loading an apple, a bag of chips, and a carton of milk, Ellie pays for it, and carries her tray to the nearest table. The rubber bands on her hands touch the edge of the tray as she sets it down. Getting several glances from other people in the courthouse's cafeteria, he would've rather ate at home, but after lreaving WJTV, she didn't have the time before court. Tearing open the bag of chips, she hears the squelch, but also what sounds like wheels moving across the floor.

"That's some nutritious lunch right there, Nash," says Jimmy, chuckling.

Ellie gives him a pleasant smile. "What can I say? I'm having an I-don't-care meal. It's a wonder I got this apple."

"I hear ya," says Jimmy, waving a can of soda in front of her face. "Way too nervous to chew on food altogether."

"It can't be worse than yesterday," says Ellie.

"Yeah, about that. I came over to say how sorry I am," says Jimmy, wheeling next to her. "I didn't know Carla would pound you with those terrible questions. Even Dad didn't like it."

"Thanks," says Ellie, feeling at ease a bit. "She's a lawyer, so...anyways, it's out. I guess the good thing is that I haven't cut since then. Rubber bands back on."

She shows off her hand so Jimmy can view the bands.

"Are you really cutting over Craig...or is it something else, if you don't mind me asking?" says Jimmy.

Ellie takes a deep breath. "I thought it was over Craig...but no. It's over stuff I haven't dealt with for a long time. Craig was basically the excuse."

"I get it," says Jimmy, and looking into his eyes, Ellie's sure that's true.

"Speaking of excuses, I have to excuse myself and head to the ladies' room. Guess I'll see you in court."

"Alright, Ellie," replies Jimmy. "What about your food?"

"Mmm, you eat it. Remember, I don't care," says Ellie, laughing.

Jimmy laughs, stares at the apple questionably.

Finding the bathroom, Ellie puts her purse near the sink, and fools with her hair. Ugh, that interface with Emma seldom left her mind. She never thought she'd be the cause of tears, the other person in a relationship. The first time she and Craig dated, the whole thing with her being the one to make a rift between him and Manny, she didn't like that either. But Craig wasn't into Manny that much, at least not as much as Emma was into Sean, and they weren't married. Sliding her tongue across her teeth, she can feel bits of a potato chip stuck somewhere in the back. So preoccupied with getting it from between her teeth, she barely hears the creak of the door.

"Need floss?" offers Ashley, the door closing behind her. "I have extra. Always have extra...actually."

"Some things don't change," says Ellie, avoiding her and staring straight into the mirror. "Some people don't either."

Ashley nervously clears her throat, joins Ellie in front of the mirror.

"Do you want me to go?" she asks.

"It's a free country," answers Ellie.

Ellie flips back her hair, manages to get the food from between her molars.

"Your hair's getting so long, really nice," compliments Ashley. "Ellie, about the cutting, I..."

Ellie faces her, obviously annoyed.

"What is this, Ashley? Are you trying to suck up to me so I'll give you a good word or two up there?"

"No..no, I wasn't," says Ashley.

"I'm going to tell the truth," says Ellie. "How much of it I know."

"You don't know anything!" snaps Ashley. "You and Jimmy think you have it all figured out."

"I don't know anything? I don't know anything? I know you accused me of sleeping with Craig on your wedding night, where you ditched Jimmy. And isn't that exactly what you're doing now, hurting me and Jimmy, because of Craig? How many times are we going to hop on this merry-go-round, Ash, because it's getting a bit sickening."

Ashley swallows a lump in her throat, stares pathetically at Ellie.

"I miss us being friends. And I know Craig misses your friendship too, or else he wouldn't have spoken up in court yesterday. We care about you, Ellie. Forget the case, okay? Say whatever you want up there. But can you remember that eventually? That we care?"

Ellie walks to the hand drier, refusing to glance in Ashley's direction.

"And we're in love with each other," continues Ashley. "Well, I'm in love with him. Haven't you ever felt like you would do anything to be with someone? The feeling just keeps following you around and around. Like he's always there."

Of course I do, thinks Ellie. Of course I do.

"I have to go," says Ellie, brushing past Ashley, not wanting to hear anymore.

IV.

The bailiff polishes off a bagel, as Judge Winton climbs to her chair. Carla, Jimmy, and Mr. Brooks are already in place, while Ashley goes to sit next to Liberty. She tries to read the jury's expressions as they come in, but no, they were so stone-faced it's impossible. Liberty grins at her.

"Craig's testimony is all over the morning papers," announces Liberty. "He definitely did his part."

Yeah, before he left, thinks Ashley. Maybe he called. That's when she realizes she left her phone at her mother's that morning.

"How could I be so stupid?" says Ashley to herself.

"What?" says Liberty.

"My phone. I need a phone," says Ashley. "It'll only take a sec."

"Use mine," offers Liberty, handing hers to Ashley.

"Thanks."

It takes a couple rings, but someone does pick up.

"Hola?" says a voice on the other end.

"Estella? This is Ashley. I need to check my messsages," says Ashley.

"Hola?" yells Estella. "Hola?"

"Estella, I don't have much time. Ugh, wait a minute. I know a little Spanish. Necesito..."

"Hola?" yells Estella, loud enough to cause Judge Winton to wince.

"Sorry," says Ashley, hanging up the phone.

Judge Winton nods at her, bangs the gavel. "Court is now in session."

Ashley slumps a little in her chair, wondering where Craig is. If only she hadn't run away, maybe this wouldn't be happening. She sits up straight, after Liberty calls Ellie to the stand. If Craig not being there wasn't enough, now Ellie was going to rip her apart and seal Jimmy's victory. She looks over at Jimmy, who appears interested, not confident.

"Miss Nash, how long were you and Miss Kerwin best friends?" asks Liberty.

"Fourteen years," answers Ellie. "In high school, college."

"What ended the friendship?" prompts Liberty.

"She accused me of sleeping with Craig on her wedding night. She thought I would do something totally against my nature."

Ashley's heart squeezes itself tight, and she puts a hand to her chest.

"I see," says Liberty. "And you didn't?"

"No," replies Ellie. "I wouldn't do anything like that."

"Why would Ashley come to your house on her wedding night?"

"Um...she had reservations about marrying Jimmy. I think she said she made it worse after they tied the knot."

"Why do you think Ashley married him, Ellie? Truthfully? Pity?

Ellie stares straight at Ashley, but Ashley is somewhat relieved to see Ellie throw her a warmer look than the ones in the bathroom.

"No...no, she cares about him. He was going through something traumatic, and was in love with her, so I can understand why she did what she did. All of us in our group of friends...we wanted to be there for him."

Ashley bites her lip. That answer didn't totally throw her under the bus.

"Ashley Kerwin's character has been debated about in this courtroom. As her former best friend, is there anything in her history that makes you think she wouldn't be a good mother?"

Ellie raises her eyes to the ceiling.

"No," says Ellie. "I remember...when I first started cutting, she took me away for a weekend. We had a blast. I bought her fishnets, which she wore like the next day. She can pull them off better."

Ashley gives her a small smile.

"The thing is she's always looking out for others," continues Ellie. "She just doesn't look out for herself. So when Craig says stuff like she's losing sleep, and putting all her effort into this case, you should believe him. That's the Ashley I liked as a friend. She worries way too much, doesn't think things through, but she makes sure you're supported. I mean, before she left for England, she made sure Craig had the support group, knew I'd be there. She checked up on him while she was gone. While a part of me doesn't feel bad for her, there's another part of me that has to admit that she deserves to be with her daughter."

Ashley's smile becomes bigger, but she can tell Ellie's far from finished.

"You have to start caring more, Ash," says Ellie, gritting her teeth. "You didn't call me after that blow-up like I thought you would. You haven't apologized for that or the whole Craig affair like I thought you would. Then, you find out I'm cutting and then your conscience wakes up?"

Ashley puts her face in her hands, Ellie's voice filling her ears.

"I've always been there for you," sobs Ellie. "Why couldn't you be there for me? How could you think I would do something so heartless to you? I may be the third wheel when it comes to you and Craig, but I thought I was your best friend."

"That'll be all, Miss Nash," says Liberty.

"Fine. I said what I needed to," says Ellie, and Ashley watches her walk slowly back to a chair at the back of the courtroom.

Carla stands, goes over to Judge Winton, and whispers something to her. Judge Winton purses her lips, then speaks to the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is paramount that we exercise sensitivity when our next witness takes the stand. It is often difficult when the case involves a child, and with some reservations, I have agreed to let Leslie Brooks testify."

There are murmurs in the courtroom, and Ashley's back tenses.

"Liberty!" whispers Ashley urgently. "Can they do this?"

"Unfortunately, yes," says Liberty. "Don't worry. It's more likely that Judge Winton will ask her the questions."

"The child has been deemed competent to testify," says Judge Winton. "I will ask her a series of questions, with no interruptions by the councillors. Please remain silent and calm. Bailiff, let the child in."

The bailiff walks to the double doors, and Leslie comes in, followed by Tia, the woman Ashley recognizes from the day she last saw her daughter. In a cute pink summer dress, her hair neatly combed, Leslie goes to the witness stand, ans id helped into her seat by the bailiff. Ashley's heart throbs faster and faster.

"Hello, Leslie," says Judge Winton. "First of all, let me say how brave of you it is to come here today and speak in front of the court. I'm going to ask you some questions, okay?"

Leslie looks over at her mother, then back at the judge. "Okay."

"If you had a choice to live with your mommy or daddy, who would you rather live with?" says Judge Winton.

"I...um...I guess I want to live in the same house," replies Leslie. "But I'd still want to see my mom."

"Has your mother ever treated you badly?"

Leslie shakes her head. "No, she's nice to me. I can tell she loves me."

Ashley starts to cry, sees that Jimmy is uncomfortable with this as well.

"Has Craig ever mistreated you?"

"No."

"Do you like Craig?"

"Sometimes."

Judge Winton leans in closer. "You're doing really well, Leslie. This is the last question, and it's an important one. What would make you the most happy?"

Leslie stares out into the room, and Ashley's not sure she can take anymore. Watching her daughter go through this, Craig leaving, being alone. Maybe Leslie felt alone as she felt.

"I want my parents to stop fighting," says Leslie, crying. "I want my mom to be there and I want her to be happy. I know she's happier with Craig and for me to be happy, she and Daddy have to be happy, so I don't know how it's going to work. I want something that's impossible, I guess. So my answer is, that happiness... it's not possible."

Ashley weeps loudly. She doesn't care that everyone looks at her. Liberty shoots up.

"Your honor, may we be granted a ten-minute recess?" asks Liberty.

"I understand the emotional weight of this, but ten minutes, we have to resume," says Judge Winton.

She bangs her gavel, turns to Leslie as the room erupts in chatter. Liberty pats Ashley's shoulder.

"Ashley, you have to be strong, especially in front of Leslie," says Liberty. "Pull yourself together."

Ashley quickly gets up, ignoring Liberty, and jogs to the bathroom. Her hands find the Tricyclin in seconds, and they spill out in her hand. She doesn't know how many. Maybe one for every day when she hasn't seen Leslie. She downs them, the water chasing the pills down her throat. She stumbles a bit, glances in the mirror.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she repeats to herself, rubbing her forehead.

The door opens, Ellie appearing. She eyes Ashley sympathetically.

"Um, your mom's looking for you," says Ellie.

Ashley stumbles some more, heat rising in every part of her body. She gets a grip of the counter. A stinging pain rips into her chest. She shrieks, sees terror running through Ellie's eyes.

"Ash!" cries Ellie. "Ash!"

The room starts getting fuzzy in her sight, and she can feel her body hit the floor.

"Hang on, I'll get someone!" says Ellie.

Ellie races to the door, calls for help, then comes back to Ashley's side.

"I...I...can't breathe," sputters Ashley.

"Don't give up, Ash!" exclaims Ellie. "Just don't give up."

"I'm...I'm alone," breathes Ashley.

"No, I'm here," soothes Ellie, as darkness settles over Ashley's eyes. "I'm here."

V.

Craig stands awkwardly to the side, occasionally straightening a completely tan suit as he gazes out into the crowd. Yeah, Robertia's taste has gotten loads better, thinks Craig. Standing next to him, Mickey bites into a sandwich, checks his watch. A boom guy runs up to him, whispers something, and goes back into the crowd.

"We've been delayed," says Mickey. "Some train crash that's getting the prime spot."

"We keep getting delayed," moans Craig, now at the height of his annoyance scale. "Let's go."

"No, you're doing this, Craig," says Mickey.

"Give me back my phone," says Craig.

"I did, hours ago. It's not my fault she's not picking up. Now, get focused on looking handsome and being charming. The conference will start any minute."

Craig sighs, checks his watch. Court would be out in an hour. At least, he could catch Ashley before eight, if he was lucky.

"It's time!" shouts the boom guy, setting up one more microphone on the podium.

Mickey beams at Craig, pushes him on stage. It's a little stage, with a podium with many microphones attached, all propped so that others could hear his voice.

"You're on!" says the cameraman.

Reporters hold up tape recorders, while other cameramen and women surround Craig.

"Uh, hi," says Craig, glancing nervously at Mickey. "I'm here to answer any questions you have."

He isn't at all prepared for the verbal firing squad, but they go for it.

"How drunk were you the night you pushed Miss Nash?"

"Do you have any empathy for Jimmy Brooks?"

"Boxers or briefs?" asks what Craig thinks is the youngest reporter there.

The other reporters stare at her, confused.

"I'm with the Star Channel. It's a valid question," she says. "So?"

"Boxers," replies Craig. "As for the other questions..."

Craig begins to answer, but they pound him with some more.

"Do you intend to marry Ashley Kerwin?"

"How do you respond to the more negative comments regarding this scandal? Are you content knowing that some of your fans are less than thrilled with this pairing?"

"Blondes, brunettes, or redheads?" asks the youngest reporter.

"I've never dated a blonde," shrugs Craig. "As far as marrying Ashley, we..."

"Wait!" interrupts a reporter. "I'm getting a feed. Something about Kerwin right now. Yeah...yeah. A panic attack."

Craig jumps off the stage, grabs the reporter's radio, presses it to his ear. Mickey drops his sandwich, and joins Craig, looking livid.

"Get back up there," commands Mickey.

"Shut up, Mickey!" yells Craig, trying to piece the words together through the static.

"At exactly three forty-four, this afternoon, it is believed that Ashley Kerwin suffered a serious panic attack, as well as some type of heart attack, at the Dwyer Courthouse. It came minutes after hearing her daughter give a solemn testimony. Found by Miss Eleanor Nash, she has been transported to Lincoln Hospital in Toronto. Stay with us for the latest."

Craig can't think clearly. Panic attack...her heart...hospital. Why'd he take this stupid trip in the first place? She needed him.

"Helicopter...now!" shouts Craig, walking past all the reporters.

The reporter who had the radio comes by and rips it from his hands.

"Craig, we're not finished yet," says Mickey, angrily.

"Get it now...or else you'll be finished!" exclaims Craig. "I'm not losing her. Get it!"

Mickey sighs, calls Pete, and they hop in a cab. Mickey gives the driver the directions to the airport.

"I should've been there," whispers Craig. "I should've been there."

"She'll make it, Craig," says Mickey. "We'll get you there."


	26. I'll Be There

**XXVI. I'll Be There**

**I'll Be There is the property of the Jackson Five. **

You and I must make a pact  
We must bring salvation back  
Where there is love  
I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you  
I'll have faith in all you do  
Just call my name  
And I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you  
I'll build my world of dreams around you  
I'm so glad I found you  
I'll be there with a love so strong  
I'll be your strength  
You know I'll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter  
Togetherness well it's all I'm after  
Just call my name  
And I'll be there

I'll be there to protect you  
With an unselfish love that respects you  
Just call my name  
And I'll be there

If you should ever find someone new  
I know she better be good to you  
'Cause if she doesn't  
Then I'll be there

Don't you know baby  
I'll be there  
I'll be there  
Just call my name  
And I'll be there

I'll be there baby  
You know I'll be there  
Just call my nameAnd I'll be there

Just look over your shoulder  
Just call my name  
And I'll be there

The loud hum of the helicopter buzzes through Craig's ears as Pete makes a sharp right. They'd been up in the air for what seemed like hours. Mickey had called information to get directions for them. The flight to Vancouver was a breeze, but this, thinks Craig. He unbuckles his seatbelt, stumbles to Pete.

"Craig!" yells Mickey. "Sit back down!"

Craig waves Mickey off, sits in the seat next to Pete's.

"Technically, you can't do that!" yells Pete.

"Well, technically, I'm frantic right now," replies Craig. "How much further?"

"Not much," replies Pete. "I'm trying to figure out where we can touch down. The airport?"

"We gotta go straight to Lincoln," says Craig. "I don't know how much time she has. The parking lot?"

"Cool," says Pete, nodding and smiling. "Just like the movies."

Mickey harrumphs. "We're not touching down in the hospital parking lot. That'll break at least one security rule. We'll get fined or arrested."

"Come on, Mick," says Pete, glancing back at him for a second. "The kid's in love."

"Mickey, please," begs Craig, staring at him.

Mickey sighs. "I must be as crazy as you, Craig. Land near Lincoln."

Craig smiles, and is pleased to see that Pete is gearing up for a descent. He buckles himself into the seat, his heart beating fast. The thought of Ashley lying on a hospital bed, gasping for breath, thinking he didn't care is more than he can handle. Her last words to him, "I hate you", rang in his mind. Sure, it was said in anger, but it kills him. He has to tell her that he's sorry, that she can rely on him.

Pete pulls up the wheel, and the helicopter lowers to the pavement.

"Journalists!" yells Pete. "We don't wanna land on them."

"Forget them!" shouts Craig. "Go!"

Pete looks to Mickey for confirmation.

"You heard him. If they don't move, mow 'em down!" exclaims Mickey.

Thankfully, the journalists scatter, running from the helicopter, though they stare back, intrigued. Pete lands safely, and Craig thanks him, hopping out. Lincoln. It looks cold and desolate, the last place he wants Ashley to be. The journalists try to ambush him, but he runs, through the double doors, down a long stretch of hallway, hearing the beeps of machines, several cries of anguish, the wheels of gurneys moving. He reaches the front desk, out of breath.

"Hi," he stutters to a startled nurse. "Ashley...Ashley Kerwin...brought in...where is she?"

The nurse stands with her mouth open, not answering.

Craig sighs, looks behind him, and sees a woman being rushed on a gurney.

"Ashley?" he calls, peering over a medic's shoulder to see if it's her.

It's not.

"Stand aside, sir," says the medic. "There's been a big train accident. We need this passage way open. Let's move, people."

He and two other medics rush the gurney past Craig. Craig goes back to the nurse.

"This train accident...it doesn't affect...I mean, someone's still going to be working on other people, right?"

"They're our top priority, sir," says the nurse.

"But my girlfriend just had a heart attack!" exclaims Craig. "What kind of place is this? Look, just tell me where she is."

"Calm down, sir," says the nurse.

"I've been freaking calm all day, and I don't know anything!" yells Craig.

Suddenly, he hears someone call his name.

"Craig! Craig!" shouts Ellie, further down the hallway.

Craig runs down to Ellie. Ellie throws herself into his arm, cries hysterically.

"Craig...Craig, it was horrible," sobs Ellie. "She was standing one minute, and then...then she fell. I held her hand on the ambulance on the way here, and she'd just give me...this blank look. And I don't have anyone's number so..."

"Did they tell you anything?" asks Craig.

"No...we just got separated. They put that breathing mask thing on her, to help her breathe. She was on a bed the last time I saw her. They won't tell me anything."

Craig feels his heart drop, runs a sweaty hand over his head. He hears doors open, and there she is, on a gurney rolling towards the emergency room, her hair draping over the sides. It's the most terrifying image he could think of. Ellie puts a hand to her mouth, shaking. Craig moves along with the gurney, taking her hand.

"Ashley," he whispers, squeezing her hand.

"Excuse me, sir, but who are you?" asks a man who Craig identifies as the doctor.

"I'm her boyfriend," answers Craig. "What's going on? Where are you taking her? Why aren't you telling us anything?"

The doctor looks down, then speaks to the other people rolling her into the room.

"I'll be there in a moment," he says.

He turns to Craig, guides him to a corner.

"She's had a serious panic attack, but the reports of her having a heart attack have been grossly exaggerated. Panic attacks get mistaken for heart attacks all the time because the symptoms aren't that different. However, I have noticed some irregularities in her heartbeat, and in her blood work, so we're taking her for a stress EKG. I do need to know her medications. Normally, I'd ask a family member, but you and Ms. Nash are the only ones here presently, probably because of the back-up traffic due to the train accident."

"She was taking Tricyclin," says Craig. "Stress pills."

"Ah, unfortunately, the cause of some heart conditions among white collar employees," says the doctor. "That connected to the panic attack, not good. We're going to do the EKG, and some other tests. I'd call her family. She may be here awhile."

"Is...is she going to live?" chokes out Craig.

"Yes," says the doctor confidently. "I'm more worried about if she wants to. She took an absurd amount of medication based on the blood work. If she keeps doing that, it'll be fatal. We'll talk about alternatives for her some other time."

"Alternatives?"

"I have to attend to my patients. I promise we'll talk it out later."

The doctor walks quickly, disappears inside the emergency room. Ellie comes up next to Craig.

"How is she?" says Ellie.

"I think...okay, for now," replies Craig. "Um...we've to to call Kate and Robert and Chris and..."

Craig tries to get out the rest of the names, but begins to cry, slouches in a chair in the waiting room. Ellie rubs his shoulder. Craig sniffles.

"El...looking at her like that...," says Craig.

"I know. She'll be fine. We just have to believe it," comforts Ellie.

"I wanted to be here for her, through all of it. I wanted to protect her."

"You can't always protect someone," says Ellie.

"El, you don't get it," says Craig. "I told her to forget about me. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now she overdoses on these pills."

Craig's surprised to see Ellie's face glaze over, as if she's thinking of something darker, something haunting. She crosses her legs, her foot going back and forth.

"I told...I told Sean that I didn't want kids. I..I lost our baby, so I left him, and I thought it was the right thing. It wasn't. That's why I've been cutting."

Craig blinks back at her, puts an arm around her.

"Wow. I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm really sorry."

"You can't protect Ashley. She made a bad decision, just like me," says Ellie. "Show her that you still care. Be with her. It's never too late."

He hugs her again, this time relieved to not feel any tension coming from her. Her yelling at him a month ago about the camping trip seemed so long ago. At present, there are only hopeful glances between them, hope that friendship can heal fickleness. When Ellie smiles at him, he knows it can.

II.

Jimmy props his chin on his elbow, glances down at the tabletop. Carla mutters something, checks her watch. His father also peers at his Rolex, shifts his legs uncomfortably.

"Where is she?" moans Carla. "This isn't going to go well with the jury, so that's good. It's been twenty-five minutes."

"Shut up, Carla," says Jimmy.

"Jimmy, your manners!" chastises Mr. Brooks.

"Fine, please shut up," says Jimmy, angrily. "You put my kid on the witness stand!"

Carla's eyes flash. "It's a perfectly strategic move. It's won me four cases. You want to win, don't you?"

"I didn't give you the okay for that," says Jimmy. "She's five."

"And smart and sensitive," adds Carla. "She's the perfect ticket to win this case. You heard her. She wants to stay in the same house, has mixed feelings about Craig, everything that will work in our favor. Once I get you on the stand, the jury will see you are the one providing the more stable environment."

"My daughter is not a ticket, or a tool for your manipulation!" shouts Jimmy, the statement causing others to turn to him. "I'm getting some air."

Jimmy backs up from the table, passes the gawking observers, including Judge Winton. If Ashley felt as horrible as him watching Leslie take the stand, then she was probably outside. Well, if Carla wouldn't apologize for that, he would, no matter how much the sight of her made him want to cry.

"Mr. Brooks, we need to proceed shortly!" yells Judge Winton.

"Two minutes," Jimmy yells back, with the bailiff opening the door for him.

In the corridor, Jimmy feels a strange chill run through his body. He wheels to the front door of the bathroom, sees no one else but a woman emptying trash into a canister.

"Excuse me," says Jimmy. "Have you seen a tall, attractive woman in a grey, business suit?"

"Ashley Kerwin?" says the woman.

"Yeah."

"Wow, you guys didn't hear? Well, I guess, they locked down the area until they got her out. She fainted, or had some heart attack or something. The red-haired girl, the one that's a cutter, went with her to Lincoln Hospital."

Jimmy's stomach does somersaults. What could have caused a twenty-eight year old to have a heart attack? Was it Leslie's testimony, or Ellie...or him? He quickly wheels into the main courtroom, goes to the center of the room.

"Ashley's in the hospital!" he says.

There are continuous murmurs and cries. Leslie runs to her father, tears in her eyes. Mr. Brooks follows, an expression of fear on his face.

"What's wrong...what's wrong with Mommy?" she asks.

Kate and Robert rush towards him, Chris not far behind. Toby takes his car keys out of his pocket.

"Jimmy, what's the problem?" says Kate. "Where is she?"

"She's at Lincoln," says Jimmy. "A heart attack, I think."

"Oh God, help us," breathes Kate, burying her head in Robert's side.

"Let's go!" says Toby. "Chris, Robert, Kate."

"Take Leslie," says Jimmy.

"I don't think that's a good idea," interjects Mr. Brooks.

"Dad, she's going with them, alright!" shouts Jimmy. "I don't think I should be there, but Les needs to be there."

Mr. Brooks says nothing, goes back to Carla, who is talking animatedly with Judge Winton. Kate gives Jimmy a sympathetic look.

"Thank you," she says.

Robert picks Leslie up, and they follow Toby out of the courtroom with a fast pace. Jimmy hangs back, glances at Tia, who kneels next to him.

"This is all my fault," says Jimmy.

"No, it's not," says Tia. "And it was nice of you to let Leslie go with them. I think we should go too."

"Yeah, okay."

Tia kisses his cheek, removing the chilled feeling from Jimmy's body. Mr. Brooks raises his eyebrows when he sees this. Jimmy looks at the floor, embarrassed, by something he can't trace. His decisions? His attraction to Tia? Himself?

III.

Sean sands down a leg, then puts it into the hole of another board, dust spilling onto his shirt. Merl, his business partner, sticks a toothpick into his mouth.

"Are you ever going to go home?" asks Merl.

He's so tired of hearing that question. At least Merl seems to have given up relatively quickly, turning on the ratty TV on the cupboard with a remote. A reporter with a solemn face appears on the screen, an image of Ashley in a small box in the corner.

"And now some important news regarding Ashley Kerwin. Previous reports indicating that she'd experience a heart attack have proven to be false. However, she did have a panic attack, and has overdosed on medication that has rendered her unconscious for the time being. In an interesting turn of events, her former best friend, Ellie Nash, along with Craig Manning, were the first to arrive at the hospital. In quite a dramatic entrance, Craig Manning arrived in a helicopter, immediately rushing in to see about the woman he loves. We will keep you updated on this important story. In other breaking news, the train accident earlier this afternoon has claimed the lives of seven people thus far. Transporting the injured has caused traffic problems, stretching from Route seventy-nine to..."

"Ellie," says Sean, dropping the sandpaper he'd been holding.

"Smelly?" says Merl, sniffing his armpit. "I showered this morning."

Sean rolls his eyes. With Ashley in trouble, he knows Ellie would be depressed. She lost a baby, and what if she lost her best friend too? He starts removing his uniform, leaving only a wife beater and black pants. Merl watches him curiously.

"Where you going, man?" asks Merl. "You heard that news guy. Traffic's a mess right now."

"I'll find some way to get there," says Sean, pulling on a cap.

He leaves the garage, thankful to smell cleaner air rather than the stench of gas and lumber. It's clear from where he's standing that the roads are indeed a nightmore. Cars honk, people yell, profanities fly. There's no way I can get there, he thinks.

"Where's a helicopter when_ I_ need one?" complains Sean aloud.

"It's Eminem!" shouts someone to his left.

"What the...," starts Sean.

Vinnie, the guy from the drive-in, is being lead into a cop car, handcuffs around his hands, a bandage on his head.

"Where's Fiona?" he yells.

Sean walks over to him, stares into the backseat. Theresa, twirling her gum, waves at him.

"What are you going in for?" questions Sean.

"I don't have to answer to you!" exclaims Vinnie, then his voice softens. "I kinda stole a car. Just for a joyride. The owner hassled me. But my girl Theresa bit him."

Theresa giggles.

"Oh," says Sean. "So you're going down to the police station?"

"Yeah, but first, they're heading to Lincoln to pick up this other guy. A nice little detour."

"Can you do the flashy thing with the lights?" Theresa asks the driver.

Sean leans in, whispers to Vinnie. "I could really use a ride to Lincoln. Ellie...uh, Fiona needs me."

"Ah, no! Why should I do that?" says Vinnie, skeptically smirking.

Sean shrugs. "Because...because you and me, we're a lot alike. Arrests, joyrides, being judged. Please. I'm in a real tight spot."

Vinnie licks his lips. "I might need bail."

"Fine. Done."

Vinnie turns to the police officer who is advancing towards him, trying to get him inside.

"My brother," he lies, nodding his head towards Sean. "His girlfriend's in the hospital. That train accident thing. Can he catch a ride?"

The police officer thinks for a minute, huffs, opens the door for Sean.

"Thanks," says Sean, slipping in between Theresa and Vinnie.

The police officer turns on the siren, which delights Theresa. The car navigates beautifully through the traffic. Vinnie smiles happily at Sean.

"You should take me out for nachoes after I get out," he says. "You and little Miss Fiona."

IV.

The beeping of machines grow more and more intense with each passing minute. Ellie had gone to fetch coffee, while Craig sits in the same chair he fell into when arriving. It's been two hours, but luckily, he'd gotten in touch with Ashley's family, as well as Joey, who apparently had seen it on the news and was on his way. Suddenly, he hears feet clomping against the floor, and before he knows it, Kate, Robert, Chris, Toby, and Leslie are in front of them, looks of deep concern on all of their faces.

"Craig, have they told you anything yet?" says Kate. "We kept hearing heart attack, and then it wasn't, and then..."

"It wasn't a heart attack," says Craig "I'm just waiting to hear from..."

He stops when he sees Jimmy wheeling towards them, Tia accompanying him. Craig looks away, while Leslie goes to sit in her father's lap.

"How is she?" asks Jimmy.

"How'd you get here?" asks Toby, a look of annoyance on his face.

Craig sees that he's not the only one who isn't keen on Jimmy being there.

"Dad...Dad got the sheriff to give us a lift," says Jimmy, glancing quickly at Craig.

The doors to the emergency room opens, and Craig stands with the rest of them. The doctor appears, carrying a clipboard.

"Okay, the good news is that she's stable," says the doctor. "Her vital signs are good. However, she doesn't appear to be waking up. The EKG did show that the increased intake of these pills is affecting the organ, but it's not as serious as it could've been. If she continues to abuse this medication, however, it could be life-threatening. We believe she's still unconscious, because of repetitive panic attacks. It's mental with her. Once her stress level decreases, she should be conscious."

The nurse joins him, papers in her hand.

"We need her husband to sign some insurance papers," she says.

"That's...that's me," says Jimmy, fetching the paperwork from her.

"Can we see her?" says Kate, gripping Robert's arm.

"Certainly, but it has to be one at a time, you understand," replies the doctor, looking between Jimmy and Craig, a confused look on his face. "We put her in the room adjacent to the ER since it's packed in there right now. Um, so I assume her husband would like to be first..."

Craig stares at his feet. Throughout all of this, he had forgotten that Jimmy is really her husband, that he'd probably get more privileges. Him or Kate.

"Craig...Craig, you can go," says Jimmy softly. "I'll...I'll, um, do these forms."

Craig's unsure if his mouth's hanging open or not, but he does feel an electric current run throughout his body.

"Go," whispers Ellie.

Craig closes his mouth, looks at Kate.

"Kate?" says Craig.

"You were here first, so yeah, go," says Kate.

"Thanks, Jimmy," says Craig, smiling at him.

"Yeah...whatever," mumbles Jimmy, not looking back at Craig.

Craig walks down the hallway, pauses in front of the room. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door, hears it flutter behind him after he goes in. Ashley lays in a bed, small wires attached to her chest, wires attached to a machine to her right. Craig pulls up a stool, brushes her hair off her face. The gesture seems so pathetic to him, but he always instinctively did it. He did it a lot when they were in London together, when she first woke up each morning. But now...now she isn't awake.

Bags are under her eyes, and her lips are chapped, possibly because she's been gasping for breath. There's an aura of calmness around her, Craig feels, but it's a scary type of calm. It wasn't like when he was in the hospital and she was there. That was a beautiful calm, and they were staring into each other's eyes, sure of themselves. He remembers she slept there the whole night, right beside Joey. The nurse had told him so. She was a pretty blonde nurse, not that much older than him and Ashley.

"Your little girlfriend's outside," she said, fluffing Craig's pillow. "Offered her a blanket, but she's none too good on accepting kind gestures. Told me to give it to your stepfather."

Craig smiled, smoothed out his pajama pants. "Sounds like Ashley."

"Well, the poor thing looks so tired," said the nurse. "How long have you been dating?"

"We got back together like two weeks ago," said Craig.

"Now that's something! I wagered you guys were dating for a couple years at the most. You seem so serious."

Craig bit his lip. "We dated last year, but then I screwed up. I can't believe she gave me another chance."

"Sometimes you got to lose to know what you had."

"I'm basically living that," agreed Craig. "I just hope I don't lose her again."

"Oh, sweetie, you won't. You guys might grow up, marry others, but I can assure you, you never lose that first intense love. It's like the spark that lights the brushfire. You'll compare her to everyone else, and vice versa. That's just how these things work."

"Hopefully, I live up to the comparisons," said Craig, blushing slightly.

"Hopefully, they live up to you," said the nurse, earnestly.

The line indicating the rhythm of Ashley's heart goes up and down, a steady beat. Craig clasps her hands in his.

"I can't be without you, Ashley," he says, tears streaming down his cheeks. "You may not be able to hear me, but I need you to be with me. How could you do something so stupid? If you died, I...I.."

Ashley releases a deep breath out of her mouth. Her eyes slowly come open.

"Ash," whispers Craig, grinning. "Hey."

She coughs, turns to look at him, a shocked smile crossing her lips.

"I don't want you to see me like this," she says, a pained look in her eyes.

"Like what?"

"Weak."

Craig kisses her forehead. "You're not weak."

"Just stupid," says Ashley, indicating that she'd heard Craig speaking to her.

"Sorry. I just...you can't do stuff like that," says Craig. "From personal experience, you shouldn't mess with pills. I ditched mine, and...you know the rest."

"You left me," says Ashley, letting his hand go.

"And that was my stupid mistake," says Craig. "So we're even."

"You're back?" says Ashley. "For real this time?"

He kisses her lips lightly, feels her breath mingle with his.

"I'll be here until you get sick of me," says Craig.

"So you'll be here forever then," smiles Ashley.

"Forever works for me," says Craig.


	27. Love Overboard

**XXVII. Love Overboard **

Love Overboard is the property of Gladys Knight and the Pips.

They tell me, Gladys  
You know you love too hard  
But I tell 'em  
Not nearly hard enough  
They say, girlfriend  
You know you go too far  
Around the world ain't far enough

'Cause I only want to show you What you mean to me  
Every time I'm reachin' out to you  
I start to sink  
I may be drowning with desire  
From your sweet, sweet touch  
I don't care what people say  
'Cause I love you so much

Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
My love's in need of help  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I sure can't help myself  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm so in love with you, baby

Baby, they say I work too hard  
Not really when it comes to lovin' you  
You've got my overtime  
You bring me peace of mind  
And there's so much I'd like to do

I only wanna find the love  
My heart's been searchin' for  
I'd climb most every mountain  
Swim from shore to shore  
Just to feel the soft caress  
From your warm embrace In this ocean of love  
No one can take your place

Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
My love's in need of help  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I sure can't help myself  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm so in love with you

Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm running out of time  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm 'bout to lose my mind  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm so in love with you

All my friends keep telling me  
To let you go  
Between the two of us  
How could they ever know  
About the love you been givin'  
Seems some people like to live  
Their life so very close

I like to let go some time  
So I can flow with the times I've done made up my mind  
You're the only one for me  
Oh, my love's overboard  
Ooh, ooh, ooh  
Ooh, ooh, ooh  
Gladys, Gladys, Gladys, ooh  
I'm overboard  
Can't help myself  
I'm overboard  
Ooh, part of me is deep  
But your love so very sweet

Love overboard  
Love overboard  
My love's in need of help  
Love's overboard  
Sure can't help myself  
Love overboard

I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
I'm so in love with you  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
Running out of time  
Love overboard  
'Bout to lose my mind  
Love overboard  
(Love)  
I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I'm so in love with you

Spinnin', fallin',  
People, ooh, people,  
(Love overboard)  
Love's callin',  
I'm fallin',  
S-O-S-O-S-O-S-O-S

Love's overboard  
(Love overboard)  
My love's in need of help  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
I just can't help myself  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard) I don't know what to do  
Love overboard  
(Love overboard)  
So in love with you

Sean walks awkwardly through the double doors, removing his cap. After receiving Vinnie's number, he left the police car, grateful that they'd made surprisingly good time. He passes the criminal, throwing him a sneer, as the police officer drags him outside, past the reporters. Spotting who he thinks is Jimmy at the front desk, he goes over, looking nervously around at everyone gathered in the waiting room.

"Hey," he says.

Kate, Robert, and Chris appear utterly confused, while Jimmy and Toby look taken aback. No Ellie.

"How is she?" he asks.

"She's stable," answers Jimmy. "Craig just said she woke up so..."

"Oh, that's good," says Sean. "Um...is Ellie still here?"

"She went to get a sandwich," says Toby, running a tongue over his teeth. "Cafeteria."

As one of Emma's closest friends, Toby had to be wondering why he was searching for Ellie, Sean guesses by the expression on his face. Rather than stare at that expression any longer, Sean heads for the cafeteria after seeing a sign saying it's on the second floor. Taking the elevator up, thoughts start invading his mind. Emma's tear-stained face the night he came home. Emma giving him back the wedding ring. Ellie's lips almost touching his. It is way too complicated to comprehend.

He sees her coming out of the room, a plastic container in her hands. She walks right past him, stalls for a second, then turns back.

"Sean?" she exclaims.

"Hi," says Sean, softly.

"What are you...what are you doing here?" she says.

"Heard about Ashley...and I thought...you could use a friend," stammers Sean, feeling his face grow hot.

Ellie beams at him. "Yeah...I could use...a friend."

Sean shrugs. "You wanna go somewhere and talk?"

Ellie shyly looks down, then stares at a supply cabinet. Taking his hand, she guides him into it, turns on the light. It's not a large cabinet, but decent in size, enough room for them to sit. They do, Sean lightly closing the door.

"We're going to get in trouble," teases Sean.

"Yeah, like we always follow the rules," says Ellie.

"How're you holding up?"

"It was so terrifying, Sean," says Ellie, opening the container. "I mean, I was mad at her, but she's my best friend. She'll always be, though I kept trying to deny it. No other person knows me as well, except Craig...and you."

Sean frowns a bit. "Craig, probably more, right?"

"No," says Ellie. "He knows me, but you know my heart. You're all over my heart."

Sean grins widely, stretching his legs across the floor. Ellie bites into her sandwich, offers Sean a wedge.

"Deja vu," says Sean, taking the food.

"What?" says Ellie.

"What, you forgot? We shared a sandwich the first day we met. Detention."

Ellie laughs. "Yeah, you were greedy, and ate most of it."

"I was a growing boy," defends Sean.

Ellie rolls her eyes.

"I caught that!" laughs Sean.

"Excuse me?" says Ellie, smiling.

"The eye roll," explains Sean. "But last time you did that, we got together. And kissed not that long after."

Sean finishes his half of the sandwich, wipes his hands. Ellie bites her lip, then wipes her mouth with a napkin.

"Feel like repeating history?" asks Ellie, staring straight into his eyes.

Sean scoots closer to her, raising her chin so their lips can touch. Ellie puts her hand over his, closes her eyes. He leans in, letting his lips control him rather than his mind. It's sweeter than he imagined. Gentle, then passionate, and all he can think is finally, finally. Ellie gazes into his eyes, offering him one more light kiss. Sean keeps his forehead pressed against hers, returning the gaze.

After a few moments, however, he sees a change in her eyes, a sad, defeated look. She stands, brushing her skirt.

"El?" he says, also standing.

"What are we doing?" breathes Ellie.

"Don't you want this?" whispers Sean.

"Of course I want this!" exclaims Ellie. "But do you? Sean, I talked to Emma earlier today.."

Emma. Ever since they'd been in the cabinet, her name had never entered his brain.

"She's so depressed, Sean," says Ellie, her eyes tearing up. "What if she ends up like Ash? I couldn't live with that. I'm not going to be the one that makes her that way."

"What way?"

"So out of it that she hurts herself. She could drink too much one night or her eating disorder could resurface...anything really."

Sean rubs his eyes. This is frustrating. Everything is so mixed. He can't read her mind, or his. The thought of Emma hurting herself made him cringe as well, as much as the thought of not seeing Ellie anymore.

He kisses Ellie's tear-stained cheek, hugs her.

"This might be the last chance we have, El," whispers Sean. "You're so special to me, so much more than you know."

"I'm not the only one in your heart," says Ellie. "I can feel it when you look at her."

"You could be if we try. Just think about it."

"I don't think I can think anymore," replies Ellie. "Definitely not right now."

Releasing Sean, she opens the cabinet door, throws a pained look back in his direction. Sean slumps to the floor, feels something small graze his thigh. Reaching down into his pants, he takes out the ring Emma gave back. It shines a little under the light, a shine that rivals the shine of tears falling down his face.

II.

The muted light of the hospital chapel catches Jimmy off-guard, but the silence doesn't. It's why he came there in the first place. All the talking, the movement, the worries bouncing against the walls of the waiting room made him want to run. The looks of distrust were worse, and the guilt caused a crushing sensation in his chest. The stress from the case, the naivete surrounding the pills, the placement of Leslie on the stand...all his doing. Sure, his father plopped the idea in front of him, but he took it, went with it.

At least, here he's alone. At least, here it's quiet.

He rolls to the altar, sees that someone has provided candles to light for prayer. Striking the match, he then lights one, glances at the ceiling.

"I didn't know you were religious," echoes a voice in the room.

Jimmy glances back to see Tia, ruffling her hair, heading towards him.

"I'm...I'm not," says Jimmy. "Just lost, I guess. Looking for answers."

"To what?" inquires Tia, standing next to him.

"To most things, I suppose," replies Jimmy. "My daughter said it was impossible for her to be happy. I want an answer for that. I want to know why Ashley can't love me the way I wish she could. I want to know how it came to all of this. And then..I want to know if I'm still a good person."

"I can answer the last one," says Tia. "You are a good person, Jimmy. When I got divorced, I thought something was wrong with me, but there wasn't. I was being way too hard on myself. Like you."

"So how'd you feel better about yourself?" says Jimmy, watching the flame of the candle go back and forth.

"I did what was best for Lisa," replies Tia. "Her father wasn't there for her or me, so I decided I would be. You have to find a way to make Leslie happy. It may hurt, but you've got to do it."

Jimmy nods. Tia's making a lot of sense, he thinks. But letting Ashley go? He remembers the birth of Leslie, one of their happier moments, the first time he held Leslie in his arms. She was very pink, smelled so good. Falling in love with the stranger in his arms seemed easier than being with the woman he married.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" said Ashley, still so exhausted from delivering her.

Jimmy grinned down at her. "How about Leslie? After the famous female basketball star Lisa Leslie?"

"That's pretty," said Ashley, also smiling at their baby. "I like it."

"She's going to be a champion," said Jimmy.

"Okay," said Ashley. "As long as she's happy."

"Oh, I'll make sure of that," said Jimmy.

He'd promised, all the way back then, and the promise, he would make sure, will remain. Tia lights another candle as Jimmy's memory fades.

"I'll pray for you," says Tia. "You and Leslie."

Jimmy lightly takes her hand, and she bends her knees. He's not exactly sure how, but his mouth catches hers, and the kiss continues longer than he thought it would. Tia smiles down at him after they finish.

"I didn't come here for that, but...that was nice," says Tia.

"Me neither, and yeah."

"Maybe this is a little blessing," says Tia.

Jimmy rubs his lips, grinning. "No, it was a big one."

III.

The wheels of a cart move swiftly over the linoleum of the hospital floor. A nurse has brought in dinner. Moonlight enters Ashley's hospital room, and she sits up, stares out the window. It's a cloudless sky, and Craig's head rests on her blanket. She smiles at him, strokes his back. It's all so different from that afternoon, when she didn't know if he was coming back, the pain coursing through her body. She'd seen everyone throughout the night: her mother, trying hard to mask her anxieties, too upset to pound her about the pills apparently; Toby, who offered some lame jokes to cheer her up; Robert, who got her balloons, then Chris, who got her flowers; Joey, who told her about Caitlin's journalism adventures to get her mind off of everything. Still, there was no Jimmy or Ellie, and she isn't sure she knows what to say to Leslie, who she believes is asleep by then.

Someone knocks at her door timidly, and she tells them to come in. The knock wakes Craig, his hair standing straight up.

"Up for company, hon?" says Paige, as cheerily as possible, shifting a bouquet of roses to the other arm. "Craig, there's like drool, right here?"

Paige puts a finger to her chin, indicating where Craig should wipe. Craig obeys, giving Ashley an embarrassed stare.

"You're still sexy," assures Ashley, beaming at him.

"Yeah, okay, don't make me puke," complains Paige. "I've done enough of that already."

Craig nods, stands.

"Did you get dressed in the dark?" inquires Paige, staring at his fully tan suit.

"Something like that," answers Craig, kissing Ashley, then leaving.

Paige sits on Craig's empty stool, hands the flowers to Ashley.

"Awww," says Ashley.

"I wrote a little note. Ash, you rock," jokes Paige. "Don't tell Craig. Hopefully, he doesn't sleep with another grade nine."

Ashley giggles. "If he did, that'd be illegal."

Paige smirks. "R. Kelly, anyone?"

Ashley hits Paige with the bouquet. "Shush. But it's really great to see you."

"Likewise," says Paige. "Spin switched on the radio around nine, and we heard. We got here about twenty minutes ago. Are you okay?"

"Yes," says Ashley. "I just panicked...I'll be fine."

"You can't scare us like that, Ash," says Paige, patting her stomach. "Me and the baby can't take it."

Ashley grins. "We still haven't properly celebrated your good news. As soon as I get out, I'm taking you out for dinner. You, a mom! It's going to be so great."

"Me, a mom. Feels so surreal to say. Who would believe it?"

"I would. I do. You're going to do great."

Paige returns the grin. "When are you getting out of here?"

"Soon," says Ashley. "Unless they spring some surprise on me."

"Well, I'm going to let you rest, and let Craig come back in," says Paige, glancing at the doorway. "I know he's hovering!"

Craig pops his head into the doorway. "Didn't appreciate the grade nine joke, by the way."

"Please," says Paige. "Like you and Marco never crack Matt student-teacher jokes behind my back."

"Uhh...we've never done that," says Craig, obviously lying.

Paige and Ashley stare at each other, then laugh. Paige lightly punches Craig in the shoulder, then leaves.

"I'm ready to leave this place," groans Ashley. "I want to go back to our house."

"You'll be out soon, then we'll be together," says Craig.

IV.

Craig fiddles with the remote, the channel on reruns of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

"Leave it there," says Ashley. "He's cute."

"No, he isn't," says Craig, smacking his lips.

"Jealous," says Ashley.

"Oooh, someone brought you dinner," says Craig, heading over to the cart and pushing it towards her.

Ashley eyes it suspiciously. There's a tray full of diced meat, runny mashed potatoes, skinny green beans, and a bowl with a white package inside it. She sighs as Craig puts the tray on her lap.

"Or the resemblance of dinner," says Craig, staring disgustedly at it.

"I brought this on myself," she says, stabbing the meat with a plastic fork.

"That just means you can't be in the hospital, ever again," says Craig, kissing her cheek.

Ashley stares innocently at Craig. "If you love me, you'll eat this."

Craig shakes his head, laughs. "Come on!"

"The nurse'll look at me funny if I don't eat it."

"Ash!"

Ashley pouts, continues to stare at him.

"I used that face on you before your dad's wedding," says Craig. "I know that face!"

"Then you know it works," says Ashley, handing him a spoon.

"Fine. I'll eat these triflin' potatoes," replies Craig. "I wonder what's in this package."

"Anthrax?" mutters Ashley, scrunching her face as she puts the diced meat, which she identifies as beef, in her mouth. "Whatever it is, it's yours."

Craig rips the package open, smiles giddily.

"Oh yeah," he says, obviously pleased.

"What?" prompts Ashley.

"Ice cream," announces Craig. "And not just any ice cream. It's the square with the three flavors. Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate. You missed out, Ash."

"Square ice cream?"

"Yep, the best ever. I ate it all the time at Joey's."

Ashley looks at it. It does look good, frowning as Craig eats it, smiling at her the entire time.

"Can I have some?" she asks.

"You gave it up," teases Craig.

"Don't stand between a woman and ice cream, Craig. It's not healthy."

Craig slides the bowl over. "Lucky I ate the chocolate first."

The same nurse who brought in dinner comes in, her arms crossed.

"Mr. Manning, visiting hours are over," she says. "I told you that in the hallway. And you're...you're eating her food!"

"I...uh...," starts Craig, looking between Ashley's tray and the nurse.

"First, the helicopter, now this," says the nurse, rolling her eyes, then leaving.

"Helicopter?" says Ashley.

"That's how I...we kind of...you know what, I'll tell you tomorrow."

Craig kisses her on the lips, and Ashley doesn't want it to end, a much better taste than whatever had masqueraded as food.

"I love you," he says to her.

"I love you," she says.

Craig goes to kiss her again, but he's interrupted by the nurse, who grabs him up by the collar, and pushes him outside.

"Don't play with me, young man," says the nurse.

"My suit...it's wrinkled," moans Craig.

"By the looks of it, I did you a favor.".

Craig glances down at his clothes. "Well...yeah."

The doctor who examined Ashley walks up to them, nodding at the nurse. She leaves, after throwing one more annoyed look at Craig.

"Dr. Gill. Apologies for not recognizing you sooner," says the doctor. "I was in over my head."

"No problem," says Craig.

"I've been reading about this case in the news," says Dr. Gill, leading him away from Ashley's room.

"Yes, the news, Ash, and I are friends nowadays."

"Perhaps it's best that you part with these friends."

Craig's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

"Come into my office."

Dr. Gill shows Craig to his office, and Craig sits in a chair opposite Dr. Gill. Seeing the amount of certificates and plaques on the walls comforts him somewhat. At least Ashley was in good hands.

"Remember our talk earlier?" asks Dr. Gill.

Craig nods. "Yeah, you mentioned alternatives?"

"We need to curb this dependence on Tricyclin. There are therapeutic programs Ashley could attend."

"Okay, sure. Are you going to be the one that treats her?"

Dr. Gill sighs. "The thing is that while we have therapy programs here, good ones, she'd be hounded everyday. She's pretty much a local celebrity. Being who you are, I'm sure you understand the need for privacy."

"Of course," says Craig, tentatively.

"That's why I think it would be good to look for programs in the States. Some of them are top-notch, private..."

"You want Ashley to leave?" exclaims Craig. "For how long?"

"Most of these programs last around four to six months," says Dr. Gill. "She'd get rehab counselling focusing on behavioral therapy. If it was more serious, I'd recommend a year, but being that she's in this custody battle, I think this is the best scenario."

Craig swallows a lump in his throat. Six months without Ashley.

"There's a reason I called you in, Mr. Manning, and not her husband or her parents," says Dr. Gill. "It's because she seems to be the most receptive to you. I honestly think you could convince her. It's a matter of her health. She need not have any more panic attacks if she's treated. And her heart wouldn't grow any weaker."

"How often could I see her?"

"The first thirty days, they usually discourage any contact from loved ones, so Ashley can focus on herself. After that, you can write her, phone her, but it's up to her counselor about visitation."

Craig feels tears burning the back of his eyes.

"You don't understand...we just got back together after like eight years," whispers Craig. "It's like all these circumstances...taking her away from me."

"I know your story," says Dr. Gill. "Which is why I have faith that you'll do what's best. If you two can survive all that, you two can survive this. Can't you?"

Craig nods. "I'll talk to her."


	28. If You Don't Know Me By Now

**XXVIII. If You Don't Know Me By Now **

If you don't know me by now  
You'll never, never, never know me

All the things that we've been through  
You should understand me  
Like I understand you  
Now baby I know the difference  
Between right and wrong  
I ain't gonna do nothin'  
To upset our happy home  
Oh, don't get so excited  
When I come home a little late at night  
Cause we only act like children  
When we argue, fuss and fight

We all got our own funny moods  
I've got mine  
Woman, you got yours too  
Just trust in me  
Like I trust in you  
As long as we've been together  
That should be so easy to do  
Just get yourself together  
Or we might as well say good-bye  
What good is a love affair  
When we can't see eye-to-eye

"So the duck walks right up to the doctor, and he says...get this, Ash, he says, you're a total quack! Get it!" says Spinner, doubling over in laughter.

Craig glances into the hospital room, butterflies in his stomach. It's the morning after his talk with Dr. Gill. He has no idea where to start, how to make it sound appealing. Dr. Gill mentioned that with a physician's note, the case could be delayed and Ashley could get the treatment she needed. Of course, Jimmy would have to agree to it. Still, the thought of her going away might make her more stressed. Well, at least Spinner's keeping her entertained, he laughs. Ashley chuckles despite herself.

"I've got zingers, man. I've got zingers for days," says Spinner, raising his arms proudly.

"How about taking a break?" says Craig, walking into the room.

"Mmm, okay. I've got one about an aardvark, but I'll save that one," replies Spinner.

Ashley smiles at Spinner. "Thanks...thanks for coming, Spin. Considering everything."

Spinner looks down. "Yeah...well, I might not always like what you do, Ash, but...you know, you gotta take care of yourself, alright?"

Ashley reaches over to give Spinner a light hug. He returns it shyly. Spinner pats Craig on the back, and leaves them alone. Ashley makes a little room on the bed for Craig. Craig sits, grasps her hand.

"You're not wearing yourself out with all these visitors, are you?" asks Craig.

"I'm popular," says Ashley. "Total contrast from grade eight, when hardly anyone paid attention to me. Well, except for a certain curly-haired guy with a camera."

"If I knew who that guy was, I'd be really jealous," says Craig, kissing her nose.

"No, I like seeing everyone," says Ashley. "I haven't seen Spin in weeks. Emma's coming later today. Then Monday, I get released. Mom told me. Too bad we have court that afternoon."

Craig nods, looks sheepishly around.

"What's wrong?" questions Ashley, smiling at him. "You look nervous."

"Me nervous?" says Craig, putting on his most believable grin. "Nah. Everything...everything's going to be fine."

Ashley sighs, stares at him intensely, so intensely Craig knows that she's essentially searching his eyes for any signs. I might as well tell her, he thinks. She'll figure it out sooner or later.

"Okay, so Dr. Gill, the doctor who treated you, he thinks you should get steady treatment," says Craig.

"Yeah, I understand. Not a problem," says Ashley, easing Craig's mind a bit.

"The things is...the thing is that he wants you to get it in the States," continues Craig.

Craig watches Ashley's whole face drop, maybe as much as his own. What to say next he couldn't locate. He wishes he hadn't agreed to be the one to do this.

"Craig...why...why do I need to go to the States!" exclaims Ashley. "There's the case, and I can't just leave Leslie...or work...or you."

"You'd be better, though," counters Craig, putting an arm around her.

"I can get better here," protests Ashley, wiping away a tear. "My parents are here, you're here, my friends are here. I have a support system."

"But no privacy. Less privacy means more stress," says Craig. "We'll be there for you."

"I only took those pills because I was desperate. It won't happen again."

"Ash..."

"You believe me, don't you? Look, I'll do whatever, but I'm not going out of the country. You don't want to lose me, do you?"

Craig runs his hand over the blanket, trying to fathom it all. Maybe they could reason with Dr. Gill, and Ashley could stay. He definitely didn't want to lose her, or be apart from her.

"No, I don't want to lose you," answers Craig, tracing her chin with his finger.

"Then, trust me. You know me. Once I put my mind to something, I follow through, no matter where I am. I'll stay and there won't be any problems. We'll go in, talk to Dr. Gill, and it'll be settled."

Craig takes a deep breath. "I don't want to see you like this ever again."

"And I don't want to leave you," says Ashley, kissing him deeply, then pulling out of the kiss.

"The States are overrated, anyway," says Craig, pulling her back.

II.

The bouncing of the basketball soothes all of Jimmy's nerves as he goes for another shot, the ball hitting the rim. A miss. He's been doing a lot of those lately, after the girls went home for practice, while he waited for Spin to come drive him and Lisa to his house. He hates thinking about it, but that's what this all was– a miss. The divorce papers didn't bring Ashley back like his father said; in fact, they landed her in the hospital. Trying to talk to Ashley didn't persuade her; it just drove her further into the arms of Craig. Hiring Carla wasn't guaranteeing him a victory; in fact, he hates that Carla's involved.

It's Sunday, so the gym is empty. A janitor, one of his friends at Degrassi, let him in. Suddenly, the floorlights come on, illuminating Jimmy, though the sunshine is providing more than enough light. Trenton Brooks strides towards him, in a nicely tailored, brown suit.

"Jim, I called your house this morning," says Mr. Brooks. "We left the hospital at around ten-thirty last night. Where were you?

"I'm playing ball," says Jimmy, shooting again, missing again.

"Oh," says Mr. Brooks, dismissively. "I think we should take Leslie out on the green today. The conditions are fair."

"Um, she's at the hospital, with Paige. Went there this morning," says Jimmy.

Mr. Brooks catches the ball as Jimmy goes for another shot. "What!"

"Dad, her mother's there."

"And she's fine, and Leslie needs the practice time. She's missed a lot. We don't want her getting complacent."

Jimmy rolls his eyes. "It won't kill her to not practice."

"What, like you? I'm not going to let her waste her potential like you did."

Jimmy bites his tongue, not saying anything.

"You could've been so great, Jimmy. The next Jordan. Then, you got all into art, and that never went anywhere. Now, you're stuck here, coaching. Who does that please?" says Mr. Brooks.

"I thought it would please you!" barks Jimmy, his voice echoing. "It's basketball, right? Whatever I do, it's not good enough. You judge me way too much, Dad. You don't let me make any decisions!"

"That's not true!"

"Yes...yes, it is. Hiring Carla, sending Ashley the papers, getting Leslie golf experts. The only one worse than you is Carla, putting Les up there without my permission."

"She had my permission," interjects Mr. Brooks.

"Dad! You can't just bypass me, okay? I wouldn't have agreed to that! You can't control everything!"

Jimmy wheels his chair away from his father. He and Carla were double-teaming him, not even interested in how he felt. He glances back at his father, who appears sad and confused.

"Jimmy, I was doing this because I thought it was what you wanted," says Mr. Brooks, softly.

"It was," says Jimmy. "But Dad, Ashley's in the hospital because of stress. Leslie's unhappy. I'm...I'm trying to hold onto something to keep me up..."

"This Tia girl?" interrupts Mr. Brooks, his lips tightening.

"That's...that's besides the point," stammers Jimmy, not sure how to address that. "I need time...need time to think. I appreciate what you've done, but it's no good if..."

"Jimmy, where's all this coming from? It's like I don't know what you need or want, like I don't know you," says his father.

With that last remark, he turns, leaves, the gym door clattering behind him. Jimmy sinks his head in his hands, tears trickling down, his back hunched. Just the thought of Ashley lying in some hospital bed, then Leslie looking at him when he announced she had a heart attack, the stares from her parents and Toby that screamed "You don't belong." He audibly cries, the noise outdoing another sound, of someone coming through the door. Spinner.

"Jimmy, what's wrong?" says Spinner, quickly walking over to him.

"Spinner...Spin, I ruined it...ruined it all," chokes out Jimmy. "My marriage...my kid...now, my dad's respect. That last one, I don't think I ever had."

"Hey, man, relax," says Spinner.

"No...no, Spin. There's so much guilt...what am I going to do?" breathes Jimmy.

Spinner hugs Jimmy, Jimmy being ashamed that he's letting his tears coat Spinner's shirt.

"You're talking to like the king of guilt, okay?" says Spinner.

"The king of guilt?" whispers Jimmy, his mind nearly blank.

"I know the chair's a part of you now, but come on, you know you're in there because of me."

Jimmy nods solemnly.

"You gotta forgive yourself. Don't let your dad pick you apart, or anyone else. I still wrestle with it, whenever I see you, but I decided...awhile ago, that once you forgave me, and I forgave myself, that other stuff would work itself out. And it has...right?"

"Yeah," says Jimmy. "I just feel alone...sometimes. Like everyone hates me."

"I don't hate you, man," argues Spinner, hugging him tighter.

"Yes, you do. You should. I deserve to be alone."

"No. You've got me, Jimmy. You've always got me."

Jimmy cries some more, wraps his arms around Spinner. Finally, the peace in the gym gives way to a building peace in his heart.

III.

"I was thinking a skull or a python," says Jack, pouring himself some orange juice.

Spike hits him upside his blonde head, puts a plate of French toast in front of him.

"You're not getting a tattoo at twelve," says Spike, then chomping into some bacon.

"Girls think it's cool," says Jack.

He beams at Manny, spooning yogurt into her mouth. "Right, Manny?"

"I don't date inked guys...never have," replies Manny.

"Spinner wasn't? I thought..." began Emma.

"He was pierced. Craig...spotless. J.T...well, J.T. was too much of a wimp to get one," says Manny. "My fiancee...nope."

Emma finishes her food, and puts the plate in the sink. "Whatever."

Spike, Manny, and Jack continue talking about the attractiveness of tattoos, while Snake pulls Emma aside into the living room.

"How are you?" asks Snake.

"I'm...fine, for the fifty millionth time," says Emma, in an annoyed tone. "But I'd really appreciate you and Mom not looking at my plate through every single meal."

"Em, you know why we're doing it. We're worried," says Snake.

"I'm well nourished. I even chowed down Mom's famously bad French toast. Can we drop it?"

Snake smiles. "I'm sorry. You're an adult now. We just...I trust you."

"Thank you," says Emma, kissing him on top of his head.

"There used to be a time when you couldn't do that," reminds Snake.

Emma grins. "Daughters have the tendency to grow."

"Can you tell Manny to move that pink limo?" asks Snake. "It's an eyesore first thing in the morning. It's...too...pink."

Going over to Manny, who is still wolfing down her yogurt, she yanks her up lightly by the arm and they head for her room. Jack tries to follow, but is dragged down back to his seat by Snake. Once inside, Manny scoops the last of it into her mouth, then puts on her low heels.

"It's really a shame about Ashley," says Manny. "I mean, we never got along, but it's sad."

"And Craig?" says Emma, giving her a knowing look.

"Craig is Craig, and that's all I have to say," replies Manny. "Ancient history is just that...ancient history."

"Well, thanks for being here, Manny," says Emma. "And you're deserting me today."

Emma lays her head on Manny's shoulder. Having her there had made Sean's absence more bearable.

"I only wish I wasn't leaving you so unhappy, though," says Manny, pouting. "Ugh, just come to Malibu and we'll party all the time. It'll be like Laguna Beach, only less skeezy. We'll get crunk."

"Let's go," says Emma, laughing. "How much outdated slang can you use in one trip?"

Manny puts on some gem-encrusted sunglasses, strikes a pose. "A lot. Let's get it crack-a-lackin.'"

IV.

Ashley slides Craig's fingers into her own, then she knocks timidly on the office door. Still in her hospital gown, they also supplied her with pants when she told them she'd like to speak with Dr. Gill. Twenty minutes later, Craig came to fetch her. She's surprised by the deep, monotone voice that beckons them in. She's even more surprised to see her mother, father, and Chris seated, serious expressions on all their faces. Dr. Gill is the only one to smile at her.

"Ah, Ashley," greets Dr. Gill. "You're looking better."

"Feeling better," says Ashley, hesitantly sitting next to her mother.

Craig pulls up a chair, and sits next to Ashley, holding her hand.

"I assume Craig's talked with you about what I feel is in your best interest," says Dr. Gill.

Ashley bites her lip. "With all due respect, while I understand your point of view, I don't think it's in my best interest. What's in my best interest is to stay and fight for my daughter."

"The court case can be delayed, Ashley," speaks up Kate. "Your health is way more important."

"Which is why I've agreed to have treatment, but here," says Ashley.

"Have you taken a look out there, Ash?" says Robert. "Journalists are hungry, intrusive, chomping at the bit. I should know. You should know. We work with them."

"I know that it won't be...very private," says Ashley, calmly.

"Ashley, your stress level is very high. Removing yourself from the environment of the case, from the environment that got you hooked on these pills would be ideal. Do you know how many pills you took yesterday?" says Dr. Gill.

Ashley casts Craig a look, and Craig appears anxious, nervous to hear her answer.

"No," says Ashley. "I was distraught. I'm not usually like that. Tell them, Craig."

Craig says nothing, which makes Ashley's forehead throb. Why isn't he coming to my defense?

"We need to wean you off of these pills, for the sake of yourself, your family, your friends. You need to look at you, and not others for awhile. That's why researching programs further away is beneficial," says Dr. Gill.

"Start searching, doctor," says Robert.

"Dad! I'm an adult! I'm not going!" argues Ashley.

"Ashley, we know you're an adult, but you're fragile right now," says Kate.

"We only want what's best for you," adds Chris.

Ashley can feel the room moving in on her. She turns to Craig, who lets her hand go.

"Craig," she whispers. "Don't let them tear us apart. Come on, we talked about this."

Craig finally speaks, but Ashley can tell it's not what she wants to hear.

"Dr. Gill is right, Ash. I'm sorry, but you do need to focus on you. It's like Ellie said. You care about everyone, and neglect yourself. You don't have to be tired anymore, or reaching for these pills, and you can be relaxed and healthy before the case starts again."

Ashley blinks back tears, stares at Dr. Gill.

"Ashley, if I'm figuring this all out right, you started these because again, you didn't want to trouble the waters. For your husband, or daughter. Now, the Tricyclin is what's troubling the waters. They need not be troubled."

Ashley stands, the heat rising in her face, pushing away Craig's arm when he tries to touch her.

"It seems like you're all deciding for me," says Ashley. "Now I know how Jimmy feels."

"It is your decision, Ashley," says Dr. Gill.

"My decision, doctor?" says Ashley, coldly. "My decision is that I'm not going anywhere."

Ashley exits the office, relieved that cool air blows into her face. How could they? Even Craig? She could get better right there in Toronto. She knows she could. Footsteps follow hers. Craig moves right in front of her.

"Move!" exclaims Ashley.

"Ash, we're not against you, alright?" says Craig.

"Yeah, and I bet you didn't know that my parents were in there, huh?"

"I didn't!"

Ashley shakes her head, moving quickly towards her hospital room. "Why are you trying to get rid of me? Am I too much of a hassle?"

"You're never a hassle! Slow down, so we can talk."

"I'm through talking!" yells Ashley, shutting the door in his face.

The door rattles, and Ashley slides to the floor, crying. How many more delimmas would take over her life? How much more can she stand? There are no pills for comfort, no Craig for comfort. She takes a pillow from her bed, rocks with it, as she sits on the cold sheets.

V.

Pacing back and forth between Ashley's room and Dr. Gill's, Craig grips his hair with his hands. I am on her side, thinks Craig. However, deep down, he knows, knows the doctor is probably right. Kate catches him mid-pace.

"She'll understand," assures Kate. "She's hurt, but she'll understand."

"What if she won't do it?" says Craig. "She was adamant about staying. You should've heard her before."

"And we were adamant that Dr. Gill prescribe what is best. That's why we were in there. Craig, you care about her so much, but so do we. We don't want to twist her arm. And I think...I think Dr. Gill is right. You can convince her."

Craig drops his hand, lets out a deep breath. "It's way too hot in here."

Kate smiles. "If you ran some errands, would that cool you off?"

"Yeah," says Craig, though it didn't sound sure, he knew.

"Ashley needs a fresh change of clothes, and Jeff is still away. Could you?"

"Sure."

At that moment, Kate hugs Craig, and it has to be the most awkward, and rewarding hug he's received. Speechless, Craig grins at her, Kate grinning back. He goes outside, beaming.

Reporters jog towards him, and he moans. Can I have one day of rest? Looking left and right, he heads right, then remembers something.

"My car!" he whispers. "I left it at Dwayne's."

He slaps his forehead. The reporters are getting closer, and Craig goes to the parking lot, pretending he actually does have a vehicle parked on the premises. A horn sounds, and he looks around, unsure of where it's coming from.

"Hey tall, dark, and unbelievably handsome!" calls a girlish voice that sounds very familiar.

Locating the voice, he sees a pink limo heading towards him, Manny's head sticking out.

"Manny!" he exclaims, smiling. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching you escape the paparazzi," says Manny. "Oh, and I gave Emma a lift. She went in through the side door. Hop in."

Craig glances back at the reporters, running to him. He opens the limousine door, scoots in next to Manny.

"Hey," says Craig, hugging her gently.

"That's it?" says Manny, giving him a bigger hug. "I must've lost my touch on you."

"Sorry. I'm...out of it."

"Understandable. You get more press than I do nowadays. I'm not jealous, though. Not at all."

Manny sticks her tongue out at him, and Craig laughs. She offers him a soda, but he declines. It has been awhile since he's seen her up close, several years. It's a nice type of awkwardness, however, like bumping into an old friend in a crowded mall.

"How's Ashley?" asks Manny.

"Better...getting better," says Craig.

"Good," says Manny. "Okay, I don't believe you. You've got that evasive Craig face."

"No...no, I don't."

"Um, yeah, you do. That's the face you used before you dumped me for Ellie, who got dumped because of Ashley. Karma or what? Anyway, you have the face."

"I don't know if I should talk to..."

"Craig, if I still wanted you, I would've jumped on you the moment you got in. I'm a friend, a good listener, and pretty to look at, so I'm the perfect person to have a convo with."

Craig swallows a lump in his throat. "You know about her overdosing, I assume?"

"I heard about it," says Manny, nodding.

"Her doctor's recommending rehab," says Craig. "It's not like she's a druggie or anything..."

"Craig, wasn't thinking that," interrupts Manny. "Some of my closest friends were in rehab. I'm not judging her. I don't judge, and you know that."

Craig smiles at her. "I know."

"Have you settled on a place?" inquires Manny.

"No...not yet. It has to be private, a really good place."

Manny fiddles with her purse, unzips it. Craig watches her curiously. She looked so grown-up, so different. Taking out a business card, she scribbles a phone number and a name on it.

"Serenity in Malibu," says Manny. "Excellent security, peaceful, good meals, top doctors. A Hilton sister went there, forgot which one. There are smaller celebrities there too, people like Ashley. My make-up artist went, and I visited her sometimes. Really nice."

Craig reads the number, the name. Glancing at Manny, beaming at him, he decides to run it by Dr. Gill.

"You don't have to tell her I gave you that," says Manny. "Just want to help you two out. Not like high school, right?"

"Thanks...thanks a lot, Manny," says Craig.

"What are sexy exes for?" says Manny. "And friends."

"Friends," says Craig, kissing her hand.

"Aww, you're making me all swoony again," jokes Manny.

She taps the screen that separates them and the driver, and the screen lowers, revealing a burly man in a tuxedo.

"Where do you need to go?" asks Manny.

"Um...the Lucky Clover, a bar on Degrassi Street," answers Craig.

"Driver, we're going to the Lucky Clover, then coming back for Miss Emma," commands Manny.

The driver salutes Manny. "Yes, Miss Manny."

"I make him say that," says Manny, as the screen goes up. "You like the limo?"

"It's pink," says Craig.

"So you like it?" says Manny.

"It's pink," repeats Craig.

"You're just jealous," says Manny, with a wink.


	29. Stop, Look, Listen To Your Heart

**XXIX. Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart) **

Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart) is the property of Diana Ross and Marvin Gaye.

You're alone all the time  
Does it ever puzzle you  
Have you asked why  
You seem to fall in love and out again  
Do you really ever love  
Or just pretend, oh, baby  
Why fool yourself  
Don't be afraid to help yourself  
It's never too late, too late to

Stop, look, yes, listen to your heart  
Hear what it's sayin'  
Stop, look, listen to your heart  
Hear what it's sayin'  
Love, oh, love, love

Though you try, you can't hide  
All the things you really feel  
This time decide  
That you will open up, let it in  
There's no shame in sharin' love you feel within  
So jump right in  
Head over heels and fall right in  
It's never too late, too late to

Stop, look, listen to your heart  
Hear what it's sayin'  
Stop, look, oh, listen to your heart

Clutching a black rabbit with a blue bow, Ellie taps timidly on the door of Ashley's hospital room, hearing a slight shuffling of what she thinks is sheets. There's no answer. She taps again, debating whether to come back later.

"Come in," says Ashley, forcing Ellie to settle her nerves.

Ellie sighs, opens the door.

"Better late than never," says Ellie, shrugging.

She notes that Ashley's face appears somewhat troubled, but the smile there seems inviting , real.

"Hey... I was kinda expecting you," replies Ashley. "I'm glad you came."

Ellie assesses the presents from the other visitors. There are at least twelve bouquets of flowers, a dozen cards, three fruit baskets.

"Thought I'd be different," says Ellie, handing her the rabbit.

"Awww, thanks," says Ashley, grinning.

Ellie takes up a stool, sets it next to her bed, and sits. On the way there, she'd come up with things she would say, but none of them could really alleviate the awkwardness of that moment. Two days ago, they weren't speaking. She basically laid into Ash in court. Then, the last time they saw one another, Ash was staring sadly at her before slipping into unconsciousness.

"Ash, what I said on the stand, I...," starts Ellie.

"No need, Ellie," says Ashley. "I'm sorry I accused you all those years ago, and I'm sorry that you got hurt by me being with Craig. And, of course, I'm sorry this is such a late apology."

Ellie smiles. "I missed you, Ash."

Ashley reaches out her arms to hug her, and Ellie grants her access. It feels good to hold a friend. Ellie sniffles, knows tears are coming.

"So these pills? Did you start them when the case started?" asks Ellie. "Sorry to pry."

"I've been taking them for years," replies Ashley. "First, for work. Then...um, my marriage."

Ellie crosses her legs. "What does...Craig have to say about it?"

Right away, Ellie can tell she's touched a nerve. Ashley folds her arms, stares into her lap. Well, this talk is going well, she thinks. Ashley releases a breath, but continues to speak.

"He wants me to go to the States for a treatment program," says Ashley. "He wants to get rid of me."

"Ash, I'm sure that's not true," counters Ellie. "If you need help, you should get help. Craig probably doesn't want you to go through any more bad stuff. Neither do I."

Ellie believes Ashley's eyes soften for a bit, but Ashley remains cool, collected. She knew Craig or anyone else would have a hard time breaking her down. Maybe she could try again.

"This isn't just about yourself. You have a daughter who needs you," says Ellie.

"That's why I'm staying. I'll get the stupid treatment, but I'm not deserting my child. I don't care if a thousand television cameras are following me," says Ashley, sternly.

"Ash, sometimes you have to leave the ones you love behind for awhile to get better. My mom's drinking stressed me out so much that I cut. So I left. Then I moved back home. You leaving doesn't mean the same things won't be here when you get back."

"El..."

"None of us want to see you like this again. We care enough about you to voice our concerns. We could be saying nothing. Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay," says Ashley, softly.

Ellie stands, gives Ashley a weak smile, and leaves the room. Turning a corner, she views Paige, Spinner, and Leslie hovered over a portable DVD player. Leslie increases the volume, while Paige, a pen to her lips, watches it intently.

"Okay, so why does the mouse want to take over the world again?" questions Paige.

Leslie rolls her eyes, and Ellie can't help but be reminded of Ashley in her younger years.

"He just does, okay? He's on a power trip," says Leslie, as if for the millionth time.

"Dude, I love this one," says Spinner. "Pinky's going to make Brain land straight into a wall."

"So kids are actually into this stuff?" inquires Paige.

Leslie nods. "Cartoons are the best."

"Why don't you watch any of the modern ones?" says Spinner. "There's the one with the ninja bats and the fighting memaids...dude, it's awesome."

"They stink!" exclaims Leslie.

"No, they don't!" argues Spinner.

"Yes, they do!"

"Okay, quiet, you two," says Paige, writing down something. "I'm planning ahead to see what I'd let my kid watch. So far, it's this and Sesame Street. And Spin, the fighting mermaid show...it bites."

"No, it doesn't," mutters Spinner under his breath.

Ellie advances to them, waves cautiously. "I like angsty anime," she chimes in.

Paige looks surprised to see her, raising her eyes. "Care to join in the cartoon controversy?" she says, looking at Spinner and Leslie who are still debating.

"No thanks...but can we talk?" replies Ellie.

Paige stands, and the two start down the hall, heading nowhere in particular. They find themselves on the elevator, then outside the cafeteria.

"Ashley's recent apology basically inspired me to say that I'm sorry to you. The whole self-absorbed spiel about your baby...shouldn't have said it," says Ellie.

"Yeah, but you were pretty much right," says Paige.

"Wait a second. Am I hearing things? Can you say that again?" teases Ellie.

"If you missed it the first time, that's your loss," says Paige, playfully bumping her on the side and entering the cafeteria. "Ugh, I totally want a peanut butter and chocolate syrup sandwich."

Ellie grimaces. "Ewww. That has to be the worst, funkiest craving ever."

"Spinner didn't bring me anything, the spazz. He had to drop Jimmy off at the Peterson exhibit."

"Oh, cool. I'm going to that exhibit. The use of shadow and light is really inspired. He was motivated by..."

"Ignoring you," says Paige, taking a seat on the bench and counting some money. "Sorry hon, way too distracted. Speaking of distractions, I saw the Degrassi knight in denim as we were coming in."

"Sean?" says Ellie, coyly, playing it off. "That's interesting."

"And there's his fair blonde maiden now," says Paige, nodding towards the cafeteria line.

Ellie glances quickly at the line, sights Emma, sliding down her tray towards the cashier.

"Must've came to see Ashley," says Ellie, as nonchalantly as possible.

"She doesn't look too happy," observes Paige. "Trouble in paradise, perhaps? Weirdness."

Ellie throws Emma another look. She can feel her face going tight. Staring back at Paige, she knows Paige is suspicious.

"Okay, and weirdness here. What's going on?" says Paige.

"Nothing...nothing," stammers Ellie.

"Are you and Sean..."

"No!"

"Mhmmm, the lady doth protest too much. How many love triangles are we going to have this summer?" says Paige, smirking.

Ellie blushes, looks at Emma, who has finished paying for her food. Emma does an aerial view of the cafeteria, grimaces at the tray, and tosses the contents into a nearby trashcan.

"Whoa," whispers Paige. "Did you see that?"

Emma not eating? Ellie swears her insides just got a hundred percent drier, like sandpaper.

Ellie swallows a lump in her throat. "Yeah...yeah, I saw it."

II.

In front of the painting, Jimmy feels powerless. That's one of the beauties of art, he realizes as his chair is parked before the picture. You don't have to know where it came from to enjoy it, or who produced it. It all flows. And if you stare hard enough at it, it can make sense. Things haven't made sense in awhile. The disappointment of losing Ashley, this new attraction to Tia, the fall-out with his father that morning, what Leslie needed.

The thought of Leslie spending more time with Craig than him clamped on his heart. Craig wasn't the one up at all hours of the night staying with her, or the one that knew her favorite things, or the one that made sure she was taken care of through all of this. Still, he knows that Craig would never hurt Leslie, and that was a low blow. On the other end, the thought of being a bachelor, of having a failed marriage under his belt, upset him too. Hadn't he tried? Why didn't Ashley try? Or maybe she did, and it wasn't enough, he thinks. Why be with someone who can't love you enough?

He hears heels moving across the floor, but he focuses on the painting. It's a shadowy man and a shadowy woman, reaching out, their blackened hands another to touch one another. Their faces are obscured, a solid white color. They stand under a moonlit sky.

"Looking for some inspiration?" asks Ellie, standing right next to him.

"Yeah," replies Jimmy.

"Remember when I was your inspiration?" says Ellie, smiling shyly at him.

"I pass by the mural everyday at work," replies Jimmy, returning the smile.

"How come we never dated?" says Ellie.

"You turned me down. You turned me down flat," laughs Jimmy.

"I wasn't that mean."

"It probably wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway."

"Well, not with that attitude," says Ellie, laughing. "No, you're right. What do you see in this?"

Jimmy backs up his wheelchair, looks at every corner of the picture. It'd been awhile since he did art, or thought much about it really.

"I see two people trying to hold onto something, something they can't have," says Jimmy.

"I think you're right," agrees Ellie.

"And...and they're afraid to let go. The shadow...it's the darkness around them, and it's blurry because they don't know what's in store if they leave," says Jimmy, more to himself than her.

"First love," whispers Ellie.

"Essentially. Hits home for me."

"Me too," says Ellie, and Jimmy can see tears casing her eyes.

"I don't believe I was Ash's first love. Craig was," says Jimmy, shaking his head.

"As for Craig...I think Ashley was his only love," adds Ellie. "It's tragically obvious."

Jimmy blinks at her. "You said you could relate. Are you...is it Sean?"

"It's always going to be Sean," says Ellie, wiping her eye. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Someone clears their throat behind him. Jimmy and Ellie turn to see Mr. Brooks. The way he's dressed almost makes Jimmy do a double-take. He'd seen his dad in leisure clothes, but only on vacation. He wears khakis and a white shirt.

"Dad!" exclaims Jimmy. "What are you doing here?"

"Gavin...Spinner. He told me you were here," says Mr. Brooks.

Ellie looks between the two of them. "Um, I'm going to take off. Guess I'll see you in court. Good night, guys."

"Night," says Mr. Brooks.

Jimmy waves, and Ellie exits the room. Mr. Brooks stares at the painting, Jimmy nervously hanging his head.

"So...I listened to you, though I don't blame you for thinking I haven't been listening to you," says Mr. Brooks, not looking at his son.

Jimmy remains silent, but raises his head.

"Putting Leslie on the stand, not the best move, and I should've checked with you, instead of being persuaded by Carla. Sending Ashley the custody papers...didn't turn out how I imagined. In fact, turned out pretty terrible."

"You didn't know this would happen, Dad," says Jimmy.

"No...no, that's not an excuse," says his father, finally gazing at Jimmy. "And there's no excuse for me trying to control things I shouldn't. Sometimes I still think you're in the hospital, so weak, but you're not. You made it through. And I'm glad you...I'm glad you coach, that you inspire people. You inspire me. But this art stuff? It'll take me some time to get."

Jimmy rolls to his father and Mr. Brooks pulls him into a hug, He feels stronger than his father at this moment, the strength he wishes his father saw in him coursing through his muscles, his blood, his heart. Thankfully, as Mr. Brooks rubs Jimmy's back, he's starting to see, to look at the whole picture. Mr. Brooks releases Jimmy, a tear going down his nose.

"We can start here," offers Jimmy.

"Um, I don't know," says Mr. Brooks.

"Come on, Dad," says Jimmy, gesturing toward the picture. "What do you see?"

Mr. Brooks squints his eyes, but they soon relax. "Two people trying to understand each other?"

"Sounds like a slam dunk answer to me," replies Jimmy.

III.

Craig's grateful to see that the door to Ashley's room is open, though he stops in his tracks when he sees the same nurse who ushered him out previously fold down her blanket. Standing, Ashley gets right back into bed after she's done.

"That's nice of you," says the nurse, apparently less cross today. "You brought your girlfriend clothes."

"Um, yeah," says Craig.

"He's not my boyfriend," says Ashley, facing the other wall.

The nurse gives Craig a confused smile, and leaves.

"Ash, so I got you your favorite jeans, a top, underwear...," begins Craig.

Ashley turns around, glances at what he's holding. "Those aren't my favorite jeans."

Craig bites his lip. "I tried. Brought you clothes for court tomorrow."

He lays down the clothes on a small desk, tosses one more sad look at Ashley, and walks out, straight into Leslie, who he guesses had been spying on them. Leslie goes a little ways down the hall, and Craig follows.

"Can kids go in there?" asks Leslie. "I didn't know."

"Sure...yeah...they can go in," says Craig.

"I'm not sure if I want to now. Mom seems mad."

"She'd still like to see you, though."

Leslie sighs, goes back to the waiting room, kneels at a desk. Craig joins her, watches Leslie open up Paige's notepad. Spinner and Paige are off to the side, giggling at something on Leslie's DVD player. He notices that Leslie has formed a tic-tac-toe board on a piece of paper.

"Tell you what," says Craig. "I'll play you and if I win, you have to go see your mom."

"What if I win?" says Leslie.

"I'll get your player back from Spin and Paige," whispers Craig.

"Okay," agrees Leslie. "I'm X."

Leslie draws an X in the center square.

"Are you scared to go in?" asks Craig, drawing an O.

"A little," says Leslie. "I saw my dad in the hospital a couple times, but they were just checking stuff. He didn't stay over. Mom, she stayed over."

"Yeah, but they're just checking stuff too," says Craig.

"Grandma Kate says she might have to go away."

"She might, but she'll be back."

"How do you know?" says Leslie, giving Craig the pencil for a final time.

"Because I know her," says Craig. "I know how much she wants to get healthy and come back and be your mom."

"Oh."

"Speaking of O..."

Craig holds up the notepad, produces a triumphant smile. Leslie smiles shyly at him, gets up, and heads for Ashley's room. Craig walks to Paige, takes the player from her hands.

"Hey!" protests Paige.

"This is Leslie's," reminds Craig. "She gets first dibs."

"Wow, Scrooge. Okay, so not naming the baby after you," moans Paige.

IV.

Ashley clutches the jeans Craig brought to her chest. They were her favorite things, and she's aware she's being stubborn, difficult, several other negative traits. But didn't he understand? Things had kept them apart for eight years, and here's something else to add onto the pile. They were making good progress too– Jimmy sent the divorce papers, the house, Kate believed in them. So why this too?

"Why are you hugging pants?" asks a small, girlish voice.

Ashley's heart nearly leaps out of her chest when she sees Leslie walk into the room. Out of all her visitors, after Craig, this is the one she's most looked forward to, and the one she most dreaded. It's an odd mix, exactly how she felt when she had to pick up her stuff from Jimmy.

"They're my favorite," replies Ashley, though she knows that sounds fairly stupid. "Come sit with me."

Leslie goes to her, and Ashley helps her up onto the bed.

"Does Daddy know you're here?" she says.

"Yeah. He told Paige I could come," says Leslie.

Ashley is pleasantly surprised by that, but decides to savor the moment, not sure when the next time they'd spend this much time together would come.

"How's school?" asks Ashley.

"Good. I got all A's," says Leslie, blushing.

Ashley kisses Leslie on the cheek. "That's my girl."

"Next semester, in the fall, we're doing a variety show and Ms. Park said I could sing. She liked the performance at the camp. But you...," says Leslie.

"But what?" encourages Ashley.

"You won't be there, right? Grandma and Craig said you had to go away to get better."

"I can get better right here. You make me better."

Leslie scratches her head. "I want you to get as better as possible, though. I understand. Craig made it make sense."

"What did...what did Craig say?"

Leslie shrugs. "He said that you'd get healthy and you'd come back and be my mom. I'd miss you, but if you're all the way better, that'd make me happy."

Ashley takes Leslie in her arms, strokes her hair. So many voices speak in her head: doubts, common sense, hopes. Maybe Dr. Gill is right. Maybe her heart knows he's right. But if it's right, why does it feel so wrong?

V.

"Hello Toronto! Welcome to what is sure to be a stirring day in the Dwyer Courthouse!" chimes a new voice coming from the stereo of Kate's car.

"That's not Heather," speaks up Darcy. "No wheeze."

"Shhh," shushes Toby.

Toby, Darcy, and Derek are crammed into the backseat. Ashley needed to stop by the office to sign some papers that had to have her signature, and Darcy made a big deal about having to lug the equipment to the courthouse. Toby graciously offered, but she'd suddenly gotten the bright idea to ride over with them for moral support. It helped that she couldn't fit in with the equipment and the two other WJTV sound guys. Derek had to tag along, beaming at her the whole way.

"This is Wendy Hart, reporting live. Insiders speculate that today will finally be the day when Liberty Van Zandt cross-examines Ashley Kerwin. This is Ashley Kerwin's chance to defend her character and argue that she deserves to be a part of Leslie Brooks' life. Her recent stint in Lincoln Hospital could work for her or against her, seeing as Carla Arrow has consistently argued that Ashley Kerwin and Craig Manning may be potential bad influences on the child because of their instability. Not to be taken lightly was Craig Manning's absence from the court last Saturday. Also likely taking the stand today is Jimmy Brooks..."

"Turn it off, please," says Ashley, rubbing her forehead.

Kate immediately obeys, as they arrive at the courthouse. Journalists immediately pounce on the windows, some pounding on the windows. Ashley covers her ears.

Darcy clicks her tongue. "I've had enough of this."

She rolls down her window, shoves a camera out of her face.

"She just got out of the hospital!" barks Darcy. "How would you like it if someone bothered you after that?"

"Just a quick word," says one word.

"Here's two. Get away!" says Darcy, opening her door, causing a couple journalists to fall.

Derek opens his, knocking another two down. "Yeah! You heard her! Back off! Don't make us get Charles Barkley on you."

Darcy and Derek cross their arms, guarding Ashley.

The journalists look at one another, start putting down their cameras, watch Ashley, Toby, and Kate enter the courthouse.

"Wow," says Toby

"Okay...that was weird," says Kate. "But nice."

"Two perfect adjectives for Darcy and Derek," says Ashley, smiling.

She pulls down her skirt, raises her eyes to find Craig, standing right outside the door. Ashley nervously glances at him, and walks over.

"I'm staying," says Craig. "I'll sit in the back."

Not sure what to say, she nods, walks to the front, sits next to Liberty, who appears rattled.

"You're not getting antsy on me, are you, Liberty?" whispers Ashley.

"Just trying to choose between two lines of questioning. Should I mention the hospital stay?" says Liberty.

"Whatever. I just want to be a part of Les' life."

Ashley catches sight of Jimmy, in a nice black suit, his father and mother, and Carla heading to the plaintiff's side. Judge Winton walks out of the side door.

"Presenting the honorable Judge Winton," says the bailiff.

"Court is now in session," says Judge Winton, banging her gavel. "As you know, recent events have problematized the nature of this case. I received a physician's note from a Mr. Andrew Gill that requests that the case be delayed due to several health concerns he has regarding Ashley Kerwin. I consider myself quite fair, and would grant a delay if both Mr. Brooks and Ms. Kerwin see fit."

Several groans come from the jury, obviously wanting to be done with this case as early as possible.

"The jury will refrain from comment. Miss Kerwin, will a delay be necessary?"

Ashley stands, looks her straight in the eye. "No, your honor. I wish to proceed. I'm healthy enough to fight for my daughter. I'll always be healthy enough."

She's not clear, but she thinks she catches a disappointed expression on Jimmy's face. She is clear that all the members of the jury look relieved.

"Then let the proceedings commence," says Judge Winton. "Miss Van Zandt, your witness."

Liberty snaps out of fear and into her regular confident mode, which makes Ashley feel more secure. She obviously had decided on a mode of questioning.

"I call Ashley Kerwin to the stand," says Liberty.

Ashley goes to the stand, is sworn in, and faces the room. She can make out her mother, Toby, her dad and Chris, Paige, Spinner, Ellie, everyone. Their faces fade, blend, but Craig's just gets sharper and sharper. Her insides feel warm when she looks at him, and she smiles in spite of herself.

"Miss Kerwin, we know Mr. Manning showed up before your wedding. Before you married Mr. Brooks, what did Craig say to you?" says Liberty.

"He said...he said I had every part of his being, and that I wouldn't be happy, and Jimmy wouldn't be happy," says Ashley, her eyes growing misty.

"And he was right."

"He was right."

Ashley sees Craig staring at the floor.

"Because this custody case has taken on toll on all of you. You're stressed, exhausted, sick, all for the sake of your daughter. Yet my opponent would have the jury believe Miss Kerwin is unstable, not dependable. Likewise, Craig Manning is still here, despite recent, unflattering revelations about his personal life," says Liberty.

"It wasn't always like this," speaks up Ashley, causing Liberty to give her a confused look. "We all use to be friends. We were in a band together. We hung out at prom, graduation parties, by the lockers. I care about Jimmy. And I love Craig. I didn't think...I didn't mean to cause all this pain."

Ashley cries silently.

"You supported Jimmy while he was in the hospital," prompts Liberty.

"And I wouldn't change that. I wouldn't change being there for him, and our daughter is not a mistake. She was made out of love. I love her more everyday."

"How tough is this for you? To not know if you will see your daughter ever again?"

"It's been tough on all of us," says Ashley. "I thought I had no chance, and self-destructed. And I made a poor choice. I thought the pills would be a quick fix, but there is no quick fix to this."

Liberty is about to speak again, but she's interrupted.

"There is...there is a quick fix," says Jimmy, rolling his wheelchair to the front.

Ashley wipes her eyes, tries to see Jimmy through the tears. Jimmy goes up to Judge Winton, a somber look on his face.

"I'd...I'd like to drop the suit," says Jimmy, after taking a deep breath. "No delays. No conditions. I won't let my daughter be without her mom. I want the divorce, but joint custody."

Ashley scans the room. Kate's mouth drops, while Robert and Chris eyes pop open. Mr. Brooks appears stoic, and Craig grins. She's not aware of her own expression, but feels a smile trying to break through.

"Your honor, he's clearly influenced by Ashley Kerwin's hospital stay. She took those pills to get sympathy, asking for a delay to get more preparation time for her lowbrow lawyer," shouts Carla. "Trenton, reason with him!"

Mr. Brooks smiles. "It's my son's decision, and I'm staying out of it."

"Are you sure, Mr. Brooks?" says Judge Winton.

Jimmy glances at Ashley, sadly smiles. "I'm sure. I remember we were friends. I remember that we cared and we still care."

"Then that's that," says Judge Winton. "A wise decision, I must say. We will meet later to discuss the conditions of joint custody for Leslie Elizabeth Brooks, and the divorce paperwork will still go into effect. Case dismissed."

Ashley quickly gets up, runs to Jimmy, and hugs him. Carla slams her briefcase shut, walks briskly out of the room. Members of the jury start to clap as everyone in the room stands.

"Thank you...thank you so much," whispers Ashley, through joyful sobs.

Jimmy rubs her back. "Thank you for our daughter."


	30. Nothing Can Change This Love

**XXX. Nothing Can Change This Love **

Nothing Can Change This Love is the property of Sam Cooke.

If I go a million miles away  
I write a letter each and every day  
'Cause honey, nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change this love  
I have for you

Ooh, make me weep,  
You can make me cry  
See me comin'  
And you can pass me by  
I know that nothin',  
nothin' can ever change this love  
I have for you

Oh, you're the apple of my eye  
You're cherrie pie  
Oh you're cake and ice cream  
You're sugar and spice  
And everything nice  
You're the boy of my, my, my dreams

If you wanted to leave me  
And roam  
When you get back  
I'd just say  
Welcome home,  
I know that nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change the love  
I have for you

I know that nothin',  
Nothin' can ever change the love  
I have for you

Releasing Jimmy from her grasp, Ashley immediately finds Kate, and falls into her arms. Paige and Ellie walk up to her, patting her back at the same time. Robert and Chris beam at her. It's a circle of warmth that seems unreal, like this whole nightmare had never happened. Did Jimmy really drop the suit, agree to joint custody, end it all? Glancing at his smiling face as he shakes hands with his father, Ashley finally believes it. Ashley searches for Liberty, finds her being congratulated by Judge Winton.

"Your rhetorical skills are simply excellent, Miss Van Zandt," Ashley overhears Judge Winton saying. "You have a bright future ahead of you."

"Thank you, your honor," says Liberty, blushing. "Passions wins over vengeance every time."

"It certainly does," says Judge Winton, then nodding at Ashley. "I'll be seeing you soon, Miss Kerwin. Congratulations."

"Thank you, your honor," says Ashley.

Liberty sighs, turns to Ashley as Judge Winton walks over to Jimmy.

"I was on pins and needles there for awhile," admits Liberty.

"Liberty, there's no way I can repay you for all the time and effort you've put into this. As for payment..."

"Ashley," interrupts Liberty. "Craig paid me."

"He did?" says Ashley, softly.

She looks for Craig, but he's nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah, at a reduced rate. Since you guys have given me worldwide recognition for this case, there's no way I'm making you pay the full rate. Nah, with Craig's money, I can pay my bills and any expenses for Jake for quite awhile. Thanks."

"I want to repay you some way...um, I'm taking Paige out later. Do you want to come? Let me buy you dinner."

Liberty grins. "Okay, yeah. I don't get to have girls' night a lot."

"Good," says Ashley. "I'm just going to find Paige and Ellie.."

Ashley weaves to the crowd, honestly looking for Paige and Ellie, but really hoping to catch sight of Craig. He took care of the bill. She was so stubborn in the hospital, and he took care of the bill. He must've paid Liberty before she entered the courtroom that day, not sure of what would happen. Knowing him, he would've kept paying. I'm such an idiot, she thinks.

She feels a strong hand on her shoulder, obviously male. Craig. She turns around, and it isn't him.

"Jimmy tells me you might be going to a rehabilitation facility," says Mr. Brooks, straightening his tie.

Ashley arches her eyebrows. He was the last person she thought would be speaking to her, even after Jimmy's newfound decision. His brow's sweating, so she's sure this isn't easy for him either.

"I might," says Ashley.

"I just wanted you to know that I remember all those days, months, years you were there with me and my wife, supporting Jimmy, night and day. You cried with us, laughed with us. I enjoyed having you as a daughter-in-law. But that era has come to an end, obviously."

"Yes, sir."

Mr. Brooks smiles at her. "I put you through torture, caused a lot of hurt. I'm sorry for that, sorry to you and to Kate and Robert...and Craig."

The last name barely rolls out, but at least he said it, and that makes Ashley smile for the first time in this conversation.

"If it's alright, I would like to pay for your stay at whatever facility you choose," says Mr. Brooks. "It's not a loan, and it's until you get in first-rate condition. You treated my son well, and I'd like to make sure you get well."

Ashley looks down, not clear what to say. This is a huge offer, and so unexpected. Suddenly, she sees that Kate is standing next to her, apparently having heard the conversation.

"This isn't guilt money?" inquires Kate.

"It is, to be honest. But it's also an extension of friendship, a friendship for the sake of Leslie. Does that sound viable, Kate?" says Mr. Brooks, reaching out for her hand.

Kate stares at Ashley for a second, puts her hand in Mr. Brooks'. "We'll work something out."

Mr. Brooks' face relaxes, and Ashley finds her own doing the same. Kate grins as well.

"So how good is my granddaughter's singing voice?" asks Mr. Brooks.

"Amazingly good," replies Ashley. "She's what you'd like to call a winner."

"Like mother, like daughter," says Kate, hugging Ashley to her chest.

II.

After jetting past the reporters, Craig drove to 717 Carter Avenue. The sun is setting, and it must've been about the same time it was when he first brought Ashley here. The air seems less fragrant, a bit chilly, and Craig sluggishly leaves the car and enters the home they'd worked so hard on. Going to the desk, he slouches in a chair, absent-mindedly touches a pad of lined paper.

Wasn't this all supposed to work out? That's what he told himself for days, meant to happen for days. Jimmy had wonderfully agreed to joint custody, but Ashley wasn't with him, and now Leslie's room would remain empty, unpainted. He's so sad he can't even think of lyrics. This is rare for him. Whenever he got that sad, he'd always been able to compose a song, right what he felt. It's hard to write that when you feel nothing, feel numb.

He's surprised to hear the doorbell as he stares at the empty page, but does after about seven rings. He opens to the door to a startled Marco.

"Thought you weren't home," says Marco.

"Yeah...home. Home was what it was supposed to be," says Craig, shaking his head, on his way back to the den.

Marco pulls him back. "Oh no, you don't. I didn't come all the way here to see you mope. What's that song say? Cheer up, emo kid."

"Why?" says Craig, flopping onto the couch in the main room. "Ashley hates me. I'm trying to do what she needs, and she hates me."

"Okay, you can't say stuff like I already know all the info. Start from the beginning."

Craig shrugs, tells Marco about the hospital stay, which he already knew about since he'd sent all three of the fruit baskets; the result of the court case, which he'd heard on the radio; the possibility of Ashley going to rehab, and her decision, which made Craig relieved since that was actually fresh information to Marco.

"Rehab? Wow. It sounds like she has to go, though," says Marco.

"Yeah. But I don't want her to go, be without her for that huge amount of time. The case has taken up so much already, time we could've spent being together without all these worries. It's this sick pattern where we're happy for five minutes, and then drama comes knocking," laments Craig.

"Yeah, you guys have always had it rough. A lot of tests, but you pass all of them. This just has to be the next one."

Craig massages his temple. "So what do I do?"

"I'm going to pull some advice out of the vault," replies Marco. "I told you this in grade ten. You have to tell her how you feel. Don't let her distract you, don't get nervous, just tell her. And like I said then, if you don't tell her, you've lost her already."

"She won't...she won't speak to me."

Marco takes his cell phone from his pants and starts to dial. Craig gives him a puzzled look.

"What are you doing?" he says.

Marco puts a finger to his lips. "Hey, El? You said you were at some girls' night thing? No...no, I never had an Orlando Bloom poster on my wall. What is Paige telling you, guys? Yeah, well, she's wrong...is Ash there? Okay. She needs to come here to Craig's new address...I don't know. Convince her I'm sick...don't tell her I have malaria...think of something else. Alright, bye."

"Um," says Craig.

"Malaria, honestly," says Marco, laughing to himself.

"So are we cool?" says Craig, hopefully.

Marco rolls his eyes. "If Jimmy and El can forgive you, then...we're cool."

Craig and Marco bump fists, and Craig noogies Marco.

"My hair, man!" protests Marco.

III.

Ellie clicks off her cell, whistles as she retakes her seat next to Liberty, who is explaining the greater joys of childbirth, which includes sweat, blood, and tears.

"Sounds rock and roll when you put it like that, doesn't it, Ash?" chirps Ellie, digging her fork into her macaroni.

"Disgrossting," comments Paige, about to upchuck her chicken. "Why don't men have to go through anything?"

"Seriously," says Ashley, stabbing her baked potato with a fork.

"Men aren't all bad," says Ellie.

Everyone stares blankly at her.

"Okay, they're pretty bad," retracts Ellie. "But there are some good ones."

"Like Sean?" teases Paige, less queasy.

Ellie turns red. "Whatev."

"He is a good kisser," chimes in Ashley.

"Ash!" exclaims Ellie, throwing a roll at her.

Ashley ducks and laughs.

"Craig's a good guy," compliments Liberty.

Ellie watches Ashley's face go from playful to thoughtful. Ugh, why did Marco place this responsibility in her hands? She had no idea what to do about the Sean situation, let alone how to get Ash to the house. She has to do something.

"I'm full," says Ellie, dotting her mouth with the napkin.

"I'm tired," says Liberty.

"I'm gassy," moans Paige. "Help up please."

Ellie and Liberty help Paige rise to her feet, Ashley also standing. Paige's phone rings, and she glances down and announces Spinner's there. Paige walks over and hugs Ashley.

"Thanks, hon, for the celebration," says Paige. "But having two things to celebrate in one day is pretty exhausting. Give Leslie a kiss for me."

"Sure thing," replies Ashley. "Liberty, you ready?"

"Yeah," says Liberty.

Ellie coughs. "Um...I can drive you home, Ash. No reason to trouble Liberty. You said you were tired, Liberty, so it's not a problem."

"I'm near Kate's, so it wouldn't be a problem actually," explains Liberty.

"But...but Marco's sick! He has...uh, diarrhea!" cries Ellie.

Several people in the restaurant glance over at them after Ellie's comment.

"Diarrhea!" screams a toddler, laughing. "You've got diarrhea!"

"Chronic diarrhea," adds Ellie. "He's at Craig, right now, and we gotta get him to the hospital. Are you going to abandon him after he sent all those fruit baskets, called to see if you were okay? Ash, what kind of friend, are you?"

Ashley opens her mouth, then closes it.

"I don't think it's that serious," says Liberty.

"No offense, but...you're a lawyer, not a doctor. So...let's go!" says Ellie, grabbing Ashley's hand.

They jog out of the restaurant, and Ellie fetches her keys quickly, before Ashley can speak anymore.

"There's something on your windshield," says Ashley, nodding to the hood of Ellie's car.

Ellie looks up, and indeed, there's a small, white envelope. She opens the door for Ashley, tears the envelope open. Inside are car directions, and a small note: _Ten A.M. tomorrow. Come to Wasaga. _Ellie hopes Ashley hasn't noticed that she's turned several shades of red. Sean.

She slides into her car, adjusts the rear view mirror.

"What is it?" questions Ashley.

"They're trying to sell me hair cream," lies Ellie, pretty unconvincingly. "It's...never mind. Marco. We have to see him. Buckle up."

Ashley buckles her seatbelt, stares innocently ahead as Ellie drives. Ellie admits to herself that yes, it's deceitful, but if it would get her to the facility, it is the best thing. A little lie never hurt, she thinks, staring at the note in her lap.

IV.

With shaking hands, Craig tosses a shirt into the washer, and presses the power button. The rolling sound of the machine fills the house, and he's grateful for that because the quiet was forcing him to think. After Marco put his master plan into action, he left without a word, leaving Craig to fend for himself. Tell her how he felt? Sometimes that was easy, sometimes that was hard. This time? One of the harder ones, maybe the hardest, even after that whole thing with Manny.

"Ugh," mutters Craig.

The doorbell rings and he drops a sock. Taking a big breath, he goes to the door, and opens the door to a concerned Ashley. She doesn't speak to him, walks right past.

"Marco!" she calls. "Marco, we're taking you to the hospital!"

Craig stares at her back, biting his lip.

Ashley looks at him for a moment, clearly confused, then outside. They both hear Ellie's tires screech as her car takes off.

"Wow, who knew Ellie was such a speed demon," says Craig, smiling at Ashley.

Ashley bumps him aside, goes into the room with the washing machine.

"Oh, so you're not talking to me, like, ever?" asks Craig, following her.

She turns off the machine, stares disgustedly at the contents, and starts pulling things out. Craig gasps.

"I was washing those!" he exclaims.

"You don't put colors in with whites!" snaps Ashley. "Any six-year old knows that. And the setting for it is all wrong."

"I was distracted," says Craig softly.

Ashley doesn't reply, just starts separating the clothes. Craig continues to gaze at her, reaching for that courage he knows is floating in his heart. If she didn't go, things will get worse, he reasons.

"What is this?" says Ashley, putting a wet pair of panties in his face.

"They're yours," defends Craig. "I mean, you left some stuff at the hospital and the nurse gave them to Kate, who gave them to me."

"I don't want you washing my panties!" shouts Ashley, throwing them down on the floor.

"I was trying to do something good for you!" shouts Craig. "I love you."

"I'm so sick of you deciding what's good for me. Don't I get a say?"

"Not when you're acting all stubborn and jeopardizing your health!" yells Craig.

Ashley lightly pushes him. "You're jeopardizing our relationship! You're putting this huge gap between us."

"You think I want to!" shouts Craig. "I want you to stay! But you can't because that's not going to help."

"I don't want to leave you!" yells Ashley. "I'm finally making a decision to be with you, not like when I went to England, not like when I married Jimmy. I'm choosing to be yours! You let me go before, and it hurt us. You're doing it again! We're not going to make it!"

"Stop doubting us!" says Craig, pulling Ashley closer to him.

Ashley feels the warmth of his breath on his face, sweat rolling down her neck. "Stop yelling at me! Let's talk like civil human beings!"

"If it's the only way I can be heard, I'm going to yell! I love you and I don't want to lose you permanently. I don't want you to die! There we've talked! Are you happy!"

Ashley looks up into his eyes. "I don't want to talk!"

"What?" whispers Craig, breathing hard.

Ashley grabs his face, kisses him maddeningly, until it gets tougher for her to breathe. Craig follows suit, running his hands through her hair. He knocks a laundry basket off the machine, props Ashley up on it, moving his lips with hers the entire time. They break apart for a minute, Craig unzipping her light jacket.

"Why are you wearing layers?" whispers Craig, as Ashley shrugs off the jacket.

"Because it bothers you," replies Ashley breathily, pulling Craig's shirt off.

Craig smiles, kisses her more intensely, Ashley fiddling with his belt. She gets it off, drops it to the floor. Craig inches them off, kicking them to the side.

"Good thing we're near the washing machine, because it's about to get real dirty in here," says Ashley, sliding off the machine.

"In here? You don't want to go to the bedroom..."

"It's our house, right?" says Ashley, taking off her shirt, unclasping her bra.

Craig grins giddily, retrieves a blanket from the fallen laundry basket. Ashley takes it from him, tosses it down, pulls him down with her. She kisses his shoulder, then his mouth.

"I have to be dreaming," moans Craig, as Ashley unbuttons her jeans.

"As long as it's about me," whispers Ashley, as Craig collects her in his arms.

"Always," assures Craig.

Craig puts the blanket over them, and it feels so natural, to protect her, keep her warm. He may've not been able to guard her before, but under here, it's a different story. Turning pink, Ashley slides off her underwear. Craig does the same, lovingly stares at her.

"We should do it in every room in the house," whispers Ashley, giggling.

"Don't tease me," says Craig, pulling her to him.

Craig's feathery kisses go up and down her neck, her shoulders, near her bellybutton. He swears he's never been with her like this before, this new thirst for one another. All the coldness has slipped away. There's only hot fire, a soul meeting a soul. Hands slip upward, downward, sideways over places they only want known to one another from now on. Tonight, there's no separation, no anxiety. Gazing into her blue eyes, yes, he can only see himself there, only love there.

Ashley puts her head on his chest, her soft skin caressing his.

"So you'll go?" whispers Craig, still trying to catch his breath.

"Yes," says Ashley, kissing his bare chest.

"Nothing's going to change, Ash," assures Craig. "It'll be like this when you get back."

"My heart may not be that strong, but...yeah, I believe you."

"Is it too early to say I'm going to miss you?" says Craig, putting more of the blanket over her.

He feels what he thinks is a tear on his chest.

"No," says Ashley.


	31. All Is Fair In Love

**XXXI. All Is Fair In Love **

All Is Fair in Love is the property of Stevie Wonder.

"All Good Things Must Come to An End" is the property of Nelly Furtado. Portion of song appears in text.

All is fair in love, love's a crazy game

Two people vow to stay, in love as one they say

But all is changed with time, the future none can see The road you leave behind, ahead lies mystery But all is fair in love, I had to go away A writer takes his pen_ to write the words again That all in love is fair All of fates a chance, its either good or bad I tossed my coin to say in love with me you'd stay But all in war is so cold, you either win or lose When all is put away, the losing side I'll play But all is fair in love, I should have never left your side A writer takes his pen to write the words again That all in love is fair A writer takes his pen to write the words again That all in love is fair_

Sunlight filters into the window, shining down on a table with bowls, plates, cups, and a couple cereal boxes. The oven is simmering, the ice maker is rattling, Ashley's feet in his huge slippers scuttle across the floor. It is the life he imagined, when they weren't together, when they were together. It all happens in front of Craig's eyes. Ashley, wearing one of his shirts, pours herself some coffee, sits across from him.

"When did you clean that shirt?" asks Craig, giving her a playful smile.

"This morning, when the washing machine was actually used properly," replies Ashley, smiling shyly.

Craig takes a carton and pours some white liquid over his cereal.

"Egg nog?" reads Ashley, arching an eyebrow.

"It's really good on cornflakes," says Craig.

"Gravy on fries, now this," laughs Ashley, shaking her head.

Craig smirks. "Don't make fun of my food preferences if all you're having is toast."

"And coffee," corrects Ashley, lifting up her cup. "And I wasn't making fun. Just remembering for whenever I go to the store."

"Going to the store? Wow. We're getting all domesticated, and boring, Ash," says Craig, smiling.

"Not that domesticated," says Ashley, curling a foot around Craig's under the table. "Last night, just a little wild."

"Are you playing footsie with me?" whispers Craig, chuckling.

"Maybe," teases Ashley. "My foot is definitely out of your slipper."

Craig blushes. "Okay, I need a distraction...before something happens. Like right now."

He gets up, turns on the radio.

"Prude," says Ashley, giggling.

"No, you did not just call me that!" exclaims Craig, walking to her.

Ashley puts her hands up protectively, but Craig starts to tickle her anyway. She squeals as Craig laughs, and somehow he manages to maneuver her onto his lap. The music stops playing, and the DJ clears her throat.

"Well, as many of you have heard, yesterday, in a startling turn of events, Jimmy Brooks dropped the sole custody suit and has agreed to joint custody for his daughter Leslie. Needless to say, it's a victory for Ashley Kerwin and her arm candy, Craig Manning."

"I'm your arm candy," says Craig, beaming at her.

"Shut up," says Ashley, lightly slapping his knee.

"We're here on the street, getting everyone's opinions on the results of this intense event. Hello. What's your name?"

"Hi, I'm Darcy. Darcy Edwards. I'm a weather girl," says a voice.

Ashley slaps a hand to her forehead. Craig laughs.

"What do you think of what happened between the case of Brooks versus Kerwin?" asks the DJ.

"Who? Oh, Jimmy and Ashley. Yeah, I know them. Leslie's going to benefit from having both of her parents in her life. And Craig's going to be a good stepdad. I heard they're going to make a Lifetime movie out of this. I think that's cool. Maybe I can play Ashley. She'd be okay with that."

"No, I wouldn't," says Ashley, more to herself than Craig.

"Awww, let her play you, Ash," teases Craig.

"Can you sing?" inquires the DJ. "Our sources say Miss Kerwin is an excellent singer."

"Yeah!" says Darcy, defensively, then starts to sing way off-key. "_This song is the price for breaking my heart_, _should've written these words right from the start_."

A dog barks constantly in the background.

"_Mr. Nice Guy, oh oh oh ohhhhh, Mr. Nice Guy_," continues Darcy.

"Make her stop!" someone shouts from afar.

"I'm not finished yet!" says Darcy. "I know the whole song, saw it in the Degrassi video archives. That and when I was crowned prom queen. Twice."

"Shut up!" says the same voice.

"Don't like me because I'm beautiful. I mean, don't hate me because I'm ugly. I mean...what was I talking about?" stammers Darcy.

"Nothing," says Ashley, getting up from Craig's lap and shutting the radio off.

Craig sighs, rises as well. "I have to go to the studio anyway. But first..."

He fetches a new spoon, puts the bowl of cereal on Ashley's side, and nods at her.

"Try it," he suggests.

"Okay, going to rehab shows that I value my life. Refraing from eating non egg-nog cereal also applies," says Ashley.

Craig shrugs, but hears the sound of a spoon meeting liquid as he leaves.

"This is good," he hears Ashley whisper.

He smiles to himself, stops in front of the bedroom when the doorbell rings. He opens it to Derek, who he's surprised to see has a very gloomy expression on his face. He doesn't believe he's ever seen that face on him.

"Hey," greets Craig.

Craig peers behind Derek, and sees Ashley's car.

"I brought her car over," explains Derek sadly. "Ashley called for it."

"Thanks. We appreciate it," says Craig.

Derek gives Craig a lookover, and smacks his lips in disgust.

"What?" prompts Craig.

"Your hair's all messed up, and you're still in your pajamas," says Derek, staring at his hair.

"So?" says Craig.

"So you and Ashley were probably in there having hot, angsty sex last night," concludes Derek, trying to look in. "Meanwhile, I can't even get a kiss. I get the whole 'you've got a great personality, but I don't like you that way' thing from Darcy, and I'm all alone."

Craig was getting a little sick of Derek's inquiries about his sex life, but he honestly did feel bad for him.

"No, we just hung out...last night," lies Craig.

The floor creaks, and they both turn to see Ashley standing awkwardly in Craig's nightshirt in the kitchen door frame, a toothbrush in her mouth.

"Oral hygiene," says Ashley, slightly embarrassed before ducking into the bedroom.

Derek rolls his eyes, starts to go down the walk. "I'm catching a cab."

"No wait," says Craig, following him. "Sorry about that. There must be...must be something I can do. You've been there for me and Ash, helped us out."

"I don't know," groans Derek.

"You ever...been to a real recording studio?" asks Craig.

Derek finally smiles. "No joke? I could go? That's so cool! Can I rap on the mic?"

"No," says Craig.

"Can I lay down a track?"

"No."

"Can I hit a cymbal and shout 'Thank you Toronto!' ?"

Craig bites his lip. "Yeah, okay."

"Yes!" exclaims Derek. "But dude, maybe you should change."

Craig looks down at his pajamas. "Oh...right."

II.

Ellie turns the key in the ignition, at last arriving at her destination. Wasaga. The last time she went she had butterflies in her stomach, sitting next to Sean, loving the wind blowing on her face. This time, there weren't so much butterflies in her stomach but an uneasy ache, an empty ache. She didn't know if that's a sign or not. Not sure of what to wear, she just threw on a long-sleeved red shirt, a short black skirt, her boots, and yes, the rubber bands. Luckily, the bands were covered. Besides, she hasn't cut, and more surprising, she hasn't felt the need to cut. Maybe because she was worried about everyone else– Ashley, Sean, and strangest of all, Emma. When did that happen, she asks herself.

The thing is she knows that it's before Emma dumped the food, maybe before that day she retrieved the film from her. How did Craig make it look so easy? He just went on the camping trip, decided that Ashley was the one, and left her. She doesn't hold that against him anymore, though it hurt immensely. Now, here she is in Wasaga, and she's not entirely sure she belongs here, alone with him.

Locking her car, she advances to the beach, going down until she sees a figure in the middle, in exactly the same spot where they sat the first time. He has on a white T-shirt, a jean jacket, and jeans. He's staring at the waves, until he sees Ellie, and quickly stands.

"I got your note," says Ellie softly.

Sean takes off his jacket, lays it down for her to sit on.

"Thanks," says Ellie.

Sean pulls some paper from his jacket, sits down next to her. Ellie notices that his hands are shaking as he opens them. She bites her lip in anticipation.

"Umm...this is a letter to Emma, for a trial separation," says Sean, his voice cracking a bit. "I...wrote it last night. All these words just came out. The handwriting probably looks...looks like...looks horrible."

Ellie puts a hand over his, and she's grateful that it seems to calm him down a bit.

"When I was writing it, all these memories of us and then me and her...I'm asking for six months, and then I'm giving her a decision. I had to run it by you first."

Ellie nods, her insides churning as Sean's eyes fill with tears. Sean unfolds the paper, begins to read:

"Dear Emma, I know...I know this hasn't been fair to you. You most likely have all these questions, questions I can't answer...not yet anyway. When we got married, I was...I was happy, but confused too. Confused, because months before, I was in love with someone else. Then, I got thrown off, because I started to fall in love with you."

Ellie looks down, feels her eyes get blurry.

"Now, Ellie has come back into my life, and old feelings I thought I could erase have returned. I feel like I'm driving a car with no directions, no headlights to guide me through. This is why...why..."

Sean stops, hunches over, and Ellie strokes his back as he cries.

"I can't finish...I can't finish," whispers Sean, hiccuping as the tears stream faster down his cheeks.

Ellie takes the letter, reads the rest out loud though the writing is indeed hard to decipher.

"This is why... I'm asking for a break, just so I can steer in the right path. If that leads...leads me to you, I don't know. Just keep this in your heart: The four years we've had hasn't been a waste. I appreciate the woman and wife you've been. I appreciate the love we share. Always, Sean."

Ellie feels cold all over, hands the letter back to him. She's not sure why the cold sets in, especially after reading that Sean's feelings were enough to ask for this.

"Have you been home since she gave you back your ring?" asks Ellie.

"No, it's just...just crushing to be there," says Sean. "I stop in, pick up what I need, sleep at the shop."

"Emma's not at home, is she?"

"No, she's at her folks' still."

Tears coat Ellie's cheeks, nose, and chin. "Sean...," she starts.

"I only need more time," says Sean, wiping his red eyes furiously. "I feel horrible for making you and Emma wait. I feel horrible for asking you..."

"For asking me to okay all of this," finishes Ellie, angrily. "Then don't ask me! Sean, you keep putting all of it on me, when this is really about you. You're not the only one who feels guilt, alright? Why don't I ever get to ask questions?"

Sean nods, understanding her. He always does, thinks Ellie sadly.

"Ask," says Sean.

"Did you know your wife's in trouble?"

"What...what do you mean?"

"Emma...she's not eating. She dumped her lunch the other day."

Sean's eyes bulge. "What?"

"And being the food conservationist that she is, I don't think it's due to lack of hunger or a trendy diet. She needs you."

Sean scratches his head. "She was fine...I guess since I haven't been there to check on her..."

"I have some more questions," says Ellie.

"Yeah," says Sean, though Ellie can tell he's still preoccupied.

"Being completely honest with yourself, could you ever divorce Emma? A separation is one thing, but a divorce, that's a whole different thing," says Ellie.

Sean takes awhile to answer this one, and the more he waits, the more Ellie's heart sinks. She's sure she knows why, though. Sean is a man of morals, as many petty crimes as he's done, as many temptations cross his mind. He has a heart of gold, a loyal personality. It's the thing she loved most about him, but it's the thing that is tearing them apart.

The lack of answer settles things. Ellie slowly takes the letter and tears it apart. Sean stares at the remnants blankly.

"El, you have to know I'm trying," says Sean, wiping a tear from under her eye.

"I know," whispers Ellie. "It's my fault. I let you go, and you found her. We can't help who we find. I'm stepping aside. I'll be the one on the side."

Ellie stands, Sean jumping up as well.

"You're never the girl on the side," corrects Sean. "Never."

Ellie starts to wander down the beach, silently, the smell of salt air filling her nose. Sean puts an arm around her. The gesture and the rolling waves ease her a bit, and the ache in her belly dies down. Maybe it was the anxiety that was causing the ache, and now that she's clear, clear about what has to happen.

"Will you be happy?" asks Sean.

Ellie slides her hands around his waist. "I'm happy you're in my life, no matter how."

Sean kisses her forehead, hugs her tightly to his side. "I love you, El."

Ellie smiles, the sun warming her face. "I love you, Sean."

III.

Opening her wallet, taking out a credit card, Ashley grins from ear to ear. Standing in the middle of Home Depot, which Craig had joked was like his second home now, she glances over the paint cans, trying to find the perfect shade of purple. She cradles her cellphone between her ear and her shoulder, reading the names.

"Lavender...Misty Lilac...Royal Purple," reads Ashley.

"They all sound too girly," says Craig on the other end. "Derek, don't touch my stereo!"

"Well, we are shopping for a girl," reminds Ashley. "I'm pretty sure Les would like the Misty Lilac, though. It's not too purple."

"Then she has taste," teases Craig. "None of that moody, deep purple you had in your room."

"I liked my moody, deep purple curtains, thank you very much," defends Ashley.

"So did I," says Craig, quickly. "Just joking. I also liked the black lamps, the purple carpet...the bed."

"Shush," says Ashley, smiling. "I'll just get three and let her choose."

"That sounds fine," replies Craig. "You should call Jimmy and see when she can come over."

"Good idea," says Ashley. "When will you be back?"

"It shouldn't take long. We have to record a couple...Derek...what? No, I'm not asking Ashley to get you a Snickers. No, it won't matter if you ask her yourself. I am not...not giving you my phone!"

Ashley laughs, takes a paint can of Misty Lilac from the shelf.

"Ash, remember all those doubts I had about being a stepdad?" says Craig.

"Yeah?"

Craig sighs. "If I can handle Derek, I can handle any kid."

"True," says Ashley, giggling. "Love you. Bye."

Dialing Jimmy's number, several different emotions fill her heart: a subtle sadness that this would be her first time calling her house as somewhat of a stranger; a sense of relief that she can call; a happiness at the thought of spending a couple hours with her daughter.

"Hey," says Ashley, when Jimmy himself says hello.

"Ash? Wow," says Jimmy, though his voice isn't angry.

"We're painting...painting our house, and we reserved a room for Leslie. Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have called."

"No...no, it's okay. Um, you want her to come over, I'm sensing."

"Yeah, to pick out a color for her room. Please."

"How about tomorrow? Spinner's driving me to practice, and we can drop her off. School's over, so Les is free."

"That's great. Thank you."

Suddenly, all those feelings are outweighed by the happiness.

Ashley switches off her phone, lugs the paint can to the cashier, and then goes back for two others. Then, she gets a cart. The male cashier beams at her as he rings up the items.

"You look better than you do on TV," he says. "Glad I moved from the convenience store to here."

Ashley politely smiles, glances at his nametag. "Thanks...um, Murray."

"Sorry if this is too personal, but my brother, he went to rehab. It's not so bad. Rehab food is awesome."

"Oh," says Ashley, blinking at him.

"What stinks is that thirty days when you can't see anybody," says Murray. "My brother's a loner, but even he was getting antsy for some contact."

Ashley's heart begins to race. She'd forgotten about the thirty days. Sure, she agreed to go last night, but now the realization was hitting her, hard.

"Did it work...for your brother?" asks Ashley.

"Oh yeah!" comforts Murray. "He's off the crack. I missed him, though. Now he's back, and our bond's stronger than other. I just have to remind him to do the laundry on Saturdays."

Ashley turns red at the mention of laundry, and Murray gives her a confused look.

"It's hot in here, isn't it?" says Ashley, fanning herself. "Does this store give discounts?"

"To hot women? Oh yeah!" replies Murray, winking at her.

IV.

Derek lovingly traces the edge of a drum, then strokes the head of a keyboard. Craig looks at him for a bit, shakes his head.

"Dude! These are the coolest instruments I've seen in my life!" praises Derek. "Does Ash have one of these?"

"No," replies Craig. "Don't touch that! And what's up with all these Ashley questions?"

"I just think she's...interesting. I have a newfound respect for her."

"Mhmm, ever since you saw her in a nightshirt."

"Hey, man. I know she's yours. Just admiring."

Craig walks up, takes one drumstick from him. Derek holds the other one pathetically.

Derek flinches. "Sorry."

Eddie walks into the room, Mickey and Robertia behind him. Robertia's wearing a very loud orange dress that makes Craig's eyes water.

"He's still here?" moans Eddie, taking the other drumstick out of Derek's hand.

Derek shrugs. "I'll sit on the couch."

Mickey takes off his sunglasses. "Craig, I've listened to a few tracks. Really impressed. Though not of course as impressive as that fine for landing the helicopter at Lincoln."

Craig coughs. "Yeah, that was...was a pretty big fine. Sorry."

"So you owe me another track. We're going to do our first hidden track. Don't care what it's about, as long as it matches the other stuff."

"That's doable," says Craig.

Derek claps loudly. "I love hidden tracks! You think the album's over then...bam, here comes another little ditty. It's like the prize in some tasty Cracker Jacks."

"And I love quiet in recording sessions," says Eddie, crossing his arms.

Derek pretends to zip his lips, sits happily on the couch. Robertia flops down next to him, assesses his wardrobe.

"I like your hair," says Robertia. "Your clothes need work."

"That's what my mom tells me," confesses Derek.

Craig throws Eddie a surprised look, and Eddie smirks. He's glad Mickey likes all the tracks, and that the case and everything else hadn't affected the process. Eddie had been very lenient with him, understanding about Ashley. Composing a hidden track, however, he was running dry on inspiration.

"Sit up straight," says Robertia, clapping Derek on the back.

He immediately sits up straight. "I hunt so I'm used to slouching a little," he says, confidently.

"I like sporting men," says Robertia.

"And I like aggressive women," replies Derek, puffing out his chest.

"Oh, mercy," mutters Eddie, viewing them.

Mickey catches Craig's sight and motions for Craig to follow him outside. Craig puts down his guitar, and leaves the studio, closing the door behind them.

"I said you could do whatever, but I think we both know who the best songs are about," says Mickey.

Craig looks down, smiles. "She's my muse."

"So if I could persuade you to draw from that same fountain of inspiration...if you take my meaning."

Craig nods. "I got it."

"Good. So she's going to rehab?"

"Yes."

Mickey clears his throat. "Had friends in rehab.That first thirty days is going to be rough. What're you going to do about it?"

"Try not to think about how much I'm going to miss her...which will be impossible."

"How about writing? Before I became your manager, I wanted to be a rock star. When my girlfriend went on one of those spiritual missions, I wrote down my feelings. She seemed to like that romantic mess."

"I'll think about it," says Craig.

"Meanwhile, you should throw her a little shindig. Let other people say good-bye, send her off with warm wishes."

Craig is tempted to gasp. That was a brilliant idea. He was going to put something together anyway, but a full-blown party would show Ashley how much they all cared. And the idea came from Mickey?

"That's actually a wonderful idea," compliments Craig.

"I occasionally come up with those," says Mickey. "Now get in there and start recording. At least Robertia will distract that Derek guy."

Craig chuckles, goes back in. Eddie asks if he can run to the bathroom, making a gagging noise as he passes Derek and Robertia. Craig finds an empty page in his notepad, but the words aren't coming out. When would they? Craig sighs, thinks back to a time when they flowed so easily. His memory flashes to right after prom, the prom he and Ashley played, after a once in a lifetime meeting with Kevin Smith. They sat on the couch in Joey's garage, talking about their performance.

"Then Jimmy ate all this bad cheese, and Hazel had to hold his jacket while he spewed. Not cute," said Ashley, burying her head in Craig's shoulder.

Craig put his arm around her. "Other than that, it was a perfect night. You, me, music equals magic."

"You're so sappy," said Ashley. "I'm going to miss your quirky sayings when I go to England."

"Since you insist on abandoning me," groaned Craig.

Ashley kissed him on the lips, and Craig stroked her cheek.

"I'm not in England yet," she said.

"And we haven't danced," observed Craig. "We've played music, but we haven't danced to music."

"Make sure it's a slow song?" requested Ashley.

Craig flipped on a boombox and pulled Ashley to her feet. The music began, and Craig twirled, then dipped Ashley. Ashley giggled, laying her head on Craig's chest.

Honestly what will become of me  
I don't like reality  
It's way too clear to me  
But really life is daily  
We are what we don't see  
We miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust  
Lovers to friends  
Why do all good things come to an end

"I'm scared," she breathed, and Craig hears the sadness in her voice. 

"Why?" says Craig, rubbing her back.

"I don't know. I don't want this night to end. But it has to."

Craig stroked her chin, holds her face up to his.

"Whatever happens, we'll always have nights like this. You can take them with you wherever you go, and I'll do the same."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Traveling I always stop at exits  
Wondering if I'll stay  
Young and restless  
Living this way I stress less  
I want to pull away when the dream dies  
The pain sets in and I don't cry  
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Craig is startled when the memory fades, when the pen moves. So many memories, so many moments that mean the world to him. Look where they are. Who knows where they'll be? But he knows, knows that even when muses leave, they always return.


	32. Three Times A Lady

**XXXII. Three Times A Lady **

Three Times A Lady is the property of Lionel Richie.

Thanks for the times  
That you've given me  
The memories are all in my mind  
And now that we've come  
To the end of our rainbow  
There's something  
I must say out loud

You're once, twice  
Three times a lady  
Yes you're once twice  
Three times a lady  
And I love you  
When we are together  
The moments I cherish  
With every beat of my heart  
To touch you to hold you  
To feel you to need you  
There's nothing to keep us apart

You're once twice  
Three times a lady  
And I love you  
I love you

Ashley glances around the bare room, evaluating how much work needs to be done. Her sneakers squelch against the plastic sheet covering protecting the floorHer hair is tied back in a ponytail, and she wears a grey T-shirt that she'd retrieved from her mother's earlier that morning. Craig had helped move most of her stuff to 717 Carter Avenue, though there were still a few things to be transported. She asked why they couldn't get the rest that evening, but Craig said he had other plans, looking away from her. She knows something is up, but decided not to press any further.

Ashley glances around the bare room, evaluating how much work needs to be done. Her sneakers squelch against the plastic sheet covering protecting the floorHer hair is tied back in a ponytail, and she wears a grey T-shirt that she'd retrieved from her mother's earlier that morning. Craig had helped move most of her stuff to 717 Carter Avenue, though there were still a few things to be transported. She asked why they couldn't get the rest that evening, but Craig said he had other plans, looking away from her. She knows something is up, but decided not to press any further. 

She smooths out the smock that hangs around her chest and mid-section. Craig brings over a couple paint cans, then a ladder. Ashley tries to remove the lid of one paint can, curling her lips in frustration. Craig takes it from her, manages to get it off quickly.

"You're such a lady," teases Craig.

"I loosened it for you," says Ashley, kissing him on the cheek.

"Yeah, right. When is she coming?" says Craig.

Ashley checks her watch. "She was supposed to come ten minutes ago. You don't think Jimmy changed his mind, do you? What if she doesn't want to come? What if..."

"She's coming," interrupts Craig, giving her a reassuring hug.

"Okay," says Ashley, taking a deep breath.

"I think she's going to like this room," comments Craig.

"Me too," says Ashley, stirring the paint base.

"If she likes me, not so sure," says Craig.

Ashley beams at him, scrunches her face because of the smell.

"She likes you. And soon, she'll love you. You'll see," says Ashley.

Craig notices her expression. "Say that with a straight face."

"I can't. This stuff stinks," admits Ashley, laughing.

"Well, just focus on something else. Like how we're going to accomplish this in three days," says Craig.

Ashley continues to stir, frowns. Dr. Gill, after receiving the okay from her, made arrangements after consultations with her and her parents, who were relieved that she complied. She would be leaving for Serenity in Malibu within four days' time. Dr. Gill recommended Serenity, and somehow Craig knew about it as well. Her mother booked the airplane ticket. Ashley didn't care where. She only wanted it to be done, to get well and come back to her forming family. After the discussion, neither of them had said much about it, taking in these last moments together.

"I'd rather focus on you," says Ashley. "Your butt's looking mighty nice in those jeans."

Craig wiggles his butt, making Ashley giggle.

"And I noticed that your smock is very kind in highlighting your finer assets," praises Craig.

Ashley dips her brush into the base, starts painting a wall. "Too bad we're having company, or else I'd let you untie it."

Craig puts another brush into the same can, and stands beside her, painting. "Why must you tempt me every three minutes?"

"I like having control," teases Ashley. "Stop bothering me. You said to focus, and I am. I don't want paint dripping all over me."

"If I wasn't such a gentleman, I'd cover you in paint," says Craig. "You know, since I can't smother you in sweat."

"You're not doing either right now," says Ashley, blushing.

Craig raises the wet brush mischievously, and Ashley gasps. He winks at her, then continues to paint. Ashley smiles.

"Told you I'm a gentleman," says Craig.

"And I'm a lady," says Ashley, nodding. "But not that much of a lady!"

Ashley raises her brush, flicks some liquid on Craig's shirt, and raises her arm in triumph. Craig tackles her to the floor, Ashley trying her best to get up.

"I can't believe you did that!" exclaims Craig, pinning her arms to her chest.

"Like you weren't!" says Ashley, turning red from laughter.

"I wasn't!"

"Likely story!"

Ashley squirms. "Let me up."

Craig puts his forefinger into the glob on his shirt, and spreads a little on her cheek. "That looks nice."

"This better not be toxic," says Ashley, grinning, as Craig gets off her.

Just then, the bell rings, and Ashley stands, brushing herself off. She advances to the door, opening the door to Leslie, dressed in a white shirt and blue pants.

"Hey, Les!" greets Ashley, hugging her.

"Hi," says Leslie, shyly. "You don't live that far away from Daddy."

Ashley shrugs. "Yeah."

She peers behind Leslie to Spinner, who waves to her. Ashley waves back, thinks she sees Jimmy, but she can't get a clear view of him. Leslie walks in, looks curiously around the room.

"Do you like it?" asks Ashley.

"It's okay," replies Leslie. "Smells."

"That's the paint base," explains Ashley. "Craig's putting it on as we speak."

"Did I hear my name?" says Craig, cheerfully, coming into the room, wiping his hand with a rag. "Hey Leslie!"

Leslie says nothing, looks down.

"Are you hungry?" inquires Craig.

Leslie shakes her head. Ashley feels like a giant weight is climbing on top of her heart. Of course Leslie's skeptical around Craig, after the whole case and the details of his past. She hopes it will come naturally, as naturally as it did in the woods.

"So we have three shades for you to choose from," announces Ashley, taking Leslie's hand.

They all head to Leslie's room, and Craig reveals the three shades to Leslie. Leslie strokes her chin thoughtfully, points to one.

"Misty Lilac! I knew it!" says Ashley, happily.

"Misty Lilac it is," says Craig, popping open the can.

"This is where I'm going to sleep?" asks Leslie.

"Yes," answers Ashley. "We're going to pick out new furniture and everything."

"And you two sleep in the same bed?" says Leslie.

Ashley throws Craig a quick look, and he appears just as speechless as her.

"It's okay," says Leslie. "I'm five. I know things."

Yeah, you're five and I don't want you to know those things, not yet anyway, thinks Ashley. Craig smiles at her, and makes a point to move the ladder from one corner to another corner.

"Tell me about this variety show," says Ashley, anxious to change topics.

That seems to relax Leslie a little.

"I'm going to sing a classic song. Not sure what, though. I need some instrumental back-up, though. Drums, if I can get them."

"Um, I play drums," says Craig, walking over to them.

"He's good, too," adds Ashley.

"That's alright," says Leslie, avoiding looking at Craig.

"Oh, okay. Well, if you're ever in a bind, the offer's always open," says Craig. "Do you guys want juice?"

"Two Sunny Ds, please," says Ashley.

Craig exits the room, Leslie's eyes following him. Ashley leads Leslie to the wall Craig finished, and stoops down to her daughter. Now's as good a time to talk as any.

"Are you uncomfortable, Les?" asks Ashley. "Do you want Craig to leave?"

Leslie bites her lip. "It's weird. I feel...like I'm betraying Daddy or something. I do like him, Mommy. It's hard. Does that sound stupid?"

"No," says Ashley. "It sounds honest."

"I think he should stay, though. He was nice to you and nice to me in the hospital. I heard about the helicopter. That's pretty cool."

Ashley, who'd heard about the helicopter before she, Craig, and Mr. Gill met that first time, also couldn't get over the image of the helicopter touching down just so he was able to make sure she was okay. She grins at the thought.

"Craig's done a lot of cool things for me," says Ashley.

"Like buying this house?" says Leslie.

"Like buying this house," repeats Ashley. "And since we're being honest, Les, I'm going to be crazy not seeing you for that long."

"I'm going to miss you, Mommy," says Leslie, hugging her.

Ashley tries to hold back the tears, but finds it so difficult. She remembers what Liberty said in the courtroom, about being strong for Leslie. The last time, she wasn't able to. This time, she would.

"The months will go by real fast," whispers Ashley.

"Okay,' says Leslie, wiping away a tear.

Craig reenters, carrying two bottles of Sunny D. He hands one to Ashley, and then unfastens the cap for Leslie and hands it to her.

"Thank you, Craig," says Leslie, smiling for the first time since her arrival.

Ashley arches her eyebrows at Craig, grinning widely, and Craig returns the huge grin.

"You're welcome, Leslie," says Craig.

II.

Sean's key remains in the ignition, as he watches her car move further down the road. He walked her to her car, said good-bye, got in his own car, and couldn't move, couldn't think. Without warning, a memory comes into his mind, a memory he should've thought about everyday, but neglected to because it brought up so many emotions– his wedding day.

Jay tossed some breath mints into his mouth, as Jacob ran around his legs in a circle. Sean fixed his tie for what seemed like the seventh time. It was always right, but he kept undoing it, then doing it again.

"I'm getting dizzy," sang Jacob. "I'm getting dizzy."

"Dude, I'm never having kids," said Jay, stopping Jacob from running. "Whose kid is this?"

"J.T. and Liberty's son," answered Sean. "J.T. was nice enough to let him be ringbearer."

"Oh yeah, I got his dad to sell pills," said Jay, chuckling.

"Don't tell the kid that!" exclaimed Sean.

"What pills?" said Jacob, about to dig up his nose.

"Flintstone vitamins," said Jay. "Sean, you can't tie that tie anymore. You have to get married in like six minutes."

Darcy popped her head into the room. "Here to pick up Jake."

"Hello, Miss Darcy," said Jay, smiling at her while handing over Jacob. "Save a dance for me?"

"In your ravine-infested dreams," said Darcy, then shutting the door behind her.

"She's been digging me since high school. Spinner just got in the way,"explained Jay.

"Stop hitting on the bridesmaids," instructs Sean. "It's not in the best man job description."

Sean took the rings from his pocket, startled by the golden glare. He'd almost gone ring shopping for Ellie once, despite their talk about not needing to be married to show how much they felt. Why hadn't she answered any of his phone calls?

"I like to think of it as a benefit," defended Jay. "But I guess I should be giving you a pep talk and all that."

Sean smirked. "You?"

"Listen closely. Emma is probably the hottest girl that I will never have, so don't screw it up. You're lucky she gave your hoodlum butt a chance, because she could've chosen me. Her loss. Let's do this thing so I can start hitting on Darcy again at the after party."

Sean laughed. Jay's words were humorous enough that he stopped thinking about Ellie for a full minute. Jack appeared in the door frame.

"You ready?" said Jack. "The Emma troll actually looks halfway decent. You better marry her before the full moon comes out, though."

Jay clapped Sean on the back, and he left the beach house, strolling down the aisle, sand under his feet, everyone smiling at him. Jay took his place, gleefully eyeing Darcy. Liberty stood beside her, shading their eyes from the sun. He already saw Spike crying into a handkerchief, Caitlin sniffling next to her.

Standing there, his heart beat faster and faster. The sheen of her red hair entered his mind, then her bright smile, then that final look of sadness before she left. There were rumors, that she went with Craig on tour. He wouldn't believe them. He wouldn't.

Violins played, as Manny came down the aisle, then Jacob holding J.T.'s hand, then as Emma and Snake came out, arms locked. The wind blew her hair in the most flattering direction, and Sean's heart almost stopped. Jay ribbed him, winked at him. She walks towards him in a silk, white dress, flower trim on the bodice, sleeveless, perfect. He caught his breath, as Snake handed Emma off to him.

"I hope I was worth the wait," whispered Emma as Sean takes her hands in his.

"You...you were," replied Sean.

They faced the pastor, who propped open his Bible. Words come out his mouth, but he can't stop staring at Emma. Was he deceiving himself, waiting for no reason? Could he move on, like Ellie apparently had? Can you ever fall out of love with someone?

"Do you Sean Cameron take Emma Nelson to have and to hold, from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?" said the pastor.

Sean swallowed the lump in his throat. What was that saying? Time heals all wounds. Maybe it would. Maybe it could heal a heart too.

"I do," said Sean.

Tears slide from Emma's eyes.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride," said the pastor.

Sean lifted her veil, smiled, and kissed her. It was a kiss of three people, something Emma didn't know. A kiss between a new husband and his wife, and a kiss saying good-bye to someone else he couldn't give the kiss to.

"Finally," breathes Emma, as Sean releases her lips.

Finally, Sean turns the ignition, drives the car first to Gramelli's, gets his order, and careens the car towards WJTV. The secretary offers to buzz Emma for him, but he says no and goes straight to her office. He views her, the door open, sees that her hair is uncombed, that her clothes are rumpled, that she's exhausted.

"You busy?" says Sean, coming inside.

Emma glances up, tries to fix her hair, clearly embarrassed.

"No," she says softly.

Sean goes closer to her desk, notices the bags under her eyes.

"Would you be interested in having lunch with me?" asks Sean. "I got Gramelli's, your favorite."

Emma looks down, nods. "They don't use styrofoam."

"Yeah, that's the only reason to go," says Sean, sadly smiling at her.

Emma smiles too, though Sean sees that she tries to hide it. She opens the bag, takes out a sandwich, and starts to chew. Her chewing grows more rampant, and after a few seconds, she's biting into it more and more. Ellie was right. It was clear her eating habits were off.

"Do you want some mustard?" says Sean, taking out his own sandwich.

Emma wipes some crumbs from her mouth. "No."

"Do you want me to stay?" asks Sean.

"Yes," says Emma, beginning to cry.

Sean goes to her, puts hair behind her ear. He's not sure how long it will take, if these feelings for Ellie will ever disappear, if he'll ever be fully loyal in his heart. But what could he do?

"I'm sorry, Em," says Sean. "One more question. Do you still want to be with me?"

It's the first time he's asked Emma that, after all those times he wanted to ask Ellie.

"Come home, Sean," sobs Emma, hugging him tightly to her. "Come home."

III.

Craig drags Ashley across the street, the little walking man still flashing as they reach the sidewalk. Ashley smiles at him, running a hand through her loose hair.

"Where are we going?" demands Ashley for the fifth time in a row.

"No information will be revealed," answers Craig, as they go down the sidewalk.

"Okay, you tell me to wear something nice, and won't divulge anything," complains Ashley.

"It's the first of two surprises, and you couldn't wear your paint-splattered clothes," says Craig.

"What's the other surprise?" says Ashley, jumping down excitedly.

"You're worse than Angie, just as impatient," says Craig. "And you don't even know the first one."

"So tell me the first," prods Ashley.

Craig avoids eye contact, points to a vendor. "Oh, look."

Ashley rolls her eyes. "Fine, then. Be like that."

Craig pulls out his wallet, Ashley wrapping her arms around his waist. The cool night wind blows across Craig's hair, as he pays the vendor for a single red rose. He holds it out for Ashley to take and she blushes. Putting an arm around her, they continue down the sidewalk.

"Very classy," compliments Ashley.

"I try," says Craig.

"Yeah, you try to get in my pants," teases Ashley. "As of now, you're succeeding."

Craig kisses her on the head. "Remember that later tonight."

The three days passed so fast, too fast for her. That morning, they had finished Leslie's room, and it came out perfect. Tomorrow, she'd be on a plane to Malibu, flying to a place that would determine her future, without the man she loved, the family she loved. Her head starts to throb, and she lays it on Craig's shoulder.

"Does this place look familiar?" asks Craig, as they head toward Spinner's restaurant.

Ashley laughs. "I seem to remember it."

Craig holds open the door for Ashley, and as soon as they step in, a dozen shouts of "Surprise!" arise, and Ashley covers her mouth in astonishment. She takes in all their faces: Spinner, Paige, Derek, Darcy, Kate, Robert, Chris, Toby, Estella, Ellie, Liberty, J.T, a few of her co-workers, her grandmother, and a few other people she doesn't know. No sign of Jimmy. Joey and Caitlin sit with Leslie and Aubrey at a smaller table.

"Wow!" cries Ashley. "Thank you, guys!"

Spinner pulls out a chair for Ashley. "Madam. You are the guest of honor."

Ashley kisses Spinner on the cheek, sits down. "Thank you."

They all sit, Craig and Paige on either side of Ashley. Craig taps his glass, which is full of wine. Paige, the kids, and a few others have apple cider.

"Well, it took some planning on our part, including me lying to Ashley where I was during the evenings before tonight, but seeing the stunned expression on her face was well worth it."

Everyone laughs.

"Unfortunately, we're losing her tomorrow, because we all want her to get better. We know she can do it, because there isn't anything Ashley takes on, that she doesn't conquer," continues Craig.

"Here, here," says Joey, tapping his glass.

They all politely clap, Leslie smiling at her mother.

"So tonight, we're going to celebrate her ultimate victory, and how much she means to us. We love you, Ashley."

They clap more loudly, Ashley visibly tearing up.

"Where's the cake?" calls out Spinner.

A couple waiters enter with a two tier cake, beautifully decorated, and set it in front of Ashley. She reads the writing made from icing.

"Good luck, Allison," reads Ashley aloud.

Spinner clicks his teeth, checks the wording. "Uh...they're new."

The waiters exchange looks, and head for the back, Spinner following them.

"We couldn't read your handwriting," defends one of them.

"I told you guys to check with me...," they hear Spinner yell before the door shuts behind him.

Ashley laughs, now drying her tears from laughter rather than sadness.

"Ugh," moans Craig.

"It's okay," says Ashley.

Leslie runs up to her, and Ashley settles her in her lap.

"Thank you," she whispers to Craig.

"What we need is some good party hats," says Darcy, taking out a plastic bag. "I brought some for all."

"I want one," says Toby.

Darcy starts throwing them at random people, knocking Paige in the head.

"Easy, Einstein," says Paige. "I just got my hair done!"

Ellie catches one right before it hits Paige in the face.

Ashley watches the crowd for awhile, enjoying the scene. They all believed in her, believed she could do it. She'd do it for them, for Leslie, for herself. Tricyclin wouldn't be a fixture in her life anymore.

Suddenly, the door opens, and she's surprised to see Tia pushing Jimmy's wheelchair forward. Leslie hops off and runs to hug Jimmy. Glancing at Craig, Ashley can tell he's antsy.

"Hey Jimmy," says Ashley, walking to him, giving him a light hug.

"Hey. Is it alright..that I'm here?" asks Jimmy. "Ellie told me about it, and I needed to see you, wish you well."

"It's more than alright," replies Ashley.

"Craig?" says Jimmy, looking at Craig.

"Stay," says Craig. "There's more than enough cake."

"Thanks," says Jimmy.

Toby pulls up another seat for Tia, who begins speaking to Estella in Spanish. Estella is elated, talking more than Ashley's ever seen her talk.

"Uncle Toby!" exclaims Leslie, excitedly. "Did you bring me more Animaniacs episodes?"

"Pssh, yeah," replies Toby. "Come on. They're in my bag."

Toby picks up Leslie, and heads to the other table. Soon, the room is full of chatter, and Ashley turns to Jimmy. He's holding some paper.

"You'll get a lot of presents tonight, but I'm thinking this'll bring you the most happiness," says Jimmy, confidently. "I signed the divorce papers. These are new documents, noting the joint custody agreement."

Ashley smiles. "We had a good run, eh?"

"When you get something that sweet out of the deal," says Jimmy, nodding towards Leslie. "Nobody's a loser."

Jimmy hands her a pen, and she signs her name to the document. She almost wants to cry from all that it took to get there. Instinctively looking for Craig, she can't find him.

"Will you excuse me?" says Ashley.

"Sure," says Jimmy.

Walking into the lounge, the same one where Jimmy saw Craig's friendship bracelet, discovered that her feelings for Craig were strong enough for her to ask for a divorce, she sees Craig slouched on a couch.

"You need a party hat," says Ashley, taking off hers and sliding it over Craig's head. "What are you doing out here?"

"I know you have to go, but...," starts Craig. "Ash, this is knawing at me."

"Me too," whispers Ashley. "But you were right. It's for the best."

"Why does the best hurt so much?" says Craig, looking straight into her eyes.

"It hurts for a little, then it starts to heal," answers Ashley. "We're healing right now, aren't we? After all that time apart?"

Craig grasps her hands in his. "I won't cry at your party. Let's go back."

"Yeah, I'm the crier. I get to shed all the tears at this party."

"Does my hat make me look sexy?" asks Craig, a forced smile on his face.

"Honestly," says Ashley. "No, it's a bit dorky."

"I just can't win," mutters Craig, taking off the hat and smiling for real that time.


	33. Ain't No Mountain High Enough

**XXXIII. Ain't No Mountain High Enough **

Ain't No Mountain High Enough is the property of Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.

Save Me From Myself is the property of Christina Aguilera.

Author's note: This chapter may contain elements that are a little more adult than others. It won't be that bad, though. Just be more cautious.

Listen, baby  
Ain't no mountain high  
Ain't no valley low  
Ain't no river wide enough, baby  
If you need me, call me  
No matter where you are  
No matter how far  
Just call my name  
I'll be there in a hurry  
You don't have to worry

'Cause baby,  
There ain't no mountain high enough  
Ain't no valley low enough  
Ain't no river wide enough  
To keep me from getting to you

Remember the day  
I set you free  
I told you  
You could always count on me  
From that day on I made a vow  
I'll be there when you want me  
Some way,some how

'Cause baby,  
There ain't no mountain high enough  
Ain't no valley low enough  
Ain't no river wide enough  
No wind, no rain  
My love is alive  
Way down in my heart  
Although we are miles apart  
If you ever need a helping hand  
I'll be there on the double  
As fast as I can

Don't you know that  
There ain't no mountain high enoughAin't no valley low enough  
Ain't no river wide enough  
To keep me from getting to you

Don't you know that  
There ain't no mountain high enough  
Ain't no valley low enough  
Ain't no river wide enough

"I figured since you've never gone to Malibu, this would come in handy," says Ellie, as Ashley tears off the wrapping paper.

Ashley takes out a very nice, black camera and gasps. "Thanks, El."

Ellie walks to her, gives her hug. Ashley returns the hug whole-heartedly, and looks down at her presents. Ellie has to admit it's quite a haul. Joey and Caitlin got her a small tape recorder that they made her promise to use only for something fun like singing; Toby and Estella got her a scrapbook if she ever got bored; her parents and Chris got her expensive stationary; Paige made her a beach bag, complete with sunglasses Spinner purchased; Derek bought her Malibu's Most Wanted, which he promised was a funny movie for whenever she got stressed. 

"Thank you all for the wonderful gifts," says Ashley. "And thank you for the surfboard, Darcy. I've already packed, but I'll take this with me."

Darcy smiles happily. "As soon as I saw it, I thought of you. Black and purple."

Ellie rolls her eyes. It's black with a purple line right down the middle.

"When is she going to be doing any surfing?" asks Derek, stroking Robertia's back, obviously annoyed.

"When is she going to watch your lame movie?" snaps Darcy.

"Cool it, guys," chastises Toby.

One of the waiters who brought out the cake comes out with a cake box for the remnants. They'd made a decent dent in the cake, but there was enough for Ashley to take home. The waiter appears nervous.

"We're sorry...we're sorry we messed up the cake," says the waiter.

"That's okay," assures Ashley.

The party fills with chatter again as the waiter tells Ashley all about the mix-up. Ellie notes that he mentions Spinner's name a lot, probably trying to lay most of the blame on him. She smiles, digs her fork into the last of her cake. Paige taps her on the shoulder, eases into the chair next to hers.

"Hey," greets Ellie. "I really liked that bag you did for Ash."

Paige grins. "I can't sleep so I had more time to construct it. But it did feed my creativity, so I ended up making this."

Taking out a large plastic bag from under her chair, Paige presents a blue and white-striped, finely stitched diaper bag to Ellie.

"That's cool, Paige," compliments Ellie.

"I know," says Paige. "It has compartments for baby bottles, wipes, fresh diapers, the whole enchilada. I made it for myself, but then got this great idea to try and market it. Ended up making three. Calling it the Gaige bag, a mixture of Gavin and Paige. Sheila Stanley, one of my mom's friends, is tre interested. Doing a better prototype for her tomorrow."

Ellie claps. "See? You're going to be rich in no time."

"Meanwhile," says Paige. "This is yours. I made sure it wasn't pink."

Ellie's brow furrows. "What..what are you talking about?"

Paige shrugs. "You shouldn't give up, Ellie. There's adoption, surrogacy...I'm not saying do it right now, but maybe later. Don't mean to be all Oprah, but during these last few months, you've been a decent acquaintance...maybe even a friend?"

Tears burn the back of Ellie's eyelids, but they're happy tears, rare in this time of her life. The whole Sean scenario, that keeps playing in her mind, was something she couldn't control. Yet, she hadn't cut. A part of her is aware that she does have control over most things, including, perhaps, the decision whether to be a mother.

"I really appreciate it, Paige," says Ellie, hugging her. "The mom thing...let's see what happens."

"Fine with me," replies Paige. "I...ooh!"

"What is it?" asks Ellie.

Paige rubs her bump, starts to laugh. "I think he or she is kicking."

Ellie puts her hand on Paige's stomach, feels light vibrations against her palm. The movement kindles something in her heart, not like the pain of when the doctor told her about the baby she lost, or the sadness when she realized Sean wouldn't desert Emma as much as he cared about her. She hasn't been this happy in weeks.

"Awww," says Ellie. "You're carrying a little soccer star in there."

"Or if Spin would have his way, the next Jackie Chan," says Paige.

Ellie picks up her glass. "A toast."

Paige takes hers up as well. "To?"

"A toast to actually getting along, and not killing each other this summer. To new friends."

Paige clicks her glass against Ellie's. "To new friends."

They both take a sip.

"So now that we're friends, can I get you some clothes that are more bright and airy? It's still summer after all," offers Paige, touching her black, satin sleeve.

Ellie shrinks back. "Um...how about no?"

II.

"Can you see?" asks Craig as the elevator moves upwards.

"No," replies Ashley, fingering the blindfold.

"Don't touch it," instructs Craig, putting her hand down.

"Craig...," she starts.

Ashley is interrupted by the elevator door opening with a quick little beep. Craig leads her outside, and her heels clomp against what she thinks is carpet. She hears a key enter a lock, much like the day he surprised her with the house. She isn't sure what's going on this time, unless he bought an apartment or a condo. Standing in the door frame, Craig carefully scoots her into a room. She doesn't know why, but it feels very crowded.

Craig slides off the blindfold, and then she knows why. They're in his studio, but it looks very different. All the instruments are moved to the side, because Craig had recreated the heart with their initials using rose petals, just like the first time they were together. There is a tiny table next to the drum kit, holding a bottle of champagne, a grey dish, and some candles. Ashley's heart speeds up, taking it all in.

"My luggage is here," she notices, glancing at it.

"I wonder how that got here," says Craig, coyly.

"Beats me," says Ashley, playing along.

Ashley lays down the cake box on the small table, as Craig pours them some champagne. He holds up his champagne flute. Ashley follows suit. They drink, and Craig puts his down.

"And," says Craig, propping open a new sofa bed, "No more ghetto bed."

The mattress is new, looks soft. Ashley laughs.

"I'm going to miss the ghetto bed," jokes Ashley.

"No, you won't," says Craig.

Ashley goes near the little table, puts her glass down. "This is so amazing."

"Spin loaned me the bucket and the fancy dish," explains Craig.

"Can I?" asks Ashley, touching the cover of the dish.

Craig nods.

Ashley uncovers it, beams. Chocolate-covered strawberries.

"Do I want to know what you were thinking when you bought these?" says Ashley, smirking.

"I just...wanted some fruit," lies Craig, coughs. "Covered in chocolate."

"Mhmmm," says Ashley. "Well, I don't like wasting food, so bring 'em over."

Craig grins excitedly, puts the dish on the bed.

"I'll have you know that all my intentions were pure this evening, Miss Kerwin," says Craig through bites, as Ashley feeds him one.

Ashley giggles, raises her eyebrow. "I'm sure they were, Mr. Manning."

Craig finishes his, puts one to Ashley's mouth. "And I got the sofa bed for myself...to sleep on."

"Okay, you're getting more unconvincing," says Ashley, smiling and taking a bite.

"Yeah, I'll just stop now," says Craig, watching Ashley chew.

Craig traces Ashley's mouth with his thumb, and Ashley can feel the heat rising in her cheeks. It felt so good, so perfect. She can't remember when it wasn't like this, when she wasn't in the same town as him, the same room as him. All those moments she kept in her heart were leading to new ones. Craig puts his mouth to hers, and Ashley tastes his lips.

"Good," assesses Ashley, blushing.

"You're telling me," says Craig, leaning in for another kiss.

Ashley stops him. "Wait."

She opens her jacket, takes out a lean, velvet box, hands it to Craig. Craig gives her a curious look, and opens it. In it are two silver chains with gold musical notes on the end. Ashley holds up one.

"One for you, one for me," says Ashley. "Wherever we are, we'll be connected. Like in our songs."

Craig immediately puts it on, kisses her lightly on the lips.

"Best present I ever got," says Craig. "Speaking of music, do you want me to turn on the sound system? We can hear the song from out here."

Ashley beams. "Okay."

Craig makes some adjustments to the studio equipment, and finds one of Ashley's favorite stations. He joins her on the sofa bed again, helping to fasten her necklace. Ashley twiddles the necklace in her hands.

"I'm so, so going to miss you," says Ashley, avoiding his gaze, setting the dish down on the floor.

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you," says Craig.

"Equal?" concedes Ashley.

"Equal," agrees Craig.

Ashley begins to slide off her jacket, crying a little. A light guitar plays in the background, caressing Ashley's ears. Craig holds her, rocking her back and forth.

"It's thirty days, Craig," says Ashley, sniffling, wiping her eyes. "We haven't been apart that long since we got back together."

"And we won't after this," says Craig.

"I hate that I'm the one making you wait, again."

"I'm always going to wait. You're my best friend, my inspiration...the love of my life."

Ashley turns, holds his face in her hands. "I love you."

She unzips the back of her dress, laying her forehead against his.

"I love you too," says Craig. "We don't have to, if you don't want to."

Ashley shakes her head. "Don't talk. Just touch."

Craig moves down the sleeves of her dress, kissing her neck. Ashley sighs, feeling the top of her dress fall to her waist.

_It's not so easy loving me _

It gets so complicated

All the things you've gotta be

Everything's changin'

But you're the truth

I'm amazed by all your patience

Everything I put you through

Unbuttoning Craig's dress shirt, she sees that Craig is crying as well, and kisses a tear as it falls down his face. She smiles at him, letting her mouth meet his. Their breathing grows more intense, Ashley's fingers shaking as she touches his bare chest. Craig pulls up the blanket, leans her back onto the sheets, unclipping her bra.

_When I'm about to fall _

Somehow you're always waitin

with your open arms to catch me

You're gonna save me from myself from myself, yes

You're gonna save me from myself

Ashley hands reach down, unzipping his pants. Craig hurriedly pulls them off, then his hands bunch up the lower part of her dress. Ashley runs her fingers through his hair, as he inches them down her legs, and tosses it on the floor.

_My love is tainted by your touch _

Cause some guys have shown me aces

But you've got that royal flush

Craig kisses her more intensely, a hand moving down to her underwear. Ashley moans into his mouth, stares into his eyes.She slides off his boxers, then puts her hand on the top of his waist.

I know it's crazy everyday

Well tomorrow may be shaky

But you never turn away

Ashley's eyes tear up, but she can still see his face, so clear, so perfect. It's beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Craig brings her face closer to his, grins as he kisses her.

_Don't ask me why I'm cryin _

Cuz when I start to crumble

You know how to keep me smilin

You always save me from myself from myself, myself

You're gonna save me from myself

Ashley moans his name. It's some sheer, tragic ecstasy, sick and sweet, she can't put her finger on, like she's being shattered in the most delicious way possible, her heart beating and breaking at the same time. Yet, Craig is here, acting as some fortress for this weakness, the beauty in this breakdown. Her mind floats, lets her body take over, just embraces the moment.

_I know it's hard, it's hard _

But you've broken all my walls

You've been my strength, so strong

Craig hugs Ashley against him, sweat trickling down his arms. Ashley finally lets a few tears fall, stroking Craig's back.

And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness

Is what I need to make me a better woman

to myself to myself, myself

Ashley nestles against him, watches the light of the candles dance, lovingly plays with the chain she gave Craig minutes before. Tomorrow is coming too fast, too fast for her.

"Tomorrow," she breathes.

_You're gonna save me from myself ..._

Craig pretends he has something in his eye, but Ashley can tell he's trying his best not to let any more tears spill. "Tomorrow."

III.

"Flight 432 to Vancouver," says a muddled voice over the intercom. "Now boarding."

Craig drags Ashley's small, black carry-on over the linoleum of the airport floor, the small wheels making a light scuffle. They really hadn't said a word on the drive there, him pretending to keep his eye on the road, glancing once in a while at Ashley, who had politely smiled at him one time and frowned the rest of the way there. She talked to her parents on the phone for awhile, checked her tickets and put them back in her purse, but hadn't done much else. Baggage claim took up a nice chunk of time, especially with the new restrictions.

"The flight to Vancouver is always bumpy," he speaks up.

"Oh," says Ashley, absent-mindedly as he sets her bag near a chair.

A young girl snaps Craig's picture with her cellphone. Craig politely waves at her, and then she runs off happily.

"We made good time."

"Yep."

Craig glances at the clock. They only have twenty minutes. Craig's head begins to hurt, but he plays it off.

"I can't believe you bought the surfboard," says Craig.

That got Ashley to smile.

"It's not very practical, but her heart was in the right place," says Ashley.

"Just don't meet any surfer guys. Come back and say 'dude' and 'tubular.'"

Ashley laughs. "We both know I like change, so no promises."

Craig opens his mouth to say something.

"Just kidding," reassures Ashley.

"I'm surprised you didn't want anyone to come," says Craig.

Ashley pats his knee. "I just needed you. This is hard enough as is."

Craig puts an arm around her, stares out at the planes that are arriving and loading up. Ashley does the same, crosses her legs.

"We should go somewhere," says Craig. "After I finish the album. A vacation."

"Where?" prompts Ashley.

"Not sure. We could go back to London. Or Paris. Or the Bahamas. Or a yarn museum."

Ashley buries her face in Craig's chest, laughing. "Shut up."

"I'm just throwing out stuff," laughs Craig, defensively. "Ah, we'll figure it out."

The intercom beeps, someone clears their throat, begins to speak.

"Flight 853 to Malibu, now boarding," says the voice. "Flight 853 to Malibu now boarding."

Ashley stands awkwardly, taps her purse. Other passengers head toward the gate, mostly single people getting out their tickets. Ashley takes hers out, taps Craig's shoulder with it.

"Well, this is it," whispers Ashley.

Craig opens his leather jacket, takes something from the side pocket. It's a bundle of envelopes.

"There's thirty," he explains. "Thirty letters, for every day we're apart, when we can't speak."

Ashley covers her mouth, starts to cry. "Craig..."

"There's really stupid jokes, some lyrics, how I feel about you, stuff to make you laugh. I just couldn't stop writing."

Ashley's whole body shakes. "Craig...Craig, I can't do this. I can't leave you."

Craig strokes her face, wipes her tears away. "You have to."

Craig sees that everyone else has gone through the gate, and the flight attendant is staring at them.

"Um, are you ready?" says the flight attendant.

Ashley looks into Craig's eyes, puts both hands behind his neck, and kisses him, deep and soft. Craig doesn't want to pull away, for her to walk through that door, for her to go. Ashley shrinks back, no longer shaking.

"I'm coming back to be with you," she whispers.

"I'll be waiting to be with you," whispers Craig.

Ashley hugs him one more time, and he can feel his heartbeat match hers. Slow, sad, longing. She hands the ticket to the attendant, turns back, and waves at Craig. Craig holds up the musical note on the chain and kisses it.

"I love you, Ash!" he calls.

Ashley disappears into the darkness, the flight attendant closing the door behind her.

He stays, stays until he sees the plane pull out, pressing his forehead against the cold window. Why couldn't he follow her? Every bit of him wanted to, but like last time, it was what she needed. The plane goes up the runway, so speedily, but not with as much speed as his heart beating strongly against his chest. It flies into the blue sky, that last image freezing in his mind as his tears trickle down the airport window.


	34. The Composer Epilogue One

**Epilogue Part I **

XXXIV. The Composer

Author's Note: This is part one of a two-part epilogue. It takes place one month later, and picks up where the last chapter left off.

The Composer is the property of Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Move On Up is the property of Curtis Mayfield.

You may not know how  
To make words rhyme  
Carry a tune or a clap on time now  
You may have no knowledge of musical things

But deep down inside of me  
You have created a melody  
You're the composer of the song  
That my heart sings

You may not know what  
Quarter notes are  
Or what I mean by Four to the Bar now  
Such musical terms may be Greek to your ears

But deep down inside of me  
You have created a melody  
You're the composer of the song  
That my heart hears

Now it's a tender song  
Its like a rhapsody, a symphony  
This song I find in this heart of mine  
And its begging you  
Let nothing keep us apart  
Oh, my darling  
Cause you put a song in my heart

Now this song that I find in my heart for you  
Every lyric and line  
I swear its true  
The number one song on my personal chart

Deep down inside of me  
You have created a melody  
You're the composer of the song  
That's in my heart

Deep down inside of me  
You have created a symphony  
You're the composer  
You put a song in my heart  
You're the composer  
You put a song in my heart  
You're the composer  
You put a song in my heart

Red curtains hang over the stage, obscuring everything from the audience's sight. Craig props open a program, searches for her name. Leslie's on right after intermission, and the fact that his name follows hers makes him smile. Special musical guest: Craig Manning. He glances down the row, seeing Ellie play with the lens of a video camera, Paige knitting, and Spinner looking around awkwardly.

"Craig," he whispers urgently. "Don't they usually serve punch and cookies at these types of things?"

Craig smiles. "Probably afterwards, Spin."

"Shoot," groans Spinner. "The punch'll probably be flat by then. I know punch."

"I want some punch," speaks up Paige.

"Me too," says Ellie.

Craig stares at them blankly. "Okay, when did I become the mature one?"

Paige fans herself with her program, putting down the baby bootie she's been working on.

"It's hot in here," she complains. "You and Leslie better be good."

"We've been practicing for three weeks," says Craig. "Trust me. We're ready."

"And I'll be capturing every minute of it," says Ellie, patting her video camera. "Ashley's gonna feel like she's in the front row when she watches it."

Spinner begins talking about the right way to make and preserve punch, and Paige obediently listens. Craig takes the musical note chain from his shirt, grasps it tightly. Ellie grins at him, takes it out of his hand, twirls it.

"Very Ashley," she observes.

"Yeah," says Craig, blushing.

"It shouldn't be long now," says Ellie. "I'm sure you've been marking down your calendar."

"Nah," lies Craig. "I'm not a pining sort of guy."

Ellie ribs him with her elbow.

"Actually, I've been marking down Marco's calendar," says Craig. "He lent me one."

"Ah, Marco, king of calendars. So is it tomorrow?"

"Yep, hopefully. I really don't know how these things work."

The light dims, and Craig sits up in his seat. Ms. Park, in a nice black and gold suit that Paige compliments under her breath, taps the microphone. It makes a horrible screech that causes most people to cover their ears.

"Sorry," says Ms. Park. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we are pleased to present Park Academy for the Performing Arts's traditional fall variety show. The students you see tonight are among the best and brightest the academy has to offer, receiving the highest grades in their class during the summer semester. They've also been personally selected by myself and their instructors. Without further ado, we'll start the show. First up, eighth graders Amanda Kitson and Cameron Miller performing an interpretation of Shakespeare's classic, _Taming of the Shrew._"

Ellie throws Craig a small smile, and presses the lens to her eye. Craig sits up, watches intently.

The girl, a pretty, sweet-faced blonde, wears a long, grey, Renaissance gown, carrying a wooden bucket to the middle of the stage. Seconds later, a red-haired boy, also dressed in Renaissance-style pants and a ruffled shirt, comes up to her, and puts an arm around her. Amanda tries to pull away.

"Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so," demands Cameron.

"I chafe you, if I tarry: let me go," cries Amanda, pushing him to the side.

Cameron hugs her to his side, forcefully recites:

"And, Will you, nill you, I will marry you.  
Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;  
For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,  
Thy beauty, that doth make me like thee well,  
Thou must be married to no man but me;  
For I am he am born to tame you Kate,  
And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate  
Conformable as other household Kates.  
Here comes your father: never make denial;  
I must and will have Kate to my wife."

Craig thinks back to when he and Ashley did this same scene, the first instance where they actually spent real time together, getting to know each other, finding common ground. He understood her so completely back then, and she understood him too. Understanding was what grounded them. Despite the butterflies whenever they interacted, there was friendship, trust, comfort. Despite the pain, there was always that need to find the other, to constantly think about the other. Petruchio said he found Kate's beauty unique, breath-taking, and that still applied to Craig whenever he saw her, thought about her. He'd never tried to tame her, though, because that wasn't his Ashley. She's intelligent, opinionated, mysterious, sweet, understanding, and pretty soon, she'd be healthy.

Craig's train of thought breaks, and Cameron and Amanda have finished, bowing as the audience cheers loudly. Amanda goes over, and collects her bucket, but throws Cameron a shy, appreciative look. Cameron smiles widely, turning red.

"I thought this play was a dark comedy," says Ellie, pressing pause on her camera. "It seems to make people all lovey dovey. Years later, they'll date and he'll tear up a hotel room."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," says Craig.

"Shut up," says Ellie, laughing.

Following the acting scene, there are two break dancers who delight Spinner, enough that he krumps in the middle of the routine, and Paige has to pull him back down to his seat. Ellie seems to enjoy a somber scene from "Our Town". Craig's legs bounce as he nervously awaits intermission. He doesn't want to disappoint Leslie, though they had worked repeatedly on the song. He was so touched, and still is, that she asked him. Jimmy seemed fine with the idea, even if he never directly told Craig that. Leslie said he'd be there, but he hadn't shown up yet.

Ms. Park appears after a beautiful rendition of "Stormy Weather" from a seventh grader.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a slight intermission," says Ms. Park. "Ten minutes. Please enjoy the cookies and punch at the back of the auditorium during the break."

"Woohoo, punch!" cries Spinner loudly, everyone laughing at his outburst.

Craig rubs Ellie's shoulder. "I'm going to go check on Leslie, alright?"

Ellie nods. "I'll check to see how much tape I have left."

Craig opens a side door that leads to the backstage area. The room buzzes with activity. He sees Aubrey stretching out her legs, a yellow tutu around her waist. Darcy is pinning her hair, waves at him. Craig waves back, dodges a flying glove that's going between two tap dancers. Leslie's at the back, staring sadly into a mirror. Her hair is in a single braid, and she wears a black, long-sleeved dress and black dress shoes. Craig thinks she resembles a goth Ashley all those years back, but with rosier cheeks.

"Hey," says Craig. "You pumped?"

Leslie scratches her nose. "Daddy's not here."

"He'll show," assures Craig.

"Mommy's not here, Daddy's not...all the kids have at least one parent in the audience."

Leslie's eyes start to tear up, and Craig bends down next to her.

"When I performed onstage, I didn't have either parent there," says Craig.

"They...died, right?" says Leslie softly.

"Yeah," says Craig. "But knowing that I had friends in the audience, and my stepdad Joey behind me, that gave me confidence to go out and do it. I wanted to share what I could do."

Leslie sniffles. "You said your stepdad was there for you. Are you going to marry my mom, be my stepdad?"

"I really hope so," says Craig.

"I hope so too," says Leslie.

Leslie reaches out, hugs him, the first hug they shared. Craig smiles to himself.

"We better start warming up," says Leslie, pulling out of the hug. "You have your drums?"

Craig finds his bongoes, holds them up for her to see. Leslie starts doing light runs with her voice, and once again, Craig is startled by the beauty and clarity of her voice. She closes her eyes, sings the first verse lightly to herself. He feels a soft touch, then an arm yank him to the side.

"I noticed you're alone tonight," says Casey, mascara caked on the side of her eyebrows.

"Um, I'm going to do a duet with Leslie," says Craig, trying to get out of her grip. "Where are Warren and Winston?"

"I'd still like to make good on my promise in the woods. Warm you up, if you're interested," purrs Casey, pressing up against him.

"I'm not," shoots down Craig, finally out of her pawing hands.

"My mistake," says Casey, gritting her teeth. "Or rather, your mistake. You're not that cute anyway."

Casey skulks off, Winston running up to him next. He hands Craig a purple tulip.

"Can you give this to Leslie?" he asks.

"Uhh...," begins Craig.

Ellie walks over to them, pointing to her camera, indicating she has enough tape.

"Thanks. She likes purple," says Winston.

"I'm aware of that fact. Does your mom know that you're handing out flowers to girls you barely know?" asks Craig, crossing his arms.

"I was just trying to be nice," whispers Winston.

Winston backs away, a guilty expression on his face. Ellie giggles.

"You're going to be a wreck on Leslie's wedding day," says Ellie. "Relax."

"I don't like him," says Craig.

"He's what? Six," reminds Ellie.

"Just wait until you have kids, El. I mean...sorry, word vomit."

Craig looks down, but Ellie gently touches his hand.

"It's okay," says Ellie. "Actually, I've been considering...kids lately."

"I'm glad," says Craig. "You'd make a great mom. I can see you adopting a kid. You have that big heart."

Ellie kisses Craig on the cheek. "We both do. Now, get funk drumming. I may've been a horrible drummer, but if my teacher sucks, I can just blame you for that."

Craig chuckles, waves her off. Ellie goes back out the door, and Leslie walks to the center of the stage with a microphone, Craig setting up his drums. He winks at her, and she smiles. They hear Ms. Park on the other end.

"And now, to kick off our second half, we're proud to have one of our most gifted and youngest students sing a classic Curtis Mayfield song. Leslie Brooks. Joining her is the wonderfully talented Craig Manning. Let's give them a hand, shall we?"

Loud applause and Spinner's whooping can be heard from the other side. The red curtain rises, and the spotlight shines right in Craig's face. His eyes readjust, and he makes out Jimmy, Tia, and Jimmy's parents in the front, clapping enthusiastically. Leslie spots them as well, beaming happily at her father.

Craig starts playing, his fingers conjuring up the beat. Leslie starts to move her hips to the rhythm, opens her mouth to sing:

_Hush now child, _

and don't you cry

Your folks might understand you

by and by

Leslie motions for everyone to clap, and they do, except for Ellie, who holds the camera steady, fixed on her. Craig glances at Jimmy, who appears transfixed, as does Mr. Brooks, who can't stop smiling.

_Move on up towards your destination _

You may find from time to time

Complications

"Come on!" shouts Leslie into the microphone, starting to dance a little more.

The crowd stands, Paige shimmying and holding her bump. Spinner does the snake, then the robot. Leslie walks to Craig, still dancing, sings:

_Bite your lip _

and take a trip

Though there may be wet road ahead

You cannot slip

She holds the microphone up to his mouth for him to sing, and he does:

_So move on up _

and peace you will find

Into the steeple of beautiful people

Where there's only one kind

Leslie continues to dance, and Craig thinks this is the happiest he's seen her, that despite all the turmoil of the previous months for all of them, they'd come to some weird conclusion, some twisted happy ending.

_So hush now child _

and don't you cry

Your folks might understand you by and by

Just move on up and keep on wishing

Remember your dreams

are your only schemes

So keep on pushing

Take nothing less

not even second best

And do not obey

you must have your say

You can pass the test

Craig recalls how joyful, how much happier Ashley's music had sounded when she came back from England, refreshed. Her going had done some good. This whole experience for Leslie has done her some good, maybe as much as Ashley. Though she was in tears for weeks, now she's more confident, more alive. Leslie finishes with a final beautiful refrain, Craig drumming energetically:

_Move on up! _

The clapping from the audience is loud, amazing. Spinner whoops, pumps his fists in the air. Mr. Brooks whistles, Jimmy shaking his head in proud disbelief. Leslie gives Craig a high five.

"We killed it," says Leslie.

"You killed it," praises Craig.

II.

Ellie places a marked label on the video, props open a box, and puts it in. Aubrey peers over Ellie's shoulder, smacks her gum loudly. Paige rolls her eyes at Aubrey, dumping in two bottles of lotion.

"What's that?" prods Aubrey.

"A care package," answers Ellie. "For Ashley."

"Oh," says Aubrey, dismissively. "I get those all the time."

Ellie raises her eyebrow at Paige, smirks. Aubrey scampers off, tags Leslie who is chatting with Spinner. Leslie gasps, runs after Aubrey, going up the staircase of Ellie's house.

"Hey!" yells Ellie after them. "Be careful, you two!"

She's beginning to think inviting everyone over at the variety show was a mistake. Craig and Spinner were yelling at a Maple Leafs game, particularly whenever they made a good play. Jimmy and Tia were talking by themselves about the performance. She, Darcy, and Paige were prepping the box they would ship to Ashley the next morning. Darcy was in the kitchen, getting sodas for them.

"Darcy's been in your kitchen, forever," points out Paige, as they tape the box up.

"Darcy!" yells Ellie into the next room.

"Wait a minute!" yells Darcy back.

She comes into the room a few seconds later, balancing a tray of six sodas. She hands one to Jimmy, Tia, Spinner, Craig, Ellie, and keeps one for herself.

"Um, hello?" says Paige.

"Oops, must've forgot you, Paige," says Darcy, sipping hers and going over to the couch. "My bad."

"If I wasn't pregnant, I would kick her...," starts Paige.

"There'll be no bloodshed on my carpet," says Ellie, giving her a pointed look.

Darcy scoots in between Craig and Spinner, flopping down on the couch.

"Oooh, hockey! Have the cheerleaders come out?" asks Darcy.

Spinner politely smiles, while Craig lets out a deep breath.

One of the commentators says they'll be right back, and there's a promo for a movie following him.

"This December, only on Lifetime, comes the story of a tragic romance...about a love that never dies," says a deep voice.

"Those are always the best," says Darcy, nodding.

"About a rock star and a journalist who found love as adolescents in the streets of Toronto. Degrassi Street, to be precise."

"Uh oh," moans Craig.

Onscreen, a tall, brown-haired guy that only slightly resembles Craig is in a gymnasium, holding a guitar, staring at a dark-haired girl with blue eyes.

"_Something about the way you shine, when the lights go off, want to make you mine_," he sings, in what Craig has to admit is a pretty good voice.

The girl smiles, immediately goes and kisses Craig.

"Craig, that song was so beautiful. You should come over tonight so we can totally do it!" exclaims the girl.

"That's not how it happened!" protests Craig.

"Shhh," says Darcy, a finger to her lips.

It flashes to a scene, where the fake Craig stares at a pretty, girl that truly does look like Manny, the Ashley character staring angrily at both of them.

"I can't believe you knocked her up!" cries Ashley. "You're a whore, Manny! A thong-wearing, boyfriend-stealing whore! And you, Craig...if I had my keyboard right now, I'd hit you with it!"

"Love hurts," says the fake Craig, breaking into tears as Ashley walks away.

"Now you can be with me, Craig," says the fake Manny. "What about me? Me! You said it was about me when we kissed on the ice! I hate you so much!"

"Who wrote this?" cries Craig, shaking his head.

"I don't know," replies Paige. "But I'm pretty sure that's Manny's future husband playing you, Craig. Complete with bad dye job."

"But somehow love and music united the two," says the announcer.

The next scene is the fake Craig singing Dust, the fake Ashley looking at him intensely. Craig has to give that some credit. At least they weren't coming up with lame dialogue.

"Awww," says Darcy.

"The future, however, is more complicated," says the announcer. "Eight years of longing results in bitter custody battles, heartache, and realizing that love trumps all."

Quickly, it snaps to a scene with the fake Craig and Ashley in the woods. The fake Craig doesn't have a shirt on, and the fake Ashley has on a revealing top.

"Oh wow," says Darcy. "Was it really like that, Craig?"

"No!" says Craig, throwing a glance in Jimmy's direction.

"I'm going to break up with Ellie, so you have to break up with Jimmy," says the fake Craig. "Also, I think we shouldn't engage in sexual activity."

"I agree," says the fake Ashley, sounding as if she's reading off a cue card. "That way, if there's a trial, they can't hold that against us. Wow, you're really smart, Craig."

"Yes," says the fake Craig. "We love each other. Let's go to Fred...I mean, bed."

"Some portions of the film are still being edited," says the announcer quickly. "Be sure to catch 'Symphony in My Heart', only on Lifetime."

Craig covers his face in shame as another commercial comes on.

"Murder me," he moans.

He swallows a lump in his throat, looks cautiously at Jimmy.

"Jimmy...um, I...," he begins.

Jimmy tries to hold in a laugh, but can't. He laughs loudly, hunching over.

"That has to be the funniest thing I've seen on television," says Jimmy, as tears roll down his cheeks.

Paige and Ellie are crying from laughter too, Spinner turning red. Tia giggles quietly, probably not sure what's real and not real. Darcy shrugs at Craig. Craig joins in the laughter.

"What's wrong with you, people? I'm still watching it," says Darcy, resolutely.

III.

Strumming his guitar, Craig murmurs to himself, doing his best to focus on this, come up with a good chord for the hidden track. Eddie is at the mixing boards, yawns.

"What rhymes with lonely?" he asks.

"What rhymes with break?" counters Eddie. "I need a break. Craig, it's seven...in the morning! Why are we here?"

"I couldn't sleep," says Craig. "Plus I called Hazel, and she's bringing over the CD art today."

Eddie clicks his tongue, turns up the volume so that Craig can better hear the notes. It's the morning after the variety show, but more importantly, the morning where Ashley was free to call him, that is, if she wanted to. He knows that in California, it's still in the wee hours of the day, but he couldn't lie down and pretend that that day wasn't special, hadn't been on his mind for all four weeks.

"I'm off," groans Craig, putting down his guitar in disgust.

He comes out, sits on the sofa. There's a soft knock on the door, and Craig goes to open it. Hazel's on the other side, dressed in a sharp pink business suit.

"It's Craig!" greets Hazel.

"It's Hazel!" replies Craig, hugging her.

"What are you doing in here?"says Hazel, coming into the studio. "Not getting busy with grade nines, I hope."

"Okay, that joke needs to be retired," says Craig. "First Paige, then you."

"Yeah, but picking on you for that never gets tired," says Hazel, smiling at him. "Sorry for making you guys get up early."

"Oh, I was already up," says Craig. "But Eddie here..."

"Was happy to get up this early," interrupts Eddie, rising from his chair and kissing Hazel's hand. "Pleased to meet your acquaintance."

"Chivalry...I like," says Hazel. "But business before pleasure."

Craig's mouth drops open, and then he gives Eddie a knowing look. Eddie shifts his eyes, watches Hazel pull out a folder with laminated pictures. All the designs she shows Craig are excellent, but his eyes stop at one.

"Ah," says Hazel, seeing that Craig's eyes light up on the last one. "This is with the picture you sent me about two weeks ago."

He's in a black T-shirt, with his leather jacket, Ashley's chain draped around his neck. He's not frowning, but not exactly smiling either. Mickey had arranged for a photo shoot after being displeased with most of the other shots.

"Thinking about Ashley?" teases Hazel.

"No," lies Craig. "But I like this one."

"Okay, so we'll use this image," says Hazel. "One of my graphic designers will be calling you in five minutes, Craig. And I'll get a track listing fairly soon?"

"Yes, you will," says Eddie. "And my number?"

Craig raises his eyebrows. "I'll take the call, leave you two alone."

He exits the studio, gets a drink of water, the cool liquid sliding down his throat. His cell rings, and he coughs, nearly spurting out the water. He swallows, presses the phone to his ear without checking who it is. He hopes the graphic designer won't notice that he had nearly choked.

"Hello?" he says.

No answer.

"Hello? Hello?" he repeats.

"I...just like hearing your voice," she says on the other end. "I miss it."

It's the most beautiful sound he could hope to hear.

"Ash," he breathes happily.

"I couldn't wait," says Ashley. "The sun isn't even out yet."

"Who needs the sun?" replies Craig, sitting down in the hallway. "How's it going?"

"Good," says Ashley, cheerfully. "The counselor lets me talk and talk. It's weird. Besides you, I don't share myself with anyone like that. I don't know, but I like it."

"And you aren't tempted or anything?"

"Strangely, no. I thought I would be, but it's relaxing and no one bugs me. Have no urge to take a pill. Although, I kinda want to test out that surfboard."

"Uh-oh."

Ashley laughs. "Don't tell Ellie. She'll make fun of me."

"I promise," says Craig. "I miss you. No sleep for me last night."

"Me either," admits Ashley.

Ashley goes on about her treatments and the atmosphere, Craig soaking it up, listening to the soft lilt of her voice. Hearing her, the thirty-day wait was worth it.

"When are you coming home? Did they tell you?".

"Five months."

Craig can feel his heart drop, his insides growing cold. He barely got through the thirty days, and now this.

"At least we can talk now," says Ashley.

"Right, right," says Craig, trying to buck himself up. "Did you know we have a movie now?"

"A movie?" says Ashley, giggling. "What's it about?"

"How much I love you."

"I like that plot."

"So do I."


	35. My Girl Epilogue Two

**XXXV. My Girl **

My Girl is the property of the the Temptations.

Baby I Need Your Lovin' is the property of the Four Tops.

The portion of "Paper Cup" is the property of Heather Nova.

Author's Note: This chapter takes place five months after the last one. Thanks for reading/reviewing! It's kept me going, and as always have to give a shout-out to the wonderful AA and PC clubs! Enjoy season six!

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.  
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.  
I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way?  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).  
I've got so much honey the bees envy me.  
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.  
I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way?  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).  
Hey hey hey  
Hey hey hey  
Ooooh.  
I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.  
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim.  
I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way?  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).  
I've got sunshine on a cloudy day  
with my girl.  
I've even got the month of May  
with my girl (fade)

"Play it back," orders Craig, putting the guitar strap over his head.

He stares hopelessly at Eddie and Hazel making out through the glass window of the booth, shakes his head. It'd been like that for the past four months, although usually they would stop whenever he came into the room. But he knew he was the last person to condemn someone for interrupting recording time for a girl.

Strumming lightly, Ashley, unsurprisingly, comes into his mind then. The days were getting harder, especially when she told him that the counselor had advised her not to invite anyone out to Malibu. He sulked about that for a couple days, but accepted that it was part of the plan that would make her better. He couldn't bare to look at the calendar anymore, except for that quick second where he marked off the day. To make it worse, she didn't give him a definite day for her arrival in Toronto. He knows it's coming up, a tiny part of him getting excited, but a bigger part of him still sad, waking up with no one by his side, not always being able to talk to her when he calls (on his birthday, on her birthday), being in the studio where they spent their last night together. Spending the holidays without her was terrible, especially Christmas and New Year's. He and Leslie sent a joint present, an album full of pictures of both of them, but it wasn't the same as being with her. He counted down New Year's with her, but it wasn't the same. How much longer?

Derek comes in through the studio door, in an all-black suit, his hair greased. Craig's eyes bug out.

"What's up, peeps!" greets Derek.

Craig opens the door of the booth, laying his guitar down on the side.

"What are you...," begins Craig.

"Wearing?" finishes Derek. "My future fiancee's ensemble. I'm all pimped out, so fresh, so clean."

"Uh, yeah," says Craig, politely. "Wait a minute...fiancee?"

Derek pushes Craig outside the studio, and takes something from his coat pocket. It's a small, velvet box, which he opens, revealing a small, gold ring.

"I'm proposing on our six month anniversary. Then, we're hitting Vegas!" exclaims Derek.

"Derek, you don't want to rush things, alright?" says Craig. "Trust me."

"Dude, sometimes you have to live for the moment," argues Derek. "If Ashley asked you to marry her, wouldn't you go for it?"

"Of course, but I've known her for years. You and Robertia just moved in together."

Derek shrugs. "She said she wouldn't cook for me anymore if we didn't get married. And she won't sleep with me until then either."

Craig bangs his forehead with his hand. "Derek, you're impossible. Marriage is more than food and sex."

"You're not married. You don't know."

"Okay, I'm not, but marriage should be based on love, trust, understanding. You should want to die for that person. Is that how you feel about her?"

"Well, I'd be willing to get hurt for her...," begins Derek. "Ugh, you're right. You're smart like the movie said you were."

"Huh?"

"Oh, come on, you didn't watch it! You come off as this really smart, streetwise musician. I think Manny helped write it."

"What?"

"Ashley's like this moody, hot ditz, and Manny's the bad girl with the heart of gold. The reviewers all said you were the best part of the movie, and the coolest part was when you saved Ashley from that shark. Robertia and I dug that."

"What shark!" cries Craig.

"The one when you guys went swimming in London. I wasn't aware there were sharks in London, but now I know. And the sex scenes. Wow. Ashley's quite the little vixen, isn't she?" says Derek, winking at him.

"Get out of here!" says Craig, giving him a small shove.

"Fine, I have to return this cubic zirconia anyway," replies Derek, glancing down at the ring. "But you'll be here in about ten minutes, right?"

"Um, yeah?" says Craig, his brow furrowing.

"Good," says Derek, starting down the hall.

Craig rolls his eyes, reenters the studio, relieved to see Hazel doodling while Eddie turns on the mixer.

"You ready, loverboy?" says Craig sarcastically.

"Don't get your boxers in a bunch," defends Eddie. "I can't wait until Ashley gets back. Then, maybe you'll chill out a notch. When she's getting here?"

"I don't know, alright?" snaps Craig, then looking down. "Sorry."

"Whatever," says Eddie. "So, me and Haze, we think you should do an old R&B number for the hidden track since you can't come up with anything. Let some of that soul out!"

"I write original music," says Craig. "Emphasis on original."

"But covers are in nowadays. You'll have twelve original songs, and then something the listener won't be expecting at all. It's all about the shock value. That's how artists stay alive."

Craig sighs. He'd been trying for months, but nope, nothing came to him. Fixing up the rest of the house, spending time with his friends and Leslie whenever Jimmy permitted, and rerecording some other tracks cut into his time, and Ashley took up the bulk of his brain. Maybe Eddie has a point.

"What song were you thinking?" prods Craig, taking up his guitar.

"Something sweet, classy...," says Eddie, staring lovingly at Hazel.

"I know! Sing that song that you sang with Ashley at Spinner and Paige's engagement party! That was so cute!" interjects Hazel as Craig goes into the booth, shutting the door behind him..

"That one?" says Craig, arching his eyebrow. "I remember it."

"Try it out," says Eddie over the speaker. "See how it sounds."

"Kick in the drum," commands Craig, finding the first note. "Even though I'm used to it being a duet."

"Oh, I can help there!" exclaims Hazel. "I'll sing along."

Craig bites his lip. "Hazel, I really like you a lot, but your voice..."

"Come on, Craig," says Hazel. "I know I'm not Ash, but I'm much better than before, and it's not like we're recording, right? We're just messing around. I mean, not that type of messing around. You know what I mean!"

"To get the best effect, you should close your eyes, really feel the music," suggests Eddie.

Craig nods. "Mmkay, let's do it then."

Eddie flips a couple switches, the drum kicking in, and Craig closes his eyes, starts to play, memories swooping by with each pluck, each string vibrating. Seeing Ashley at the charity concert, at the carnival. Touching her in the woods, in their house. Crying with her, reaching for her, longing for her. He'd do it all over again, wouldn't change a thing. He wishes he could tell her that, hold her. He starts to sing:

Baby I need your lovin'

Baby I need your lovin'

Although you're never near

Your voice I often hear

Another day, another night

I long to hold you tight

'Cause I'm so lonely, baby."

He is lonely, not sure he can hold it for much longer, but he has to, for her sake. All those nights, he lay down in their bed, not sleeping, his eyes blinking in the darkness. He waits for Hazel's voice to pick up the song, rather startled when a beautiful alto begins to sing:

"Baby I need your lovin'

Got to have all your lovin'

Baby I need your lovin'

Got to have all your lovin**'." **

Craig shuts his eyes more tightly, each note flowing through him like water, like this is giving him life, empowerment, a voice

in a cruel world that is keeping him and Ashley apart, throws things at them they always manage to overcome. He sings the next verse, with more emotion, more longing:

Some say it's a sign of weakness

For a man to beg

Then weak I would rather be

If it means havin' you to keep

'Cause lately I've been losin' sleep

Baby I need your lovin'

Got to have all your lovin'

Baby I need your lovin'

Got to have all your lovin'."

Craig presses the guitar closer to his side, thinks about Ashley's wedding day, the worst day of his life, which has now magically transformed itself into some necessary step to get where they are, and hopefully, where they would stay. He'd waited eight years, so he could wait however many days it would be before she came back. Craig smiles at the thought. He sings:

"Every night I call your name

Sometimes I wonder girl

Will I ever be the same

When you see me smile...you know

Things are just gettin' worse

Any smile you might see baby

Has all been rehearsed."

Craig strums patiently, waiting for Hazel to start in a few bars. It takes a while, and he thinks he hears her shuffle in her seat, the squeak of a chair, but maybe that's Eddie. The same beautiful voice comes back, fuller, stronger, and this time, wonderfully familiar:

"Baby I can't go on without ya

This loneliness won't let me live without ya

This emptiness inside me, Craig

Makes me feel half alive**."**

Craig's eyes fly open at the sound of his name. The first person he sees is the only one he wants to see. Ashley is leaning over the speaker, a huge smile on her face. Hazel turns off the music. Ashley sits up, in a pale blue dress that matches her eyes, waves at him excitedly.****Instantly, he can tell she's relaxed, happy, healthy.****His heart beats rapidly, staring at her. It's the only feeling in his body.

****

"I didn't come back a blonde," says Ashley, laughing.**_ "_**Hey."

"I didn't come back a blonde," says Ashley, laughing.Hey."****

Craig regains his senses, smiling and looking at her, going for the door, but Eddie locks it before he can reach the knob.

****

"Open the door!" groans Craig.

****

Eddie shakes his head, Craig frowning at him. The door to the studio opens, and Kate, Joey, Caitlin, Angie, Paige, Spinner, Ellie, Derek, and Darcy carrying Leslie come in.

"Am I being Punk'd?" asks Craig, throwing Ashley a confused look.

Ashley grins, looks down. "They're here for us.**_" _**

"Huh?" says Craig.

"Just shut up and listen, man," says Spinner.

Craig stares at Ashley, who clears her throat.

"You've been everything to me. A friend, a soulmate, a father to my daughter, a protector, and my love. I never would've made it through without you. I read every letter, and it left me speechless. But not so speechless, that I can't ask you something," says Ashley, joy all over her face.

Everyone smiles at him, while Craig feels trickles of sweat on the back of his neck.

"Craig Manning, will you marry me?" she asks, after taking a deep breath.

Craig's mouth falls open for a few seconds, but he closes it, grins at her.

"How many ways can I say yes?" he answers.

The others clap, squeal in delight.

"Woot!" yells Derek.

"This is so much better than the movie," says Darcy, tears falling down her cheeks.

Ashley stands, beaming, tears shining in her eyes. Craig resists the urge to cry too, putting down his guitar.

"Open the door, Eddie, before I bust it down!" shouts Craig, standing in front of the door.

"You got it," replies Eddie, chuckling.

Ashley stands on the other side while Eddie unlocks it. As soon as the door parts, she's in his arms, her heart beating in unison with his. Craig looks into her eyes, stroking her cheeks.

"How are you?" he says.

"Good. Really, really wonderful now," replies Ashley. "I'm home. It's..."

Craig kisses her, hard, fast, stopping her from speaking. Darcy gasps, playfully covers Leslie's eyes, who is trying to peep from beneath her hands.

"Wow," assesses Paige, giggling. "You can tell someone was missing someone else."

"Get a hotel room!" calls out Derek.

"They already did," says Angie.

Everyone laughs. The comment causes Craig and Ashley to break away from each other, her blushing into his chest, as Craig laughs, holds her close to him.****Leslie walks over to them, and Craig picks her up.

"Congratulations," says Leslie, hugging him.

****

"Let's leave the newly engaged duo alone, shall we?" says Joey, clapping Craig on the back.

"Congratulations!" says Ellie and Paige at the same time.

The group trickles out, except for Derek, who beams at them. Darcy, taking Leslie from Craig, has to drag him out.

"Sorry for the surprise," says Ashley, hands wrapping around Craig's waist. "But you're not the only one who can be romantic. My parents came and got me, and I phoned Derek to make sure you'd be here. He must've made up some lame excuse to talk to you. Cubic zarconia, I think he said."

Craig shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm very impressed, Kerwin."

"Well, I'm impressed by you," says Ashley. "Can you show me how much you missed me again?"

Craig runs his fingers through her hair, presses his lips to hers. He can't find the words to express what's inside his heart, but it continues to grow and grow, like some lovely crescendo, like some joyous refrain.

II.

Paige cuts out a couple pictures with her scissors, glances at J.T., who is chewing pretzels loudly, smirking at an edition of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue.

"Sweet potato, must you?" says Paige, throwing J.T. an annoyed look.

"Relax, Paige," replies J.T. "Wow, those are totally fake. Fake, but hot."

"That's it. I'm ending Spinner's subscription, posthaste," says Paige, grabbing the magazine and tossing it on the floor. "It comes in late, anyway. Apparently, not the only thing that's late."

Paige rubs her stomach, moans. The baby was due three days ago, and it still hadn't made its grand appearance. Luckily, Sheila Stanley gave her the great news that the Gaige bags were selling as well as Manolo Blahniks, so that eased her nerves a little. The other great news, Craig and Ashley's engagement the week before, had settled in, and Paige insisted on doing the dress, today going through magazines for inspiration.

"Um, if I'm lending you my seamstress skills in a couple months, I better be getting something," says J.T. pointedly.

"There's Sprite in the fridge," says Paige. "Or would you prefer French fries?"

"Ha ha," responds J.T., dryly. "That commercial got me a lot of dough."

He goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of Sprite for himself and Paige, hands it to her, sits back down. Paige sips, notices it's too full, feels a little drip down her pink cashmere sweater.

"Ugh, such a pig," complains Paige. "I have enough gas to fill a blimp. My breasts ache. My thighs..."

"Too much information, Paige," says J.T., putting up a hand in protest.

"Okay, I'll just wait until Spin comes home, and tell him what he's done to me," says Paige.

"Where is he?"

"Staff meeting. And he...oooh!"

Paige is quiet, feeling liquid soak her thighs. She holds her stomach. J.T. walks over to her, sees Paige's soaked skirt.

"Sprite spill," says J.T., wriggling his nose in disgust.

"J.T...J.T.," breathes Paige, trying her best to stay calm. "That's not Sprite!"

"Not Sprite," says J.T., absent-mindedly, then yells, "Not Sprite! Oh wow...oh wow!"

Paige props herself up, puts a magazine on the table, grabs her overnight bag, and goes back to J.T., who is pacing , fanning himself with Time magazine.

"I can't deliver a baby!" yells J.T. "I...I can make a baby, but I can't deliver one. Oh wow!"

Paige stops J.T. in his tracks, hands him the phone. "Call Spinner and...ooh!"

She crouches to the floor, a sharp pain flowing through her body.

"Paige! Paige!" yells J.T., sitting down beside her. "Calling Spinner!"

He dials the restaurant, Paige gasping the numbers for him. Spinner picks up after the third ring.

"Mason's Bar and Grill?" says Spinner, cheerfully.

Paige moans, her blonde hair splayed across the floor.

"Paige! Paige!" shouts J.T.

"What the?" yells Spinner. "What's going on there?"

"We're on the floor, Spinner!" yells J.T., Paige moaning in the background.

"You nasty little...get off my wife!" exclaims Spinner. "She's nine months pregnant, and you guys are..."

Paige screams from the pain, clutching J.T.'s hair.

"Aaah, Paige!" groans J.T.

"I mean it, J.T.!" shouts Spinner. "If you don't get your grubby hands away from Paige, I'll..."

Paige grabs the phone from J.T. "I'm in labor, you idiot! Get your butt to the hospital!"

"Oh my...I'll be right there," cries Spinner. "Gustavo, you're in charge!"

The phone clicks off. J.T. uses all his strength to lift Paige, heading for the door. Paige huddles along with him, and J.T. gets her into the car, driving speedily. Paige takes quick, short breaths like she learned in Lamaze class. Everytime she screams, J.T. yells in fear.

"Please don't have this baby in my Audi, Paige," begs J.T.

"Because the leather interior is so much more important than the well-being of my infant!" snaps Paige.

"I just bought this!" counters J.T.

"How about I buy you a black eye?" yells Paige.

"Driving and shutting up," says J.T., turning into the parking lot.

III.

Ellie bites her lip in anticipation, watches Marco say "hmmm" for about the millionth time as he glances through some papers. She bangs on the table to get his attention, causing some other customers in Spinner's restaurant to grimace at her.

"Sorry," she mouths to them.

Marco's head shoots up. "Overseas adoptions are better for single moms. And your financial status has gotten better since _Priya Got Mutilated _broke box office records."

"Hence, Alex getting that condo," points out Ellie. "But kids are way more expensive. Medical bills, clothes, food..."

Marco nods. "I know some people at my non-profit that can help you, El. I'll show them these documents, talk to them."

Ellie smiles widely, reaches over the table to hug Marco tightly.

"Can't breathe, Ellie," sputters out Marco.

"Apologies," says Ellie, letting him go.

Marco starts to say something, but is silenced when Spinner runs out of the back door, untying an apron, his cheeks red.

"Paige...baby...coming now!" blurts out Spinner.

Marco and Ellie glance at each other, immediately stand, and run out the door, all three hopping into Marco's car. Once they reach the parking lot, Marco turns off the car, and they jog through the double doors, Ellie peering at different signs to locate the maternity ward. Spinner gets halfway down one hall.

"Spinner, this way!" yells Ellie, grabbing his hand, and turning him the other way.

All three head to the maternity ward, where they see J.T. in a chair, appearing rattled.

"How...how is she?" asks Spinner, barely breathing.

"They doped her up, and her contractions aren't that far apart," says J.T. "Me? I fainted and am trying to find oxygen again."

Marco sits down, rubs J.T.'s back.

"What room?" asks Spinner.

"5B," says J.T.

Ellie pats Spinner's shoulder. "It'll be fine, Spin."

Spinner nods at her, heads to the room. Ellie takes a seat besides Marco, stares at the clock on the opposite wall. Thirty minutes later, Craig, carrying Leslie, and Ashley arrive, then Dylan and Paige's mother.

"How is she?" inquires Ashley.

Ellie shrugs. "Spinner's in there with her. I'm guessing she's alright."

"I can't wait anymore!" groans Marco. "I'm just going to take a peep."

Marco rises from his seat, Ellie trailing him. Craig and Ashley plop into their empty seats. Peering through the small window of the door to 5B, Paige shouts happily for them to come in. An attentive nurse rolls her eyes, checks her clipboard.

"Marco! Ellie! Hi!" exclaims Paige, her eyes glazed over. "So nice to see you! The baby's not coming for another thirty minutes! Isn't that great?"

Spinner, dressed in a gown and hospital mask, gives them a nervous smile.

"Okay, this is worse than when she was on pot," whispers Marco to Ellie.

Ellie shushes him.

"I just have to tell you guys that I'm super. Super super super duper! Also, Marco, and I've been meaning to say this to you for awhile, but I think you're the hottest guy ever! I've been wondering what you're like in bed since like grade ten. And Ellie, I 've always been so jealous of your red hair. I keep meaning to ask you if it's natural. I'm not a natural honey blonde. It's more strawberry blonde. Oops, shouldn't have let that slip. Spinner, you're looking all kinds of hot right now!"

"Honeybee, calm down!" says Spinner.

"No, you calm down! I'm talking to my friends. Gosh! Should I tell them about the time in the sauna room of my mother's spa, when we...oh, wow...we..."

Spinner covers her mouth. "Leave, please."

Ellie and Marco obey, both their faces blank. Marco closes the door.

"She's not a natural honey blonde, huh?" says Marco.

Ellie laughs, playfully punches him. They see Dr. Ames going into the door after them.

Forty-five minutes later, more people arrive. Jimmy wheels next to Ashley, asks her how she is, and Spinner's parents, as well as Hazel and Kendra, come down the hall, pink and blue balloons in their hands. Ellie is listening to Ashley tell her about some great films she saw in Malibu, when Spinner comes out, his face frozen. They all stand expectantly. Spinner takes off the mask, chuckles.

"Mason's got a boy, yo!" exclaims Spinner, thrusting a fist into the air.

"Alright!" yells Craig, hugging Spinner.

Jimmy rolls over to Spinner, and gives him a huge hug.

"I can teach him floor hockey!" squeals Kendra, taking the blue balloons from her mother.

"And I can school him in basketball," adds Jimmy.

"Let's just make sure he can walk first," says Ashley, Craig putting an arm around her.

"Can we see Paige?" asks Ellie.

"In an hour," replies Spinner. "They're still doing all that afterbirth stuff. Oh, man. I'm totally over the Earth right now!"

"Over the moon?" offers Kendra.

"Yeah, all the planets," replies Spinner. "I'm going back."

Spinner jogs down the hall, and Ellie lets out a sigh of relief. She knew everything would go according to plan. It is Paige's baby, after all. Her heart beats more slowly, thinking about what she could've had. She wipes a tear from her eye, glad no one is looking at her. During that hour, she gets coffee, doesn't say much as she sips. Marco sits with her as the hour nears its end.

"Hey," says Marco. "We're happy, right?"

Ellie kisses his forehead. "So happy for her."

"That's my girl," whispers Marco, cuddling her to his chest.

Spinner reappears, less sweaty, more calm.

"Who wants to see the spawn?" he asks. "And I don't mean the comic book."

Everyone gets up, heads towards 5B.

"She's still a little woozy," says Spinner, before opening the door.

"So am I," replies J.T.

Inside, Paige's back, sweaty, hair ruffled, rests against the pillows, holding a blue blanket covering a small, pink baby who yawns, his eyes shut. Paige smiles at them. The sadness in Ellie's heart gives way to bliss, pure utter bliss for her new friend.

"He made quite the entrance, but it was worth it," she says softly, winking at Ellie.

"You did me proud, Paige," says Spinner, kissing Paige's cheek.

"Awww," whispers Hazel, going by Paige's side. "What's his name?"

"Michael Jet Mason," replies Paige. "Named after one of my favorite designers, Michael Kors. And Spinner's unhealthy obsession with Jet Li. I had to compromise some kind of way."

They all chuckle lightly.

"We do have to take care of some important business," says Spinner. "Then we'll let Paigey rest."

"That's the last time you call me, Paigey," says Paige, giggling, rubbing her son's forehead.

"Whatever," says Spinner. "Anyways, godparents. We got to select two each."

"And I ruled out people we already considered family," speaks up Paige. "So Marco and Ash, that rules you out. Sorry."

"Yeah," agrees Spinner. "I didn't, though. So Jimmy and Hazel, if you guys would like that honor."

Jimmy and Hazel smile at each other.

"I'm honored," replies Jimmy.

"You know I'm in," says Hazel.

"Paige?" prompts Spinner.

"As I said, I went a different route, trying to bring people into our little fold. So sweet potato, J.T..."

"Cool!" says J.T. "Sorry for fainting on your birthday, little man."

"And Ellie," finishes Paige.

Ellie glances at Spinner, Ashley, Marco, then Craig, who nods excitedly at her.

"Me? Are you...are you sure?" says Ellie, softly.

"Yeah, well, you need the practice," says Paige. "Ash doesn't. You willing?"

Ellie blushes. "Yeah, okay."

Paige kisses Michael's head. "Anyone want to hold him?"

"Me!" says Kendra, clapping her hands.

"I think Ellie should hold him," speaks up Craig, nudging her forward.

Ellie swallows the lump in her throat. Paige hands Michael to Ellie, grinning at her. Ellie makes sure to support the head, cradling him to her chest, small but happy tears trickling down her face. Michael, his eyes closed, smiles.

"He's perfect, Paige," says Ellie, sniffling. "Perfect."

IV.

"So tell me about the kid," says Alex, Nirvana pumping out of her car stereo.

She makes a sharp right, and Ellie grabs her chest in fright.

"Okay, don't kill us, Alex," shouts Ellie over the music.

"Have no clue what to do. I suppose I could send Paige a card. We didn't really keep in touch, you know?"

"I'm sure she'd appreciate a call, though. It's been a week since Mikey was born."

"Mikey Mason. That kid is so getting made fun of," replies Alex. "Unless he goes by Jet."

"I don't know what to call him," admits Ellie. "He's smiled at me like six names, so I don't think he cares."

"Man, I love this new car!" shouts Alex, pulling into Ellie's driveway.

"Just show up for work, as usual," says Ellie, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Yes, Commander Nash," says Alex. "See ya."

Alex pulls out, and Ellie goes to check her mail. Nothing interesting. What is interesting is the presence of Craig's car on the street, and another car parked right behind it. Unlocking her door, she sees Craig with a box in his hands.

"Breaking and entering?" she jokes.

"Getting the last of my stuff," says Craig, defensively, putting down the box.

"Oh," says Ellie. "I suppose this is it."

Neither one of them knows what to say, so they hug, Craig stroking Ellie's back.

"Not much for words," admits Ellie, shrugging.

"I got some words," says Craig. "There's a rat...a really big one in the extra room."

"And you didn't try to get it like a real man? Craig...I hate rats!" shouts Ellie.

"I'm running late," replies Craig. "Just put down a trap. It seems like a nice rat. There's a dog too."

"I don't want it to die!" says Ellie. "And what? A dog?"

Craig shoulders the box, opens the door. "Check ya later, El."

Ellie crosses her arms as Craig slams the door behind her. She walks tentatively to the extra room, about to enter when Andromeda jumps up on her, causing her to kneel.

"Never thought I'd see you again," she says, scratching his chin.

"What about me?" calls a voice from the other room.

She stands frozen in the door frame, blushing. Sean. He has on jeans and a white T-shirt, waves shyly at her. He stands in front of a white sheet covering something. Andromeda jogs to him, lays down at his feet.

"Not so sure about you," admits Ellie. "What are you doing here?"

"Delivering something," answers Sean.

"Okay?" says Ellie.

Sean pulls the sheet from where it is, revealing a beautifully constructed crib, made from mahogany wood, a flowered design carved on the headboard, clean linen already placed inside. Ellie covers her mouth, a grin forming under her lips. Sean stares at the floor, then back at her.

"I heard about Mikey," says Sean. "You're the godmother? He needs a place to sleep when he comes over, right?"

Ellie runs a hand through her hair. "Yeah...thank you."

She goes over, wrapping him in her arms, and it's as satisfying as it always is. Sean breathes against her neck, the sensation thrilling her. Pulling away slowly, she stares into his eyes.

"This is an amazing gift," says Ellie.

"For an amazing woman," says Sean. "I started it when we got back from Wasaga. Wanted to give you some hope. The mahogany...it's so elegant, red, stunning, like you. The flowers, sweet like you. This is totally you, Ellie, and you totally deserve good things. The best things."

"Sean, don't say stuff like that to me," whispers Ellie, laying her head against his chest.

Sean shakes his head, and Ellie can see he's trying not to cry.

"You want...you want to go to lunch one day?" asks Sean.

Ellie smiles. "A friendly lunch?"

"Friends can have lunch," replies Sean. "I'll pay?"

Ellie laughs. "Well, in that case..."

Sean laughs too.

"Can friends...can friends, um, dance?" asks Ellie.

She stares at the radio, turns it to a station they used to listen to. Then, she stands right in front of Sean.

"What do you think?" says Sean, reaching out for her hand.

The song, so beautiful, so light, so serene, like how they used to be. There's a trace of sadness, but a beautiful sadness, that lets Ellie know the feelings would remain, remain forever.

_Wishful thinking I might be yours  
Drifting on every step  
I'm always drawn to the dark horse  
Sweet sweet, oh nothing's said _

Sean gently wraps his arms around Ellie's waist, his lips brushing the side of her hair. Ellie closes her eyes, intoxicated, not caring how long this moment lasts. Couldn't she loop these moments together, hold tightly to them, pretend they were as immortal as her films? In her heart, she knows they are.

_And every dream, every, is just a dream after all  
And everything stands so still when you dance  
Everything spins so fast  
And the night's in a paper cup  
When you want it to last_

Wishful thinking you might be mine  
Every shiver sends  
One breath under the bridge of sighs  
Bending where the river bends  
  
_And every dream, every, is just a dream, after all _

It's still, so still. A heart against a heart makes it so. Ellie puts her nose to his, Sean smiling. Though he's with Emma, they'd always have this, a past so impenetrable they can't describe it. That's what all first loves have, she thinks, hugging Sean again.

And every dream, every, is just a dream, after all

And everything stands so still when you dance  
Everything spins so fast  
And the nights in a paper cup  
When you want it to last

And every dream, every, is just a dream after all  
And everything stands so still when you dance  
Everything spins so fast  
And the night's in a paper cup  
When you want it to last

The moonlight shines through the window, on them, on the lives they live separately, on the life they will share. Sean kisses her forehead. Ellie hugs him again, smiles as the music ends. When there are no words, there's the silence, that speaks volumes. What a silence.

V.

Jimmy zips up his sweatshirt, stares at the frost covering the golf course grass as he sits on the veranda. Though it's January, soon spring would be there, and other younger golfers would take to the green, pursue their dreams. They might be as good as Leslie, maybe better, maybe not, but Leslie wouldn't be among them. He'd convinced his father to let Leslie stop for a year, let Leslie concentrate on her music. It took about four talks, but Mr. Brooks came around, though he was pretty sure Leslie wouldn't give up golf completely. Jimmy wasn't so sure about that, but more importantly, he doesn't care. Seeing her sing at the variety show made it that much clearer that she'd found something that she loved. That didn't stop him from letting Mr. Brooks take her mini-golfing that day, however.

Jimmy chuckles at the thought of his father trying to putt a ball under a windmill. He'd taken her a couple times after Ashley went to rehab, and she enjoyed it, particularly because she beat him, both times.

He hears heels tapping against the floor of the veranda, and Tia comes up to him, holding two cups of hot tea.

"Here you go," she says, handing him a cup.

"Thank you," says Jimmy, blowing on it.

"It's good," compliments Tia.

"You're better," says Jimmy, leaning over and kissing her.

Tia clasps her face with her hands, and they're interrupted by someone clearing his throat. Jimmy pulls away, shakes his head.

"Craig, you really know how to ruin my love life," says Jimmy.

Craig shoves his hands into his slacks, pulling out a key. "Yeah, I've been told that."

Tia wipes some lipstick off Jimmy's lips, offers to get Craig tea, and he agrees. She walks off, Jimmy watching her.

"Do I know how to pick them or what?" says Jimmy.

"Yep, you do," says Craig, giving Tia an appreciative glance. "This is Les' key to our house."

"Alright, I'll hold onto it," says Jimmy, putting it in his coat pocket.

"So, are you and her...like...," begins Craig.

"Okay, some of us don't do spontaneous proposals like you, okay?" says Jimmy, chuckling. "Some of us wait awhile. Like Ashley, which I heard about. Congratulations."

Jimmy sips his tea, not staring at Craig.

"Thanks," says Craig.

"When's the wedding?"

"Summer, we're thinking. The album will be done, and the mini-tour I'm doing. Should work out."

Jimmy smacks his lips. The conversation was turning weird, and he still wasn't sure how to feel about all of this. At the same time, it felt a bit right, felt normal.

"Look, Craig, we're having a difficult time communicating as you may have noticed," says Jimmy.

"Oh I hadn't...well, yeah," says Craig.

"I'm...I'm sorry for putting you through all that, Ashley through all that. You were right. I wasn't thinking of Les as much as I should've. But now I am. We all are. So...maybe we can be friends? Or something like friends? And I'm not only saying that because the divorce is final."

Craig grins. "Well, you have seen me half-naked before. Wouldn't want to be on your bad side."

Jimmy chuckles, shakes his hand.

"Golf," says Craig, awkwardly. "What a weird sport."

"Have you played before?" says Jimmy.

"Uhhhhh...no."

"Get a club," says Jimmy, pointing to the golf clubs at the other end of the table.

Craig selects one, holds it up, examines it.

"It's not too cold?" says Craig.

"For golf? Nah. It's good for the blood," explains Jimmy. "You're worse than the girls I coach."

Craig shoulders the club. "Alright, then. I'm not a wuss. Let's play."

Jimmy takes another club, and they both head toward the first hole.

"So, Leslie wants a guitar," says Jimmy, the sun rising higher as they walk. "Don't know where she got that idea."

"It wasn't me," says Craig. "I tried to convince her to get a clarinet."

They both laugh, the sun's rays stretching across the course, warming them, the day feeling welcoming, bright, triumphant.

Thanks for reading!

****


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